TBoneTX

Checkmate: Trump Sneaks Back Into White House, Invokes Squatter's Rights WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Donald Trump successfully had President Biden evicted from the White House Thursday after successfully sneaking back into the White House and invoking Squatters Rights. "Surprise!" Trump said as he jumped out of a secret passage, revealing he had been living in the walls for the last 30 days. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/checkmate-trump-sneaks-back-into-white-house-invokes-squatters-rights

Planet Fitness Adds 'Bigot Alarm' To Shame Women Who Don't Want Men In Their Locker Room HAMPTON, NH — Popular gym franchise Planet Fitness has announced plans to add a "Bigot Alarm" at all locations nationwide to alert members whenever there is a horrible transphobic woman who doesn't want men watching her change in the women's locker room. The addition, which will function similarly to the existing "Lunk Alarm," will notify the entire gym whenever someone comes across a woman who is uncomfortable with the idea of having men walking around naked and shaving their body hair in the locker room reserved for women. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/planet-fitness-adds-bigot-alarm-for-women-who-dont-want-men-in-their-locker-room

Dozens Injured At Capitol After Omnibus Bill Tips Over WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to reports, several members of Congress and staffers were injured at the Capitol after the new omnibus spending bill tipped over and fell on them. The congressional staffers were performing routine clerical tasks for the massive piece of legislation when it began to wobble. The subsequent crash, which was loud enough to be heard throughout Capitol Hill, resulted in three staff members and a handful of Congressmen being crushed and temporarily pinned underneath the mountain of pork spending documentation before help arrived. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/dozens-injured-at-capitol-after-omnibus-bill-tips-over

Comments? ~~~~~~~~~ Democrats Cannot Win a Fraud-Free Election Joe Biden, or whoever the Democrat nominee may be, cannot win the 2024 election fairly. While all mainstream networks focus on Trump's alleged negatives, these pale in comparison to those of Biden and his party. The neocon faction of the Republican Party has claimed this election will be a referendum on Trump. However, the real referendum will be on Joe Biden and the Democrat party as a whole. There have been a noteworthy number of "referendum" elections throughout history, where a nominee's fate was determined by their, or their party's, poor handling of a significant crisis. In fact, there has been one almost every decade since the 1960s. [...] https://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2024/03/democrats_cannot_win_a_fraudfree_election.html

Protests and Wheatpasting: 'Intifada' Planned for NYC [...] You should plan on getting your tickets now for "Palestine is Everywhere," which is slated for March 27-30 and sponsored by the group Within Our Lifetime. Actually, tickets probably aren't necessary since the event will take place across New York City. [...] https://pjmedia.com/lincolnbrown/2024/03/21/protests-and-wheatpasting-intifada-planned-for-nyc-n4927530

Indeed.

It has always bothered me when payees of any sort refuse to accept cash, which is indeed legal tender for all debts, public and private. Thoughts? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ National Park Service SUED Over Cashless Policy Lots of people have been sounding the alarm bells on a cashless society, and what it means for your ability to purchase basic goods and services. It's also federal law that U.S. currency is a valid form of payment for "all debts, public charges, taxes, and due". So when the National Park Service said it would no longer accept cash, some citizens sued. [...] https://twitchy.com/amy-curtis/2024/03/21/national-park-service-sued-over-refusal-to-take-cash-n2394199

Planet Fitness Gets the Bud Light Treatment: Loses $400 MILLION Following Trans Locker Room Brouhaha [...] After terminating the membership of a woman who reported a man in the women's locker room, Planet Fitness has taken a hit where it hurts: the wallet. [...] https://twitchy.com/amy-curtis/2024/03/21/planet-fitness-loses-and-400-mil-n2394208

Wow. To read. Wow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This Country Cannot Afford A Weak Supreme Court Decision On Internet Censorship It is obviously un-American for the government to develop a 'hit list' of citizens to mute in the public square through secret pressure on communications monopolies. [...] https://thefederalist.com/2024/03/21/this-country-cannot-afford-a-weak-supreme-court-decision-on-internet-censorship/

~~~~~~~~~~~~ Unfiled Paperwork to Blame for Over 200,000 Deportation Cases Tossed An academic group, Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse (TRAC), obtained some alarming data. In over 200,000 cases, Department of Homeland Security (DHS) failed to file the proper paperwork with immigration courts in Houston, Texas and Miami, Florida. The illegal aliens were issued a Notice to Appear (NTA) at the border, which creates a court date. However, DHS never filed the paperwork with the court. The asylum process can't move forward without filing the proper paperwork with the court. The court date rolls around and the asylum-seeker shows up. The judge doesn't have the paperwork so the case is dismissed. It is hard to believe but more than half of the deportation cases in Houston and Miami - both considered illegal immigration hotbeds - have been dismissed since fiscal year 2021. [...] https://hotair.com/karen-townsend/2024/03/21/unfiled-paperwork-to-blame-for-over-200000-deportation-cases-tossed-n3785113

When You Can't Get the Enviro Whackos in Maine to Bite on EVs, Your Green Grift's Got Big Problems [...] As with the eco-terrorists slopping paint on priceless art or gluing themselves and their Doc Martins to roadways to interrupt traffic, the activists knee-deep in the underhanded effort to mandate what Maine residents would be allowed to purchase and use for transportation - the Natural Resources Council of Maine - weren't as good at walking the EV walk as they were dictating the talk to everyone else. [...] https://hotair.com/tree-hugging-sister/2024/03/21/when-you-cant-get-the-enviro-whackos-in-maine-to-bite-on-evs-your-green-grifts-got-big-problems-n3785155

El Paso: Immigrants Push Past Guards and Rush the Border Fence Reporters for the NY Post were at the border in El Paso today when a group of between 100 and 300 people came across the border from Mexico and tore down some fencing before pushing past members of the Texas National Guard and rushing the border wall. [...] https://hotair.com/john-s-2/2024/03/21/el-paso-immigrants-push-past-guards-and-rush-the-border-fence-n3785182

If they were, it would take a greater number of terrorist activities (courtesy of Bidementia's got-aways) to paralyze the government than it would now.

Some criminals are more equal than others.

But it's Trump, so no.

They can play around with employment and college admission all they want, but not all kidneys are created equal.

The more Commie-libs who hit the showers, the better.

"My, what big tonsils you have, si man," said Little Red Riding Hood, she man. Find a clumsy dentist, hope that his tools slip, have the job done, and get paid for it via malpractice insurance, $ee and $i and whee D ma'am! You're supposed to have every condition under the sun, and you don't have poison ivy*, huh D ma'am?! Bad delinquent Ontarklar! Bad, BAD delinquent DELINQUENT Ontarklar! Do not rashly conclude that you have scarlet fever, no D ma'am. *And you're probably not pregnant, either, no man. Bad delinquent nonreproductive Ontarklar! Bad, BAD delinquent DELINQUENT nonreproductive NONREPRODUCTIVE Ontarklar!

P-math errors precised, si and see and D ma'am! See above, D ma'am!

Thrilling Wednesday-on-Thursday report, see belatedly man: Got Mini-B. to skool at o'dark-Many, Band sectional man. Dropped Mama T-B. at doctor, drop senior she man we man. She told us that it "would take about an hour" with the ear-doc and audiologist, si man. Trusting this, we breakfasted (!!?) at BK*, ingest we man. *WUOC, financially savvy we man We then ran an errand, si man. Our trip back would land us there right at an hour, timely we man. We drove all around building looking for parking, none man. We drove to the top of the adjacent garage, none man. We finally camped in a white-striped area, out of the way man. No word from Mama T-B. for half an hour extra, none man. No word for an hour extra, none man. Finally, we texted Mama T-B., who called us to say, "I'm ready, si man," si man. We retrieved Mama T-B., finally man. We asked why it had taken >2 hours and not just one as she'd said, inquire we man. Mama T-B. yelled, "I said that it would take about an hour with each, you idiot man!" man. This was Many hours of our life that we can't get back and should have spent zzz-ing, si man. Returned Mama T-B., then returned to casa, blown day man. Treated and lunched miu, mollify miu man. Tried to siesta, desperately need zzz we man. Started off well, propitious man. Then, miu split-earingly announced wish to play Feather-Rollers with Daddy, man. We ignored this but couldn't return to zzz, si and no man. Din-din was 2 Hungry Man "boneless chicken" frozen din-dins, ingest Two Guys man. Movie night was Many (2+1) Young Sheldon episodes, final season on Paramount+ man. Many (2+2+1) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. This makes Many (2x2x2 +1) so far for the week, almost official man. We hope to close up downstairs and return upstairs with miu staying asleep, never guaranteed man. No party with the rubias tonight, exhausted we man. Must take Uncle T-B. to doctor on Thursday, probably in severe storm man.

Uh, isn't this logically a home for, uh, box turtles, huh D ma'am?

Mexico Begins Constructing Wall To Keep Illegal Immigrants From Coming Back PIEDRAS NEGRAS — As the debate in the United States continued to rage over the ongoing migrant crisis along the southern border, Mexico announced plans to begin construction on a wall to keep illegal immigrants from coming back. The idea to build a wall along its northern border, which Mexican leaders said they came up with all by themselves, will prevent unvetted and unidentified migrants from entering the country, thereby making Mexico a safer, more secure nation. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/mexico-begins-constructing-wall-to-keep-illegal-immigrants-from-coming-back

AOC Says RICO Not A Crime, He's The Guy Who Delivers Her Food WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an impassioned speech during witness questioning, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez declared that RICO is not a crime, but in fact that DoorDash driver who delivers her orders from Panda Express. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/aoc-says-rico-not-a-crime-hes-the-guy-who-delivers-her-food

NYC Homeowner Arrested For Not Providing Squatters With WiFi Password NEW YORK, NY — Local authorities sprang into action to hold a miscreant accountable today as an NYC homeowner was arrested for not providing squatters with her WiFi password. The homeowner stubbornly refused to grant internet access to the group of people who had been living in her home illegally while she was on a business trip, prompting a swift reaction from law enforcement to bring her to justice. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/nyc-homeowner-arrested-for-not-providing-squatters-with-wifi-password

Tony Bobulinski Was THIS Close to Making AOC's Head Explode at House's Biden Corruption Hearing Today former Hunter Biden business associate Tony Bobulinski is testifying at a House hearing looking into all the corruption allegations about the president and his family, and if the power of Democrats running interference for Biden could be harnessed the nation's energy problems would be solved for centuries. Earlier we told you about Dem Rep. Jamie Raskin getting triggered after Bobulinski said he and Rep. Dan Goldman are liars (Tony certainly wasn't lying under oath with that comment). Next up was Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who asked Bobulinski to list the crimes he alleged Biden has committed, and then didn't want to hear the answers. [...] https://twitchy.com/dougp/2024/03/20/tony-bobulinski-is-this-close-to-making-aocs-head-explode-at-houses-biden-corruption-hearing-n2394180