to tell or not to tell ?

[AUBGER 0]

I get really disgusted with these people that use others for the sole purpose of a green card. It makes it harder for the rest of us that just want to marry and live with our loved one.

I feel the same. It places a stamp on us...the ones that really do love....

[jeje 0]

I get really disgusted with these people that use others for the sole purpose of a green card. It makes it harder for the rest of us that just want to marry and live with our loved one.

I feel the same. It places a stamp on us...the ones that really do love....

ahmed & sue i respect and honor a statement in ur message. lots of marriage ended dirvoce even USC marry to USC are they also marry for green card? it comes up to my thought everytime this issue of marrying for green card sake come up here,i have seen a lot americans which their marriage did not last for months less alone years,why people always think negative.

[trailmix 77]

ahmed & sue i respect and honor a statement in ur message. lots of marriage ended dirvoce even USC marry to USC are they also marry for green card? it comes up to my thought everytime this issue of marrying for green card sake come up here,i have seen a lot americans which their marriage did not last for months less alone years,why people always think negative.

I don't understand how this relates to the poster's question.

[jeje 0]

I get really disgusted with these people that use others for the sole purpose of a green card. It makes it harder for the rest of us that just want to marry and live with our loved one.

I feel the same. It places a stamp on us...the ones that really do love....

ahmed & sue i respect and honor a statement in ur message. lots of marriage ended dirvoce even USC marry to USC are they also marry for green card? it comes up to my thought everytime this issue of marrying for green card sake come up here,i have seen a lot americans which their marriage did not last for months less alone years,why people always think negative.

this goes to surrender. re u he or she?

[Krikit 1,163]

I don't understand how this relates to the poster's question.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on drugs.

[*JG* 2]

If I was the woman, I would want to know.

I would too, and would need solid proof, not "he said, she said" kind of stuff.

I would want to know too. If I thought you were full of #######, I would go about my merry way, having been forwarned and I would thank you for telling me. If I felt there was merit, I would take some sort of action, at the very least protecting my interests via a pre-nuptial or something.

I honestly feel if you are close enough to the person to actually know these things for a fact, you should say something.

[trailmix 77]

this goes to surrender. re u he or she?

I'm not trying to be rude, I just really didn't understand what you were really saying - and I really don't understand what you are saying now.

I was just asking.

[trailmix 77]

I don't understand how this relates to the poster's question.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on drugs.

You are

[Delicia 1]

How long would it take (do you think) if they marry in egypt and then try to immigrate to canada right away?

Well his entrance to Canada can pretty much be immediate - assuming they are going to apply within Canada. Canada lets married couples live together while their immigration is going through (shock!).

He won't be able to work right away though, that could take a few months and his actual approval could take 12-18 months - if there is no problem. One other poster here on the Canada forum was still waiting for Canadian PR after about 2 years I think it was and was unable to work during that time (in her case it was a legitimate marriage, however she obtained the case notes under the freedom of information act and they noted the age difference and their small wedding reception - the age difference wasn't as great as it is here - but there you go).

So variable, just like U.S. immigration.

I'm guessing, from the info you have given us, that when she goes there to get married this will be the first time they have met? If so and with such a large age difference - it will be a red flag and may well hold things up (however it still gets him in to the country).

As for telling her what you know - why wouldn't you? The fact is, he may be telling his family one story for other reasons - you haven't given us enough information to really know what his motivation is there. However if you are absolutely certain that his intentions are not good you should absolutely tell her - in my opinion.

This poster who waited for 2 years was me. His ability to come to Canada after marriage would still require him to get a visitor's visa to stay and wait out the process (I am from a non-visa country so I didn't have that problem). If he was already denied a visa, he will probably be denied again after marriage as Canada allows inland applications, but they don't prefer that method.

As far as telling her, I would definitely do it. Be prepared to be viewed as a meddler and met with hostility if the woman doesn't believe you. But, if it were me (and I am the older spouse by 20 years here), I would want to know and even if I didn't believe it, the seed of doubt would of been planted and I would be more aware of what was going on and perhaps more able to see what was 'real' and see it for myself eventually. I would hate myself for being used like that and would later on, be appreciative for someone's honesty. Not to mention, the Canadian sponsor is financially responsible for many years for the immigrant they sponsored, regardless if they divorce later on.

Edited January 7, 2008 by Delicia

[surrender 0]

Thank you to everyone who replied. I have a lot of thinking to do.

I have over the last few days joined forces with the husband and his sisters to confront

this problem from a family front. My husband told this mans father that there was discussion

of romance and nice words involved and that she wasn't just some nice old woman wanting

to help him out. (those are his words not mine. i know 56 isn't OLD but he wants his family to think she is old as they will compared to him coz in egypt a 56 year old woman and a 32 year old man is laughable. this further expounds on the fact that he is being deceitful while he tells HER he lovse her and tells everyone else she is just old and likes to help him because they met online and she thinks hes a nice guy).

also she has been mailing him packages here every few weeks with gifts for him and his sisters and baby nieces and its just getting weird. I find it difficult to imagine he wants anyone to think she is just a friend when she is clearly so involved with sending these gifts.

like there are OLDER women sitting around just waiting to spend their money and time on a man young enough to be their son and getting nothing in return. I think if they both loved each other and it was genuine that would clearly be one thing but that isn't the case here. This man was chatting with other women - in other countries - for quite a while and may still be, just waiting for the one who takes the bait.

not sure about contacting the woman at this point - may wait out to see if the family pressure helps although I seriously doubt it. i cannot even look at this man anymore and both my husband and i are pretty upset that he has taken this way in his dealings with a foreigner. he had the opportunity to marry a very nice - his age- woman from romania as she had converted to his own religion (not important everywhere but its a big deal here) but he passed it by because he thought canada had better opportunities than romania. So he tells his family NOW that she has an aunt who owns a business and the aunt will try to get him a business visa !!

Is there no end to these mens lies ?? meanwhile I have personally seen cards and letters to him where this canadian woman professes her undying love to the woman, how much she misses him and her desires for him - I feel badly for her. Nobody deserves to be treated like that - my opinion - If he wants to leave his country for better opportunities that is his right but he should do it in an honest and right way. lying someone into love to get to their country long enough to get citizenship or whatever and then bail out to travel to a differnet country is SO WRONG. I just feel if it were me i would be so hurt if many people knew or suspected something and never tried to stop him or make him see reason.

Edited January 7, 2008 by surrender

[Sprailenes 47]

If you told her would she even listen?

She probably would. Many people were telling my hubby that I might be using him for a Green Card and you know what? I don't blame them because there are so many dishonest people out there trying to commit visa fraud. It took us 3 years of long distance relationship and going back and forth for visits to actually get married.

I know a very sad story about a person that used another one. It happened in California. A girl came to the US as an exchange student and fooled a really good hearted guy into marrying her. After they got married, she bruised herself and claimed that he's abusing her (although everyone who knows him claims he never even hurt a fly in his life). The state of CA ruled in her favor and the poor kid went to JAIL! She destroyed his life and just continued with the Green Card....I wish someone put some brains into him before he did that.

PS: I agree with the opinion that later on he might just use your name as an excuse.

Yes I only ask because I had an aunt who went through the same thing and she didn't listen to us at all. 3 years later he divorced her and it was obvious he was using her and she was STILL in denial about it.

"Oh he just wasnt happy" she would say.

[surrender 0]

what? how sad.

[Sprailenes 47]

Yea I forget where he was from. But it was really sad. She was really in love with him and they moved to Ottawa together. The sad part was she left her first husband for this guy, and they did have a great marriage. We tried to tell her that she was being used, there were so many signs. But she didn't listen. And she would bend over backwards for this guy. She worked two jobs and practically gave him her pay cheques without even thinking twice.

Then he divorced her just like that. When it came time to talk about it, we would say: "This happens all the time, people get used for Visa's" and she would say: "Oh no, he wasn't happy, he never used me"

Uhh sure.

[surrender 0]

i am often thinking what this woman (from montreal) is thinking myself. cant she see or perhaps he is whispering the nice things in her ear she wants to hear. i think if it were my mom i would be humuliated. she just seems to be in laa laa land. part of me feels its her own fault for believing so easily she never even met the guy ! but on the other hand i feel she just doesnt understand the culture & if she did she might look at him really much differently.

i cant imagine what he must be telling her but she is buying everything. part of me wants to just send an anonymous email to her but that is so cowardly and the other part of me wants to send an email as myself just telling her what I think and say 'the rest is for your mind'. let her think the rest over and make her best decision. the man involved here may kill me if i did that.

i just wonder with some women what evidence it would take to convince them?

what evidence would it take to convince any of you if you were that woman?

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

i am often thinking what this woman (from montreal) is thinking myself. cant she see or perhaps he is whispering the nice things in her ear she wants to hear. i think if it were my mom i would be humuliated. she just seems to be in laa laa land. part of me feels its her own fault for believing so easily she never even met the guy ! but on the other hand i feel she just doesnt understand the culture & if she did she might look at him really much differently.

i cant imagine what he must be telling her but she is buying everything. part of me wants to just send an anonymous email to her but that is so cowardly and the other part of me wants to send an email as myself just telling her what I think and say 'the rest is for your mind'. let her think the rest over and make her best decision. the man involved here may kill me if i did that.

i just wonder with some women what evidence it would take to convince them?

what evidence would it take to convince any of you if you were that woman?

All you can do is tell her. I personally would do it honestly and send it from you rather than anonymously. It looks more sincere.

All you can do is tell her your fears, tell her you are telling her this because you are concerned for her. What she does after that is up to to her but at least you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing you did what you could.