dealing with separation and lonliness

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Look for support in friends and family. Remember the separation is only temporary, and then you'll have your whole life ahead to be together, it'll be worth it in the end

Take care of yourself, stress and depression are bad for the baby.

Saludos,

Caro

[allousa 1]

I do think it's uncalled for to be kicking someone while they are down. Remember what I said Wahrania...as long as you engage people in mean-spirited discussions, you will just end up getting your feelings hurt.

I thought I would tell you how I've gotten through the last four years. I did end up having to sell our house so I could pay for attorney's fees. I had to move in with family for a couple of years. During those two years, I joined the Red Cross and volunteered as much time as I possibly could. Since I didn't have a child at the time, I hardly had any spare time. This really helped alot.

Then when I came back from Morocco and found out I was pregnant....I was scared sh#$less!!!!!! Some of my family were less than supportive because of us being apart and were really hurtful about how I could let this happen. Actually my doctor had told me that I probably couldn't get pregnant without meds, so we weren't careful.

I cannot tell you how much I prayed, cried and wished that Hicham could have been with me when our son was born. I was blessed to have my best friend as my birthing partner and it is a moment in our lives that she and I will share forever. We call her my son's "Fairy Godmother". It has been very difficult being a working mother and a homeowner and having to do it all myself. I've since bought a bigger home with a bigger yard....and bigger responsibilities.

And many on this board know about what I went through when my father died. I was the quintessential "daddy's girl" and we loved each other without measure. I am an only child and struggled to find a way to save my father's life. But he had liver cancer that was diagnosed at a very late stage. He died within 3 weeks of the diagonsis. I don't have the words to say how this crushed me. My father was also close with my husband so it was very difficult also, that Hicham was not here to be able to say goodbye. I would not have made it through those few weeks afterwards if it was not for my precious son. The fact that I had to get up each day to feed him, change him, bathe him and just take care of him saved my life.

It has also been my son that has gotten me through the last two years of being without my beloved. I don't even know the number of nights that I've cried myself to sleep or how many times I've had to run to the restroom at work to "collect" myself because I've had a bad day or something has happened with Hicham's case. This has been a living hell that I would never wish on anyone.

But I've never lost focus that Hicham and I would be together some how, some day, in some place in the world. The distance has challenged our marriage, but also made it stronger than I think it would have been if he had never left the States.

These difficulties have shaped my life and made me one strong, kick-azz woman. I'm a better mother, better friend, better person and will be a better wife, because of these difficult paths I've walked.

If our case doesn't show that there is EVENTUALLY an end to this madness...I'm not sure what does. We've been struggling through this since May of 2001! You CAN make it through this. When you feel like you have no reserves left, just focus on your children and know and feel what a joyous gift they are. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to have a child with a disability and my heart goes out to you in dealing with that. Keep your eye on the "prize" and you will make it....trust me!!!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I am certainly dealing with loneliness and separation. It's even harder now that I don't have any idea what is going on with him in the military and I worry for his safety. But I try to do things with myself to keep my mind occupied. For example in about two minutes I am going to walk upstairs to the SUB ballroom and enter a cultural event called "Taste of Nepal". I don't know anybody there but I will get to taste their different foods see a show and meet new people all in two hours. At least it's something that I can do now because who knows how much longer I have to wait for him.

(((HUGS)))

[sarahaziz 0]

I think that was horrible to jump on Wahrania like that and after knowing she's sick pregnant and that much lonely I don't think anyone should talk like that to someone in her position .

I've never been pregnant but I can understand what she's going through 100% and a woman going through that by herself without the one WHO DID THAT TO HER (jk) by her side. If your husband is comming this far in the process and waiting for you he will wait forever. Algerian men they stay and support their wives especially if the wife will travel so far for him to prove that love. Don't worry about your husband being crazy, giving him a kid its the best thing in the world for him. I Don't know you at all but I know you are another woman somewhere in a similar position as me but you have it 10 times worse true. I don't think anybody can relate to that. God with you. I would say go to your husband and stay with him but I'm sure you have many things here to take care of and medical attention here is more advanced.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think that was horrible to jump on Wahrania like that and after knowing she's sick pregnant and that much lonely I don't think anyone should talk like that to someone in her position .

I've never been pregnant but I can understand what she's going through 100% and a woman going through that by herself without the one WHO DID THAT TO HER (jk) by her side. If your husband is comming this far in the process and waiting for you he will wait forever. Algerian men they stay and support their wives especially if the wife will travel so far for him to prove that love. Don't worry about your husband being crazy, giving him a kid its the best thing in the world for him. I Don't know you at all but I know you are another woman somewhere in a similar position as me but you have it 10 times worse true. I don't think anybody can relate to that. God with you. I would say go to your husband and stay with him but I'm sure you have many things here to take care of and medical attention here is more advanced.

thanks so much sara...I am really scared about immigration

[LaL 418]

Like topics have been merged. Thanks!

[Imua 0]

I am certainly dealing with loneliness and separation. It's even harder now that I don't have any idea what is going on with him in the military and I worry for his safety. But I try to do things with myself to keep my mind occupied. For example in about two minutes I am going to walk upstairs to the SUB ballroom and enter a cultural event called "Taste of Nepal". I don't know anybody there but I will get to taste their different foods see a show and meet new people all in two hours. At least it's something that I can do now because who knows how much longer I have to wait for him.

(((HUGS)))

Dayum wish I could be there, hope you enjoyed the Dal Bhat and Dohori!!!!

[Marry American 0]

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

So, yes, clearly I have no clue Life is a breeze. Why is it so hard to believe you're knocked up by an Algerian when you just returned from Algeria? It's not the first time people come home from holiday w/ a bun in the oven. Get over your dramatic self. We all go thru this at some point. And yes, I understand yours is amplified due to the hormones and such. Ok, I may even have some words of wisdom, but your sarcastic nature doesn't lead to find much sympathy for you - so I'll leave the patting of your head to someone else. You'll make it through this, just like many others have before and will after.

Yes, if you plan a pregnancy and then you can most certainly come back pregnant. I came back twice pregnant. I lost the first one, and then immediately prepared another trip to try it again. We lost the second one as well even further along. Well both times it worked. IT DOES HAPPEN!!!

Do not let the stress of people or the visa journey make you lose your baby. Relax and be patient!

Edited January 27, 2008 by i adore you

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

OK this thread has taken a very hostile turn.

I can see why a lot of people answered your initial post, Wahrania, even though you now made it clear that you were trying to hear only from people who are "still separated." But this is not the same as "still IN the process," as you keep saying -- in fact, that's very insulting.

Get this through your head, please: most of us here (including my husband and me) are still "in the process" of immigration. The "process" takes YEARS, and it can be EXTREMELY stressful (just ask someone who's been waiting more than a year for EAD.) You need to realize that you are going to be dealing with one thing or another for immigration for the next 3 years of your life, and very possibly longer.

OK..... so it seems you really only wanted to hear from people who are *still separated*. You probably could have been more clear about that in the original post. Now you did ask in your third paragraph -- "is anyone here in the middle of the process?"

But then you went on to say "I am sure you guys will have lots of stories to relate about being apart ad getting sad and almost wanting to give up... and also about love and all kinds of things... i just need to hear them today." So it was kind of blurred if you mean vets or what.

Maybe you could ask the mods to change the title of this thread -- you could call it something like "NOW SEPARATED ? How do you deal with the loneliness?" or whatever.

But even with all that said -- this is an open public website and anyone is free to comment. You'll notice we have lots of folks who are not even MENA who post in here (and that's fine.) Really I think you're doing yourself a disservice by telling yourself you don't need advice from people who have already received their visas -- a lot of vets have posted very well-considered, thoughtful responses that might help you a lot.

Anyway, if you REALLY only wish to commiserate with those who are still separated, you should probably take it to PM or IM, or even create a private Yahoo or MSN group. This board really isn't the place to try to exclude certain members from posting on a topic.

OK aside from that Wahrania -- please make sure you are taking good care of yourself, eating right and getting lots of rest. Are you getting good pre-natal care ? Who is your support group in real life -- do you have family or close friends nearby ? You seem really stressed out, and that's not good for the baby.

There was some really good advice in here from someone about marking off the calendar by months and getting projects done each month to prepare for your husband's (and baby's!) arrival. I did the same thing, and it was really helpful in occupying my mind constructively. Shopping for things your husband will need when he gets here -- even mundane items like toothbrush and bath items, slippers or socks -- is a great, positive way to pass the time. Clear out space for him in the closet, in the dressers, etc. Every time you look at what you accomplished, it will be a nice reminder that your husband is coming....... and sooooooon ! And it reallllyyyyyyy cuts down the "last-minute spazzout." You won't know exactly what day your husband is coming until maybe a week or two before he arrives -- so don't wait until then to try to get everything done ! Do it now, before your life turns upside down with a husband AND a baby arriving within months of each other.

I looked at your timeline and it looks like your case is progressing through NVC very nicely. If you have everything ready to mail immediately when you receive your I-864 and then the DS-230, then I think your case has a good chance of being completed by the end of March/early April. This could mean an interview in late April/early May.

Insha'allah your husband will be home by early summer, or even sooner.

-MK

well... I wanted to start a thread about seperation.

I am going through the Cr1 process and its been since May that we got married and I am pregnant and I have no idea how much longer this will take with NVC. I am not going to lie to you. I am starting to get depressed. I look at people like allouusa, really brave with a baby all alone and seperated years and I feel bad.... guilty.... I just feel so damn lonely. I miss my husband. I am tired of NVC. At this point I am waiting on the 2 packages to get sent to us ( the fee bills have both been paid but since I have an attorney, they mail out both at the same time, instead of upon receipt.

I am freaking lonely. I want a hug, him with me. I am upset because I am upset. I was in the grocery store and slipped and fell and I just got in my car stunned.I actually told my husband yesterday that I am afraid he will leave me before the baby was born and he just said Are YOU CRAZY? The stress of being married to someone I cannot touch and hold sometimes get the best of me

Anyone else in the middle of this process facing crisis points where you wonder if its all worth it? Or low points

I am pregnant and explaining to everyone that the dad is in Algeria is getting old( FOR SURE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE ME...) yyeah yeah and the easter bunny is real and santa is real... Yeah oh I am pregnant but his dad is in ALGERIA... It sounds farfetched to me

Anyway... I am sure you guys will have lots of stories to relate about being apart ad getting sad and almost wanting to give up... and also about love and all kinds of things... i just need to hear them today

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

again an example of my point of wanting to relate to others who are in USCIS AND NVC.... If you can give feedback about how you dealt with being apart... that would help. I am really interested in hearing from Others in AP AND IN THE PROCESS..Because they are experiencing what I am feeling right now with my life in the hands of bureaucrats

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

OK this thread has taken a very hostile turn.

I can see why a lot of people answered your initial post, Wahrania, even though you now made it clear that you were trying to hear only from people who are "still separated." But this is not the same as "still IN the process," as you keep saying -- in fact, that's very insulting.

Get this through your head, please: most of us here (including my husband and me) are still "in the process" of immigration. The "process" takes YEARS, and it can be EXTREMELY stressful (just ask someone who's been waiting more than a year for EAD.) You need to realize that you are going to be dealing with one thing or another for immigration for the next 3 years of your life, and very possibly longer.

OK..... so it seems you really only wanted to hear from people who are *still separated*. You probably could have been more clear about that in the original post. Now you did ask in your third paragraph -- "is anyone here in the middle of the process?"

But then you went on to say "I am sure you guys will have lots of stories to relate about being apart ad getting sad and almost wanting to give up... and also about love and all kinds of things... i just need to hear them today." So it was kind of blurred if you mean vets or what.

Maybe you could ask the mods to change the title of this thread -- you could call it something like "NOW SEPARATED ? How do you deal with the loneliness?" or whatever.

But even with all that said -- this is an open public website and anyone is free to comment. You'll notice we have lots of folks who are not even MENA who post in here (and that's fine.) Really I think you're doing yourself a disservice by telling yourself you don't need advice from people who have already received their visas -- a lot of vets have posted very well-considered, thoughtful responses that might help you a lot.

Anyway, if you REALLY only wish to commiserate with those who are still separated, you should probably take it to PM or IM, or even create a private Yahoo or MSN group. This board really isn't the place to try to exclude certain members from posting on a topic.

OK aside from that Wahrania -- please make sure you are taking good care of yourself, eating right and getting lots of rest. Are you getting good pre-natal care ? Who is your support group in real life -- do you have family or close friends nearby ? You seem really stressed out, and that's not good for the baby.

There was some really good advice in here from someone about marking off the calendar by months and getting projects done each month to prepare for your husband's (and baby's!) arrival. I did the same thing, and it was really helpful in occupying my mind constructively. Shopping for things your husband will need when he gets here -- even mundane items like toothbrush and bath items, slippers or socks -- is a great, positive way to pass the time. Clear out space for him in the closet, in the dressers, etc. Every time you look at what you accomplished, it will be a nice reminder that your husband is coming....... and sooooooon ! And it reallllyyyyyyy cuts down the "last-minute spazzout." You won't know exactly what day your husband is coming until maybe a week or two before he arrives -- so don't wait until then to try to get everything done ! Do it now, before your life turns upside down with a husband AND a baby arriving within months of each other.

I looked at your timeline and it looks like your case is progressing through NVC very nicely. If you have everything ready to mail immediately when you receive your I-864 and then the DS-230, then I think your case has a good chance of being completed by the end of March/early April. This could mean an interview in late April/early May.

Insha'allah your husband will be home by early summer, or even sooner.

-MK

well... I wanted to start a thread about seperation.

I am going through the Cr1 process and its been since May that we got married and I am pregnant and I have no idea how much longer this will take with NVC. I am not going to lie to you. I am starting to get depressed. I look at people like allouusa, really brave with a baby all alone and seperated years and I feel bad.... guilty.... I just feel so damn lonely. I miss my husband. I am tired of NVC. At this point I am waiting on the 2 packages to get sent to us ( the fee bills have both been paid but since I have an attorney, they mail out both at the same time, instead of upon receipt.

I am freaking lonely. I want a hug, him with me. I am upset because I am upset. I was in the grocery store and slipped and fell and I just got in my car stunned.I actually told my husband yesterday that I am afraid he will leave me before the baby was born and he just said Are YOU CRAZY? The stress of being married to someone I cannot touch and hold sometimes get the best of me

Anyone else in the middle of this process facing crisis points where you wonder if its all worth it? Or low points

I am pregnant and explaining to everyone that the dad is in Algeria is getting old( FOR SURE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE ME...) yyeah yeah and the easter bunny is real and santa is real... Yeah oh I am pregnant but his dad is in ALGERIA... It sounds farfetched to me

Anyway... I am sure you guys will have lots of stories to relate about being apart ad getting sad and almost wanting to give up... and also about love and all kinds of things... i just need to hear them today

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

again an example of my point of wanting to relate to others who are in USCIS AND NVC.... If you can give feedback about how you dealt with being apart... that would help. I am really interested in hearing from Others in AP AND IN THE PROCESS..Because they are experiencing what I am feeling right now with my life in the hands of bureaucrats

i actually have a lawyer WOM so I will get both mailed to me at the same time and then mail both back at the same time. I suspect they will process my payments by next friday. ( it was mailed last week) If its a 2 to 4 week turn around, I should have the packages by mid February and everything at NVC by the end of February. I dont know how long the review is but I am pretty sure I will have everything in there sometime in Feb and all the bills have been paid at this point. I wish it was a k3 so he would be here faster...

[I love Ashraf 0]

Even though I have not been to Egypt yet I get sad and lonley and wonder when we will be together so I listen to music and read,go to my second home(Wal-Mart),call a find go to lunch or something but I listen to this one song that perks me up and just reminds me of why I am going through this.Download it and listen you might like it and it amy give you a little pick-me-up.Just try to hang in there and remember this won't last forever.

Kina - I Love You Lyrics

I LOVE YOU

I DON´T GET THE QUESTION, BABY

I DON´T GET THE QUESTION

ARE YOU ASKIN´ IF I LOVE YOU

ARE YOU SAYIN´ YOU DON´T KNOW BY NOW

YOU SHOULD NEVER WONDER, BABY

YOU SHOULD NEVER WONDER

CAUSE E NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER

WE WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER, YEAH

YOU CONTROL MY HEART

I FEEL YOU IN THE VERY AIR THAT I BREATHE

YOU´RE SUCH MAN, I NEED YOU WITH ME

AND, WHEN THE WORLD SEEMS HARD

YOU PROTECT ME LIKE A MAN DOES A CHILD

WITH THEM BIG OL´ARMS

OH NO, YOU DON´T EVER HAVE TO WONDER

YOU´RE MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR

YOU´RE MY HEART, I´M PROUD TO SAY

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU

I WANT TO SPEND FOREVER, TOGETHER, MY PARTNER

CAN´T LIVE A DAY WITHOUT

I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU

I WANT TO SPEND FOREVER, TOGETHER, LEAVE NEVER

CAN´T LIVE A DAY WITHOUT

I CAN SEE THE DAY WE MET

I CAN SEE IT CLEARLY

THE FIRST DAY OF ME NEW LIFE

I KNEW I WOULD BE YOUR WIFE,YEAH

ALWAYS HEAD OF LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

TOUGHT IT WAS KINDDA SILLY

HOW COULD LOVE SHINE ON A STRANGER

LOVE COMES ON A LITTLE STRONGER

OH NO

CUPID SHOT ME WITH THAT ARROW

I COULD BARELY CATCH MY BREATH

CUPID SCARED NE HALF TO DEATH

OH YES

YOU CAME RUNNIG AND ENSLAVED ME

WITH THE LOVE NO OTHER MAN COULD EVER GIVE ME

I WANNA SAY

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU , I NEED YOU

I WANT TO SPEND FOREVER, TOGETHER, MY PARTNER

CAN´TL LIVE A DAY WITHOUT

I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU

I WANT TO SPEND FOREVER, TOGETHER, LEAVE NEVER

CAN´T LIVE A DAY WITHOUT YOU

I LOVE YA!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Today I'm dealing with the separation and loneliness that turns into frustration and then that frustration turns into anger. Do you know what I mean? This welling anger that rises in you and I just observe it's heat. I am really boiling inside. I will have to process this further but just curious how many other also get that?

[Aymerlu 3]

Today I'm dealing with the separation and loneliness that turns into frustration and then that frustration turns into anger. Do you know what I mean? This welling anger that rises in you and I just observe it's heat. I am really boiling inside. I will have to process this further but just curious how many other also get that?

Olivia, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now with no communication with your husband at all. I really do feel for you. I can relate to the loneliness and the separation, but the other I just cannot being to imagine. You are a strong gal and you have every right to feel frustrated and angry.

[Nutty 2]

Maintaining the anger takes energy.

So, unless you have boundless energy, the next emotional progression is a deadened sense despair with a numb quality.

[doodlebugg 10]

Today I'm dealing with the separation and loneliness that turns into frustration and then that frustration turns into anger. Do you know what I mean? This welling anger that rises in you and I just observe it's heat. I am really boiling inside. I will have to process this further but just curious how many other also get that?

Olivia, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now with no communication with your husband at all. I really do feel for you. I can relate to the loneliness and the separation, but the other I just cannot being to imagine. You are a strong gal and you have every right to feel frustrated and angry.

I agree. I cannot even imagine not being able to talk to my husband for that long period of time. Can you at least connect with his parents and talk to them in the meantime to give you that connection?

For me, I am angry lately more than anything else. I'm pissed that my husband is not here yet. I'm pissed that our happiness and our future is on hold because of the chopfks over there. Because they are administratively inadequate my life has to have such pain in it. It's just not fair. I've held on pretty well I think with lapses here and there but it's getting to be that I'm on my last nerve and it's a raw one and looking at others in similar situations I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it yet another 6 months in this hellish unknown abyss.