journey123

Sorry to hear that things didn't go well, but this is not an uncommon occurrence in K1 relationships. So don't beat yourself up over it. If you were able to spend more time together prior to the visa issuance the issues may have surfaced and you both would have seen that it wasn't meant to be.

Why oh why was the financial part not discussed before petitioning her ?
People think everything will just fall into place as long as there is have love. Not so.
Perhaps she is scared to death things won't work out and she needs to have some savings to get back home in case things do not work out.
Her resistance to contribute is one thing but to break up over it is another.
If neither one of you is willing to work through this issue then you likely will not work through other difficulties that come in every marriage.
Marriage is work. Marriage is continuous adjusting and compromising, it is not drawing battle lines in the sand.
Maybe it's the tone and the attitude that you both use when arguing about this, can a professional counselor mediate so you can come to a mutual
agreement ? Surely if love is strong this can be resolved.
You two look like such a cute couple together, you are young, try to make it work. No marriage exists where both agree on everything but
you have to give and take and grow and stretch together, no matter if it's her or someone else. It takes two to tango ... so if she is done dancing
move on, if she is waiting for you to give a little then think it over.
How about a little part of her money goes to household bills and part into her own personal savings. Then go from there.
Money does destroy love but then you have to wonder was it really true love in the first place.

No, they do not. Show me a re affirmed K1 from the past 6 years and I eat a bug. CR/IR get re affirmed NOT K1's. Ever. One of the worst
things to do is marrying with a K1 still at the embassy being in AP or internal review AT THE EMBASSY.
Once returned in it's diplomatic pouch back to USCIS it is dead. No matter what the reason.

Went to nairaland and found ov012's post it says
"Thank you ma...
I was place under A P since October
2013 they sent my wife a mail saying
That its got reaffirmed July 16 up till now no
Interview date while people that got case
Complete 29 of July had Interview date
Already is this normal? "
Notice the term wife and the lack of the words K1 They are a spousal visa. K1's only expire. It was a change many top immigration lawyers went after including Marc Ellis.

I think you are looking at cases where the issue is based on establishing a bonafide relationship, your case is being revoked due to misrepresentation to obtain a visa. That is different, but Good Luck.

They used to reaffirm some and expire others but for years their process is to declare expired any petition that is beyond it's original approval period when it is returned. California has been doing this since 2009 and Vermont a bit later. Back then those where the only 2 places petitions went. Cr1's and an occasional K3 may get really reviewed. You will get notices that your case has been returned to review but eventually they will send you the notice that it is expired and you are free to file again. Rather than waste the time waiting for that file a new K1 pre assuming expiration.

Could you please explain how a misrepresentation and lying for immigration benefit will ever in life get reaffirmed. You say you called this one and that one. But did you actually talk or email the embassy to contact the CO to see was there a ban or is this even waive able? That is very key don't you think?
I don't know what a annotation in your case file will do.
"One of the worse things to do is get married with a k1 petition still at USCIS in limbo." And this isn't true. If the process of returned petitions was faster than yes. But most just go ahead with life because well about time the petition gets back heck you could be married or refiling another petition and at interview. Petitions returning and USCIS sending out a letter is taking now 12 months to 18 months.
I know of someone interviewed February 2014 was told they won't even look at her file until July 2015. Well July has come and gone and they said 180 days they need, Two more cases denied last September they are still waiting for word from USCIS. And none are K1's.

Nigeriaorbust and Dwheels are very correct. Your K1 will expire and if you will get a USCIS letter after 180 days saying : expired you can file again.
I understand the hard blow, the shock of refusal and the desperate hope to win this, been there done that. You are on a roller coaster from hell and when you realize that this is the end of the road you will get off the merry-go-round and retain a top notch waiver attorney to consult about a possible future
CR1. Forget another K1, with a waiver it's not going to happen and this K1 will die the death of expiration. Your one and only chance would be a
CR1 and that's a very slim one. I don't care who told you what at USCIS or NVC , your case will expire and another 6 + months will be wasted.
There are a handful of really knowledgeable waiver attorneys, pick the best, pay for an honest assessment and consultation and forget the
well meaning clowns that you talked to at USCIS. They aren't even supposed to give legal advice. This hurts like hell, have a good cry and
then follow the advice in this thread.

I have to say, this makes me SO sad to read. My fiance is from Nigeria and is one of the most financially responsible, understanding and accepting man of all of the TRUTH of my past- no lies and no withholding. I'm sorry that you have made up your mind that those types of men don't exist, but it's called maturity- and it IS out there! I hope your man matures up to where you can trust him with the truth about you and he becomes responsible with finances enough to trust him! That's what marriage is all about!
And yes, African men love to provide for their families and EVERY man likes to feel good and adequate around their women, but there's no reason "all hell should break lose" when you don't stroke their ego.
On the other hand, my fiance always says "I've heard you", bahaha! It makes me laugh! That's okay though, because sometimes I get him back in his own language, lol "Mo ti gbo!"

I have to agree with Pddp, you can't place African men into an exotic category that comes with special instructions as in 'handle with extra care'.
Sure, there are cultural influences, I have been immersed in African culture for over a decade and have known my hubby for almost 6 years.
My husband does not throw fits, is not dramatic, doesn't need lots of ego stroking, isn't full of pride or wants to show off bling bling as
in "I have arrived and I am the big man now." Anyone who is with someone who does so should proceed with caution.
He does love to provide and is generous. He can show deep emotion and is often the first one to apologize.
Tomyka81, since you went there I have this to add : how can you want someone whose spending habits you don't trust ?
You have to prove a bona fide relationship by financial co mingling, accounts, credit cards, lease or mortgage sooner or later.
If I have to treat a grown man like a kid because he can't spend responsibly, then no thank you. It's not because he is African but irresponsible.
I guess what bothered me is that you said you rather lie than tell him the truth about your past. But why not be confidently honest and if he will
not accept your past and honesty then adios amigo, why coddle him with a lie ? What if he lied to you ?
I rather be hurt with the truth than be flattered with a lie and be authentic in who I am.
Not being honest about details about your past (such as past ex's ) can also bite you in the butt in the interview.
OP's problems also run much deeper than a mere culture clash, her husband is way off his rocker.
You contradicted yourself about African women and said : "African men are used to African women "kowtowing" to their tantrums and trying to fill their every whim." Then you advice her to talk to a Senegalese woman. Chances are she would just advice continued bowing down to him.
You can't generalize and stereotype African men or any men for that matter, every single one has their own character and personality, morals and
values and maturity level. No one likes to be stereotyped with preconceived cultural assumptions.

Tomyka81- I'm frankly astonished at what you willingly put up with... It saddens me to see women bending themselves into a pretzel to please a man who does zero to please them back. I wouldn't dream of putting in a full days work every day editing myself, gauging his moods, lying to make him "comfortable", catering to his ego day and night. Oh, and please don't generalize about men the way you do! There are truly awesome guys out there who live authentic, caring adult lives with their spouses free of emotional abuse, ego posturing and power games. Let's make that the standard!

I am joining the 1- way- ticket- home- chorus here !
Why on earth would you settle for another LDR for 6 months out of the year after going through hell to get him here ?
So that he can mooch off you, load his pockets full of money and vacation in his country ? He will be unstable in both countries.
He sounds like a rebellious teenager not a mature man. What fairytale land does he want next ?
He sure knows how to push your buttons with threatening to quit his job, it's time you push his button. Permanently.
He's a pot head, what do you expect ?

15 month eh ? You poor thing, it took us 5 years, doing everything by the book, crossing every t and dotting every i.
Sleepless nights and hardship you suffered in those 15 month, I get it but don't you think
that thousands of children and young adults who were brought here as infants aren't facing tremendous lifelong hardships if send back ?
Those who would be send back to a country they don't even know nor speak the language and where they suffer and starve ?
I am speaking here of DACA kids/teens/young adults whose parents made them come and they did not have a choice to say : I can't go I would be
undocumented.
What of those kids ? You want them herded like cattle and shipped back like life stock because you had to wait 15 months ? Seriously ?
I am appalled by your strong words of cattle truck.
I am all for entering the country legally but your post reflects the disdain towards undocumented immigrants I was previously talking about.
Hating a group of people because you didn't go fast enough through the process when it is the responsibility of the USCIS to keep things
flowing is not seeing the big picture. This misguided energy needs to be channeled on action to better management of all service
centers. Instead of wanting to ship "them back on cattle trucks" why don't you do something productive to find a solution ?
They are already here. Deal with it.

illegals were getting benefits LONG BEFORE Obama was in office. Good Lord this is the most ridiculous thread, ever. You watch far too much Faux(Fox)news and Bill O'Liar(O'Reilly)

Long story short : I do not feel the urge to blame, bad mouth and let my anger out on DACA kids just because our journey took forever.
I can be upset with the poor managing of the service centers and I can rally for change and I can even try to effect change with written letters
but I will not vent my anger of my own unfair treatment towards DACA recipients. That is misdirected.

1. If Obama uses the word illegal to describe a human being then it doesn't automatically mean I do. So what is your point ?
2. Sorry but your Fox rhetoric of "messiah" is ridiculous.
3.There you go again with the Obama phone, I guess you didn't read the link I posted to enlighten you.
I really can not take your comments seriously, you are all over the place. Rantings and not well thought out ideas.

Which would then make the undocumented documented after the fact.
I don't like the word Alien ( immigrants who came legally) either for that matter.
I do agree that undocumented immigrants (or their parents ) have acted illegally by either coming here or being brought here as small
children by no fault of their own ( DACA).
I hope that USCIS will get their act together and put USC first in line, seems they can't get their service center drama on an even keel
with or without DACA numbers in the mix.

I refuse to call a human being an illegal. They are undocumented. Choose your words, I choose mine.

Obama deported more undocumented immigrants than any other president.

Come on ! Stop with the Obama phone lie for Pete's sake.
This is what happens when you watch too much Fox, you can't tell truth from fiction.
You don't bother to do your own research.
It started under the Bush administration and was funded through the Universal Service Fund, which is administered by an independent, not-for-profit corporation set up by the Federal Communications Commission. The USF is sustained by contributions from telecommunications companies, long distance companies, local telephone companies, wireless telephone companies, paging companies, and payphone providers.
http://www.factcheck.org/2009/10/the-obama-phone/
As to the core of your point, the undocumented issue and DACA, Obama is not the first President to try to keep families together that are
documented with undocumented family members. Big whopping deal ! I waited 5 years for my now spouse and we were treated unfairly with
this immigration system but I will always remain in favor of DACA. The problem is that the service centers aren't operating with common sense
and change needs to happen but I will not make undocumented kids and teenagers the scape goats.
Congress isn't putting anything on the table so Obama came up with his own version. If the GOP would stop bitching and start
coming up with bills instead of fear mongering political theater played out in the media then we would all be better off.
By the way it's a lot about romancing the voters and no party really gives a hoot about the true issues because they aren't
political "talking points" that get them votes.
http://www.factcheck.org/2014/11/obamas-actions-same-as-past-presidents/
The last thing we need is a Republican in the White House.

You think the Republicans are going to change things?
They don't like immigrants at all. There isn't votes in helping engaged people bring in their foreign partners. The situation was as bad in the past under Republicans as Democrats and that isn't going to change. None of them care, don't fool yourself into thinking another guy is going to change things.

Yeah, most likely the problem was that you have met her in person only once and spent 2 weeks together. You two need to spend much more time together in person before even applying for a spousal visa. High fraud country consulates are hard to please, for a good reason.
Good luck!

Having met through a family member is a red flag. Do you have any other red flags in your relationship? Huge age difference, huge cultural difference, different religions? She doesn't speak English (you mentioned she used a translator at her interview), but do you speak her language? Not having a common language to speak is a red flag also. How many times have you met her in person and how much time have you spent together?
Most people say appealing is a waste of time. I would say find out why she was denied then get married and file for a spousal visa (IR-1/CR-1). Ethiopia is a high fraud country, so make sure you submit tons of evidence and spend a lot of time together in person before filing.

The child's mother definitely would have a say in this. He made it clear the child will not come on a K2.

It would be beneficial for you to create your own topic in the sub-saharan regional forum for the best answers.