Need advice after being naive/dumb!

[mallafri76 1,012]

I agree with Boiler. In the time frame you have, the CR-1 is a much better option as the K-1 might not get through in time. He can come over in December and get married, then they file the I-130 petition for him to move over. The CR-1 takes about a year but since he's Canadian, I think he's allowed to stay six months in the US before having to return home, compared to the 90 days other VWP gets?!

That way, you can have the wedding in December like you've planned. And he can visit your daughter as a tourist for however long he's allowed to as a Canadian, making sure he doesn't overstay. Go home for awhile and then come back as a tourist again. You said he works in fast food and you're planning on supporting them both anyway so...

[Wooderz 314]

I'm going to bullet point all the options I see so your daughter and her fiance can make the best choice for them:

1) File I-129F immediately and hope for the best. I believe the case will be routed to csc so that greatly improves the odds of being approved as long as they do it NOW before csc starts getting backlogged.

2) If K-1 is not approved in time, his family can come and have an engagement party. Be very careful that there isn't anything wedding-y about it for the reasons mentioned above.

3) Get married as planned and then file I-130 for the CR-1. They can both visit eachother during the wait.

There is really no right or wrong with regards to K-1 vs. CR-1. It's whatever fits your needs and plans better. For us, having my fiance here without being able to work for a few months trumped being able to work immediately but spending the first year (or however long) of our marriage apart.

Edited April 8, 2015 by April+Daniel

[Teddy B 17,251]

They could get legally married right now in a small legal ceremony and file for CR-1. Then in December he enters a s a tourist and you have the bigger ceremony as a celebration rather than a marriage. Or they could even redo their vows unofficially.

Another option would be to file for the K-1 and if it goes through in time, proceed with the wedding as planned and everything is fine. If the K-1 does not get processed in time you can still have an unofficial ceremony with all of the plans you currently have in place except for filing for a marriage license and making it an official marriage. This way the wait time for them to be together on the back end will be a lot less than getting married and waiting approx. 1 year for the CR-1.

The only downside to either of these options is if for some reason he is considered to have immigrant intent by the Border Patrol because of the pending visas and is denied entry.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[KMR&MHAH 11]

New member, very chagrined to have only found out important info and this site after making some baaaad decisions. My daughter (US citizen; college student) and her Canadian boyfriend (fast food worker w/o college degree) are engaged to be engaged. He has visited several times, most recently from Nov-Jan. He had been planning a trip to visit next month and was going to stay the summer. They surprised us by saying that they want to go ahead and get married at the end of her fall semester (so December), and we all thought he could just stay while applying for the proper paperwork. I know NOW that that's wrong and was very naive! But it wouldn't have been as big a deal as the problem that we've created for ourselves because we didn't know better.

We started planning for the wedding. Made reservations for the venue, vendors, hotel reservations for guests, etc. WORSE, the groom's not-financially-well-off family made non-refundable reservations for their flight, hotel and rental car. I cringe to report that I'm the one that suggested the travel site that they used to do so, and I know for a fact they can't get out of that reservation nor can they afford to just "eat it."

Obviously we have to put in the K-1 app like NOW. He may or may not be able to come for a visit this summer (and obviously can't stay for a few months, without being perceived as a risk for not returning to Canada). And we're in NC, so I assume their application will have to go through the Texas service center. I've now read enough to figure out that that's bad.

My question is... how can we minimize the damage, if his K-1 hasn't been approved by December? Can we hold the wedding and just not file the paperwork, then they go to the magistrate here once the K-1 is approved and make it legal? I know (now!) that if they actually get legally married, the K-1 would be voided and we'd have to start over again, right?

I can't believe we've gotten ourselves into this mess!

I am not going to be the best source of advice, as we applied for my husband who is from Egypt. i think as the beneficiary is Canadian and not from a more questionable place, it may go faster for your K1 than ours did.

I have to say though, from your post, you seem super supportive of the marriage, planning it and all......so what is the deal with the fast food worker w/o college degree comment all about?? I actually gasped when i read that.

Anyway...good luck.

[Shekinah013 8]

I am not going to be the best source of advice, as we applied for my husband who is from Egypt. i think as the beneficiary is Canadian and not from a more questionable place, it may go faster for your K1 than ours did.

I have to say though, from your post, you seem super supportive of the marriage, planning it and all......so what is the deal with the fast food worker w/o college degree comment all about?? I actually gasped when i read that.

Anyway...good luck.

Thank you, and everyone for all the helpful input.

We love our daughter's fiance' and totally support their marriage. He's brilliant and kind and intelligent, loves our daughter beyond all hope and reason, and has amazing potential to do anything he puts his mind to. He's a very capable graphic artist and solid computer programmer, though his family hasn't got the means to have helped him go to college. He lives rurally and takes the bus to and from work, which dictates where he can get a job. I admire him immensely for having the drive to do this, to find and take a job that isn't glamorous or lucrative but to still do it faithfully and well, so he CAN earn money to eventually make his own way. This, to me, shows what kind of person he truly is and makes me completely willing to say yes, we will financially support the two of them for now. I trust and fully believe in him, in both of them, and I know they'll be fine. They just need some help right now. We are fortunately able to provide enough to get them started, and I'm eternally grateful for that ability!

With my blunt assessment of the facts, I just wanted to acknowledge that my future son-in-law is not a skilled professional or academic, as I know there are other types of visas that he might possibly be able to get if he were. And his income, while valiantly earned, is sadly small-- so loss of that income for 90 days, while waiting for clearance to work in the U.S., is not as big a blow as it would be if he were further along in his life path.

[NikLR 13,220]

Just a note if he wants to attend post secondary in the USA. Sometimes a school will make you wait a year for in-state tuition but sometimes they waive that for married couples. If that is something he wants to pursue, then he should check with the colleges and universities he would like to attend.

[Shekinah013 8]

Excellent! I'll mention that to them so he can check it out. Thank you!

[KMR&MHAH 11]

Wow. He sounds like a great guy and you a great in-law! Thanks for sharing more of your heart and your story. For me as someone who had to deal with some serious family anger about my marriage, it was easy for me to mistake the intention behind the comment. Thankfully my family has come around and really loves my husband. I'm so excited for your daughter and future son-in-law because they are miles ahead of where some of us were in the family support department. I am a firm believer that everything works out for the good and this stress of the plans you guys are making will pass too.

I'm also happy to hear NLR's comment about waiving the school in state tuition residence requirement. My husband has interest in going on to get a Master's degree at some point. If he does plan to go to college here, make sure he brings his high school transcript. My husband did not bring his college transcript and unfortunately due to the bureaucracy that is his university, he can't attend classes here until he goes back home and gets it. I'm sure its easier to get things to and from Canada and the universities probably have more systems in place for electronic versions, etc.

Good Luck again, and congrats to the happy couple!

[Teddy B 17,251]

Please let us know what option you chose and how you make out.

[Shekinah013 8]

Wow. He sounds like a great guy and you a great in-law! Thanks for sharing more of your heart and your story. For me as someone who had to deal with some serious family anger about my marriage, it was easy for me to mistake the intention behind the comment. Thankfully my family has come around and really loves my husband. I'm so excited for your daughter and future son-in-law because they are miles ahead of where some of us were in the family support department. I am a firm believer that everything works out for the good and this stress of the plans you guys are making will pass too.

I'm also happy to hear NLR's comment about waiving the school in state tuition residence requirement. My husband has interest in going on to get a Master's degree at some point. If he does plan to go to college here, make sure he brings his high school transcript. My husband did not bring his college transcript and unfortunately due to the bureaucracy that is his university, he can't attend classes here until he goes back home and gets it. I'm sure its easier to get things to and from Canada and the universities probably have more systems in place for electronic versions, etc.

Good Luck again, and congrats to the happy couple!

Thank you! I'll be sure to pass along the suggestion about bringing his high school transcripts. That's very helpful and a great idea! Theoretically it should be easy to get them BUT it's probably that much easier to just have them in hand already. In a sealed envelope, of course. That seems to be how our local community college demands to receive them.

[Shekinah013 8]

Please let us know what option you chose and how you make out.

They are putting together the K-1 application right now, with hopes of getting everything together and sent out by next week. My daughter has everything complete and ready for her part of it, including the photo (which she got yesterday). Future son-in-law is going today to get his photo done and documents scanned, etc. -- though he was unhappy about having to do that instead of work his shift at work today. Fortunately we convinced him that it's really important to move on this ASAP!

Anybody know if it's necessary to notarize his letter of intent to marry her w/in 90 days of receipt of K-1? He doesn't have easy access to a notary, so would help if it's not required for this step.

[Teddy B 17,251]

They are putting together the K-1 application right now, with hopes of getting everything together and sent out by next week. My daughter has everything complete and ready for her part of it, including the photo (which she got yesterday). Future son-in-law is going today to get his photo done and documents scanned, etc. -- though he was unhappy about having to do that instead of work his shift at work today. Fortunately we convinced him that it's really important to move on this ASAP!

Anybody know if it's necessary to notarize his letter of intent to marry her w/in 90 days of receipt of K-1? He doesn't have easy access to a notary, so would help if it's not required for this step.

That's the option I would have chosen as well.

No notary needed for the letter of intent.

Be sure to check out the K-1 guide here: http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1guide It's a big help and lot's of info. There's example letters there as well.

[Shekinah013 8]

That's the option I would have chosen as well.

No notary needed for the letter of intent.

Be sure to check out the K-1 guide here: http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1guide It's a big help and lot's of info. There's example letters there as well.

I'm glad to have that validation, Teddy B. Thank you. And thank you for the info on the letter of intent. That will save him some time and legwork today.

I've practically memorized the guide already. And we used the example letters, read through all the sample filled out forms, etc. It's been SUCH a huge help to have all the resources right at our fingertips. I'm so grateful for this site, and for all of you and the advice and input I've received and been able to pass along.

I will start a timeline as soon as the K-1 is mailed, and definitely keep everyone updated about the process for us.

[Teddy B 17,251]

I'm glad to have that validation, Teddy B. Thank you. And thank you for the info on the letter of intent. That will save him some time and legwork today.

I've practically memorized the guide already. And we used the example letters, read through all the sample filled out forms, etc. It's been SUCH a huge help to have all the resources right at our fingertips. I'm so grateful for this site, and for all of you and the advice and input I've received and been able to pass along.

I will start a timeline as soon as the K-1 is mailed, and definitely keep everyone updated about the process for us.

No matter which process you're going through it can be nerve racking at times. Your daughter and future son-in-law are lucky to have you to help and support them through this.

[Shekinah013 8]

No matter which process you're going through it can be nerve racking at times. Your daughter and future son-in-law are lucky to have you to help and support them through this.

Thank you. I hurt for them, as they suffer from being apart. My husband was military for the first 13 years of our marriage and we endured a LOT of separations, so I can empathize.

Aside from that, I'm self-employed with a computer-based business, so it's far easier w/ my schedule and web access, for me to do basic (time-consuming) research and then hand them the results. Plus I'm a worrier and a perfectionist, so doing the research and getting input from you all helps ME to be less anxious about the whole process. For now, it's my stress management technique. Nice side benefit is that it helps my daughter and future son-in-law. Hey, at least I'm honest!!!