dealing with separation and lonliness

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Thx.

Today I'm dealing with the separation and loneliness that turns into frustration and then that frustration turns into anger. Do you know what I mean? This welling anger that rises in you and I just observe it's heat. I am really boiling inside. I will have to process this further but just curious how many other also get that?

Olivia, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now with no communication with your husband at all. I really do feel for you. I can relate to the loneliness and the separation, but the other I just cannot being to imagine. You are a strong gal and you have every right to feel frustrated and angry.

Maybe I can channel it positively by doing a hellish work out at the gym!

Maintaining the anger takes energy.

So, unless you have boundless energy, the next emotional progression is a deadened sense despair with a numb quality.

Yes I just talked to his sister in Baltimore about what you mentioned in the other thread. She gave me some information and I'll post it in that other thread. While this process really sucks at least it's good to know we can relate and have each other.

Today I'm dealing with the separation and loneliness that turns into frustration and then that frustration turns into anger. Do you know what I mean? This welling anger that rises in you and I just observe it's heat. I am really boiling inside. I will have to process this further but just curious how many other also get that?

Olivia, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now with no communication with your husband at all. I really do feel for you. I can relate to the loneliness and the separation, but the other I just cannot being to imagine. You are a strong gal and you have every right to feel frustrated and angry.

I agree. I cannot even imagine not being able to talk to my husband for that long period of time. Can you at least connect with his parents and talk to them in the meantime to give you that connection?

For me, I am angry lately more than anything else. I'm pissed that my husband is not here yet. I'm pissed that our happiness and our future is on hold because of the chopfks over there. Because they are administratively inadequate my life has to have such pain in it. It's just not fair. I've held on pretty well I think with lapses here and there but it's getting to be that I'm on my last nerve and it's a raw one and looking at others in similar situations I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it yet another 6 months in this hellish unknown abyss.

[Nutty 2]

Dear Wahrania:

In response to your original post on dealing with seperation and lonliness....

I know that my husband's case has only been in Administrative Processing for 1 1/2 months. Not long compared to others who had waited much longer....But still the seperation and lonliness is intense. Haven't seen my husband since May 2007. Additionally, I relocated back to USA and so feel like this is not my home.

I try to put on a brave face at work and with my mother (she's my only family here in USA). But everyday I walk home crying. However, in Portland, Oregon the rain disguises the tears.

Now even the anger at the injustice of Administrative Processing is wearing out. I just feel numb.

I can't even hide my sadness from my husband anymore. I can't pretend that everything is fine and wonderful. I am without words.

I finally called get some counseling for depression.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

{{{{Hugs Nutty!}}}}

Dear Wahrania:

In response to your original post on dealing with seperation and lonliness....

I know that my husband's case has only been in Administrative Processing for 1 1/2 months. Not long compared to others who had waited much longer....But still the seperation and lonliness is intense. Haven't seen my husband since May 2007. Additionally, I relocated back to USA and so feel like this is not my home.

I try to put on a brave face at work and with my mother (she's my only family here in USA). But everyday I walk home crying. However, in Portland, Oregon the rain disguises the tears.

Now even the anger at the injustice of Administrative Processing is wearing out. I just feel numb.

I can't even hide my sadness from my husband anymore. I can't pretend that everything is fine and wonderful. I am without words.

I finally called get some counseling for depression.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Dear Wahrania:

In response to your original post on dealing with seperation and lonliness....

I know that my husband's case has only been in Administrative Processing for 1 1/2 months. Not long compared to others who had waited much longer....But still the seperation and lonliness is intense. Haven't seen my husband since May 2007. Additionally, I relocated back to USA and so feel like this is not my home.

I try to put on a brave face at work and with my mother (she's my only family here in USA). But everyday I walk home crying. However, in Portland, Oregon the rain disguises the tears.

Now even the anger at the injustice of Administrative Processing is wearing out. I just feel numb.

I can't even hide my sadness from my husband anymore. I can't pretend that everything is fine and wonderful. I am without words.

I finally called get some counseling for depression.

i just hope hes here before the baby is here

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Dear Wahrania:

In response to your original post on dealing with seperation and lonliness....

I know that my husband's case has only been in Administrative Processing for 1 1/2 months. Not long compared to others who had waited much longer....But still the seperation and lonliness is intense. Haven't seen my husband since May 2007. Additionally, I relocated back to USA and so feel like this is not my home.

I try to put on a brave face at work and with my mother (she's my only family here in USA). But everyday I walk home crying. However, in Portland, Oregon the rain disguises the tears.

Now even the anger at the injustice of Administrative Processing is wearing out. I just feel numb.

I can't even hide my sadness from my husband anymore. I can't pretend that everything is fine and wonderful. I am without words.

I finally called get some counseling for depression.

I am mad at my lawyer for not double checking the fees to see if their would be a fee increase. I have been watching visa journey to see if he will slip up with anything else. Hes a great attorney.. I am just depressed because i think that some of my biggest problems have been delays and mess ups like this fee bill fiasco ( they raised the fee bill Jan1 and told no one so my fee bills got bounced back and even though the invoice date was December 17th, i am sTILL not showing paid for them to geerate the 2 packets,,, ds and i864. we really cannot do james short cuts because i am using an attorney and they send out the 2 packages when you get both fees paid and both of mine have been paid... I am just waiting on the instruction letter that holds the ds230 and the i 864 and then as soon as the lawyer gets them , he will send everything out to nvc and then its sit on our butt time again. the pregnancy is compounding my stress. i am NOT having a nice laid back pregnancy. I am having asthma attacks daily and nebulising and I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like someone is strangling me with fluid in my lungs. I am lonely sad and angry and frusttrated.. and YES... PregnanT... .ALONE ... in a city with no family and I am just at my limit of patience and everytihing else

so NUTTY

i can freaking relate

[Nutty 2]

Dear Wahrania:

You say you can "freaking relate."

From your timeline provided to us you've only begun this process since May 2007. You have not been subjected to any extremely unusual delays. Most everyone here has been through some form of hassle or another. I had my DS-230 rfe'd....Which caused a more than a month delay.

Of course it is natural to be frustrated. WE ALL ARE. Some with more justifying reasons than others.

So my suggestion to you is to be CALM....not freaking. For the sake of your baby's health if not your own.

Nutty

Edited January 31, 2008 by Nutty

[♥JP♥ 5]

Dear Wahrania:

You say you can "freaking relate."

From your timeline provided to us you've only begun this process since May 2007. You have not been subjected to any extremely unusual delays. Most everyone here has been through some form of hassle or another. I had my DS-230 rfe'd....Which caused a more than a month delay.

Of course it is natural to be frustrated. WE ALL ARE. Some with more justifying reasons than others.

So my suggestion to you is to be CALM....not freaking. For the sake of your baby's health if not your own.

Nutty

I think this is something that has always been an issue here on VJ. People assuming that others should not be upset over their wait because it wasn't as long as someone elses. I don't think it really matters if your wait is 1 month or 1 year. We all deal with it differntly. A timeline is not going to indicate what problems a person has in their life or how much frustration they can handle.

To be quite honest I don't think either of you have been subjected to unusual delays. I'd say 1 year+ is becoming quite the norm here nowadays. However that is neither here nor there. The wait is frustrating no matter what.

[Nutty 2]

Dear Wahrania:

You say you can "freaking relate."

From your timeline provided to us you've only begun this process since May 2007. You have not been subjected to any extremely unusual delays. Most everyone here has been through some form of hassle or another. I had my DS-230 rfe'd....Which caused a more than a month delay.

Of course it is natural to be frustrated. WE ALL ARE. Some with more justifying reasons than others.

So my suggestion to you is to be CALM....not freaking. For the sake of your baby's health if not your own.

Nutty

I think this is something that has always been an issue here on VJ. People assuming that others should not be upset over their wait because it wasn't as long as someone elses. I don't think it really matters if your wait is 1 month or 1 year. We all deal with it differntly. A timeline is not going to indicate what problems a person has in their life or how much frustration they can handle.

To be quite honest I don't think either of you have been subjected to unusual delays. I'd say 1 year+ is becoming quite the norm here nowadays. However that is neither here nor there. The wait is frustrating no matter what.

Dear JP:

I think you misunderstand my post...

I am not judging her and telling her to not be frustrated. I said it was natural and we are all frustrated. Others with real troubles like being denied or 221(g)'d or being in AP for a year or something like that.

However, given her circumstances of being pregnant and having health problems, it's wise for her to not let the waiting as you said ( I'd say 1 year+ is becoming quite the norm here nowadays) to get to her. She needs to stay calm.

I never implied I waited extraordinarily long by my post.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Dear Wahrania:

You say you can "freaking relate."

From your timeline provided to us you've only begun this process since May 2007. You have not been subjected to any extremely unusual delays. Most everyone here has been through some form of hassle or another. I had my DS-230 rfe'd....Which caused a more than a month delay.

Of course it is natural to be frustrated. WE ALL ARE. Some with more justifying reasons than others.

So my suggestion to you is to be CALM....not freaking. For the sake of your baby's health if not your own.

Nutty

thats this petition.........we already had a previous fiancee petition...ive been at in since dec 2006....over a year...my timeline doesnt show this

[MelindaandTarek 0]

I just wanted to say that any length of time separated from the one you love is so difficult...and my heart goes out to each and every one of you that continue to be separated and I hope that in the days to come I hear of more reunions~ Melinda

[~~~water~~~ 0]

waiting sucks .......... just take it one day at a time and try not to dwell.... easier said then done....I know, I have driven my coworkers nuts over the last year and a half

Its ok Waharania I bet he will be here by the time the baby comes but if hes not you will just have to take it as it comes

[allousa 1]

As many of you know, Hicham and I have been dealing with CIS for 7 years now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We've been separated for 4!!!!!!!!

I can say with 100% surety that you all miss your SOs as much as I do mine. The wait is just as bad if it's 6 months or 4 years. Some of us are better at handling it than others.

VJ is a great source to meet other people going through the same thing. I do think it's helpful to get tips from veterans on how they've dealt with the stress and more importantly their experiences going through the process. Even those that have their loved ones here are still dealing with adjustments and still dealing with paperwork.

Even though Hicham will finally be a permanent US resident, we still have to wait 3 years before he's a citizen.

We are all walking the same road and some of us do have a heavier load to carry along the way...but it's still the same road and we are all walking it together!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

waiting sucks .......... just take it one day at a time and try not to dwell.... easier said then done....I know, I have driven my coworkers nuts over the last year and a half

Its ok Waharania I bet he will be here by the time the baby comes but if hes not you will just have to take it as it comes

i hope so cause its completely unbearable at this point

[Nutty 2]

Ok...

Whether is it is 06 or 07, the situation is that especially you, in your pregnant condition now, must do whatever is necessary not be in a heightened state of stress.

Even for me, who has not been in the process as long as you, have had to find outside counseling to deal with the stress.

[~~~water~~~ 0]

counseling is a great idea.... especially if you feel you can't take anymore it can really help if you find someone you connect with