Positive and Negative Opinions please!!

[rebeccajo 14]

But I'm sure not lonely enough to want another child to the point of diapers, daycare and the ball-and-chain of public school/after school activities/new clothes and shoes/carpools etc.

I'm 34 and I don't want that either.

LOL.

Well, the original question is about having a kid at an 'older' age. So that's the only reason I bring up mine.

That can be true of any man who marries younger, though, not just when the wife is older. But I think that's a good thing to consider (though it's true whether the child is your first or your fourth.) If your retirement plans, e.g., include lots of fancy travel and time away, that might be harder if your kid is still in high school.

This could cut either way. I think my parents would be very happy to have another daughter at home, because they're empty nesting at the moment and a little lonely.

That'd be an interesting question to ask them. I'm 50 and empty nesting too. I miss my son like crazy. But I miss his 'person-ness', what he has become and his interaction in my life as it was before he left for college.

But I'm sure not lonely enough to want another child to the point of diapers, daycare and the ball-and-chain of public school/after school activities/new clothes and shoes/carpools etc.

Yeah, I was thinking more of them with a younger teenager at home, not a baby. I think my mom will settle for grandkids at this point.

They're cute. And you can give them back to their parents.

That being said, my 19 year old better not be bringing any into my life. He better get that diploma first.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Yeah, fertility's more than just eggs. There was a news report about a fertility test and it's highly influenced (U.S. population) by country of origin. I don't remember the details, but basically, if you're of Scandinavian descent, your fertility statistically takes a nosedive at age 30, and if you're of Mediterranean descent, the same dive doesn't happen till your mid-forties.

It's the Middle Eastern women in my family who are still pounding out rug rats in their 40s. There is something to the genetics. There was a study I read about a ME Jewish ethnic group having the lengthiest range of fertility.

Here's an interesting article about freezing eggs:

http://www.denverpost.com/search/ci_7603010

[Ontarkie 14,947]

ok i'm on the bench really, i know alot about the risk factors and how they go up with age but the is so much more doctors can do now days. But truth be told only you can make that choice talk to your doctor and if you want to go ahead with it i'm sure you will be a great mom and your baby will be lucky to have you as a mom. There have been tons of studies done how older moms are better prepared and have alot more patience and studies that show the bad but that goes with the course. Since your thinking about it start taking folic acid now its something everyone who is thinking about getting pregnent should be taking along with a multi vitamin and calcium supplement. Talk to your husband, and doctor and Follow your heart. I wish you the best.

Danielle

[msu17 0]

My parents had fertility problems and planning problems, so my mom didn't have me until she was an "old mom". I was her only kid and am SO glad that I had her as a mom instead of a 20 something mom. She was established in her career, so in a lot of ways, she had more time for me. As a teacher, she had lots of experience with kids, so she was much more patient and understanding that lots of my friends parents (who had her for a teacher ) I had a lot of interaction with adults at a young age, so I feel much better prepared to interact with individuals who are 20 years older than me than my peers. On the downside, my brother (from my dad's 1st marriage) had his first child 3 weeks before my mom had me. So she was 9 months pregnant in the hospital to see her grandchild, AKWARD! Lots of times everyone though my nieces and I were sisters and my mom was our grandmom. She thought it was funny though. All of my grandparents had died before I was born, so that was hard for both me and my mom. I know when I have kids, my parents will be very old, so I dont know how much they will know each other. Obviously, they both saw me married, graduated and happy, so that's good. It was weird having both my parents retired before I was graduated from HS though Overall, I am VERY glad that my parents were older and settled rather than being young and unstable (financially hehe).

Both of my parents were adopted by older couples still wanting children and they had awesome experiences with that, so definitly consider adoption if that fits in with your plans.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Although not quite as strongly, I'm with you. My fiancée has a 9 year old boy, and at age 48, sometimes he annoys me because of his age. I could not handle a new born at my age 24 hours a day, no way! A grandchild (that will go home with their mommy after a visit) is much different!

From a male POV. My issue would be do you still want an underaged child around the home at age 62?

Hell, I'll be 40 in a few months and I don't want any more around. I had decided a few years ago that I wasn't going to have kids (except for the one I've never seen). I'm 40 (close enough). 41 for the birth. 58-59 for the high school graduation. 63 for the bachelor's degree graduation... Nope, not happening. a) unfair to the kid 2) I'm a selfish #######. I don't want my "golden years" spent dealing with whiny, snotty, screaming children.

[rebeccajo 14]

My parents had fertility problems and planning problems, so my mom didn't have me until she was an "old mom". I was her only kid and am SO glad that I had her as a mom instead of a 20 something mom. She was established in her career, so in a lot of ways, she had more time for me. As a teacher, she had lots of experience with kids, so she was much more patient and understanding that lots of my friends parents (who had her for a teacher ) I had a lot of interaction with adults at a young age, so I feel much better prepared to interact with individuals who are 20 years older than me than my peers. On the downside, my brother (from my dad's 1st marriage) had his first child 3 weeks before my mom had me. So she was 9 months pregnant in the hospital to see her grandchild, AKWARD! Lots of times everyone though my nieces and I were sisters and my mom was our grandmom. She thought it was funny though. All of my grandparents had died before I was born, so that was hard for both me and my mom. I know when I have kids, my parents will be very old, so I dont know how much they will know each other. Obviously, they both saw me married, graduated and happy, so that's good. It was weird having both my parents retired before I was graduated from HS though Overall, I am VERY glad that my parents were older and settled rather than being young and unstable (financially hehe).

Both of my parents were adopted by older couples still wanting children and they had awesome experiences with that, so definitly consider adoption if that fits in with your plans.

This is a lovely story. Both of your parents were adopted?

Isn't life amazing?

[Carolyn 1]

Well, I'm 40 and thrilled to be pregnant! Sure, it probably took me a little longer to get pregnant than if I was younger, and we had one miscarriage along the way, but all looks good this time around (14 weeks). There are always some risks, no matter your age.

There are an increasing # of women getting pregnant later in life these days--I think I will be in good company. I do not feel like I'm doing my unborn child a disservice by being older--I think that I'm in a much better place financially, and I've had plenty of time to travel and see the world. I am a high school teacher and spend lots of time around young people--no way do I feel old. Now my husband and I are excited to be entering the family phase of our lives...

If we weren't able to get pregnant by my 40th birthday, we were planning on looking into adoption, but as it turns out we'll be having at least one biological child, God willing.

Good luck with your decision!

Carolyn

[KimandRuss 0]

Congratulations Carolyn! I wish you and yours the very best!

[mtracksport 0]

just another point of view, i am 56 and have a 6yr old boy and a 3yr old girl. i thought like many of you that NO WAY would i want little children around when i am older. BUT/// now that fate has intervined and my new retirement date has been extended i would not trade them for anything. the wife is quite a bit younger than me and it really changes the way you approach things in life. we are doing things together as a family all the time that i would have not thought possible just a few years back. she has me in the gym 4 nights a week, watches what i eat (UGH) and i feel better than i have in years. the kids keep me hopping. all women are different, and a good doctor can advise whether or not to have children. children are a precious gift at any age . so do not be afraid to enjoy them at a later age. all you have to do is look at a woman at any age when they are holding a baby and you can read their thoughts. ( just my thoughts ) AL

[KiKi 0]

I was 39 when I got pregnant with my daughter and 40 when I had her.

She's perfectly healthy and bright and I wouldn't trade her for anything. I also have two boys aged 15 and 11, so it was really starting over...but i love it!!!!

We had an amnio to check for problems and it was a bit scary but soooo worth the peace of mind.

I say go for it!!!

Good luck!

Edited February 18, 2008 by KiKi

[Marilyn. 340]

my mom had 3 kids around the age of 40... she was 42 with the youngest one...

i have noticed a lot of celebs lately who have kids in there 40's...

you might be a more mature parent then if you had kids in your 20's....

[Mrs.J06 4]

Interesting topic, and one that pops up between my husband and myself frequently lately...

When we got married we both felt like we were too old to have kids (I'm 34, he's 50). Neither one of us had a very strong wish to have kids to begin with, so all seemed fine. Lately we find ourselves discussing the matter in a different way, like, maybe it would be nice afterall....

I still don't have a very strong longing for a child, and the risk factors with our ages scare the heck out of me. I worry about everything anyway and would probably drive us both over the edge. Well, we have given ourselves this year to make a decision and then the matter will be settled in a final way...

[*JG* 2]

Yah, I agree with checking with your doctor and going from there. I, too, worked in an OB/GYN office and saw lots of women over 40 having babies. The risks are greater; but as someone said the doctors and hospitals are prepared.

The only thing I would caution is taking any kind of fertility drugs unless you are prepared for the possiblity of multiple births.

[sj5 4]

Am I too old at 44 to be considering becoming a mother.

All positive and negative thoughts and opinions greatly appreciated

don't be bothered about your age..its still good to have children. There are many woman get pregnant at late 30's and above.

[Nessa 23]

I would check with your OB/GYN Doctor, to discuss issues and risks.

All the best to you.

great advice. There are great risks in late pregnancies.