Nutty

Won't your husband be embarassed if he knows you're telling everyone about his bad BO?

First of all, I have addressed the issue with my husband more than 5 times. Do you know how awful it makes me feel to be forced to CONVINCE my husband to use deodorant. So he knows about it.

His response was, "I like my smell."

Well, if that is the case, then he should not be embarrassed I talk about it openly. Since the odor is already out there and he is aware.

Won't your husband be embarassed if he knows you're telling everyone about his bad BO?

I giggle so much when I read about nutty's hubby's BO.

One day she will post that he now LOVEs deo. lol

LIsa

Yes, it is amusing in an irritating sort of way....

This weekend I am going out to buy him more clothes just so he won't put on stinky clothes.

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Positive reinforcement is good. Definitely lay on the compliments whenever he smells nice. Has he ever tended to overdo it on the cologne and bypass the antiperspirant/deodorant? If so, and if the deodorant doesn't have much of a scent, maybe he just isn't convinced it does much good. Maybe you could get him a really yummy-smelling deodorant and talk him into using it instead of cologne. My husband has found a couple of Axe flavors he likes. He buys them in sets with the deodorant and the spray together, and that does the job.

My husband does not have cologne yet. But he wants Lagerfeld. I think he thinks he can use lagerfeld cologne instead of deodorant.

All in all, there is still a lot of room for improvement in this relationship. But I see my husband making baby steps in trying to be better.

Your husband was an attorney back home? What kind of jobs is he applying for now?

My husband and adjusting....

Let's say, I helped A LOT in the adjusting....We both searched for a job, but I was an intregal part of the process.

He's working now as a Chemical cargo inspector. On call 7 days a week/ 24 hours a day. He knows his way around ships and stuff...But explain a pay period, overtime, etc, etc....He gets stubborn and doesn't listen. Seems to think the company won't screw him out his pay.

When discussing company sponsored health insurance....that was a battle. My husband feels no need to see doctors and so could not understand getting covered in health insurance at a cost of $75.00 per month (medical, dental, vision). I said, "you may be healthy, but what prevents you from being hit by a drunk driver or having an accident. Going to the hospital will bankrupt us (then I had to explain bankruptcy)." Everyday, he conveniently "forgot" to submit is medical insurance enrollment forms.

At this point, I am ready to call his supervisor to get it done. If he does not get those papers in by TODAY!

Buying a car....My husband is all hot to trot on buying a car. However, explaining "it isn't just about paying for the car." Add insurance, registration, transfer of title.....

He just seems to think he knows better and ignores me.

It makes me frikking crazy!

And yes...he still has a BO problem!

Same problem over the health insurance thing... except he got upset because I bought him a policy... I am self-employed so I can't "add him" to my insurance at work or anything.. So as soon as we got his SS# I went online and applied for a health ins. policy for him. He got really mad because I didn't get his permission to buy it and he didn't want me to spend $ on him...

I told him that in Oregon medical bills are the JOINT responsibility of husband and wife... and I can't afford a big fat hospital bill if he gets hit by the "Mac Truck".. He just didn't get it... and after I said that he said "OH so it's REALLY for YOU!!!!" Which made me PO'd... like I'm the one who's going to be sewn back together when HE GETS HIT!!!!

As for the BO Thank God he doesn't have it... but I can't get him to wear deodorant to save my life... claims it's too many chemicals.... and this from a man who smoked 2 packs a day for 30 years.... However THANK GOD he quit before he came and so far so good on that front... I'm not so sure how I'll deal with the no deodorant issue come summer... although he never smelled funky in Egypt... Oh I forgot I always visited in winter... Oh Dear...

Your hubby doesn't know how lucky he is to pay $75 a month for all that coverage... between the 2 of us I"m shelling out $525 a month and NO DENTAL and NO VISION...

Hubby keeps thinking he's going to buy antibiotics at any pharmacy we pass... I told him to stock up on meds before he came, but he didn't listen... and when he saw the price of an eye exam and glasses here he's now wishing he had listened to me when I told him to get new glasses before he came... I think it was something like $10 there... UGH...

LIFE AFTER ARRIVAL makes the Visa Process seem tame... I think waiting for the EAD is 100x's harder on him than waiting for the Visa... at least he was on his own turf and was busy with work... alternating between pacing and thumb twiddling is making us BOTH crazy...

And I would like to go on the record that I must have been TOTALLY INSANE when I agreed to the Arabic Channels on the TV.. That was down right desperate....

K

As for the BO issue, I would certainly tell him that he will be extremely embarrassed when he gets pulled into the office at his work to inform him that there have been complaints as to his smell.

My husband works as a chemical cargo inspector. So he is on big container ships working around bad smelling chemicals (not in an office). There is no office and given the nature of the work, he wouldn't get a reprimand.

Hey, I'm in Oregon too!

Yes, my husband thinks it is better to save the $75.00 bucks towards his big plans to purchase a car.

I don't know whether to trust my husband submitted the enrollment forms or not! I think I will tell him after a week or two, "dear, I need to know your member # for your health insurance. Because my insurance needs to verify you are insured. It's the law." (a lie of course).

As for the BO...my husband showers daily. But he avoids deodarant.

At this point, I am making a point of avoiding him if he is "not fresh" and being very cuddly when I smell deodorant.

My husband and adjusting....

Let's say, I helped A LOT in the adjusting....We both searched for a job, but I was an intregal part of the process.

He's working now as a Chemical cargo inspector. On call 7 days a week/ 24 hours a day. He knows his way around ships and stuff...But explain a pay period, overtime, etc, etc....He gets stubborn and doesn't listen. Seems to think the company won't screw him out his pay.

When discussing company sponsored health insurance....that was a battle. My husband feels no need to see doctors and so could not understand getting covered in health insurance at a cost of $75.00 per month (medical, dental, vision). I said, "you may be healthy, but what prevents you from being hit by a drunk driver or having an accident. Going to the hospital will bankrupt us (then I had to explain bankruptcy)." Everyday, he conveniently "forgot" to submit is medical insurance enrollment forms.

At this point, I am ready to call his supervisor to get it done. If he does not get those papers in by TODAY!

Buying a car....My husband is all hot to trot on buying a car. However, explaining "it isn't just about paying for the car." Add insurance, registration, transfer of title.....

He just seems to think he knows better and ignores me.

It makes me frikking crazy!

And yes...he still has a BO problem!

From a European point of view - not so sure anyone thinks the streets are paved with gold, but you quickly find out just how much Americans live-to-work versus work-to-live (as in enjoy life along the way). Just an observation.

From a European stand point, USA does not hold the same reputation as being "land of golden opportunities" as it does in third world countries.

I think both Europeans and people from the third world are greatly surprised by how many hours Americans put into just making ends meet. Work-to-live is an under statement!

Mine husband was a CR1 (which is K3 visa, I think)

He had to wait 4 months on AP.

I understand the contract we all have agreed to sign as a commitment to the government to support our foreign SO's if they receive government assistance. I reread it over and over again. So I get that.

But has the government actually gone after many people over this? Or is it just a contract to cover the government's butt that doesn't get used? Are there stories here on VJ I have missed that says people have been sued and made to pay for what was written in that I-864? Alimony and community property aside. I mean just what was written in the affidavit of support.

Discuss.

Well, I work in a Bankruptcy Trustee office, so I think the process for collection would be:

1) Requests for reimbursement from the Agency sent to the Sponsor/ Joint Sponsor

2) Collection Agency employed to collect funds (if unsuccessful, the next step)

3) Government seeking legal summons and case to recoup money

4) Writ of Garnishment which would allow the government to garnish your wages to be applied to the balance owed

5) Withholding any payment of Federal and State Income tax refunds to you, to be applied instead to balance owed

Dear Martiniolive:

It was not wrong of you to post here on the board. I know you say that you were emotional and should've waited until things settled down. However, in that particular moment, you needed to vent your feelings. It is totally understandable. All of us have different opinions on the matter and we just tried to help the best way possible.

As for learning Darija, it would be good to learn just for the fact you are married to a Morrocan. It will help in understanding the culture better and getting closer to his family.

Secondly, Morroco is FULL OF TOURISTS. The three languages used are native (like Darija), French (because of the French controlled Morroco at one time) and English (for all those tourists).

I really don't think Morroco would be such a bad place to live.

I do not think you will suffer retribution or refusal if you reapply later for a visa! Just request your case be withdrawn because you decided to stay in Saudia Arabia longer.

I'm sort of new here, so I'm sure that most of you are not too familiar with my situation. I have been living in Saudi Arabia for the last year and my husband and I are filing for an immigrant visa thru DCF.

Our process has gone smoothly and quickly so far, and we are only awaiting my husband's interview. The closer we get to his interview, the more I am beginning to think that maybe immigration isn't in our best interest at this time.

Our reasons for immigrating are really not that strong. We don't intend to live in the USA permanently, but only as a temporary thing. My own reasons for wanting to go are purely selfish..I miss my family. The reasons for staying here are overwhelming...job security, great salary, owning a home, free schooling, great health care and insurance, etc. If we move to the USA, we are going into something that we are not prepared for. We will have to live with my parents and depend on them a great deal, not sure about the job market or if my husband will be able to make as much money in the usa as he does here, we'll have to pay for any more college that my husband and I want to complete, childcare for our daughter, NO health insurance (and we want another baby), and depending on where my husband finds work, there is no gurantee that I will live close to my family or get to see them anymore than I do living overseas. In the end, everything we earn and work for in the USA will be a loss...we don't ever intend to live there permanently. All the money we spend on housing, cars, school, and just living will be a big fat waste. We could just stay here, keep making great money and start growing our family.

I'm so confused and stressed out about this situation. I want to go, and I don't want to turn down a green card, and possible citizenship for my husband, but there are so many reasons why it's NOT a good idea, and a good time to immigrate.

What would you girls do if you were in my situation?

My family keeps telling me that I have to decide what I want to sacrifice...my family or my financial security. I've been broke most of my life and I know what it is to scrape together change to pay for gas or stress out about making rent...and I've also lived the last year in a place where I haven't worried about money for a SINGLE DAY, NOT ONCE, and I'm just not sure if I'm ready to go back to being broke..and for what??

HELP PLEASE!!

Now that you have a baby and husband, you have a family of your own. And wanting another baby, you will be a family unit. Your children and your husbands ability to provide for them and you, comes first.

I find it rather harsh, selfish even, your family in USA is making ultimatums "them or your financial security." If they truely loved you, they would want the best for you, your husband and your children.

Could it be that your family is frightened by the prospect of you becoming a muslim or your children being raised in Saudi Arabia?

Listen, I spent some time in Iran and I lived away from my mom for years at a time. BUT, I knew I could come home for visits! That counted for something. My mother said, "wherever is best for you and your husband is where you should be."

IT IS A MAJOR STRUGGLE HERE IN USA! Not an easy life! Given the economy, my husband was very lucky to find a job after 3 months. But now he is a slave to being on call 24 hours a day/7 days a week. I work 50 hours a week. We barely make enough money to get by.

I am seriously reconsidering moving back overseas. Iran, India.... I just can't keep up the pace here in USA.

Think about it!

hi every body..

i wish from anyone who have the same case to help me..

i had arrived US afew months ago through UNHCR as arefugee .. my husband couldn't come with me so i applied a relative petition I-730 for spouse reunification .. i received from the USCIS a receipt notice and an approval notice.. plaese any one have the same case can help me with any information ... thankyou..

Since you are not familiar with how to file forms, I would suggest a immigration lawyer to help you. But you need to make sure the lawyer is a specialist in immigration law.

My husband has been in Morocco since the first of May, 2008. This is my first time on this forum, so if anyone has any tips for me, or similar things they have been through, I would really appreciate hearing them. I have read so many posted stories on this website, and none of them are like my husband's and my situation. He came over to the US originally with his previous wife on a K-3 visa, they got married within the 3 months period, and this was in Nov. 2003. The reason he came over here was because she was visiting in his country, and they met over there in Morocco, and she got pregnant. He got to the US 2 months after his son was born. He and his first wife stayed married until May 2004 (about 6 months), and then separated due to irreconsilable differences. I met my husband in Nov. 2004, his divorce was final in May 2005, and we were then married the same month. We hired an immigration lawyer right after that to see what we needed to do about his status becoming legal, and he informed Mohamed(my husband) that he would have to go back to Morocco eventually and re-enter for him to become legal. We then started the process by applying for I-130, it was finally approved in Nov. 2007 after many paperwork issues, filing an I-824, etc. and 2 and a half years later. His appointment was scheduled in Casablanca on May 22, 2008. He left the first of May, and my dad, son and I flew over to stay with him and his family for a few weeks on May 20. He went to the interview appointment, and all the short woman with glasses told him was that he needed a co-sponsor, asked him for his first marriage certificate, asked my name, and that was about all. She then informed him that his case would be sent to Washington, DC for additional administrative processing. We have been married for 4 and a half years, and he has opened up his own business(which his partner is running now all alone since he is out of the country), his little boy, my stepson just turned 5 years old, and I have a 7 year old son from a previous relationship. We have a house payment, car payments, and many others, and I call the state dept. all the time, our senators and congressman. Nothing has helped yet, and we have heard absolutely nothing except "Oh, your husband's case is still undergoing AP, and he will be contacted as soon as we get all the information back that we have requested from different places." LIke I said, I haven't heard of anyone that has left the country and trying to come back on a second marriage to a US citizen, and I would love some insight as to how long to expect it to take. Please let me know if anyone can give me any information, and thanks.

Let's address the three issues the consulate lady brought up:

1) Co-sponsor (Joint Sponsor)

It seems your tax returns are not adequate income in the eyes of the consulate staffer. So have you procurred another individual to file an affidavit of support (be the co-sponsor) for your husband?

2) Marriage certificate

Have you given them a certified copy of the marriage certicate from your husbands first marriage? REMEMBER: Copies of government civil documents can only be certified by the ORIGINAL ISSUING AUTHORITY who issued the original document.

3) Administrative Processing

Unfortunately, administrative processing is something we all had to go through. So, what you are experiencing is not unique or uncommon. Here is a very rough guideline for the waiting time:

1 to 3 months: Lucky

4 to 6 months: Average

7 to 12 months: unlucky

Believe it or not there have been others who waited a year or more! So sadly, I have to say that your wait time is not abnormal.

Please try to get the items the consulate officer requested in the time you have while you are waiting. Then when his AP is finished and he is called back, he can hand over the additional docs.

Best of luck,

Tina

If you truly love your wife, then you can invite her to come and live in Morroco.

Morocco is not dangerous as you understood, but I want her to live in better conditions and have a good life with me, because after she will move here, she will find another life with a different traditions and a new culture.

I love her so much and I want her to feel always safe and happy in a good place, I do care about her more than my self and she worth more. Muah to her.

I lived in Iran, with my husband.

At least you should consider that your wife is willing to live in Morroco to be with you. That is love.

Just because the conditions are DIFFERENT, does not mean that it is impossible.

MENA ladies can all testify....I was fuming and very upset when my husband said he wanted to take a "few months" to "wrap things up" after he got the visa.

Family is a big deal, more important in some ways than marriage (in my opinion).

My husband also wanted to "settle his affairs" in Iran before coming. This entailed a month or two (he stopped working by that point) of just hanging around, having relatives pay social calls, making social visits....Seeing all the places he grew up in.

I couldn't understand it either, since I was "pining away" for my hubby.

He's homesick now and wants to go back for a visit.

Strangely, when I lived with my husband in Iran, I noticed he wasn't the most sociable type. He's quiet and does his own thing most of the time. I think it has to do with the "communal living" that he misses. All the people in the house...the noise, the chatter, that he misses.

Thank you GOD

Thank you all MENA

I dont believe what timing when things were more than dark

TARIK GOT THE CALL TODAY TO GO MONDAY FOR HIS VISA

I am just overcome with emotions right this minute and he just now called

omg thank you

thank you

there are no words now

Congratulations!

In my first marriage, my husband was 21 and I was 30. We loved each other, but my first husband was all about hanging out at the local pool hall (5 nights a week) and a pool tournement on the weekend. He just wanted to have the "young bachelor life." When we lived overseas, in India, this was never an issue, since there weren't pool halls to hang out in. I found out here.

We are divorced now. He's is older, wiser and admits he screwed up. We're friends.

Sexual peaks may be in the numbers...but domestic unhappiness can put a damper on any "peaking" going on.

No snooker/pool halls in India??? My ex started getting into that before we broke up(along with more smoking and the occasional beer which he would try to get me to buy for him... ) - there is a snooker hall in Boudha and when I went in with my ex there were some monks there.

Not in McLeod Ganj, Dharamsala in 1997. Not much going on in that town, other than hanging out in restuarants. But when I went to the backwoods on Yunnan, China (which is Tibetan in ethnicity) I saw snooker tables lining the streets.

In my first marriage, my husband was 21 and I was 30. We loved each other, but my first husband was all about hanging out at the local pool hall (5 nights a week) and a pool tournement on the weekend. He just wanted to have the "young bachelor life." When we lived overseas, in India, this was never an issue, since there weren't pool halls to hang out in. I found out here.

We are divorced now. He's is older, wiser and admits he screwed up. We're friends.

Sexual peaks may be in the numbers...but domestic unhappiness can put a damper on any "peaking" going on.

Dear Sandrila:

My husband also does not understand what "venting" is...I guess in his culture, people keep things bottled up. At least the men do...I think my husband does not have a clue about women. Women share their feelings with each other.

Dear Sandrila:

We all understand the depression caused by the seperation that you are both going through. The feeling is so painful and the worst is that you have no power over the circumstances. You are forced to stay here, work, be stable, just to be in a position to maintain the sponsorship. While every fiber of your being wants to run away to be with your loved one.

At what stage is your paperwork at??

Tina

Dear Zarqa:

Yes, high blood pressure can give cardiomyopathy of the heart. But if your son suffers from high blood pressure the first thing is teach him or take him to a place where he can learn biofeedback to control blood pressure naturally. Also control with diet. Then last is blood pressure medicine. But that is a last resort.

Tina

Dear Zarqa:

I can only imagine how you must be feeling now. My thoughts are with you and your son and that your son will be alright soon.

Tina

Please take care and know we all send our best wishes for everything to be alright.

Age does and does not matter.

I am 43, my husband is 39. There is not that great of a difference between us (I look much younger than my husband) and we are in the maturity level, mentally.

But, if you are talking about an 8 or 10 year difference, then expect some problems relating to having a mature attitude, especially if the man is the younger one in the relatiionship.