bbutterfly

Once again people she is not baby sitting. She is helping nurture her grand kids. I am not paying her. Billions of people here do that every day.
She has been here before and told the the consulate in my home country that she was coming to help me with my kids as it was hard for me to juggle school and family and they gave her a visa. Yes, that's the reason she gave and they gave her a visa several times

Thank you for your prompt reply. I appreciate your feedback.
The second part of your post makes perfect sense and I didn't think of that. But forgive me to say that the first part does not make sense. I want my baby to be taken care of by family, I am no taking a job from an American citizen. It is well known that it is more beneficial for a baby to not be in a day care situation until their immune system is strong. There is a reason why maternity leave exists and more states are fighting for more time for maternity and or paternity leave. I am not paying my mom to take care of her grand kid. It is a family raising a child together as it has been done for thousand of years by citizens as well as non citizens. We are not talking about a trying to save some money for day care here, I will spend more than that on a plane ticket
Again thanks for your input

Once again people she is not baby sitting. She is helping nurture her grand kids. I am not paying her. Billions of people here do that every day.
She has been here before and told the the consulate in my home country that she was coming to help me with my kids as it was hard for me to juggle school and family and they gave her a visa. Yes, that's the reason she gave and they gave her a visa several times

Yes, in Haitian folk religion/medicine many villagers believe in "perdition", a baby trapped for years in the mothers womb.
Here is a book about it >>>> http://users.clas.ufl.edu/murray/research/haiti/Phantom_Child_in_Haitian_Voodoo.pdf
Anthropologists have studied this belief.
It can be used to mask infidelity on the women's part or serves to prevent a breakup while trying to keep the man with her, she also must tell any new
husband that she is in "perdition" from a previous relationship. Some symptoms actually come with it, perhaps brought on by psychological
pressures as in psychosomatic signs and symptoms. Entire villages truly believe this is happening.
Read through the pages and it may make better sense to you.
It is very difficult to convince some people that such deep rooted beliefs are untrue and it would take time to steer them to reality once
they are no longer in such an environment.
It does not surprise me, I have heard other (to us ridiculous) claims from other cultures and because they believe it and aren't as educated as
we are in medicine doesn't mean that they are dishonest.

OP stated clearly that she doesn't believe the story so stop calling her not educated. It's not about telling her it's medically impossible.
She knows that.
The guy didn't cover up an infidelity as she stated according to her meeting timeline and he had no reason to lie, it's his belief.
Had you read the whole thread you would not have missed the link I posted previously about Haitian religious beliefs.
It has everything to do with Haiti and you need to read some books about Anthropologists who studied this and termed it perdition.
Of course it is not true but that doesn't mean that many villagers don't wholeheartedly believe in perdition and to them it exists.
This is a board with SO's from every nook and cranny of the world.
Why is it so difficult to understand that the OP wanted some cultural feedback on this and what it may be rooted in ?
Just because they are dating a USC does not mean they all of a sudden forsake all their indigenous beliefs and customs and become
overnight experts in obvious (to us) medical truths.
Many date/marry educated foreigners but many also date/marry people from villages that aren't as educated and insist on weird
beliefs that we find super silly. So what !
I am sure others here will have their own crazy cultural stories.
Now you go read this book to understand the Haitian/African phenomenon known as perdition here : http://users.clas.ufl.edu/murray/research/haiti/Phantom_Child_in_Haitian_Voodoo.pdf
Lets stop counting from conception to delivery and focus on the core of OP's question.

I'm not what you call a liberal or a conservative. I'm liberal on social ideals and more libertarian/constitutionalist on some fiscal ideas. So I guess you could call me more of an independent if that's what label you want to put on it. Honestly though Reagan (and hey I liked him as a Pres) started many of the concepts we see put forward today about amnesty, and to be fair I understand why he did. These views have been carried by pretty much every administration since then. To me there is not much difference between Reagan's policy on amnesty to each and every single President after him policy.
And no, I don't agree that processing illegals, if that is through DAPA/DACA et al; should be put to the front of the line. Nor do I believe corporations seeking temporary migrants should be put to the front of the line.
But consider the system as a whole, we know it needs a lot of fixing. You know that unless you are a fiancé, married, student, get into the lottery, claim asylum, or manage to obtain a working visa by miracle there aren't a whole lot of options to immigrate to the ''land of opportunity''. To me many of those who come here illegally do so because their own country has failed them in some way, or they live in unimaginable poverty and death - desperation. And yes probably some come to partake in other illegal activities. Both illegals and legal temporary migrants often work in deplorable conditions once they are here, and yet they still continue to keep at it, hopeful that what little money they make can help their families suffering back home. People who do these jobs perform services that are often unimaginable to the average American and have created a strange sort of niche in the economy that has its own role to play.
Now you might inject a but here, and say BUT there are plenty of other desperate people who are going about this the RIGHT way. That's true. Even temporaries are trying to go about it the right way. Europe is going through it's own immigration problem right now, with thousands of persons in boats that are fleeing because of violence, religious and social persecution and are then dying on their own boats. They are just as desperate as the persons who come to our country on foot (if not perhaps even more desperate). During WWII there were many very desperate people that would do anything to flee to a safe country (including here) whether they were legal or not. Some said, turn them away back then, just like they are saying in Europe now. Just like they are saying here.
Perhaps the problem really is with the system itself in not providing an attainable pathway for certain types of desperate people and being too complex to navigate. Could those who flee from Latin American countries and across to our borders claim asylum? Probably not under current rules. But once they make the choice to come here, many do actually manage to put money into our economy through jobs and some even pay some kind of taxes. Once they are here, it is easy to say - NO, kick them out. They broke the law. But Americans are a society that don't seem to have the want or the stomach for it - especially our politicians. And even saying that is too easy of an answer, because I think everyone here acknowledges this is something that is a complex situation. Once you start a policy and you keep continue it through administrations, and then you want to stop it, I think you'd understand why it's suddenly hard to say no.
I often make this argument about Social Security. We all know it's kind of broken, and probably won't be around after a while unless it's fixed. But we kick the can down the road, so we don't have to deal with it. Illegal immigrants are the new can being kicked. My dad is a pretty big conservative you know, who decries a lot of social policies, but he wouldn't know what the heck to do without his social security and he also doesn't care to think about what will happen to my social security, or my own children's children's social security, just so long as he gets his check. Likewise I think if we suddenly kicked every illegal immigrant out, and deported en mass, you'd see an effect of unintended consequences at play. Maybe some Americans would take those jobs, but maybe they wouldn't. In fact, I'm willing to bet not many would be willing to take a job an illegal immigrant does - pitiful pay, no benefits, poor working conditions. That might drive some companies out of business. That might slow production. Any number of things could indeed happen.
For me, my main issue are the children in these cases. The ones born here, and the ones brought here through no fault of their own. They may not have any idea they are 'illegal'. They have no ties to their home country. They identify themselves as patriotic Americans. They work and pay taxes. They may be married and have their own kids. Or they may still be young enough to be considered a child, but aware enough to know the gravity of what hell their parents have brought upon them (you can find a recent case on this forum of an elderly man being deported). If they do find out they are 'illegal' they carry a hard burden on their shoulders as to what to do. The actions of their parents have essentially ruined their lives. I can easily put myself into their shoes, and what that must feel like. I strongly feel it is for those people that deserve at least some kind of a way forward.
So you don't like illegal immigrants going to the front. Neither do I. I don't like the choices they've made, and I especially don't like the position they put their children in. What I don't like most of all is the tone and behavior some treat them with. I'm acutely aware of what's going on in Europe right now, and the very hostile, even xenophobic tone people are treating all immigrants with in some countries (yes even the legal ones!). On occasion the attitude toward illegal immigrants also spreads out towards those here legally. They are berated about their English speaking ability, their choice of jobs, their looks, or even their country. People from Latin America can be treated very hostile, even if they are here legally, in the same way even a Muslim is. For once, I just wish we could tone down the rhetoric and work on actual solutions to the problem. Put down the conspiracy theories, and the hatred, and have better respect and kindness towards each other.
The legal pathway is broken, it needs to be fixed and managed better, updated for a modern age. We need to have fairer policies, loopholes need to be closed. But perhaps also different types of pathways that offer various opportunities should be put in place. The Service Centers are especially broken, and this is directly related to the USCIS not being held accountable to anyone and is poorly managed. Our policies aren't working. But I don't see hope of this changing with any new administration. I can be mad at the system, I can be mad at how slow it's taken for us, and can be mad at how slow and painful it has been for each and every one of you in your situations - but I'm not going to stand here seething about illegal immigrants, or President. He's a guy with a difficult job to do. Most of the time he doesn't seem to enjoy it very much. I don't have to agree with everything he does, because if you're elected by a majority there will always be a minority that won't be pleased about something. We all have choices to make and lives to live. We all have to get in the line and wait. If someone keeps going in front of that line, I'm mad yes. But then I stop and realize there's not a single thing I can do to stop that, and if I stand there constantly fuming about it my life will be miserable. If people are here illegally and there's a way provided to become in a state of legality and the person actually wants to atone and do that, I can't stop that either. The Supreme Court will probably eventually have it's say on the policy, and I think you're going to be disappointed. Politics and the persons who are involved in it, are disappointing overall. I think the next President in there, you're going to be disappointed.
What will become of this country? The same thing it always is and was. A nation of immigrants, one way, or another.

This is music to my ears! lol! I have been waiting to read this update from you! now since i am usually less than 1-2 weeks behind you, I hope they don't break the cycle!!!!

I usually don't comment on threads like these but this thread is a reminder of how entitled we feel in this country. Every single "rights" we ( immigrants, and native) get is actually not a right, it is a privilege! Administration (s) do not owe us a thing! They don't have to grant our loved one a status because we chose to get married to someone from a foreign country and want to bring them here. It is a privilege! It's not like there is a scarcity of people to get married to inland!
Secondly, having had family members and plenty of friends and relative that came here through different administration, one will be foolish to blame any of these issues on a specific administration, and/or political party/ President! As said repetitively here, they will say and do anything to get re-elected. If they really wanted illegal immigration to end it would have been done eons ago. They don't because it cost them too much either financially, politically etc...Let's not be naive! We are talking about a country that has the ability to build a wall comparable to the Berlin wall if they want to! ( They've always had that ability, didn't start 8 or 16 years ago). It is obvious that there is some political and/or economical gain in this immigration game, and once they get up there in that chair, they realize it.
Sometimes i visualize the outgoing president with a smirk when the incoming make promises about how they will do this and that about some of these big issues ( immigration, health, offshore jobs ...) and they just think to themselves: " lets just wait and see what you will do when you get up here, you just don't know what exactly is at stake yet"
Until we get some congress and president ( and real news outlets, not cable news, because they need viewers and ratings), that care more about real issues than politics, let's keep playing by the rules, hope for the best, do our research in such away that if given the opportunity to influence a sensical change, we will be in a position to do with open minds. But of course that too is wishful thinking on my end

I usually don't comment on threads like these but this thread is a reminder of how entitled we feel in this country. Every single "rights" we ( immigrants, and native) get is actually not a right, it is a privilege! Administration (s) do not owe us a thing! They don't have to grant our loved one a status because we chose to get married to someone from a foreign country and want to bring them here. It is a privilege! It's not like there is a scarcity of people to get married to inland!
Secondly, having had family members and plenty of friends and relative that came here through different administration, one will be foolish to blame any of these issues on a specific administration, and/or political party/ President! As said repetitively here, they will say and do anything to get re-elected. If they really wanted illegal immigration to end it would have been done eons ago. They don't because it cost them too much either financially, politically etc...Let's not be naive! We are talking about a country that has the ability to build a wall comparable to the Berlin wall if they want to! ( They've always had that ability, didn't start 8 or 16 years ago). It is obvious that there is some political and/or economical gain in this immigration game, and once they get up there in that chair, they realize it.
Sometimes i visualize the outgoing president with a smirk when the incoming make promises about how they will do this and that about some of these big issues ( immigration, health, offshore jobs ...) and they just think to themselves: " lets just wait and see what you will do when you get up here, you just don't know what exactly is at stake yet"
Until we get some congress and president ( and real news outlets, not cable news, because they need viewers and ratings), that care more about real issues than politics, let's keep playing by the rules, hope for the best, do our research in such away that if given the opportunity to influence a sensical change, we will be in a position to do with open minds. But of course that too is wishful thinking on my end

Like I've said, I've worked with recruitment for hotels all over the world. Trust me, most people in the western world don't want the "dirty jobs", even if they're poor and uneducated. I would say about 95% of people I got applying for jobs in housekeeping were from developing countries or poor countries in the region I was working in. The other 5% were westerners and as soon as I explained what working in housekeeping entailed, they weren't interested anymore.
It's easy to blame the illegals and although I don't agree with entering a country illegally, in fact I hate people who do, there is a much bigger issue that contributes to Americans not having money or jobs and that's politics. It's easy to blame the illegals but if politicians would stop doing what's best for their re-election campaign and focus on what is best for Americans, a lot more would get done.
In essence, you and I actually want the same thing, which is stop illegal immigration and improve every day life for Americans. We just believe in different ways of getting there.

I definitely hate when people illegally immigrate to the US, as it puts a burden on the rest of us wanting to immigrate or visit legally. This has been an ongoing issue though, that stretches over political parties and is not something new to President Obama. I certainly believe that DAPA/DACA has added the workload for USCIS, creating a much longer process for us wanting to immigrate the legal.
Things are never black and white though, there is always a grey zone and I can't help but wonder what would happen if all illegals were deported, like one poster suggested... Who are gonna do all those dirty jobs that westerners tend to not want to do, such as cleaning or picking veggies on farms? I have worked in hotels all over the world and I can tell you that, which ever country I worked in, those in for example Housekeeping were always from developing countries or the poor countries of that region. Regardless of what one thinks or feels about illegals, you have to be able to be objective enough to acknowledge the fact that often, they do the jobs the Americans or Scandinavians or Germans don't want to do. So throwing out all illegals is certainly not an option, however, neither is allowing them all a pathway to citizenship by prioritizing them above spouses and fiances of USC. The biggest problem in the US is not illegal immigrants though, it's the political system, the fact that Democrats and Republicans can't work together to fix problems and make it better for Americans, even on issues they actually agree on.

1. If Obama uses the word illegal to describe a human being then it doesn't automatically mean I do. So what is your point ?
2. Sorry but your Fox rhetoric of "messiah" is ridiculous.
3.There you go again with the Obama phone, I guess you didn't read the link I posted to enlighten you.
I really can not take your comments seriously, you are all over the place. Rantings and not well thought out ideas.

The OP has received the suggestions that we can offer her, and the thread has degenerated into bickering. Therefore, the thread is closed to further comment.
Very strong administrative action has been taken against one participant for multiple violations of this item in the VisaJourney Terms of Service:
"Make comments in a Post either direct or implied toward another member that are purposely designed to upset, antagonize, make fun of, belittle, harass, insult, or otherwise instigate an argument that takes away from the personal enjoyment of the Service by other users." In addition, another participant insisted upon condemning the OP's actions multiple times before the extenuating circumstances were made known. This is an example of how jumping at a conclusion can be dangerous. It's also unnecessary to "stick the knife in and twist it." For the purpose of showing appropriate and inappropriate posting behavior, all posts are being left visible in this thread. The complete Terms of Service can be viewed here: http://www.visajourney.com/content/terms TBoneTX VJ Moderation

actually, she did NOT share what the emergency was. She merely said she went to stop a disaster, you have no idea what her disaster was, nor does it matter in the least. She came here asking for help, not for a bunch of drama queens making judgments. In a perfect world she would have gone to USCIS and applied for emergency AP, but she CLEARLY stated she did NOT have enough time. And why does it matter to you or anyone else on this site if she was "careless", as you state? She had an emergency, she went home, it's water under the bridge. It's no ones business, including mine, why she went.

Honestly she doesnt have to share her circumstances in a public website even for an advice. It's none of our business to know her personal life . So no its not BS. Besides to help a person you dont have to know the exact situation to help with her mistake. All we had to know is she had an emergency ( don't have to know what it is), she got out of the country without proper authorization (unknowingly) and what to do to fix the problem. And thats how problems get solved without going into personal life.

Stop beating the OP up, she feels bad enough without you rubbing salt on the wound. Seriously you have posted at least 3 times about how stupid you think she is. You have no idea what her circumstances were, or why she had to leave so quickly. Obviously if she could have done it differently she would. Enough drama.

Honestly it doesn't matter at this point, and it's really not your place to judge her. Leave well enough alone. If you can't post something productive, stop making her feel worse than she already does.
To the OP, your only real option is to have your husband file an i-130 on your behalf and get things in motion ASAP. Right now it is taking about a year from NOA1 to visa in hand, but processing times are constantly fluctuating and you never know, perhaps it will happen faster. Good luck and keep us updated.

Isn't it great for you that you made your research for every single case that could happen, but guess what? Not everybody is you and everybody could make irresponsible mistake which Im sure you have made some in your life. The point that Im trying to make here is that you blaming her for what she did doesn't help. You don't know her situation at that moment. Besides saying that its irresponsible to get out of the country, if you have read her previous comment she said that if she didnt go she couldve regretted that decision the rest of her life. Now if she has done that, thats irresponsible. Now her leaving the country is not the end of the world not to her and not to you either. The only thing she has to do is start again from scratch.
So if you could soften a little bit your words toward her and stop blaming her for a situation you don't have a clue about, that might make her feel a little better. She also said she heard her situation at 4:30 pm and she left at 10 pm same day. Going to USCIS for an emergency AP is not possible depending on where she lives. Most offices close at 5.

I appreciate all the helpful answers. To the ones that are blaming me, I had about a day to get home before something really bad happened and if I hadn't gone back home, I would probably regret it forever. So please, don't be mean to me. It wasn't em easy to buy a plane ticket at 4:30pm to board a flight at 10pm the same day and leave my husband, all we worked so hard for and our GC application. It hurts and we are desperate.
So I kindly ask you guys to be judgement free and mindful to all the pain we are feeling right now.
Thank you!

Last update : after calling several times, the lady handling my case finally called me back and first question was " I see that you left notes for me to contact you. What is going on?" ( All sort of thoughts are going through my head at this point as: you'd think you know why I am calling since it has been several months now since I applied with no concrete feedback). Didn't say any f that and decided to play nice, so I calmly explained the situation and my questions. She asked me a couple of questions about my kid and I replied. How long has it been since you've seen her dad? Why? Are you sure? Then said well that matches her previous file ( she had a passport before he disappeared in thin air, he had signed a consent ), but not what you said in your written statement . She said she was going to issue the passport but discover some inconsistencies. I explained again ( read back my statement no inconsistency, the question she was asking what written down black and white, as I have a copy of it in my computer, dates she said didn't match match to the T). But again I decided that there was no need to fight , so I asked gently what did I need to do. She said write another statement explaining it exactly like you just told me and reapply and I will issue it
I told her no, I can't really again. It has been way pass the timeline that your agency gives, I provided everything you asked, followed up, and I really need it since I did all I could to apply as early as possible to have it in time for the trip. I asked for a fax number and she finally agreed. Drafted the letter and faxed it before the end of the day. Couldn't call her back to verify she had received it because the phone number she had called from would not allowed incoming calls. So all I could do was wait and pray for the best. A week later I got an email notifying me that they were done processing the application and 2 days later the passport was in the mail.
Thanks for all your help and I don't know how but I hope this can help someone in the same situation

Last update : after calling several times, the lady handling my case finally called me back and first question was " I see that you left notes for me to contact you. What is going on?" ( All sort of thoughts are going through my head at this point as: you'd think you know why I am calling since it has been several months now since I applied with no concrete feedback). Didn't say any f that and decided to play nice, so I calmly explained the situation and my questions. She asked me a couple of questions about my kid and I replied. How long has it been since you've seen her dad? Why? Are you sure? Then said well that matches her previous file ( she had a passport before he disappeared in thin air, he had signed a consent ), but not what you said in your written statement . She said she was going to issue the passport but discover some inconsistencies. I explained again ( read back my statement no inconsistency, the question she was asking what written down black and white, as I have a copy of it in my computer, dates she said didn't match match to the T). But again I decided that there was no need to fight , so I asked gently what did I need to do. She said write another statement explaining it exactly like you just told me and reapply and I will issue it
I told her no, I can't really again. It has been way pass the timeline that your agency gives, I provided everything you asked, followed up, and I really need it since I did all I could to apply as early as possible to have it in time for the trip. I asked for a fax number and she finally agreed. Drafted the letter and faxed it before the end of the day. Couldn't call her back to verify she had received it because the phone number she had called from would not allowed incoming calls. So all I could do was wait and pray for the best. A week later I got an email notifying me that they were done processing the application and 2 days later the passport was in the mail.
Thanks for all your help and I don't know how but I hope this can help someone in the same situation

Had my interview this morning and it went well. Recommended for approval. Appointment was at 930 and I got there at 915. Was checked in and seated by 920. Got called at 940 and back in my car at 10am.
After the IO swore me in, she had me read a sentence and write down the answer. Who were the 1st people in the U.S. And " Native Americans lived here first "
I remember only a couple of questions! Lol! Who was the first president and where is the Statue of Liberty located
Then we went through my application. I stopped her when she asked about question 23 since I had answered no. I told her that I had speeding tickets with the last one in 2008. She asked me for the dates, I told her that I did not remember I tried to get my driving record to get information and got a clean record without any ticket. I showed her the driving record and she said she'd keep it. The. Gave her approximate date of the last ticket being in 2008. She asked where, and said any ticket prior to that they wouldn't care, I guess because it'd be more than 7 years, as long as they were resolved and closed. So she wrote down only the one from 2008.
After all that I signed at bunch of papers and she told handed me the letter with congratulations and we started chatting about other things
Now just waiting for the oath letter and will be done with USCiS forever
Thanks VJ for everything and best wishes to the rest still in the process

So, I am going to update this, in case someone else is ever in my situation and find it helpful.
I called the 1800 number the other day, which I am realizing is not really the passport agency, but rather just a customer service number. Last Monday when I called, the lady took all my information down, put them in the system and agreed that it was weird that I had received a second letter even after sending the information required. She then put a note for the agent working on my file to contact me by phone as soon as possible given the intended dates of travel and the fact that my application has been with them for months
Two days later, after not receiving a call, I called them back. This time the lady It talked to told me that she could see that my application was put back in " processing" status after I called them that Monday. I then asked her if it meant I didn't need to send anything in? She says " If the information I see on there is correct, I think you are fine". I again reviewed the timeline of our travel dates with her, and she said to give them a couple days, call back on Friday if I don't hear back.
I called back today, the guy told me he sees all the notes left in my file, he also sees that some documents were received, he can't see more than that. He sees the requests for someone to contact me, but he can't guarantee if or when they would call. All he can see is that my application is " processing". He said " we are not the agency, all we can do is tell you what we see on the screen and put information in the computer for them to see, the rest is up to them"
I will reserve my comments about this process until I am done, just wanted to share this for anyone that will find it helpful. I will also keep updating for future references

So, I am going to update this, in case someone else is ever in my situation and find it helpful.
I called the 1800 number the other day, which I am realizing is not really the passport agency, but rather just a customer service number. Last Monday when I called, the lady took all my information down, put them in the system and agreed that it was weird that I had received a second letter even after sending the information required. She then put a note for the agent working on my file to contact me by phone as soon as possible given the intended dates of travel and the fact that my application has been with them for months
Two days later, after not receiving a call, I called them back. This time the lady It talked to told me that she could see that my application was put back in " processing" status after I called them that Monday. I then asked her if it meant I didn't need to send anything in? She says " If the information I see on there is correct, I think you are fine". I again reviewed the timeline of our travel dates with her, and she said to give them a couple days, call back on Friday if I don't hear back.
I called back today, the guy told me he sees all the notes left in my file, he also sees that some documents were received, he can't see more than that. He sees the requests for someone to contact me, but he can't guarantee if or when they would call. All he can see is that my application is " processing". He said " we are not the agency, all we can do is tell you what we see on the screen and put information in the computer for them to see, the rest is up to them"
I will reserve my comments about this process until I am done, just wanted to share this for anyone that will find it helpful. I will also keep updating for future references

Hey all,
I was wondering what changes for me if my fiance and I applied for my status change while I am still on my F1 visa. My fiance and I met while I was going to school. I have 1.5 years to go on my program. I am paying international student fees right now however if my status changes what would I tell my school? On top of that, I have been living in California for more than a year so would I become a CA resident? Do I pay in state fees or international fees still? Would my working status change? Any links or personal experience with this would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry if it wasn't clear enough, we are getting married soon so we are looking at next steps of sending in the AOS pkg but would like to know what we need to tell my school.