ziia

I'm sorry you are going through this. The only evidence that matters to immigration is evidence from police Take the camera and tell them about the abuse and the fact that he's stalking you. The problems are marital because you have not submitted evidence of abuse(you haven't went to police to let them know of what happened to you). The evidence from cops is what matters not what tapes you show to an immigration officer(that is not their jurisdiction-immigration doesn't handle domestic violence issues). As far as immigration, I don't know what advice to give you since you are in deportation but this is what I would do if I were you:
-I would buy a ticket back to Romania and leave this nightmare behind
or
-I would hire a lawyer, though I don't know if he can help much
Hope you are safe and you left his home. Nu se merita sa treci prin ceea ce treci ca sa stai aici, parerea mea. Multa bafta.

I don' think the values ALONE makes a man get married but a person. You can't tell your heart "i wanna fall in love with this one because she can cook"...let's be serious. You fall in love, you fall in love and that's that. It can be a US woman who is beautiful, smart, independent, with a sense of humor, who wants to do something with her life and wants a family and equal responsibility in the house OR you can fall in love with a woman from else where for the same exact reasons. Knowing how to cook and wear a dress and cry and be helpless are not the main reasons that will sustain a marriage over time. That is my opinion, of course.

I hope to God your name is not Leggs! You used to hold your daughter on your lap and stare into her eyes for hours to create a "bond"? No wonder you've been married 4 times. I wonder why...I'm starting to think the other poster I was debating things with might be right in what she was saying. What you wrote here is very alarming to me and should be to anyone who reads your posts.
To the OP, you did the best you could, you have to focus on yourself and the future. Good luck and know there are good people out there. You will soon find yours.

Have you ever considered that all the people in E Europe who asked you "how did you find this one? I want one too" might just slightly be joking and life might, just might be more complex than that? That people are more complex than that? Than maybe, just maybe, when marriges fall appart might be the fault of both? Or just bc i'm from Romania or you are from Bulgaria, and god forbid we divorce,we should stand numb to be labeled as "the one who is fraud bc she's from E Europe" that's why he/she divorced when you know there's more than that to a certain situation than the bumper sticker you seem to apply not on the back of your car but on our foreheads of nations of complex people?
You did not understand. Nobody is accusing you of fraud my dear and no need to present your undenieble true love for your husband here on the forum, unless of course you want to but not to convince me or the others of how genuine you are. I don't realy care nor i base my oppinions to what it is thrown out there but on actions more than anything. You and him know what's between you two and that's all that matters.
You're at the begining of your jurney. After you've been married a bunch of years i will take you seriously on how much you love your SO. And should realy care for proving your love to the Immigration officer not to me or the others who are astounded of how "unique" your love is for your american spouse. Well girl, i've got news for you. You are not alone, do more research you might find a ton of peope here who marry for true love, just life you, and you might be astounded by the fact that they are from E Europe, Asia, Africa, Ecuador..the Moon.
So, tell your hubby to read what i wrote and see what exactly i've accused you of and what exactly i said that's so hurtful to Merrillizer.
I'm done here. this agravated me, i appologise to all the other members of the forum. I will get back to topic, i just needed to get some things straight first to the people who are so quickly to apply a bumper sticker where i should not be applied.

OMG!! OMG!!!!! :huh: It all makes sense. You tracked her down, of course...the timeline, the reason, the way and...the result(AOS for free/depend on me or go home)..OMG!!! She's in an actual prison because she has no status, for god's sake, not because she did something necesarily. I realy hope this girl gets deported! I honestly never thought i'd say something like that, but in her case i can... For her sake and safety she needs to RUN, not walk away.
What are you still doing here? Why do you ask for advices again and again? What do you expect us to say other than GET A LAWYER! Even if you married her she is illegal once her initial visa was over and AOS has not been started. Go there and explain what? That she left you but you're married so you deserve a free AOS for her? Jesus Christ, man, you are out of your mind! Get a lawyer dude and let her be(buy her a ticket home, her REAL home-you know the one where people don't live like psychological tormented prisoners!). I will pray for her

I won't say I was cruel and inhumane to her. She was aware of any and all of our struggles--especially financially, well in advance. I did not hold off on her AOS/EAD to see if she was going to be true to me--I trusted her, or else I'd not brought her here in the first place. It was financial/time reasons only that prevented it. With our financial struggles, we needed the second income desperately, and many of the financial risks we took was based off of us both having sufficient incomes. So, there's no reason why I would have held off on it outside of being incapable of getting it.
I also agree with you that my mother should have never done the recording, and as I explained a few posts above, she only did it because my wife was telling untruths about her. You need to understand that my wife and mother had no problems until just recently. It came as a shock and surprise once it did happen. My mother is not watching her 24/7 because she works late shifts and is asleep the rest of the time. My wife and mother ONLY see each other on the weekend--even then it's in passing because we normally leave the house on the weekends to go do other things. Basically, they only really see each other during church. Either way, my wife needs to be patient and give me time to relocate my mother--not just demand she gets thrown out right away. Even when there's hard feelings, she should know it takes time to move and find a place. Since she's been gone, I've worked on helping my mother find another place. We're getting her out as quickly as possible.
Much is hinging on my wife's return, however, as to what other steps I take in the near future. By the way, her AOS/EAD papers are filled out sitting on my desk awaiting her signature. If she returns home, she has her status. Balls in her court.

I am realy glad and i am keeping my fingers crossed that she returns if what you said here is true. As far as the mother issues, you have to understand that no matter what your mother's reasons were(to prove something to you), it was WRONG for her to do that. It is best to carry a face to face conversation/confrontation and find both sides of the sory with them side by side looking at eachother and at you. Even if recording was used, recording can be stopped and turned on whenever is convenient for the party that is recording. It does not tell the whole truth and you should know that in many courts this kind of proof is useless...for a reason(the one stated above). Plus is wrong from so many points of view. It is sneaky, it is canaving, it is plain wrong for anybody to do such a thing without discolsing it to the other person. You eighter discolse or you have a face to face argument, with you aside...that is how one can prove whatever they want to prove. And if you liste to both of them, you can draw conclusions yourself. Point is, your mom was your guest, ok? In your wife's house and in your house not the other way arround. How would you feel if i would come live with you and record you, pause it and play it whenever i want and then show whatever i "caught" you saying(or parts of it where it sounds like you said something but were talking about something else) and show it to your wife or mother, or boss or whomever. Would that upset you? Be honest here. If it would upset you, now you understand why it upset your wife. You should have a talk with your mother, seriously and tell her that this is why on every wall in US where there's acamera watching you, there's a BIG sign that states that(red big letters if you shall notice) or on any recorded phonecall as you will find out later on when you call immigration(if you two patch things up and go along with the process) that the first thing they tell you is that your conversation might be recorded. They tell you that, they tell to all, even if most of us(who call) are not even citizens so they would have all the motives not to discolose that and "catch" us with something. But they do, because that is fair and that is respectful and that is how we do it in a free democratic country.
Moving on, i truly see by what you wrote that you are a good man who went on some steps of life unprepared and the wrong way. But you can get that chance back and make it right. I honestly hope all the best will happen and you and her would have a second chance to get things right.
AOS doesn't cost much. It's not thowsends of dollars, it's a few hundreds. Having a house, i have to tell you that you were doing better than i ever did in terms of money. Issues and all, you have to sign that petition when you get your wife that you make at least 25% over the minimum income. If you were able to get her here, then you did make that amount, no doubt. It is one of your responsabiities to help this person integrate and get her work and some way toward independence so she ca love you for it even mre. Otherwise she will resent you forever. The no money issue when we're talking about 3-400 bucks doesn't realy fly(that is small and if you want i would borrow you those money for her) No, working for free is not cool. It gets your kids in for free at schol but who guarantees her that she will get anything in return? What is the motivation for working if you don't have a reward. They say, what is in your hand is no lie. Working for free, for some hopes that one day she will file some pathetic papers is unheard of. I wouldn't do it. Why would she? Who does that anyway? What kind of school is that? Gets someone without papers working for free(or indirect money-form of slavery by the way)...working as what, i am currious? What kind of job would she have done at that school without EAD? Can you immagine the lawsuits if american parents would have found out that someone who can dissapear without a trace would actualy watch or be arround their children? I would definetly sue that scjool, no offence, if my kid was in the care of someone without legal status in US.
Anyway, i'm not gonna keep beeting a dead horse. You do what you gotta do and what your heart sais. My writing here was not to point a finger at you but to help you understand that praying is most of times not enough. Actions should be taken along with those prayers. It is good you try to find her and when you do, i honestly hope you would offer your wife the eqality to life and freedom and love that you have/had. But open your eyes a bit. Sometimes things in front of us are not what they seem even if there's enough proof or love. Put yourself in both shoes, hers, your mothers(who would have left if she was a decent person at the first sign of making troubles between you and your wife) and try to think a bit in perspective. Sure, love your mother, help her and do what's best for her, she is after all your mom. But always remember that your mom had the chance to life and she built it the way she wanted. You deserve to have the same chance. You have to bulid your own life, without her help; you have to make your own decisions and draw your own conclusions. You don't need her to help you. It will always, always, always make things worse in your love life, even if you have the PERFECT life and wife.
hope that everything turns out good for you. Make things right and love other people, give them freedom and they will love you for it, unconditionally and permanently.

She knew what she was in for, and she accepted it. Then she changes her mind? Too bad for her. She couldn't handle it and couldn't stand things not going her way, so she throws tantrums on the floor? He provided a home for her and tried to provide more luxuries but an injury got in the way, where was her support for him then? Instead of being patient and working it out, she went psycho, him and his kids better off without her! There's enough nut jobs in the world without bringing one into your home and introducing them to your family.

Wow, you sound like a "happily" married/engaged joe. Anyway...She didn't change her mind like a loony toon, in the middle of the nite to up and leave him She warned her husband throughout time of how miserable she was. Himself admitted how they had often fights, many because she was depressed(how can she not be?) and because she didn't get along with his mom. How about that? Mom locks herself out and calls son at work! to open the door for her, implying that his wife didn't want to get to get the door for her. Who calls their son at work for a thing like that other than someone who's more needy and more prone to prove her point that this girl was "not for her son". As caniving as his mother sounds(with the recording stuff) i wouldn't put pass her that she just locked herself out on purpose, never knocked on the door to get her daughter's in law's attention, but immediatly called her son, dragged him off work to come get the door for her. There are always 2 sides of the story and the girl is not here to tell. It's just him and his mom. But consider this. This girl might have endured a lot. Is it that hard to believe that? Who would leave like that, crying and packing if not a girl under distress from the the whole situation? If she was nuts, like you say, i tell you who would have run out of that house in distress pulling her hair out. Can you guess? The mother would have.
I think this situation stinks from many points of view. I hope that girl just finds him and gets some way to go back and live free and not in situations like this. Just because she's here, it doesn't mean she's free. She will only be free(mentaly) when she'll have a job, a hobby, some friends and a purpose. If she has that in her country, that's where her freedom is. They might have a chance if: he works in giving her EQUAL rights(to work and live free just like him) and makes her feel like she is the QUEEN in that house and in his heart. I don't know her but she sure seems to me like she made him the KING of her heart. If her intentions were less than genuine, she would not have insisted in having a baby. People without babies get visas approved too, you know?...or you didn't?

"I'll make mention that she was fully aware of our finances. I do not go around making false promises, and she knew in advance to coming here that we weren't going to file AOS right away. She openly accepted that while we were together in the Philippines. "
I'm trying to make some sense here and get something clear...Applying for her AOS wasn't because your finances were low, but because you had it planned all along. You didn't want to apply all along untill much much later, after you would have made sure that your wife's intentions about you were serious and she would have proven herself to you as beeing "genuine". I might be wrong here, but i'm guessing this was your mother's advice to you, as a mother who cares about her son and wants what's best for him, right? She would want some woman overseas to come and take advantage of her boy, would she? Your mother's behaviour, recording your wife(is that even legal, did she know she was recorded?) should have been the turning point for you! That second i would have thrown her OUT IN THE STREET! But that's just me. Can't you actualy see how harm that has done to your relationship? Indirectly...Sink in deep and open your eyes, because i truly think you have the mental capability to do so. Recording someone doesn't show you the truth, mister. It shows you a PART of that truth, the PART your mother wants to show. Did she leave the recorder on to the table for your wife to see? No, only she knew of it. So what the hell would you have expected your mother to be genuine in her conversation? What if she bullied your wife in your absence? How wuld you know that? Well you know the TRUTH now...your wife has gone bazooka and left you. Her actions speak what was realy going on and how unbarable it was for her to life under your mother's critical eyes 24/7.
It's your mother but she has a job. She should have a place of her own, period. If later on in life if she couldn't wak speak eat, work, i would do my best to take care of her, maybe even shelter her. But when you start your marriage, bring in your mother and you have a recipe for disaster.
Dude, take a chance in life and be fair to your wife, give her a status here! That is so cruel and inhumane what you did to her, no wonder she left. Poor girl. I hope you REALY make a change and realise she is a human beeing, not a toy for you to handle. Good luck!

I don't know if this helps, but as an immigrant myself, I fully adjusted here after about 4 years. The first 2 were the hardest but slowly I grew more and more accustomed to everything. My advice for the immigrants who want to integrate in a new culture is doing exactly the opposite of what people might think is helping the immigrant and that is: stay away from friends from your country. I found those groups not helping someone who wants to adjust because often times, they get together to gossip of how bad and horrible US is. This prolongs the feeling of "i don't belong here" even longer. Try to stay among people who speak English and seem fully integrated and like it here without considering what country and culture they come from. Take a look at the Mexican people in their segregated neighborhoods in US and you will understand better my point of view.
When I got here I staid only among Americans and though it was very hard to understand the jokes, the culture and connect with them, in the end it helped me integrate a lot faster and loose the home sickness feelings. After about 2 or so years I had the first contacts with people from my country and let me tell you, I did not like it one bit. Though they made me laugh and felt instant connection with them and had a lot common interests and subjects of discussion, the encounter with my hommies left me with a sour taste. Those circles are all about gossiping and comparing one culture to another and that doesn't help. You hear a lot of them saying they miss a lot of stuff back home and nothing here even come close to fulfilling that need(only what is back home does) . Trust me, USC's with foreign fiances out there, looking for friends from their country doesn't help with homesickness, it prolongs it for many many many years, sometimes forever. If you want to do yourself a favor and your spouse's, make them get used to everything American as soon as possible and as soon as they get here. It is hard but do that instead of adjusting yourself to their culture. Though it may seem to you right now wrong what I am saying, trust me it is exactly what is needed for an immigrant to adjust better and get rid of homesickness so he doesn't fall in depression. The more stuff around them remind them of their home, the more they will miss it because in an immigrant's head nothing absolutely nothing no matter how good it is or how good it tastes it is not like how it's done back home. That is my honest and humble opinion, going through immigration and never having left Romania before, except this time to come here. After 6 years i feel like US is my country, and feel both of them(US and Romania) in my heart the same and also got passed the homesickness by living and doing and speaking American. Now I'd say I seldom miss Romania: probably once a year a thought pops in my head and that is only and only because my parents are there. Good luck to all.

These girls are the "results" of the mothers who are too preocupied with the political correctness of toilets around the world than with their daughter's moral and behavioral education

I truly believe that any human being in this world, no matter of gender, they are capable of living a lifetime loving just one person and being faithful. Because we each have different experiences(history) in our life and certain dramas and disappointments, even if we're not aware or think we passed them, they can take a toll and the result is a partially "broken"(insecure) otherwise good human(perhaps like he OP's spouse). Everything ca be fixed as long as you know what you are dealing with. The OP knows and that is a plus. My father always said that I should not come to him with an unresolved math problem if i can't first recite to him the problem by heart. He would say that if I know the unresolved issue(problem), then I already have half of it if not all of it, solved(i'll know what to do, how to approach it). He was correct and still is, even though now I'm not applying that in math problems but life issues.
I guide my life by my father's wisdom.
I hope the OP is good...we haven't heard from her in a while...

She is your sister, a little piece of you and she is in desperate need of help. Please take her to the doctor immediately. This is not a matter to wait out and see if she feels better a week, two weeks from now. If she is bleeding internally and it doesn't stop, she could be seriously injured. You also have to call the cops, let them know what happened. Your sister can ask for a protection order against him contacting her and if he breaks that order, he will go to jail immediately. If you are scared because you think that might get him mad and come to hurt you, not going to the police will not change the situation. On the contrary, he will see that he can get away with this kind of behavior(because you won't do anything about it) and come back for more, continuing to harass your sis.
We have laws in America and they are there for exactly these types of situations. We don't live in a 3rd world country here to be afraid to get out of the house because of people like your sister's husband. If this guy doesn't have a criminal record already(i'd be surprised) he won't come back to hurt no one after he finds out of the protection order. If he already has a record of violent behavior filed at the police station, then he'll be going to jail right away.
This is not the time to worry about her status. You know why? Because if I were to tell you that her green card can not be obtained if she's not with her husband, then what would you do? Send her back to live with him? I'm not saying that you will but this why this question is illogical and in contrary to your desperate cry for "help". It just makes what you said that happened seem less genuine. I'm not saying that what happened is not real but focusing on anything else aside her well being and safety at this moment is a little disturbing to me.
I don't mean to be harsh but please focus on giving her the medical, psychological aid she needs. Give her support and understanding and for god sake do the right thing and call the police. Worrying about what might happen tomorrow makes you freeze in position today. Wanting to live in US under these circumstances is not something I personally understand. I'm doing my best not to judge your/her intentions though. How was her husband before they got married? Your sister never suspected that something might be wrong with his head before she got here?

If she is divorced, she is eligible to apply for Citizenship in 5 years minus 90 days from the date her first Green Card was issued.

If she is divorced, she is eligible to apply for Citizenship in 5 years minus 90 days from the date her first Green Card was issued.

Hi. I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out. I don't know the answer to all questions but I am from Illinois too, so here is what I know:
That is correct. As Jim suggested, a quick google search might prove to be helpful. There are many guides online on where to go and get the papers you need and how to go step by step through the whole process. A good idea would also be for you to get a mediator. He/she will guide you through so you can do things faster and fill out the paperwork correctly.
It is very nice of you to help him and not kick him out. Illinois is absolutely a disaster of a state, in my opinion, when it comes to finding jobs. And they say Midwest should be the place for the "working class" lol. Now the job market is "moving" a little bit but on a scale compared to other states, 11.something unemployment rate(countrywide that rate went down a bit) as of last month places Chicago almost to bottom of the list with just 4 other US States. Anyhow, that's not something that important but I salute your sense of responsibility. I'm sure your ex is not happy with the situation either. Good luck to you.
In Illinois, even though you live in the same place, if you have separate rooms and have not had physical relations in 6 or more months, then you can wave the 2 years separation and get divorced. You might want to state irreconcilable differences if you want the divorce to be pronounced within a month or two. Do not file on those grounds unless you want to get a lawyer and wait and wait and wait until you'll actually be divorced. Yes, you do qualify for "no fault" if you live in the same place, separate rooms. It is called separation period since the day he moved out to another room and have not had sexual contact with him. I don't think that you will encounter problems of any kind when you decide to get married with your UK now boyfriend, later fiance.
Good luck

If she is divorced, she is eligible to apply for Citizenship in 5 years minus 90 days from the date her first Green Card was issued.

I have no idea of what chance you have to get approved because i'm not an immigration officer and also I can't read minds. I just wanted to say that I really feel for you, dude. Keep strong, this too shall pass and soon enough it will be a memory of the past. If you two can't stay married to one another(for whatever reasons) do not prolong it...get a divorce and then deal with everything one step at the time, the correct way and whatever happens, happens. I just want to remind you that VJ is an awesome place to ask for advices in terms of immigration. It is not a counseling place. People tend to look at time line and give advice on that. They may seem harsh but at least you should appreciate their honesty. The criticism should give you an idea of what you might face from an immigration officer BUT REMEMBER that no one here is an immigration officer and NO ONE KNOWS with certainty if you'll get approved or not. We can NOT predict your future. Your life and how it went, the whole truth and whatever, only you know and that's what matters. Don't try to guess your future because you can't and no one can do it for you either. So, ride this through, do what makes you happy, be correct and do your best, fill out the paperwork you need in case of a divorce, close your eyes and cross your fingers, bite your lips, "spit in the soup", do some kickboxing to take your mind off things, stack up on patience and hope for the best. As far as being alone, we all are...and you'll eventually get used to it just like I and most did. Sometimes it's better being alone than trapped in a crappy abusive situation with shady people you can't trust or talk to around you. Keep it up and try not to think so much...i have the feeling that thinking might be a sport for you. Sometimes it does more bad than good . Good luck