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AndyMisiu

Staying in touch!!

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How often do you or did you talk with your fiancee before you were together in the same country? what is normal?

See, I think me and my fiancee are on a different page. I would like to talk everyday and would do anything to make sure that happends. My fiancee on the other hand can go a day without talking and that's ok. I guess my problem is the fact that I'm always plugged in to my computer 24-7 and she is not. She can get away and do other things. She has things to do during the day that don't involve a computer. She has a personal life and hangs out with her friends and tries to pass time.

My problem is, I've shut down my life. I've been staying home all the time, working 70 hours a week, and trying to save every single penny I have. I know it's going to be tough for us at first on one income, especially when tying to provide a great life for us. I have always been co-dependent and it hurts when I want to talk and she is busy. It sucks because I am the male, except I feel like the woman. I am the emotional one and she is the one playing it cool. I am whipped!! and I can't change it. What am I to do?

We send e-mails everyday and that's cool. We usually talk everyday but we don't always have much to say. She is working and I am working. I have expressed my displeasure with her feeling it's ok not to talk for a day or so. She says it's better to talk once every two or three days and have a lot to talk about, rather than talking everyday with nothing to talk about. And I can understand this, but damn, it's so hard as it is to be apart.

I don't want to drown her or smother her with wanting to talk all the time, and I know it's not good to get in a routine or to become normal. I don't want things to become boring or mundane. I guess people are different. I have been told by past girlfriends that I'm too far up there butt. I know this isn't attractive to a woman. Now I'm afraid I've given this insecure, puppy, afraid, co-dependent, whining, little b!tch image to her. I know that it's not a big deal to her. I don't want to play games, but I know I need to keep her on her toes.

Do you want to know what the real problem is?? yes!! I'm insecure!! I'm afraid of losing her. Even if I know it's forever and always, even if she tells me she will wait no matter what, even if I know I'm her only (you know) and how important that is to her, even if we are engaged and that means so much to us, even if we do have a great relationship, I am still afraid of losing her. I'm so worried about this, and I shouldn't be.

See, I am always the one going the extra mile for her, I am the one always doing what I feel is necessary to keep a long distance relationship working. I thought that talking everyday would keep us closer together and from drifting too far apart. I know you shouldn't have expectations of people, and everyone is different. She says I need to get out more. I feel guilty with every $1.00 menu cheeseburger I buy. I'm in a tough spot.

Do you think I'm going crazy?? what should I do?? am I normal??

God this is hard. I'm glad I'm going to see her in October, we are pushing 4 months apart from each other again. I hate being apart, because we never this type of pressure when we're together.

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I feel a bit immature with all of this, I feel like a kid. When we are together being a part of each others lives we have all kinds of things to talk about. When we are together and have nothing to say we can just hold each other or watch a movie. Being apart is tough, you don't have the everday things that make a relationship so wonderful. The things that make a relationship what they are. The morning kisses, the flowers, the small things. You know we are all so strong for making this type of relationship work becuase we are at a disadvantage without those things. We don't even have real relationships. We have love and the hope that one day we can be together soon to have the relastionship that we dream of. The relationship we have when we spend those wonderful but brief vacations together. When we are together we will have an advantage though, becuase we should never take our relationships for granted. We've been through too much. I can't wait to be approved, really!!

Edited by AndyMisiu

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*hugs*

First thing, let me say that you are not alone. This is something most long distance couples deal with. Some aren't good at talking on the telephone, others just don't know what to say. I know that I have trouble sleeping if I don't get to hear Harry's voice, and that's just because we've pretty much talked every night since we got together save for a rare few. Have you tried telling her that it doesn't matter if you have a lot to talk about... that you just want to hear her voice? Perhaps tell her that her voice is beautiful, that you love to hear it, tell her how it makes you feel just to hear her breathe. Seriously, it sounds sappy but it might be the encouragement she needs to talk even if there isn't much to say.

It's also perfectly okay to be afraid. You have such an amazing thing in your life and you worry it will go away. I've been there, I am there, so I know exactly what you're going through. I've invested so much time into my relationship that I'm worried it would break me if he were to ever go away. Sometimes, I just ask very quietly, 'Stay with me forever?'. He usually just says 'Of course' or 'always', but it does help me feel better. Take courage in the fact that this is someone who is willing to go this distance to be with you, and you're willing to go that distance to be with her. That is an amazing thing that very, very few people can understand.

I also know all too well about the financial side of things. I wanted so badly to save up money to help us get on our feet once my beloved is here, but I seem to get sidetracked all the time. Don't be afraid to treat yourself once in a while though. Let yourself have that dollar hamburger or whatever and make it a reward for being so good at keeping things together this past week.

If nothing else... know that you're loved by someone amazing in this world.

I hope that knowledge can offer some comfort.

If you ever need to talk, let me know.

*double-hugs*

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yeah! your right about the "just saying you love them" or "just to hear her voice". We both love to hear each others voice.

I would just call on my cell phone for a couple of minutes just to say "I love you".

But I almost ruined that because I told her she should be trying harder to call me on Skype for free instead of relying on me to call on my cell phone, because it costs money.

She said not to call on the cell phone then because I"m making her feel bad that I call and have to spend money. She said she can handle not hearing from me if that's the case.

Of course, I said screw that.. I need to call you, which I'm sure she would prefer. I don't care about spending money to call her, I just said that because I wanted to give reason why she should try harder to call on Skype. She calls to my cell phone too, but just lets it ring once for me to call her. It costs too much money for her to call me.

I think I'm just going crazy!! I think I just need to be with her!! I guess I really just miss her and I'm doing what I always do. I worry too much about little things.

Edited by AndyMisiu

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I strongly recommend that you find something/someway to distract yourself. Not only will you make yourself crazy by obsessing like you are, but you could inadvertently push your loved one away.

DON'T put your life "on hold" during this time apart. You are only hurting yourself. Start a project, find a hobby, or take a little vacation. Once you find yourself a bit more relaxed, you will almost certainly find your girl making more of an effort to contact you.

Insecurity, although common in everyone at times, can be a bit of a turn-off. But if you are struggling with it as you appear to be, maybe there is something deeper that needs to be examined. If not, then TRUST in your relationship and let go a little.

Cliche for the Day: If it's meant to be, it will be.

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we talked at least 3 times a day and e-mailed and texted all the time. It wasn't easy - being in Australia our schedules were totally oppisite...but we made it work. We NEVER ran out of things to talk about...and we still don't now that we are together all the time...

But yeah maybe it's cultural

DON'T put your life "on hold" during this time apart. You are only hurting yourself. Start a project, find a hobby, or take a little vacation. Once you find yourself a bit more relaxed, you will almost certainly find your girl making more of an effort to contact you.

The best advice I've seen all day. When you are les available and nagging her - she'll come running...I guarantee. I don't think "games" are a good idea but getting on with your life is EXCELLENT advivce

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I strongly recommend that you find something/someway to distract yourself. Not only will you make yourself crazy by obsessing like you are, but you could inadvertently push your loved one away.

DON'T put your life "on hold" during this time apart. You are only hurting yourself. Start a project, find a hobby, or take a little vacation. Once you find yourself a bit more relaxed, you will almost certainly find your girl making more of an effort to contact you.

Insecurity, although common in everyone at times, can be a bit of a turn-off. But if you are struggling with it as you appear to be, maybe there is something deeper that needs to be examined. If not, then TRUST in your relationship and let go a little.

Cliche for the Day: If it's meant to be, it will be.

Your right!! thank you!! everything you said is exactly right. I'm obsessive compulsive!! it sucks!! man!! I think I'm taking half a day off of work and I'm going to go and do something!!!

we talked at least 3 times a day and e-mailed and texted all the time. It wasn't easy - being in Australia our schedules were totally oppisite...but we made it work. We NEVER ran out of things to talk about...and we still don't now that we are together all the time...

But yeah maybe it's cultural

DON'T put your life "on hold" during this time apart. You are only hurting yourself. Start a project, find a hobby, or take a little vacation. Once you find yourself a bit more relaxed, you will almost certainly find your girl making more of an effort to contact you.

The best advice I've seen all day. When you are les available and nagging her - she'll come running...I guarantee. I don't think "games" are a good idea but getting on with your life is EXCELLENT advivce

Some people are very talkative while others are not. I've decided to carry a little book around so I can write down things that happen during the day. I always forget the little things that could be shared. I can't put my life on hold either. Thanks!!

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YOu are love sick my friend, and thats a good thing.

Im sure she is too, however her circumstances over there may be different, also i encouraged mine to spend alot of time with famioy in the city and the home village dont know when he would be able to see them again

hope it helps Inshallah (GOd willing) you will be able to start your new life together soon

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I just replied in your other thread. Is it possible in Polish culture women do not phone and pursue men. Just a thought.

My wife is Polish (the USC but been here 14 yrs) and is certainly more laid back about those things. We have known each other for 6 years now and have been married for almost 3 (Anniversary next Weds!) but at times I feel that I am still getting used to the differences in our personalities. She would say so too, about me ;)

I think it might be a 'cultural' thing. How old are you both, AndyMisiu, if you don't mind me asking? The reason why I ask is that my wife's life and experience in Poland was mostly under what she calls the Communist Campus and that might also have a bearing. We are in our 50s.

Hang in there....Do try to get out and enjoy life as if you have no life beyond home then you are going to find it difficult to introduce your fiancee to people and life in the US. It will be quite a culture shock for her....It was for me as an Englishman !!

By the way, we have a lot of fun now we are together but it was a full year or more before we knew which of each other's toes not to step on ;) Very best wishes, Neil.

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Well, I just wanted to say thanks for everyones help. I can't reply anymore because I'm going to go and get a life. I decided to go out this evening, I don't know what I will do but it will be something. I will work for awhile tomorrow of course but then I'm going to a Maryland Terps college football game. That should be great because I've never done that before. On Sunday I will hang out with my friends and watch football instead of staying in my house. I'm going to give Ania her space and allow things to happen naturally. I'm not going to pressure her or whine to her about my needs. If this is the way she deals with the distance than I can be understanding of that. I need to develope my life too. Thank you for all of your help!! I really feel better about this.

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Well, I just wanted to say thanks for everyones help. I can't reply anymore because I'm going to go and get a life. I decided to go out this evening, I don't know what I will do but it will be something. I will work for awhile tomorrow of course but then I'm going to a Maryland Terps college football game. That should be great because I've never done that before. On Sunday I will hang out with my friends and watch football instead of staying in my house. I'm going to give Ania her space and allow things to happen naturally. I'm not going to pressure her or whine to her about my needs. If this is the way she deals with the distance than I can be understanding of that. I need to develope my life too. Thank you for all of your help!! I really feel better about this.

That's great news ! Have a fab evening and weekend. Neil.

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We talk everyday, multiple times a day.

He wakes me up via messenger...I have a really obnoxious noise which sounds when he msgs me. Then we'll talk on msgr for a bit unless I have something that I need to go into the office for (I usually work from home)

After he gets off work, he calls me and we'll talk. Again, if I'm home, we'll talk on the phone sometimes for hours...but with the schedules the way they are, this only happens on Mon/Tues/orThurs. If I'm not at home, it's a driveby call like only 10 mins, unless I'm just running errands. Once when I was showing property, my GPS wasn't working, so he was on the phone with me the whole time I was driving, reading out the directions from mapquest to me. I also have a bluetooth headset, so while showing the properties, I left him on hold until I was back in the car alone (I have a 2 seater so I don't take customers around in my car)

At night, we'll speak for at least 30 mins when we're both home for the evening. This is every night. If either of us goes out with friends, we call the other when we're home safe and sound.

Oh, and of course, texts throughout the day, or msgr on my laptop when I'm at my office.

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