Mike B.

I used to live in Peru. That's how I met my wife. As much as I love Peru, the country has a pretty significant problem with corruption. I dislike the fact that the National Police do almost nothing to protect the population until they receive a bribe. Also, I dislike the fact that beating women is, to a large extent, socially acceptable behavior in Peru. The capital also has a pretty significant pollution problem.
So now I've "bad mouthed" not "just 1 thing" about the country I lived in, but three things. I guess I'm one of the people you now "hate." I can live with that.

OP: Never mind all these holier-than-thou people who are absolutely certain that they know what your intentions are better than you are. Also, I have absolutely no doubt that you are intelligent enough to immediately dismiss anyone who makes the argument "if you don't like every law that has even been passed in this country, you should leave" as what they are: fools. You simply cannot ever convince people who say stuff like that. Sorry, but it's true.
Yeah, it's going to be very difficult to get an F1. The best evidence you could give is evidence that truly is tied to India. As you correctly pointed out, money can be moved very quickly to the United States even when people cannot, as our bizarre and hypocritical policy is that free trade in every single commodity EXCEPT labor is good. Somehow free trade in labor is evil and would bring about the destruction of the Republic or something, so we have to tightly control immigration. As nonsensical as it is, that's the law, and immigration is an area where the government seems to hold all of the cards: USCIS is the only game in town, Congress will take absolutely forever to pass any kind of reform to the INA because people (like many on here) love to bask in the glory of being part of the collective and think things like "If I had to go through a lousy process, everyone should go through a lousy process," and quite frankly your Congressman/Senator/President/Etc. don't give a damn about your girlfriend because she can't vote and/or donate a million dollars to a reelection campaign. So yeah, it sucks, but you kinda have to get used to it. If your girlfriend owns a bunch of unmovable property such as real estate, has solid evidence that she is being sent to the US by a job that she will return to, can show that she absolutely cannot leave her family for whatever reason, or something like that, that would be much better evidence than a bank account loaded with money. Unfortunately, 1) it sounds like she may not have that stuff and 2) even if she did it is very, very far from guaranteed that she'd overcome an IO's suspicions.
Many people have told you that you should get a K-1 even though you say you have no intent to marry. Do not listen to them. If you truly have no intent on marrying this woman, it makes no sense to get a K-1. If you think you might want to do it but are not ready and simply want to spend more time with her but cannot get her to the US on some other visa, look for a different way to spend time with her. Maybe she could manage to go to a third country and you could visit her there. Or maybe instead of her practicing her English you might be interested in practicing your Hindi by spending some time in India. Perhaps a bilingual college-educated person such as yourself could even find a job in India.
If you do want to marry her, though, then get the K-1 (assuming you want to marry in the United States). I know the wait sounds really long, but at the end of the day it really isn't that bad. The emotional pain you will feel is like any other kind of pain: it hurts while you're feeling it but then as soon as it's over it is over. I'm sure you've been injured before. Even when you remember that injury, you can't truly experience the pain like you felt it then. Same goes with being apart for half a year. Yeah, it took eight whole months for me wife (then fiancee) to get her K-1 and come here. And it sucked at the time. But at the end of the day I get to spend the rest of my life with her and I'm with her pretty much every minute of my life that I'm not at work, so it's not like it bothers me that we were apart for so long anymore. You get over it the moment you see her at the airport.
Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you find a way to be united with her.
I speak to my wife in Spanish and I am not Hispanic. Does my story hold up or do you think I'm lying?

I was born and raised in the United States. I moved to Peru. So you post about me, based wholly on conjecture, is incorrect.
I dislike corruption, and I find the physical assault of women to be intolerable. Like most Peruvians, I am concerned about the level of pollution in Lima.
Glad you hate me for that, though! Whatever floats your boat/helps you sleep at night is a-ok to me!

I feel badly for you that people are responding to you so harshly, I for one believe you.
From what you have said:
1) you want your gf here to study english AND spend time with you, which a F1 will allow you to do.
2) you want to use this time to figure out if you want to get married and file for CR1 or K1.
I do not know how likely you will get this kind of visa though, as others have pointed out, there are red flags- single- no job- etc.
Is it possible for you to go to India for a while and spend time there, then decide if K1 or CR1 are right for you?
If not-
Some proof of ties:
Job back home (letter from employer) , bank statement showing sufficient funds, travel plans well documented,letter from sponsor showing financial support, rental agreement, car loan or any loan agreement.
I think the big ones are the job, home and bank statements or proof of financial support.
If your gf tries for another visa when she gets there make sure puts all the information on the table straight away, don't let her get bullied, present the information and ties; you said she didn't have a chance to prove anything, make sure she has a chance.
IO: Why do you want to go to the USA?
GF: Because I want to study, these are my plans, this is the proof I will return.
So before the IO has asked another question your gf has already answered everything! You are guilty until proven innocent unfortunately.

I used to live in Peru. That's how I met my wife. As much as I love Peru, the country has a pretty significant problem with corruption. I dislike the fact that the National Police do almost nothing to protect the population until they receive a bribe. Also, I dislike the fact that beating women is, to a large extent, socially acceptable behavior in Peru. The capital also has a pretty significant pollution problem.
So now I've "bad mouthed" not "just 1 thing" about the country I lived in, but three things. I guess I'm one of the people you now "hate." I can live with that.

OP: Never mind all these holier-than-thou people who are absolutely certain that they know what your intentions are better than you are. Also, I have absolutely no doubt that you are intelligent enough to immediately dismiss anyone who makes the argument "if you don't like every law that has even been passed in this country, you should leave" as what they are: fools. You simply cannot ever convince people who say stuff like that. Sorry, but it's true.
Yeah, it's going to be very difficult to get an F1. The best evidence you could give is evidence that truly is tied to India. As you correctly pointed out, money can be moved very quickly to the United States even when people cannot, as our bizarre and hypocritical policy is that free trade in every single commodity EXCEPT labor is good. Somehow free trade in labor is evil and would bring about the destruction of the Republic or something, so we have to tightly control immigration. As nonsensical as it is, that's the law, and immigration is an area where the government seems to hold all of the cards: USCIS is the only game in town, Congress will take absolutely forever to pass any kind of reform to the INA because people (like many on here) love to bask in the glory of being part of the collective and think things like "If I had to go through a lousy process, everyone should go through a lousy process," and quite frankly your Congressman/Senator/President/Etc. don't give a damn about your girlfriend because she can't vote and/or donate a million dollars to a reelection campaign. So yeah, it sucks, but you kinda have to get used to it. If your girlfriend owns a bunch of unmovable property such as real estate, has solid evidence that she is being sent to the US by a job that she will return to, can show that she absolutely cannot leave her family for whatever reason, or something like that, that would be much better evidence than a bank account loaded with money. Unfortunately, 1) it sounds like she may not have that stuff and 2) even if she did it is very, very far from guaranteed that she'd overcome an IO's suspicions.
Many people have told you that you should get a K-1 even though you say you have no intent to marry. Do not listen to them. If you truly have no intent on marrying this woman, it makes no sense to get a K-1. If you think you might want to do it but are not ready and simply want to spend more time with her but cannot get her to the US on some other visa, look for a different way to spend time with her. Maybe she could manage to go to a third country and you could visit her there. Or maybe instead of her practicing her English you might be interested in practicing your Hindi by spending some time in India. Perhaps a bilingual college-educated person such as yourself could even find a job in India.
If you do want to marry her, though, then get the K-1 (assuming you want to marry in the United States). I know the wait sounds really long, but at the end of the day it really isn't that bad. The emotional pain you will feel is like any other kind of pain: it hurts while you're feeling it but then as soon as it's over it is over. I'm sure you've been injured before. Even when you remember that injury, you can't truly experience the pain like you felt it then. Same goes with being apart for half a year. Yeah, it took eight whole months for me wife (then fiancee) to get her K-1 and come here. And it sucked at the time. But at the end of the day I get to spend the rest of my life with her and I'm with her pretty much every minute of my life that I'm not at work, so it's not like it bothers me that we were apart for so long anymore. You get over it the moment you see her at the airport.
Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you find a way to be united with her.
I speak to my wife in Spanish and I am not Hispanic. Does my story hold up or do you think I'm lying?

OP: Never mind all these holier-than-thou people who are absolutely certain that they know what your intentions are better than you are. Also, I have absolutely no doubt that you are intelligent enough to immediately dismiss anyone who makes the argument "if you don't like every law that has even been passed in this country, you should leave" as what they are: fools. You simply cannot ever convince people who say stuff like that. Sorry, but it's true.
Yeah, it's going to be very difficult to get an F1. The best evidence you could give is evidence that truly is tied to India. As you correctly pointed out, money can be moved very quickly to the United States even when people cannot, as our bizarre and hypocritical policy is that free trade in every single commodity EXCEPT labor is good. Somehow free trade in labor is evil and would bring about the destruction of the Republic or something, so we have to tightly control immigration. As nonsensical as it is, that's the law, and immigration is an area where the government seems to hold all of the cards: USCIS is the only game in town, Congress will take absolutely forever to pass any kind of reform to the INA because people (like many on here) love to bask in the glory of being part of the collective and think things like "If I had to go through a lousy process, everyone should go through a lousy process," and quite frankly your Congressman/Senator/President/Etc. don't give a damn about your girlfriend because she can't vote and/or donate a million dollars to a reelection campaign. So yeah, it sucks, but you kinda have to get used to it. If your girlfriend owns a bunch of unmovable property such as real estate, has solid evidence that she is being sent to the US by a job that she will return to, can show that she absolutely cannot leave her family for whatever reason, or something like that, that would be much better evidence than a bank account loaded with money. Unfortunately, 1) it sounds like she may not have that stuff and 2) even if she did it is very, very far from guaranteed that she'd overcome an IO's suspicions.
Many people have told you that you should get a K-1 even though you say you have no intent to marry. Do not listen to them. If you truly have no intent on marrying this woman, it makes no sense to get a K-1. If you think you might want to do it but are not ready and simply want to spend more time with her but cannot get her to the US on some other visa, look for a different way to spend time with her. Maybe she could manage to go to a third country and you could visit her there. Or maybe instead of her practicing her English you might be interested in practicing your Hindi by spending some time in India. Perhaps a bilingual college-educated person such as yourself could even find a job in India.
If you do want to marry her, though, then get the K-1 (assuming you want to marry in the United States). I know the wait sounds really long, but at the end of the day it really isn't that bad. The emotional pain you will feel is like any other kind of pain: it hurts while you're feeling it but then as soon as it's over it is over. I'm sure you've been injured before. Even when you remember that injury, you can't truly experience the pain like you felt it then. Same goes with being apart for half a year. Yeah, it took eight whole months for me wife (then fiancee) to get her K-1 and come here. And it sucked at the time. But at the end of the day I get to spend the rest of my life with her and I'm with her pretty much every minute of my life that I'm not at work, so it's not like it bothers me that we were apart for so long anymore. You get over it the moment you see her at the airport.
Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you find a way to be united with her.
I speak to my wife in Spanish and I am not Hispanic. Does my story hold up or do you think I'm lying?

Oh my God, can we please stop making totally wild assumptions about this? Maybe the bleach had been secretly replaced with some other liquid! Or maybe it was bleach after all and she knew through her medical expertise that drinking bleach somehow isn't that bad for you! Maybe she didn't really get an abortion, and is lying about lying about that! Or maybe not only did she get an abortion, but her parents found out and married her off!
Or maybe none of us know hell we're talking about. Ever think of that possibility? Unbelievable.

The other thing to remember here is that this behavior is not normal. Bvpshenvalley starts her post with "I am married to a dirt-poor Peruvian. I have dealt with these same exact issues as you describe in this thread." So allow me to say this: I am married to a dirt-poor Peruvian. I have not dealt with these same exact issues as you describe in this thread. My wife's family, despite living in the pueblos jovenes (google it if you need an explanation) has never asked for a cent from me, nor do we send them remittances. Just recently my wife's four-year-old nephew was diagnosed with brain cancer. Although we make little money, probably much less than most people who post here, my wife and I JOINTLY decided to send some money down to pay for his MRI, offset some of the cost of his surgery, and stuff like that. They ain't getting a car out of us, though. This is money to help save the kid's life, and again, it was agreed to jointly by my wife and me.
I hope you understand that I'm not telling you this story to say "isn't my marriage so much better than yours" or "Hey look, everything is perfect with my wife and me." I'm telling it to you to demonstrate that there is another way, that mature people (and I can barely count myself as even that) can work these things out, and that the foundation of a relationship is the idea that things have to be done in a joint fashion in which there is at least some agreement between the two of you about important things like what to do with all your money. Sure, everyone disagrees sometimes, but I sincerely hope you do not get into the mode of thinking where you are telling yourself "every couple has disagreements, so I guess it's normal if my husband wants to move his whole family in with us and drive me even further into nearly a quarter million dollars worth of debt when I want the exact opposite." It's just my opinion, I don't even know you, and others will disagree, but I think adopting that line of thinking would be doing yourself a great disservice. What you are going through is not necessarily normal at all.

Y'know what? You're (still) fretting about and trying to tweak or micromanage what it would really take a bulldozer to do. I'd tell him to cram his greedy, selfish attitudes up his own ####### (immediately and with great force), repeat the process with each of his family members' asses, and find some other suckerette to soak.

It's highly unprofessional. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that if during an interview I asked a female prospective employee if she has had sex/got pregnant out of wedlock I would be fired. In fact, I wouldn't even want to work for an employer that wouldn't fire an employee for asking that question. Before I am allowed to interview anyone I'm supposed to review some document with a list of questions and question-types that I absolutely must not ask. Most of the questions listed by the OP would fall into those categories. I'm positive I'm not alone.

The other thing to remember here is that this behavior is not normal. Bvpshenvalley starts her post with "I am married to a dirt-poor Peruvian. I have dealt with these same exact issues as you describe in this thread." So allow me to say this: I am married to a dirt-poor Peruvian. I have not dealt with these same exact issues as you describe in this thread. My wife's family, despite living in the pueblos jovenes (google it if you need an explanation) has never asked for a cent from me, nor do we send them remittances. Just recently my wife's four-year-old nephew was diagnosed with brain cancer. Although we make little money, probably much less than most people who post here, my wife and I JOINTLY decided to send some money down to pay for his MRI, offset some of the cost of his surgery, and stuff like that. They ain't getting a car out of us, though. This is money to help save the kid's life, and again, it was agreed to jointly by my wife and me.
I hope you understand that I'm not telling you this story to say "isn't my marriage so much better than yours" or "Hey look, everything is perfect with my wife and me." I'm telling it to you to demonstrate that there is another way, that mature people (and I can barely count myself as even that) can work these things out, and that the foundation of a relationship is the idea that things have to be done in a joint fashion in which there is at least some agreement between the two of you about important things like what to do with all your money. Sure, everyone disagrees sometimes, but I sincerely hope you do not get into the mode of thinking where you are telling yourself "every couple has disagreements, so I guess it's normal if my husband wants to move his whole family in with us and drive me even further into nearly a quarter million dollars worth of debt when I want the exact opposite." It's just my opinion, I don't even know you, and others will disagree, but I think adopting that line of thinking would be doing yourself a great disservice. What you are going through is not necessarily normal at all.

The other thing to remember here is that this behavior is not normal. Bvpshenvalley starts her post with "I am married to a dirt-poor Peruvian. I have dealt with these same exact issues as you describe in this thread." So allow me to say this: I am married to a dirt-poor Peruvian. I have not dealt with these same exact issues as you describe in this thread. My wife's family, despite living in the pueblos jovenes (google it if you need an explanation) has never asked for a cent from me, nor do we send them remittances. Just recently my wife's four-year-old nephew was diagnosed with brain cancer. Although we make little money, probably much less than most people who post here, my wife and I JOINTLY decided to send some money down to pay for his MRI, offset some of the cost of his surgery, and stuff like that. They ain't getting a car out of us, though. This is money to help save the kid's life, and again, it was agreed to jointly by my wife and me.
I hope you understand that I'm not telling you this story to say "isn't my marriage so much better than yours" or "Hey look, everything is perfect with my wife and me." I'm telling it to you to demonstrate that there is another way, that mature people (and I can barely count myself as even that) can work these things out, and that the foundation of a relationship is the idea that things have to be done in a joint fashion in which there is at least some agreement between the two of you about important things like what to do with all your money. Sure, everyone disagrees sometimes, but I sincerely hope you do not get into the mode of thinking where you are telling yourself "every couple has disagreements, so I guess it's normal if my husband wants to move his whole family in with us and drive me even further into nearly a quarter million dollars worth of debt when I want the exact opposite." It's just my opinion, I don't even know you, and others will disagree, but I think adopting that line of thinking would be doing yourself a great disservice. What you are going through is not necessarily normal at all.

She's $200,000 in debt, he wants her to buy his family members a car, and you think people are being too judgmental?!?!?!
Attention people who are still wondering why the financial system and housing market in this country totally collapsed: look no further.

She's $200,000 in debt, he wants her to buy his family members a car, and you think people are being too judgmental?!?!?!
Attention people who are still wondering why the financial system and housing market in this country totally collapsed: look no further.

She's $200,000 in debt, he wants her to buy his family members a car, and you think people are being too judgmental?!?!?!
Attention people who are still wondering why the financial system and housing market in this country totally collapsed: look no further.

She's $200,000 in debt, he wants her to buy his family members a car, and you think people are being too judgmental?!?!?!
Attention people who are still wondering why the financial system and housing market in this country totally collapsed: look no further.

She's $200,000 in debt, he wants her to buy his family members a car, and you think people are being too judgmental?!?!?!
Attention people who are still wondering why the financial system and housing market in this country totally collapsed: look no further.

She's $200,000 in debt, he wants her to buy his family members a car, and you think people are being too judgmental?!?!?!
Attention people who are still wondering why the financial system and housing market in this country totally collapsed: look no further.

She's $200,000 in debt, he wants her to buy his family members a car, and you think people are being too judgmental?!?!?!
Attention people who are still wondering why the financial system and housing market in this country totally collapsed: look no further.

RKK, I have been reading your posts for a while now but I never really felt the need to reply because you are already getting wonderful advice from everyone else here. As a 3rd person, who has heard only your side of the story, here are the Red Flags I have observed so far:
1) You felt like he pushed you towards a commitment too fast and you felt uneasy about that. For crying out loud, he had to ask you 30 times before you said yes!!!! As a woman, you need to learn to trust your intuitions. If you have a gut feeling that something is not right, don't try to explain it away. You have no regrets now, but remember that you are still in the honeymoon phase. Of course everything is hunky dory when you go to visit him because you guys are going to be on your best behavior because it is another mini-honeymoon. And I strongly believe that this is not cultural. My Indian parents dated for 11 years before they got married, and this was back in the 70's. I know several Indian people who dated for many many years or had extended engagements and did not rush into marriage just because their parents approved and the stars aligned the right way.
2) You feel like he is too clingy and that makes you feel uncomfortable. Again, listen to your gut.
3)He holds grudges. This means that your fights never get resolved. It just gets buried till the next big fight for it to rear it's ugly head. Big no no.
4) He feels like he is being enslaved. This is a very dangerous feeling because whether his feelings are justified or not, he will eventually try to break free from his "enslavement". His feelings might not seem logical to you, but those are his feelings and they are quite real to him.
5) "But he loves me and treats me better than anyone else has in the past!" As a previous poster mentioned, love is not enough to hold a relationship together. The person who coined the phrase "love conquers all" needs to have their head examined.
6) He uses guilt to get his way with you. This is extremely manipulative, and normal people do not do things like that.
7) He has no qualms about changing the rules of the game whenever it suits him. This is called Bait & Switch, and I don't see how you can trust a person like that. Keep in mind, people change and grow as they become older & wiser. But it is a serious red flag where he will tell you one thing and change his mind a few days/months later when he decides that it is not in HIS (not yours & not both of you as a couple, but only his) best interests. I remember you commenting in your previous thread about his parents visiting that he agreed to you at first knowing that he can get you to change your mind after the wedding. Again, this is super manipulative.
8) He gets depressed & cries when his friends remind him that he got no dowry from your family. Seriously.. yuck. Read between the lines, he is marrying up and makes no balls about it. On top of that, he gets sad that he is not getting more out of this marriage?
9) Entitlement issues. I dont understand this.. You owe his family a car because your dad bought you one, and now he needs to get his family one to help them to keep up with the Jones? I honestly can't believe a grown adult man would say something like this to his wife. You owe him NOTHING. Even if he had to sell his left kidney to be with you, it does not entitle him to send you into more debt. As someone who has been paying student loans for 3 years now and still have not made a dent, I can tell you that you will end up resenting him for this later on. Trust me RKK, my loans are not nearly as bad as yours but it is extremely frustrating to see the balance inching down at a snail's pace.
10) ME ME ME ME ME: This whole saga seems like how it is always about his ego & his need to help his family rather than your needs or even his parents needs (unless they are secretly demanding he does all this behind your back).
These are just a couple of points I see aside from the most obvious things that everyone else has mentioned. Only you can decide how much you will put up. His family & friends might tell you how lucky you are to marry him, but remember only you get to see a side of him that nobody else does. Only you can decide what is best for you in the long run.
Edited for Grammar.

Oh my God, can we please stop making totally wild assumptions about this? Maybe the bleach had been secretly replaced with some other liquid! Or maybe it was bleach after all and she knew through her medical expertise that drinking bleach somehow isn't that bad for you! Maybe she didn't really get an abortion, and is lying about lying about that! Or maybe not only did she get an abortion, but her parents found out and married her off!
Or maybe none of us know hell we're talking about. Ever think of that possibility? Unbelievable.

Like what? "Freeze, perp! You're under arrest for not telling us that your wife wasn't a virgin on her wedding night!" As Dana Carvey impersonating George H.W. Bush would say, "Nah. Ganh. Happen."

First time in my life I'd disagreed with TBoneTX. I think he is exactly wrong and troutcat is exactly right. At the end of the day, however, none of our opinions matter at all: either you're going to forgive this woman about not telling you her whole sexual history before you entered into an arraigned marriage with her, or you're not. You're an adult, you figure it out. Forget about the whole "I'm-going-to-get-her-deported-out-of-spite" nonsense.

Like what? "Freeze, perp! You're under arrest for not telling us that your wife wasn't a virgin on her wedding night!" As Dana Carvey impersonating George H.W. Bush would say, "Nah. Ganh. Happen."