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Beauty for Ashes

dealing with separation and lonliness

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Filed: Timeline

well... I wanted to start a thread about seperation.

I am going through the Cr1 process and its been since May that we got married and I am pregnant and I have no idea how much longer this will take with NVC. I am not going to lie to you. I am starting to get depressed. I look at people like allouusa, really brave with a baby all alone and seperated years and I feel bad.... guilty.... I just feel so damn lonely. I miss my husband. I am tired of NVC. At this point I am waiting on the 2 packages to get sent to us ( the fee bills have both been paid but since I have an attorney, they mail out both at the same time, instead of upon receipt.

I am freaking lonely. I want a hug, him with me. I am upset because I am upset. I was in the grocery store and slipped and fell and I just got in my car stunned.I actually told my husband yesterday that I am afraid he will leave me before the baby was born and he just said Are YOU CRAZY? The stress of being married to someone I cannot touch and hold sometimes get the best of me

Anyone else in the middle of this process facing crisis points where you wonder if its all worth it? Or low points

I am pregnant and explaining to everyone that the dad is in Algeria is getting old( FOR SURE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE ME...) yyeah yeah and the easter bunny is real and santa is real... Yeah oh I am pregnant but his dad is in ALGERIA... It sounds farfetched to me

Anyway... I am sure you guys will have lots of stories to relate about being apart ad getting sad and almost wanting to give up... and also about love and all kinds of things... i just need to hear them today

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... :thumbs:

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... :thumbs:

again an example of my point of wanting to relate to others who are in USCIS AND NVC.... If you can give feedback about how you dealt with being apart... that would help. I am really interested in hearing from Others in AP AND IN THE PROCESS..Because they are experiencing what I am feeling right now with my life in the hands of bureaucrats

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Morocco
Timeline
Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... :thumbs:

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... :thumbs:

So, yes, clearly I have no clue :blink: Life is a breeze. Why is it so hard to believe you're knocked up by an Algerian when you just returned from Algeria? It's not the first time people come home from holiday w/ a bun in the oven. Get over your dramatic self. We all go thru this at some point. And yes, I understand yours is amplified due to the hormones and such. Ok, I may even have some words of wisdom, but your sarcastic nature doesn't lead to find much sympathy for you - so I'll leave the patting of your head to someone else. You'll make it through this, just like many others have before and will after. (F)

Edited by ME~n~HIM

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*No conflict when the flute is playing, for then I see every movement emanates from God's Holy Dance* ~ Hafiz

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Filed: Timeline
Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... :thumbs:

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... :thumbs:

So, yes, clearly I have no clue :blink: Life is a breeze. Why is it so hard to believe you're knocked up by an Algerian when you just returned from Algeria? It's not the first time people come home from holiday w/ a bun in the oven. Get over your dramatic self. We all go thru this at some point. And yes, I understand yours is amplified due to the hormones and such. Ok, I may even have some words of wisdom, but your sarcastic nature doesn't lead to find much sympathy for you - so I'll leave the patting of your head to someone else. You'll make it through this, just like many others have before and will after. (F)

I am not sarcastic by nature but when people who are IN THE PROCESS and want support and to talk to other people IN THE PROCESS we have to weed through people like you to find the other people IN THE PROCESS. You cant relate. He is with you

I don't want a damn thing from you. Not words . Not advice. Nothing. I almost lost my life and my baby last week.I had respiratory failure and my little girl had to stay with strangers. I am here at visa journey for support , not your punk personality.Hit the ignore key and get out of my face . I am facing hospitalization almost daily and yesterday had 3 exacerbations and have been nebulising the #### out of myself. I have a small child. I am alone and sick. And my husband isnt with me. So kiss my #### with your drama comment. I am going through some real life #### that is really taking its toll on me. I need him with me.

I also have not had a life with the person that I love because of paperwork and USCIS delays and I would not wish being apart and being pregnant on my worst enemy. I love my husband. I need him with me. I would like to talk to other people who can relate to that. There are alot of people here who are in a year long ap and if you dont like my posts,put me on ignore. I dont want to hear a damn thing from you, trust me.

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Sudan
Timeline

I have nothing but sympathy for your situation. We are not married yet, but I miss my fiance terribly. I can not imagine being pregnant and separated from my him. This is the time that you should be together and bonding with your husband.

Please be strong and think about the wonderful future that you will have with your husband (when he gets here) and your new baby.

May Best to You at this Difficult Time,

Robin

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I am pretty shocked that anyone could suggest that people who went through the process just at a different time (ie: earlier) cannot imagine the separation that eople going through the process now feel. Almost all of us were separated from our SO's in the early stages of the process and remembering that would go a long way to not starting a flame war where there should be none.

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Egypt
Timeline

No, I'm not stuck in USCIS or NVC and yes, my husband is here with me now, but I know very well how much it sucks to be apart. I know how it feels when a major even happens and you want your man with you. Some may remember, but while we were waiting during the process I was in a major car accident, majorly broke my leg and was out of work for a while. Yeah, that wasn't a nice time. At the time my mom had just broke her hip and my dad was recovering from back surgery. Here I am with a 4 year old and 10 year old and I didn't have anyone to really help me. Yeah, I had friends help when they could which I totally appreciated, but it still wasn't enough. And as a lot of you know, my son is autistic and when he has his outbursts, it's not a good scene so here I was with him having episodes, and me in a wheel chair trying to be a mom. Oh yeah, it sucked! Yeah I got depressed for a quick minute, but I couldn't let my kids see me like that. I ended up making 2 quilts during this time and catching up on a lot of reading that I normally don't have time for. I also remember when I started getting down, that was when my son started having problems. He was feeling all my stress. You have a child now and one on the way and beleive me, they will feel your stress.

Hope you can get some good advise here.

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Filed: Other Timeline

Honey believe me I know - it has been over 7 months since I have held and kissed my husband - 7 MONTHS(and yes I know there are some people who have gone even longer - by the next time I see him it will have been 11 months)... All I can say is some days are easier than others, the only thing that helps for me is keeping busy, setting up projects - for me it is my eBay business. I dont make a lot of money but it is fun and Govi helps me by sending things from Nepal to sell. It makes the time go by more quickly. Clean closets, get things ready for when he comes, for when the baby comes... you will be much more tired in a few months so now is the time to do all the heavy cleaning etc. if you are feeling well enough for it, I know your health has been bad lately....

I am at a cyber cafe - waiting for my cable modem... and seeing G on the webcam is so sweet but at the same time I just want to hold him so tight and never let him go, it hurts so much sometimes... His grandfather is sick in the hospital with some respiratory illness and I wish I was there to help in some way...

It is hard but just think how much further ahead in the process you are than me - I know I am in for a long wait, at least until the I-130 gets to KTM - I know I will be lucky if we are here together this time mext year - I am trying to budget for 2 visits so I can be there for our anniversary and his interview if possible... these are the only things that are helping me manage. And yes it is hard when you are newly wed and explaining to people that your husband is far away...

And then there is the doubt monster which I have fought back so many times and you are dealing with now it seems... I am trying to be a little fatalistic and 'ke garne' about the whole situation - if someone says he is just using me for a GC I say 'maybe' and shrug rather than get all tore up about it, even when it is my own family saying these things... Ultimately it is all KISMET or KARMA...

I am dealing with a cataract in my only eye - I can get around to work, subway etc. fine but it is hard for me to even see the computer screen unless it is right in front of me - I am just praying that I can hold off on surgery until he is with me here next year - insurance will cover 100% and it is very minor common surgery with a very very low complication rate but still it is my ONE EYE so yeah I am a little scared - but the SEVA foundation does this surgery in nomad camps in Tibet so I guess I shouldn't be too afraid... so yes I have other things to think about...

Try to live in the present and enjoy the things around you, learn a little meditation maybe... we could all die tomorrow so the present moment is all we have ultimately... You are in FLA and think of those of us freezing our @$$ off up north... :lol: Good luck and I give you credit for even coming here after your asthma episode - I had it when I was a kid and it is a b!tch...

(F)

Edited by Pattu Rani


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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline

No advice really, you are ahead of me i havent sent in the CR1 yet. Depression is not new for any of us, this is a hard time. Now with the baby you have more to put your concentraion into im sure this will keep you very busy, plan the nursery, got a name? always something to think on. The thing is to look forward......and look around there usually is someone worse off when you get right down to it. good luck not only to you but to all of us... (oh you have hard time explaining where he is, i had a mail come to the neighbors (in new married name) by mistake, he come to door and ask is this yours? he said i know right address but different name...so i said yea i got married, he look very puzzled because he knew he hadnt seen another man around here lately. I didnt even pretend to start explaining. :lol:


TIMELINE

04/04/2007 K1 Interview from H...w/the devil herself

06/12/2007 Rec'd Notification Case Now Back In Calif. only to expire

-------------

11/20/2007 Married in Morocco

02/23/2008 Mailed CR1 application today

03/08/2008 NOA1 Notice Recd (notice date 3/4/08)

08/26/2008 File transfered fr Vermont to Calif

10/14/2008 APPROVALLLLLLLLLLLL

10/20/2008 Recd hard copy NOA2

10/20/2008 NVC Recd case

11/21/2008 CASE COMPLETE

01/15/2009 INTERVIEW

01/16/2009 VISA IN HAND

01/31/2009 ARRIVED OKC

BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DONT MATTER AND THOSE WHO MATTER DONT MIND

YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN RUIN THE PRESENT BY WORRYING OVER THE FUTURE

TRIP.... OVER LOVE, AND YOU CAN GET UP

FALL.... IN LOVE, AND YOU FALL FOREVER

I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, JUST NOT THE ABILITY

LIKE THE MEASLES, LOVE IS MOST DANGEROUS WHEN IT COMES LATER IN LIFE

LIFE IS NOT THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE, ITS THE WAY IT IS

I MAY NOT BE WHERE I WANT TO BE BUT IM SURE NOT WHERE I WAS

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Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Kuwait
Timeline

The whole thing sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PERIOD If your husband was a rich criminal he would be right in this country in a second. It is awful to have your life in the hands of governments and strangers, and they can sit in their office and say YES or NO. I too don't have much support where I live with family and friends, I just talk to others in my situation to vent. I don't even bother to tell my family anything cause they think one must be crazy to marry someone from the Middle East. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, I have some days where I don't want to get out of bed. I have my job, which helps a lot, I deal with drama at my work all the time, so when I am in the middle of a case it helps. I sure do understand your pain, sick and pregnant, that is when you really feel the separation. Hang in there, you are not alone, that is for sure.

hg003ju8.gif

A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.

Eleanor Roosevelt

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline
Wow, wahrania, you're pretty nasty. How dare you go on and on about the "attackers" with their husbands already here. That's pretty rich.

Some nerve. :angry:

this is true no need look differently upon those with husbands already here just compare it to history these are the ones that have already walked in the steps we are doing now, they have the experience and knowledge we look for to get thru this.


TIMELINE

04/04/2007 K1 Interview from H...w/the devil herself

06/12/2007 Rec'd Notification Case Now Back In Calif. only to expire

-------------

11/20/2007 Married in Morocco

02/23/2008 Mailed CR1 application today

03/08/2008 NOA1 Notice Recd (notice date 3/4/08)

08/26/2008 File transfered fr Vermont to Calif

10/14/2008 APPROVALLLLLLLLLLLL

10/20/2008 Recd hard copy NOA2

10/20/2008 NVC Recd case

11/21/2008 CASE COMPLETE

01/15/2009 INTERVIEW

01/16/2009 VISA IN HAND

01/31/2009 ARRIVED OKC

BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DONT MATTER AND THOSE WHO MATTER DONT MIND

YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN RUIN THE PRESENT BY WORRYING OVER THE FUTURE

TRIP.... OVER LOVE, AND YOU CAN GET UP

FALL.... IN LOVE, AND YOU FALL FOREVER

I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, JUST NOT THE ABILITY

LIKE THE MEASLES, LOVE IS MOST DANGEROUS WHEN IT COMES LATER IN LIFE

LIFE IS NOT THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE, ITS THE WAY IT IS

I MAY NOT BE WHERE I WANT TO BE BUT IM SURE NOT WHERE I WAS

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Filed: Other Country: Israel
Timeline
Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... :thumbs:

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... :thumbs:

So, yes, clearly I have no clue :blink: Life is a breeze. Why is it so hard to believe you're knocked up by an Algerian when you just returned from Algeria? It's not the first time people come home from holiday w/ a bun in the oven. Get over your dramatic self. We all go thru this at some point. And yes, I understand yours is amplified due to the hormones and such. Ok, I may even have some words of wisdom, but your sarcastic nature doesn't lead to find much sympathy for you - so I'll leave the patting of your head to someone else. You'll make it through this, just like many others have before and will after. (F)

I am not sarcastic by nature but when people who are IN THE PROCESS and want support and to talk to other people IN THE PROCESS we have to weed through people like you to find the other people IN THE PROCESS. You cant relate. He is with you

I don't want a damn thing from you. Not words . Not advice. Nothing. I almost lost my life and my baby last week.I had respiratory failure and my little girl had to stay with strangers. I am here at visa journey for support , not your punk personality.Hit the ignore key and get out of my face . I am facing hospitalization almost daily and yesterday had 3 exacerbations and have been nebulising the #### out of myself. I have a small child. I am alone and sick. And my husband isnt with me. So kiss my #### with your drama comment. I am going through some real life #### that is really taking its toll on me. I need him with me.

I also have not had a life with the person that I love because of paperwork and USCIS delays and I would not wish being apart and being pregnant on my worst enemy. I love my husband. I need him with me. I would like to talk to other people who can relate to that. There are alot of people here who are in a year long ap and if you dont like my posts,put me on ignore. I dont want to hear a damn thing from you, trust me.

Wahrania - why dont you stop and think. Me and Him was IN THE PROCESS at one point. So given the fact that she was IN THE PROCESS maybe she has some words of wisdom from having already been IN THE PROCESS. I would think that you would want some tips for "dealing with seperation and lonliness" from people who have already been in the PROCESS. Or others who were PREGNANT. Or others with SOs from ALGERIA. No?

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