Wyld Blu

Actually the 90 days isn't a "check point" to be sure about getting married. You NEED to KNOW this before you move here. The 90 days is a deadline that the USCIS gives you to accomplish this. If you aren't sure about being married BEFORE you get to the US, you need to step back, slow down and figure it out.
Drives me crazy that people think of the 90 day deadline as a decision or trial period. You should absolutely KNOW you want to marry this person you are moving your whole life for BEFORE you get here.
-Blu-

The best thing you can do for yourself is to obtain legal counsel for yourself. None of us here on VJ can give you any legal advise. That said, technically you committed fraud as well when you married him under the circumstances you described. However, as you feel you were coerced, the courts and/or ICE may not push that. You NEED to talk to a knowledgeable attorney to protect yourself. Also, please stop being a doormat to your husband. EDUCATE yourself on the ramifications of your actions regarding immigration and the proper ways to go about it. Stop being used and pushed around and for heaven's sake STOP listening to someone who clearly has no regard for you in the first place.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to obtain legal counsel for yourself. None of us here on VJ can give you any legal advise. That said, technically you committed fraud as well when you married him under the circumstances you described. However, as you feel you were coerced, the courts and/or ICE may not push that. You NEED to talk to a knowledgeable attorney to protect yourself. Also, please stop being a doormat to your husband. EDUCATE yourself on the ramifications of your actions regarding immigration and the proper ways to go about it. Stop being used and pushed around and for heaven's sake STOP listening to someone who clearly has no regard for you in the first place.

I am a bit confused on your timeline, so forgive me if I missed something. He came here on a tourist visa and "forced" you into marriage? Did he adjust status? If not, how did he go back to his country to propose to his girlfriend and then come back to the US? If he did adjust status, then did you have to sign off on that? I am only wondering because if you did have to "sign off" on his status adjustment, at what point did you decide this was fraud?

I am a bit confused on your timeline, so forgive me if I missed something. He came here on a tourist visa and "forced" you into marriage? Did he adjust status? If not, how did he go back to his country to propose to his girlfriend and then come back to the US? If he did adjust status, then did you have to sign off on that? I am only wondering because if you did have to "sign off" on his status adjustment, at what point did you decide this was fraud?

You could just both grow up and act like adults

The best thing you can do for yourself is to obtain legal counsel for yourself. None of us here on VJ can give you any legal advise. That said, technically you committed fraud as well when you married him under the circumstances you described. However, as you feel you were coerced, the courts and/or ICE may not push that. You NEED to talk to a knowledgeable attorney to protect yourself. Also, please stop being a doormat to your husband. EDUCATE yourself on the ramifications of your actions regarding immigration and the proper ways to go about it. Stop being used and pushed around and for heaven's sake STOP listening to someone who clearly has no regard for you in the first place.

I don't know how comfortable I'd feel if my wife didn't share financial information with me. Right now, she's the only one who can work, and when she was in Canada, I was the only one who could work. We've yet to be together and have two incomes coming in at the same time but we share a bank account, make budgets together. What's hers is mine and what's mine is hers. We have never given each other "allowances" or something, you should be equal partners, not acting like parent and child, imo.

I think you should be safe expressing your gratitude for their hospitality, and then letting them know that while you planned on staying longer, you are also longing for your own bed. Let them know how much you enjoy their company and would love them to come visit, but you also feel the need to have some solitude. I would not mention the cats at all. We also have cats and while we do not allow them to climb on counters in the kitchen or elsewhere, when we are not home, we have little control of where they go in the house (no doors to our kitchen). Clearly they love their pets, so I would not make the reason you want to go home about them. They may be a little hurt, but once you are home, you can contact them via phone daily, if you feel the need. But as a grown woman, you should be in your own home.

I think you should be safe expressing your gratitude for their hospitality, and then letting them know that while you planned on staying longer, you are also longing for your own bed. Let them know how much you enjoy their company and would love them to come visit, but you also feel the need to have some solitude. I would not mention the cats at all. We also have cats and while we do not allow them to climb on counters in the kitchen or elsewhere, when we are not home, we have little control of where they go in the house (no doors to our kitchen). Clearly they love their pets, so I would not make the reason you want to go home about them. They may be a little hurt, but once you are home, you can contact them via phone daily, if you feel the need. But as a grown woman, you should be in your own home.

I don't think it was a fake relationship. I think it was a wholly unrealistic relationship. I think she thought as soon as he got here, life would be smooth, easy, with no adjustments needed. And I think he thought whatever his fantasies about living in the USA were reality without ever researching the truth. People like this may think they will have a wonderful life together. However, without the work it actually takes, the relationship goes south very quickly, as evidenced by the OP's post.

What an exciting time for you Sky! Here is my story...
I met my husband on an online on a program called Second Life. Neither of us were looking for a new relationship and in fact we were both at the end of our long term relationships. I was about to be divorced from my husband of 25 yrs. and he from his girlfriend of 23 yrs. We started hanging out together online, spending every available moment together. Now, while I felt I knew him VERY well, I was still suspicious of online relationships and he said he was in Holland. I was in California. I googled his name, and came up with nothing. Good I guess. lol. Hours and hours of online conversations lead to a few expensive cell phone calls. Funny though, I didn't really notice any foreign accent! Then I discovered Skype. Finally, I got to actually SEE what he looked like and he me. We spent many more months and every possible hour on Second Life and Skype together. Finally, we decided to meet in a Daytona, for Daytona Bike Week. We are both bikers and never went there before. I set up a "safe call" person..JUST IN CASE. I guess one could never be too careful, but figured we would be in huge crowds of people most of the time. I got there first and picked him up at the airport. It was truly a WONDERFUL first face to face meeting. The 10 days went too fast. On the last night, we were at a local bar dancing and listening to a band. At this point, I should mention we are also both musicians. This is one of the reasons why he has very little Dutch accent. Most of the songs he sang in Holland with bands were in English. And while he speaks fluent Dutch, German and English, he also works on losing any accent in the language he is speaking.
While I was in the bathroom, he had asked the band if he could do a few songs with them. They called him up during their next set. He strapped on one of their guitars and did a few songs on stage. The whole place was on their feet dancing! After he was done, the band stopped and he got on his knees, ON STAGE, in a packed bar and proposed to me! Of course I said yes!.
Watching him go back to Holland was hard. But over the next year, I want to visit there twice and he came here one more time, this time to California. We worked hard on his K1. When it was finally approved, I met him at LAX and he moved in with me. We have now been married going on 4 years. We have our disagreements at times, but we have an amazing and strong marriage as well. My adult kids like him and he is even friends with my ex-husband (we are all still friends actually). We have gone through some major changes in the last few years. We moved from California to Texas (to start a new life together..and sort of as an adventure, lol) and decided after 3 years of THAT to move back home to California. We are both still unemployed (we JUST moved back) but VERY actively looking. We are basically staying with family at the moment, until we have jobs and start on building our house on property we own here. There has been some stress involved of course, but we know how to lean on each other instead of attacking each other in stressful situations. He does miss family, and even some foods from Holland that he can't get here, but he Skypes with family and we try to make foods when possible that he misses.
All in all, we are loving each other and life in general.
So, that is my long-winded story...what's yours?

I don't think it was a fake relationship. I think it was a wholly unrealistic relationship. I think she thought as soon as he got here, life would be smooth, easy, with no adjustments needed. And I think he thought whatever his fantasies about living in the USA were reality without ever researching the truth. People like this may think they will have a wonderful life together. However, without the work it actually takes, the relationship goes south very quickly, as evidenced by the OP's post.

Wow, I really feel for this immigrant. Telling a person daily what to expect with life in the US is VERY different than actually living it. There IS an adjustment period. Op, you say your fiance took no time to educate himself or research life in the US, the culture, the laws, whatever. So, instead of telling the man who moved across the world for you that it's time to research things together (now having the distinct advantage of BEING in the US), you choose to throw it away in a matter of days. Well, maybe it's a good thing after all. Marriage, even when in the best of circumstances, takes work. Just based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are interested in doing any of that work or working WITH your fiance to iron out the differences. There is a certain amount of culture shock I am sure he is going through. Helping your fiance to immigrate to the US doesn't mean instant success. It isn't like you can just add water and poof you have the perfect relationship. If you are unwilling in your very busy life to see the man you were so in love with is struggling, then, PLEASE at LEAST help him to research legal ways to immigrate here if he wants. The K1 is no longer an option if you decide not to marry him. He will have to go back to his country first. And PLEASE do the RIGHT thing and get him an open ended ticket back home. Because he does not fit into your mold of a perfect partner, shouldn't mean that you put him in a position to be stuck here either.

Wow, I really feel for this immigrant. Telling a person daily what to expect with life in the US is VERY different than actually living it. There IS an adjustment period. Op, you say your fiance took no time to educate himself or research life in the US, the culture, the laws, whatever. So, instead of telling the man who moved across the world for you that it's time to research things together (now having the distinct advantage of BEING in the US), you choose to throw it away in a matter of days. Well, maybe it's a good thing after all. Marriage, even when in the best of circumstances, takes work. Just based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are interested in doing any of that work or working WITH your fiance to iron out the differences. There is a certain amount of culture shock I am sure he is going through. Helping your fiance to immigrate to the US doesn't mean instant success. It isn't like you can just add water and poof you have the perfect relationship. If you are unwilling in your very busy life to see the man you were so in love with is struggling, then, PLEASE at LEAST help him to research legal ways to immigrate here if he wants. The K1 is no longer an option if you decide not to marry him. He will have to go back to his country first. And PLEASE do the RIGHT thing and get him an open ended ticket back home. Because he does not fit into your mold of a perfect partner, shouldn't mean that you put him in a position to be stuck here either.

I don't think it was a fake relationship. I think it was a wholly unrealistic relationship. I think she thought as soon as he got here, life would be smooth, easy, with no adjustments needed. And I think he thought whatever his fantasies about living in the USA were reality without ever researching the truth. People like this may think they will have a wonderful life together. However, without the work it actually takes, the relationship goes south very quickly, as evidenced by the OP's post.

Wow, I really feel for this immigrant. Telling a person daily what to expect with life in the US is VERY different than actually living it. There IS an adjustment period. Op, you say your fiance took no time to educate himself or research life in the US, the culture, the laws, whatever. So, instead of telling the man who moved across the world for you that it's time to research things together (now having the distinct advantage of BEING in the US), you choose to throw it away in a matter of days. Well, maybe it's a good thing after all. Marriage, even when in the best of circumstances, takes work. Just based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are interested in doing any of that work or working WITH your fiance to iron out the differences. There is a certain amount of culture shock I am sure he is going through. Helping your fiance to immigrate to the US doesn't mean instant success. It isn't like you can just add water and poof you have the perfect relationship. If you are unwilling in your very busy life to see the man you were so in love with is struggling, then, PLEASE at LEAST help him to research legal ways to immigrate here if he wants. The K1 is no longer an option if you decide not to marry him. He will have to go back to his country first. And PLEASE do the RIGHT thing and get him an open ended ticket back home. Because he does not fit into your mold of a perfect partner, shouldn't mean that you put him in a position to be stuck here either.

I don't think it was a fake relationship. I think it was a wholly unrealistic relationship. I think she thought as soon as he got here, life would be smooth, easy, with no adjustments needed. And I think he thought whatever his fantasies about living in the USA were reality without ever researching the truth. People like this may think they will have a wonderful life together. However, without the work it actually takes, the relationship goes south very quickly, as evidenced by the OP's post.

I don't think it was a fake relationship. I think it was a wholly unrealistic relationship. I think she thought as soon as he got here, life would be smooth, easy, with no adjustments needed. And I think he thought whatever his fantasies about living in the USA were reality without ever researching the truth. People like this may think they will have a wonderful life together. However, without the work it actually takes, the relationship goes south very quickly, as evidenced by the OP's post.

Wow, I really feel for this immigrant. Telling a person daily what to expect with life in the US is VERY different than actually living it. There IS an adjustment period. Op, you say your fiance took no time to educate himself or research life in the US, the culture, the laws, whatever. So, instead of telling the man who moved across the world for you that it's time to research things together (now having the distinct advantage of BEING in the US), you choose to throw it away in a matter of days. Well, maybe it's a good thing after all. Marriage, even when in the best of circumstances, takes work. Just based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are interested in doing any of that work or working WITH your fiance to iron out the differences. There is a certain amount of culture shock I am sure he is going through. Helping your fiance to immigrate to the US doesn't mean instant success. It isn't like you can just add water and poof you have the perfect relationship. If you are unwilling in your very busy life to see the man you were so in love with is struggling, then, PLEASE at LEAST help him to research legal ways to immigrate here if he wants. The K1 is no longer an option if you decide not to marry him. He will have to go back to his country first. And PLEASE do the RIGHT thing and get him an open ended ticket back home. Because he does not fit into your mold of a perfect partner, shouldn't mean that you put him in a position to be stuck here either.

I don't think it was a fake relationship. I think it was a wholly unrealistic relationship. I think she thought as soon as he got here, life would be smooth, easy, with no adjustments needed. And I think he thought whatever his fantasies about living in the USA were reality without ever researching the truth. People like this may think they will have a wonderful life together. However, without the work it actually takes, the relationship goes south very quickly, as evidenced by the OP's post.

Just wondered if we could post a thread with actually HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL stories. These sad stories are interesting (yet very sad) to read. So, I am wondering, if we can start a thread with success stories. Mod, I am hoping to keep this thread here to show that not all "major family changes" are sad ones. If this is appropriate, I will post my story too.

I don't think it was a fake relationship. I think it was a wholly unrealistic relationship. I think she thought as soon as he got here, life would be smooth, easy, with no adjustments needed. And I think he thought whatever his fantasies about living in the USA were reality without ever researching the truth. People like this may think they will have a wonderful life together. However, without the work it actually takes, the relationship goes south very quickly, as evidenced by the OP's post.

Being an extremely jealous person, has no bearing, and is no way to measure how much a person loves you. An extremely jealous person generally has self esteem and control issues. You can be in a marriage with a very jealous person who doesn't love you at all, but wants to control the relationship because of very low self esteem, and lack of control in their own lives. Please don't confuse extreme jealousy with love.
-Blu- just sayin'

Being depressed CAN be a form of mental illness first off. And I am not sure she is required to disclose any medical history regarding her family to you, unless it is something genetic that directly affects your wife. I am not getting the connection to that. It looks like possibly you are trying to use that as an excuse to divorce from your wife? Forgive me if I am wrong...but it is just an observation.
-Blu-