dealing with separation and lonliness

[chaishai 1]

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

So, yes, clearly I have no clue Life is a breeze. Why is it so hard to believe you're knocked up by an Algerian when you just returned from Algeria? It's not the first time people come home from holiday w/ a bun in the oven. Get over your dramatic self. We all go thru this at some point. And yes, I understand yours is amplified due to the hormones and such. Ok, I may even have some words of wisdom, but your sarcastic nature doesn't lead to find much sympathy for you - so I'll leave the patting of your head to someone else. You'll make it through this, just like many others have before and will after.

I am not sarcastic by nature but when people who are IN THE PROCESS and want support and to talk to other people IN THE PROCESS we have to weed through people like you to find the other people IN THE PROCESS. You cant relate. He is with you

I don't want a damn thing from you. Not words . Not advice. Nothing. I almost lost my life and my baby last week.I had respiratory failure and my little girl had to stay with strangers. I am here at visa journey for support , not your punk personality.Hit the ignore key and get out of my face . I am facing hospitalization almost daily and yesterday had 3 exacerbations and have been nebulising the #### out of myself. I have a small child. I am alone and sick. And my husband isnt with me. So kiss my #### with your drama comment. I am going through some real life #### that is really taking its toll on me. I need him with me.

I also have not had a life with the person that I love because of paperwork and USCIS delays and I would not wish being apart and being pregnant on my worst enemy. I love my husband. I need him with me. I would like to talk to other people who can relate to that. There are alot of people here who are in a year long ap and if you dont like my posts,put me on ignore. I dont want to hear a damn thing from you, trust me.

Wahrania - why dont you stop and think. Me and Him was IN THE PROCESS at one point. So given the fact that she was IN THE PROCESS maybe she has some words of wisdom from having already been IN THE PROCESS. I would think that you would want some tips for "dealing with seperation and lonliness" from people who have already been in the PROCESS. Or others who were PREGNANT. Or others with significant others from ALGERIA. No?

Edited to add - maybe there are also people on here who have ALMOST DIED that can relate to you in that aspect as well, regardless of if they are still IN THE PROCESS.

[RAKASA 0]

again an example of my point of wanting to relate to others who are in USCIS AND NVC.... If you can give feedback about how you dealt with being apart... that would help. I am really interested in hearing from Others in AP AND IN THE PROCESS..Because they are experiencing what I am feeling right now with my life in the hands of bureaucrats

btw, just one more point.... ummmmm.... hello!!! our lives are still in the hands of these dang bureaucrats in case you didn't realize - it ain't over when he gets here babe.... just cuz he's here don't mean jack! It merely makes it more tolerable. Brace yourself honey, the ride w/ bureaucracy has only just begun.... buckle yourself in!

[sereia 0]

I'll have to agree with the other ladies that it was pretty uncalled for to attack those who already have their husbands here. Some of us haven't had our husbands here for all that long! I remember pretty vividly what it was like while I was waiting as I'm sure all of the other women do too! My husband has only been here six months but just six months ago I was nervous, depressed, and had no clue whether he'd be coming sooner or later. I would think it would be better to get advice from women who've already been through it. But oh well. I hope you can find something to ease your pain.

[polarbear 0]

I'll have to agree with the other ladies that it was pretty uncalled for to attack those who already have their husbands here. Some of us haven't had our husbands here for all that long! I remember pretty vividly what it was like while I was waiting as I'm sure all of the other women do too! My husband has only been here six months but just six months ago I was nervous, depressed, and had no clue whether he'd be coming sooner or later. I would think it would be better to get advice from women who've already been through it. But oh well. I hope you can find something to ease your pain.

Mine has only been here 1 month after a 18 month seperation. I saw him a total of 4 days in that 18 months. I still feel the pain of it when I think about it. I know what you are going through, and yes I have been pregnant while seperated from him (due to work not imigration, but I wasn't able to talk to him after finding out until I had already lost the baby). I feel for you and hope you regain your health quickly for the sake of your new child, but please remember that we are here to support you, even the ones that are now with their husbands. We have all felt the loss and pain this process creates and many of us are still dealing with the beauricratic bullshh!t.

[amrssnowangel 0]

well... I wanted to start a thread about seperation.

I am going through the Cr1 process and its been since May that we got married and I am pregnant and I have no idea how much longer this will take with NVC. I am not going to lie to you. I am starting to get depressed. I look at people like allouusa, really brave with a baby all alone and seperated years and I feel bad.... guilty.... I just feel so damn lonely. I miss my husband. I am tired of NVC. At this point I am waiting on the 2 packages to get sent to us ( the fee bills have both been paid but since I have an attorney, they mail out both at the same time, instead of upon receipt.

I am freaking lonely. I want a hug, him with me. I am upset because I am upset. I was in the grocery store and slipped and fell and I just got in my car stunned.I actually told my husband yesterday that I am afraid he will leave me before the baby was born and he just said Are YOU CRAZY? The stress of being married to someone I cannot touch and hold sometimes get the best of me

Anyone else in the middle of this process facing crisis points where you wonder if its all worth it? Or low points

I am pregnant and explaining to everyone that the dad is in Algeria is getting old( FOR SURE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE ME...) yyeah yeah and the easter bunny is real and santa is real... Yeah oh I am pregnant but his dad is in ALGERIA... It sounds farfetched to me

Anyway... I am sure you guys will have lots of stories to relate about being apart ad getting sad and almost wanting to give up... and also about love and all kinds of things... i just need to hear them today

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

again an example of my point of wanting to relate to others who are in USCIS AND NVC.... If you can give feedback about how you dealt with being apart... that would help. I am really interested in hearing from Others in AP AND IN THE PROCESS..Because they are experiencing what I am feeling right now with my life in the hands of bureaucrats

I think we are all missing what she is saying....she didnt attack those that already had their husbands here nor did she state that she felt those already done with this part of the process didnt feel the same things...read her again...she states she wants those that are CURRENTLY going through the same pains as her to lean on. We ALL need someone to lean against at times.....she wasn't attacking...she was venting. She is tired, sick, lonely and overwhelmed..give her a break...THIS is why I truely dont say much in THIS mena forum..but I will speak up this time. HOw dare you all that attacked back to this woman who came to ask for support and understanding. Not long ago I posted a new post and felt this same way. I posted and the FIRST thing someone said....was that this had been posted so many times before..making me feel as if I was WRONG to post it.....duhhhh....come on ladies...where is the MENA support here? This person needs some ADVICE and ENCOURAGEMENT. She DOESN'T want to hear how hard it was for others who now have husbands here...that just throws it up that HERS isnt here yet...why can't we just give good advice and save the criticism for the garbage disposal?? Many of us have seen hard times while we are seperated from our loves...we all know the pains and lonliness the heartaches...why must it be used as a match to see who had it hardest?

Dear, find some things to fill your time. Make small term goals...cut the next year into 3 month segments and make plans for each 3 months...redo your home to reflect the two of you...add mens toothbrush, bathtowels, and razors to prepare for his coming...do anything constructive to prepare for his arrival..THIS will keep you both positive and busy. RELAX..or you will be nebulizing yourself to death...pamper yourself...hair cut, day at the spa...just a day in bed to read..(hire a babysitter). Make a scrapbook...find new ways to include your SO into your daily life...create care packages...find new ways to stay in touch...just hang in there..and when it gets hard...pray...turn to God and ask for His grace and mercy...meditate or what ever it is u need to do. Whatever you do..take care of yourself....

As far as what others think of your relationship, SO or pregnancy...who cares..take a new attitude...will they be there to care for you in old age? Will they lay and hold you at night? sooth away your fears? Share the pride of raising that new little baby? No...they wont...5 years from now the ONLY thing you will care about is that HE is HERE and you ARE a family...their comments wont ever be thought of. One day at a time..one hour at a time if you have to.....I've had to jsut start asking myself...Will this matter to us 5 years down the road?? If the answer is no...ignore it and move on..if the answer is yes...take action...

Take care and good luck..God Bless and you ARE in my prayers...

BTW...sorry If I offended anyone here..but i understand how she feels and the way I would have taken the initial posts would have put me on the defensive to.... Good luck to all waiting...

[Jenn! 918]

She DOESN'T want to hear how hard it was for others who now have husbands here...that just throws it up that HERS isnt here yet...

So the presence of people on this board who already have their SO's here is only a painful reminder that yours is not here?

I'm sorry you've been offended by some people here, but that's no excuse to lump everyone in to a group and dismiss them.

I guess you would prefer that we all leave. Good luck navigating the process blindly!

I am just floored.

ETA: And btw, the "intial post" that set things off was this: "Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... " How horrible! A suggestion that maybe it would be better to keep related topics on a single thread, along with a compliment on the actual post.

Edited January 26, 2008 by Jenn!

[sereia 0]

Plenty of women had their husband's here already when I joined vj (and hadn't even filed my K-1 yet). And yes, some were pretty nasty (but thankfully they don't seem to post much these days) Hell,I think my very first post in MENA started a flame war against me and they didn't even know me at all yet! But I stuck around. And I was so thankful there were some here to give me advice on how to file, how to deal with the separation, and just plain fun distraction! I've even made friends. They have helped me more than I ever could imagine or thank them for. For saving thousands of dollars on using a lawyer and for the amazing support I have been given while waiting (and even now after my husband has arrived). VJ is a wonderful source for all those things. I think coming at it with a different attitude could help you in the long run. *hugs*

[rebeccajo 14]

This kind of bashing doesn't happen just in the MENA forum. It happens all over the board.

[Elva and Ehab 0]

Come on everyone, lets try not to take things so personally, she's depressed, pregnant, hormonal, sick, lonely, and frustrated. I am sure she didn't mean to attack anyone, she just needs to be comforted, re-assured that things will be ok and that she will be reunified with her loved one soon. We all need that at some point. I've read other blog entry's that wahrania has written and she really sounds like a nice person. over all. There isn't one person in here who can't relate with how she feels some how or the other. Everyone in here is like family, we depend on each other to make it through this process, to pick each other up when we feel down, to lend each other a shoulder if we want to cry or an ear if we want to vent and of course to share in our joys as well. This is the whole purpose of the visa journey site, to help each other out. I want to contribute to that as well as much as I can. I am new to this site, but I wished I had known about it when i first started this process. I haven't seen my husband in 14 1/2 months, hell ya I miss him like crazy. I've made two attempts to go to Egypt in the last year but they had to be canceled due to family crisis, 1. my step mother passed away in April and 2. my youngest daughter was going through some personal issues and needed me with her. She's doing better now, Thank God!! I will make a third attempt in April, so wish me luck.

Anyways, back to you Wahrania, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could give you a real hug. God knows we all need that every once in awhile. If you need to vent, I am here to listen. My prayers are with you and everyone in here.

May God grant everyone a speedy AP!!!!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

well... I wanted to start a thread about seperation.

I am going through the Cr1 process and its been since May that we got married and I am pregnant and I have no idea how much longer this will take with NVC. I am not going to lie to you. I am starting to get depressed. I look at people like allouusa, really brave with a baby all alone and seperated years and I feel bad.... guilty.... I just feel so damn lonely. I miss my husband. I am tired of NVC. At this point I am waiting on the 2 packages to get sent to us ( the fee bills have both been paid but since I have an attorney, they mail out both at the same time, instead of upon receipt.

I am freaking lonely. I want a hug, him with me. I am upset because I am upset. I was in the grocery store and slipped and fell and I just got in my car stunned.I actually told my husband yesterday that I am afraid he will leave me before the baby was born and he just said Are YOU CRAZY? The stress of being married to someone I cannot touch and hold sometimes get the best of me

Anyone else in the middle of this process facing crisis points where you wonder if its all worth it? Or low points

I am pregnant and explaining to everyone that the dad is in Algeria is getting old( FOR SURE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE ME...) yyeah yeah and the easter bunny is real and santa is real... Yeah oh I am pregnant but his dad is in ALGERIA... It sounds farfetched to me

Anyway... I am sure you guys will have lots of stories to relate about being apart ad getting sad and almost wanting to give up... and also about love and all kinds of things... i just need to hear them today

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

again an example of my point of wanting to relate to others who are in USCIS AND NVC.... If you can give feedback about how you dealt with being apart... that would help. I am really interested in hearing from Others in AP AND IN THE PROCESS..Because they are experiencing what I am feeling right now with my life in the hands of bureaucrats

I think we are all missing what she is saying....she didnt attack those that already had their husbands here nor did she state that she felt those already done with this part of the process didnt feel the same things...read her again...she states she wants those that are CURRENTLY going through the same pains as her to lean on. We ALL need someone to lean against at times.....she wasn't attacking...she was venting. She is tired, sick, lonely and overwhelmed..give her a break...THIS is why I truely dont say much in THIS mena forum..but I will speak up this time. HOw dare you all that attacked back to this woman who came to ask for support and understanding. Not long ago I posted a new post and felt this same way. I posted and the FIRST thing someone said....was that this had been posted so many times before..making me feel as if I was WRONG to post it.....duhhhh....come on ladies...where is the MENA support here? This person needs some ADVICE and ENCOURAGEMENT. She DOESN'T want to hear how hard it was for others who now have husbands here...that just throws it up that HERS isnt here yet...why can't we just give good advice and save the criticism for the garbage disposal?? Many of us have seen hard times while we are seperated from our loves...we all know the pains and lonliness the heartaches...why must it be used as a match to see who had it hardest?

Dear, find some things to fill your time. Make small term goals...cut the next year into 3 month segments and make plans for each 3 months...redo your home to reflect the two of you...add mens toothbrush, bathtowels, and razors to prepare for his coming...do anything constructive to prepare for his arrival..THIS will keep you both positive and busy. RELAX..or you will be nebulizing yourself to death...pamper yourself...hair cut, day at the spa...just a day in bed to read..(hire a babysitter). Make a scrapbook...find new ways to include your SO into your daily life...create care packages...find new ways to stay in touch...just hang in there..and when it gets hard...pray...turn to God and ask for His grace and mercy...meditate or what ever it is u need to do. Whatever you do..take care of yourself....

As far as what others think of your relationship, SO or pregnancy...who cares..take a new attitude...will they be there to care for you in old age? Will they lay and hold you at night? sooth away your fears? Share the pride of raising that new little baby? No...they wont...5 years from now the ONLY thing you will care about is that HE is HERE and you ARE a family...their comments wont ever be thought of. One day at a time..one hour at a time if you have to.....I've had to jsut start asking myself...Will this matter to us 5 years down the road?? If the answer is no...ignore it and move on..if the answer is yes...take action...

Take care and good luck..God Bless and you ARE in my prayers...

BTW...sorry If I offended anyone here..but i understand how she feels and the way I would have taken the initial posts would have put me on the defensive to.... Good luck to all waiting...

You get it.. you really get it... It isnt about not wanting advice from people who have been through it cause YES they do help. Its being unable to find the newbies just like you and me in the midst of a bunch of knowit alls who harass condescend belittle and flame against you... There was NOTHING in that original post that said anything to incite anyone. And frankly, the remainder of the posts just prove my point. I cant find amrssowangel and patti rani and people who can relate to EXACTLY to what I am going through now without having to listen to someone who's process took 7 months with no AP telling me how to feel or what to do....The remainder of the posts prove my point sadly.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Plenty of women had their husband's here already when I joined vj (and hadn't even filed my K-1 yet). And yes, some were pretty nasty (but thankfully they don't seem to post much these days) Hell,I think my very first post in MENA started a flame war against me and they didn't even know me at all yet! But I stuck around. And I was so thankful there were some here to give me advice on how to file, how to deal with the separation, and just plain fun distraction! I've even made friends. They have helped me more than I ever could imagine or thank them for. For saving thousands of dollars on using a lawyer and for the amazing support I have been given while waiting (and even now after my husband has arrived). VJ is a wonderful source for all those things. I think coming at it with a different attitude could help you in the long run. *hugs*

So perhaps that even if I am not your favorite person SEREIA , what I am perceiving and seeing is VERY REAL. And I look foward to the people that have helped me with advice on wait times and NVC..... Unfortunately, reality is what it is. There is not a damn thing I can do about the rest of it.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

She DOESN'T want to hear how hard it was for others who now have husbands here...that just throws it up that HERS isnt here yet...

So the presence of people on this board who already have their SO's here is only a painful reminder that yours is not here?

I'm sorry you've been offended by some people here, but that's no excuse to lump everyone in to a group and dismiss them.

I guess you would prefer that we all leave. Good luck navigating the process blindly!

I am just floored.

ETA: And btw, the "intial post" that set things off was this: "Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw... " How horrible! A suggestion that maybe it would be better to keep related topics on a single thread, along with a compliment on the actual post.

Jenn.. no one is saying that all of the vets are bad. Some are great at managing threads, giving advice, helping people avoid problems, and without them no one would know what its like at consulates or what to expect. But when people who are actually in the throws of immigration get every single post flamed or if they have a differing opinion, they get bullied, pushed around to the point they do not want to post, the board loses its effectiveness. You are not especially nasty. I mean you and I do not see I to eye alot but you do not seem to go out of your way to make jack #### comments to people for no reason. I have seen you point out the obvious. Anyway. The purpose of my post was just to talk and reach out to other people in the process to see what they were doing to cope and get support. My response was nasty because the comment someone else left me was nasty and thats what set me off anyway. Which was my fault

Come on everyone, lets try not to take things so personally, she's depressed, pregnant, hormonal, sick, lonely, and frustrated. I am sure she didn't mean to attack anyone, she just needs to be comforted, re-assured that things will be ok and that she will be reunified with her loved one soon. We all need that at some point. I've read other blog entry's that wahrania has written and she really sounds like a nice person. over all. There isn't one person in here who can't relate with how she feels some how or the other. Everyone in here is like family, we depend on each other to make it through this process, to pick each other up when we feel down, to lend each other a shoulder if we want to cry or an ear if we want to vent and of course to share in our joys as well. This is the whole purpose of the visa journey site, to help each other out. I want to contribute to that as well as much as I can. I am new to this site, but I wished I had known about it when i first started this process. I haven't seen my husband in 14 1/2 months, hell ya I miss him like crazy. I've made two attempts to go to Egypt in the last year but they had to be canceled due to family crisis, 1. my step mother passed away in April and 2. my youngest daughter was going through some personal issues and needed me with her. She's doing better now, Thank God!! I will make a third attempt in April, so wish me luck.

Anyways, back to you Wahrania, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could give you a real hug. God knows we all need that every once in awhile. If you need to vent, I am here to listen. My prayers are with you and everyone in here.

May God grant everyone a speedy AP!!!!

My original post was just a little depressed... My responses were DEFINITELY HORMONAL LOL

[sereia 0]

When did I say you aren't my favorite person, WAHRANIA? I always found your posts interesting and can't remember any times I've said I didn't like you or bickered with you. Anyway good luck in finding people in your same situation and can help you better than we can. I hope the rest of your pregnancy igoes much easier and your husband is with you soon.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

yes and i am starting one again... I am sure you arent experiencing seperation problems CAUSE YOUR MAN IS ALREADY HERE

Didn't you already start one of these topics not long ago? Nice post, btw...

So, yes, clearly I have no clue Life is a breeze. Why is it so hard to believe you're knocked up by an Algerian when you just returned from Algeria? It's not the first time people come home from holiday w/ a bun in the oven. Get over your dramatic self. We all go thru this at some point. And yes, I understand yours is amplified due to the hormones and such. Ok, I may even have some words of wisdom, but your sarcastic nature doesn't lead to find much sympathy for you - so I'll leave the patting of your head to someone else. You'll make it through this, just like many others have before and will after.

I am not sarcastic by nature but when people who are IN THE PROCESS and want support and to talk to other people IN THE PROCESS we have to weed through people like you to find the other people IN THE PROCESS. You cant relate. He is with you

I don't want a damn thing from you. Not words . Not advice. Nothing. I almost lost my life and my baby last week.I had respiratory failure and my little girl had to stay with strangers. I am here at visa journey for support , not your punk personality.Hit the ignore key and get out of my face . I am facing hospitalization almost daily and yesterday had 3 exacerbations and have been nebulising the #### out of myself. I have a small child. I am alone and sick. And my husband isnt with me. So kiss my #### with your drama comment. I am going through some real life #### that is really taking its toll on me. I need him with me.

I also have not had a life with the person that I love because of paperwork and USCIS delays and I would not wish being apart and being pregnant on my worst enemy. I love my husband. I need him with me. I would like to talk to other people who can relate to that. There are alot of people here who are in a year long ap and if you dont like my posts,put me on ignore. I dont want to hear a damn thing from you, trust me.

Wahrania - why dont you stop and think. Me and Him was IN THE PROCESS at one point. So given the fact that she was IN THE PROCESS maybe she has some words of wisdom from having already been IN THE PROCESS. I would think that you would want some tips for "dealing with seperation and lonliness" from people who have already been in the PROCESS. Or others who were PREGNANT. Or others with SOs from ALGERIA. No?

I get your point. But let me tell you... going through major ####### when your husband is miles and miles away or being pregnant WHEN HE ISNT HERE AND YOU DONT KNOW WHEN HE IS GETTING HERE is a hell of a lot different than having him by your side. I have so many things going through my mind, possible AP problems at nvc security checks and I am already high risk and sick daily... I am sorry I asked for a damn thing. I have no one else to talk to about this stuff and frankly immigration compounded with the seperation and 16000 in medical bills and no insurance and having to state income to get the affadavit of support thru is just getting to me. Forgive me for not being more open minded. I had a melt down. Sorry to show my wet underwear... I just thought someone else could relate

When did I say you aren't my favorite person, WAHRANIA? I always found your posts interesting and can't remember any times I've said I didn't like you or bickered with you. Anyway good luck in finding people in your same situation and can help you better than we can. I hope the rest of your pregnancy igoes much easier and your husband is with you soon.

I get confused.. I need an ice cream

[Caladan 19]

Plenty of women had their husband's here already when I joined vj (and hadn't even filed my K-1 yet). And yes, some were pretty nasty (but thankfully they don't seem to post much these days) Hell,I think my very first post in MENA started a flame war against me and they didn't even know me at all yet! But I stuck around. And I was so thankful there were some here to give me advice on how to file, how to deal with the separation, and just plain fun distraction!

I've even made friends. They have helped me more than I ever could imagine or thank them for. For saving thousands of dollars on using a lawyer and for the amazing support I have been given while waiting (and even now after my husband has arrived). VJ is a wonderful source for all those things. I think coming at it with a different attitude could help you in the long run. *hugs*

I'm certainly glad that there were people here who had gone through the whole process who stuck around.

wahrania, there's probably plenty of people who can relate to you here. Many women have been pregnant with their husbands stuck in the other country. Many have had to deal with a long separation. That they're not going through it now doesn't mean that they can't be a good resource or support, if you let them.

(Plus, I have to say that even though the time we were separated wasn't all that long (nine months), it is absolutely nothing compared to the adjustment once he arrived, and that's with a very happy relationship and no culture shock. Just because someone has her husband here doesn't mean it's all sunshine and roses.)