TBoneTX

Strings of recent successes have validated the worth* of our jokes. *that is, if correlation = causation It's Sunday, so here now is our Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke: ===================================================== THIS IS WHY WE LOVE LAWYERS A Mafia Godfather learned that his bookkeeper had cheated him out of $10 million. His bookkeeper was deaf -- the reason that he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that he would hear nothing and would never be able to testify against the Godfather in court. When the Godfather confronted the bookkeeper about the missing $10 million, the bookkeeper called his lawyer, who knew sign language. The Godfather told the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer, using sign language, asked the bookkeeper where the money was. The bookkeeper signed back, "I don't know what you're talking about." The lawyer told the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulled out a pistol, put it to the bookkeeper's head, and said, "Ask him again. Say to him that if he doesn't tell me, I'll kill him!" The lawyer signed to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." The bookkeeper trembled and signed back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown suitcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house!" The Godfather asked the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replied, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"

Zing! ~~~~~~~ ‘Trump Is Scared To Debate!' Says Party Whose Last Candidate Had To Quit Politics After Debate WASHINGTON, DC — Democrats have boldly declared President Trump to be scared of debating, just a month after their last candidate was forced to quit politics forever after a debate with Trump. "After our candidate called off the second debate and quit the campaign entirely, now Donald Trump wants to negotiate a new debate with our new candidate. What a chicken!" said Democratic strategist Ben Marlow. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-is-scared-to-debate-says-party-whose-last-candidate-had-to-quit-politics-after-debate

Kamala Bravely Fields Hard-Hitting Questions From Reporters About Where She Got That Adorable Blouse WASHINGTON, DC — Vice President Kamala Harris stood strong under extraordinary pressure from the mainstream media in a recent press conference where she was peppered with hard-hitting questions such as "Ms. Harris, where did you get that adorable blouse?" [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/kamala-bravely-fields-hard-hitting-questions-from-reporters-about-where-she-got-that-adorable-blouse

This actually sounds feasible. What are your thoughts? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kamala Harris Just Handed Donald Trump a Golden Opportunity Regarding the Debates As RedState reported, Donald Trump challenged Kamala Harris to a debate on Fox News, and it didn't take long for her to scoff at the idea. That has now handed the former president a golden opportunity. The controversy at play centers on a previously scheduled debate on ABC News. That was unilaterally set up by Joe Biden back when he was in the race. Trump, recognizing his opponent's supreme weakness, accepted the lopsided terms when the dare to show up was made. With Biden having dropped out of the race, logic would dictate that debate agreement no longer exists. Harris doesn't agree, and with the help of the press, she's been caterwauling about how Trump is scared to show up to a debate she never negotiated. Just like the Democratic Party nomination, the vice president once again wants to have everything handed to her on a silver platter with no discussion involved. To this point, Trump has chosen to not play along. Should he, though? Because I think there's a chance here to upstage Harris in a way that leaves her completely flat-footed. [...] https://redstate.com/bonchie/2024/08/03/kamala-harris-just-handed-donald-trump-a-golden-opportunity-regarding-the-debates-n2177711

These people are shamelessly hypocritical. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Josh Shapiro Doesn't Want You To Know This About Him It seems inevitable that Gov. Josh Shapiro (D-Pa.) is going to be chosen as Kamala Harris's running mate. Assuming this is correct, the goal of selecting Shapiro is to put Pennsylvania back in play for the Democratic ticket—if not completely out of play for Donald Trump. But, Shapiro's Jewish heritage and pro-Israel positions are likely to cause a real problem with the far left. Shapiro is one of the only candidates that is outwardly auditioning to be Kamala's running mate, and sadly, he's already trying to memory-hole his support of Israel. [...] https://pjmedia.com/matt-margolis/2024/08/03/josh-shapiro-doesnt-want-you-to-know-this-about-himself-n4931311

San Francisco Begins Offering Bus Tickets Out of Town to Homeless People San Francisco Mayor London Breed is having city workers and police who are conducting sweeps to get the homeless out of their tent encampments offer bus tickets out of town instead of a shelter bed. It's just the latest signal from Breed that times have changed in San Francisco and a real attempt is being made to address the crisis of homelessness. [...] https://pjmedia.com/rick-moran/2024/08/03/san-francisco-begins-offering-bus-tickets-out-of-town-to-homeless-people-n4931322

Not saying that this happened, but sometimes people and organizations are so dumb that they can't find either butt-cheek with both hands plus outside help.

Thrilling Saturday non-GS/ES report, see man: Called Uncle T-B., who sounded semi-alert and claimed to have taken his a.m. pills, si man. Breakfast was a banana, ingest and good thing we did we man. Embarked on GS/ES-ing, different route than usual for purpose below man. At midpoint, brought Mini-B.'s stuff to children's resale place, large and mobbed on Saturday man. Had to wait nearly an hour for them to review our stuff, time to reminisce about kids growing up man. They took more than half and gave us $Many ($2x2x2x2), $ucce$$ful Bu$ine$$ Typhoon we man. That location certainly is a different operation than our usual place, franchises man. We envision one more visit, and then all of Mini-B.'s kid clothes will be gone, not-so-wee-man wee man man. Returned to casa and demanding miu at Many (2+1) p.m., return we man. Serviced demanding miu, Treat And Lunch Me NOW Daddy man. Had under half an hour to bag donation stuff and get it there, today's rejects + guest-room finds man. Hastened to do so, race we man. Sped like an illegitimate male child to favorite small thrift shop, always donate there we man. Made it by 2 minutes, relieved we man. Store was open half an hour longer than donation bay, visit we man. It had been $1 Clothing Day for back-to-skool, nothing good left for Mini-B. man. Retrieved our Rx from pharmacy directly on way back to casa, highly convenient man. Returned to casa and sociable miu, highly interactive miu man. Lunch/din-din (at Many [2+2] p.m.) was Tuna Glop, ravenously ingest and diet we man. We should then have showered and siesta'd, normal procession of events man. Did not want to waste a shower, so mowed front lawn, mow we man. Showered, recovered, then called Uncle T-B. to ensure taking of evening pills, si man. Uncle T-B. sounded alert but needing encouragement, give same we man to senior he man man. Mama T-B. then called, half-hour phone caucus man. We still have an item or two to take to ex-Mrs.-T-B.'s casa, part of guest-room cleaning man. We texted ex-she man to see if we could throw some groceries in her casa, too, man. Finally decided on minimal siesta at Many (2x2x2) p.m., exhausted we man. Miu was already dozing on our bed, different from usual miu-zzz place man. We were able to get in without miu off-jumping, only Many'rd time in Many (2+2+1) years man. We charged cell phone at bedside, in desperate need thereof man. After coughing from mow-lawning, we nearly off-dozed, needed zzz we man. Multiple text dings came in, hallmark of ex-Mrs.-T-B. man. We ignored these and tried to resume dozing, si man. Miu then began flicking us with her tail, occupational hazard of share-bedding with mius man. Infernal alarm soon rang, failed zzz for we man man. We read texts from ex-she man man. Just Many (2x2x2) items, man. ==> Were Mini-B. not staying with ex-she man this week, we'd have said, "Call the Rojo, si man," si man. We strongly desire chocolate but are snacking on baby carrots, What's Up Doc man. We are within reasonable view of our weight goal, achievable if we are Many00% assiduous man. We want to surprise Mini-B. and especially ex-Mrs.-T-B., si and ha ha man. We could itinerary a few quasi-nearby Sunday ESs but had better clean the casa, conclude we man. Saturday's GS/ES-ing was nicely satisfactory, conclude we man. No party with the rubias tonight, overdone we man. And that was/is our thrilling Saturday, report we man.

Saturday GS/ES report, see man: We indeed attended all, truthful trustworthy we man. One GS was phantom, part of a cluster so not as big a deal as usual but still we man. One GS and Many (2+2) of the ESs yielded the take, see man: -- semicircular indoor/outdoor floor mat = $Many-&-a-half ($[2+2+1] + half a buck), deal man -- NIP facemasks in case Mini-B. remains squirrelly = $2, OK man -- bag of plastic travel containers, bag chocolate/peanut candy = half a buck, steal man -- half-bottle lemon shampoo, new Many-ring binder = $2, deal man -- nearly full pump-bottle Nexus dandruff shampoo, NIP disposable Bic razors, Virgin Islands key ring = $2, steal man Total = $Many ($2x2x2 +2+2)

Indolent Bro G. man! Indolent, INDOLENT Bro G. man! "For a century after his death, Spinoza's name was anathema, si man. And the accounts of his tribulations taxed the lexicon of vituperation, si man," duh and man.

Welcome to the forums! Your thread is being moved from Off Topic to the Philippines regional forum, for country-specific advice.

This question is asked quite often. Four hours is recommended. This accounts for mechanical or crew issues, weather, diversions, understaffing at POE, and more.

Woman Who Lost To Male Boxer Says Everything's Fine, She Just Fell Down Some Stairs PARIS — Italian woman Angela Carini tearfully assured reporters yesterday that "everything is fine, except that I fell down some stairs" while responding to questions on her recent loss to male boxer Imane Khelif in the Olympics. Carini went out of her way to assure reporters that absolutely everything was fine and dandy as cameras snapped photos of her bruised face, which was still bleeding from Khelif's crushing male blows. https://babylonbee.com/news/woman-who-lost-to-male-boxer-says-everythings-fine-she-just-fell-down-some-stairs

White House Assures Journalists They Only Have To Pretend Kamala Is Likable For A Couple More Months [...] "Don't worry, you don't have to do this forever," one White House insider told reporters. "We just have to make people think she's a bright, likable person until they cast their votes… or until we cast their votes for them, am I right? But for real though, once the election is over, you can stop trying so hard." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-assures-journalists-they-only-have-to-pretend-kamala-is-likable-for-a-couple-more-months

Story already posted in master Illegals thread...

This should have been detected, and anticipated, long before. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHOCKER: Biden/Harris Illegal Immigrant Flight Program Paused After Report Finds 'Significant' Fraud Since October 2022 hundreds of thousands of migrants from four countries have flown directly into the United States, receiving a work permit and a two-year authorization to stay in the United States legally via a controversial parole program set up by President Joe Biden. That program, known as the CHNV (Cuba, Haiti, Nicaragua, Venezuela) Parole program, has now been paused by DHS after an internal report found large amounts of fraud in sponsor applications. Fraud? Color us shocked. https://redstate.com/jenvanlaar/2024/08/02/shocker-controversial-migrant-parole-program-paused-after-report-finds-significant-fraud-n2177667

Who receives or recoups these funds?

Someone jumped Kommie's gun! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BREAKING: Kamala Harris VP Pick Leaked by Incompetent Philly City Staffer Kamala Harris' vice presidential pick was leaked on Friday due to an incompetent staffer not understanding how to schedule posts on social media. In a move that will no doubt rankle the Harris campaign, a video promoting Josh Shapiro as the choice was pushed out by the X account owned by Philadelphia Mayor Cherelle Parker. It was immediately apparent that the post was meant to be scheduled for early next week when Harris is set to join Parker and others in the city to officially announce the VP pick. [...] https://redstate.com/bonchie/2024/08/02/breaking-kamala-harris-vp-pick-leaked-by-incompetent-staffer-n2177679

This, and Bidementia, is just plain sick. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NEW: Angry and 'Emotional' Joe Biden Demands Israel Surrender to Hamas, Pledges to Pull American Support Joe Biden had a "tough" call with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Thursday in which the American president demanded Israel surrender to Hamas "within a week or two." He also pledged to pull support from Israel if there is any further "escalation." According to a new report, Biden was "emotional" and began yelling as he insisted that Netanyahu somehow secure a ceasefire with a terrorist government that keeps rejecting every ceasefire proposal. [...] https://redstate.com/bonchie/2024/08/02/new-angry-and-yelling-joe-biden-demanded-israel-surrender-to-hamas-threatened-to-pull-american-support-n2177678

Now We Know Exactly How Israel Assassinated Hamas Chief, and I'm Laughing Inappropriately [...] Wednesday morning it was my happy duty to report on the assassination of Hamas political chief Ismail Haniyeh in Tehran, Iran, the night before. "My first thought was that a Mossad assassination team had snuck in, done some dirty work that needed doing, and then snuck back out," is what my gut assured me had happened. But then reports came in that Haniyeh had been killed in a precision airstrike. But no. "Never trust first reports." I'm going to write that on a blackboard 100 times later today — and not for the first time, either. [...] https://pjmedia.com/vodkapundit/2024/08/01/now-we-know-exactly-how-israel-assassinated-hamas-chief-and-im-laughing-inappropriately-n4931247

Exclusive: Israeli Emergency Responder Describes Realities of Israel at War A paramedic who works for Israel's emergency medical response service Magen David Adom described the tragedies and horrors of a nation at war with vicious jihadis. Both the Jewish inhabitants of Israel and its other ethnic and religious groups -- including Muslims and Christians, Bedouins and Druze -- are in constant danger of death amidst the ongoing war triggered by Hamas's heinous Oct. 7 attacks. Aryeh Myers, who is a paramedic and international relations lead for Magen David Adom (MDA), talked about the terrorist rocket attack that tragically killed twelve Druze children in northern Israel, and how Hamas and Hezbollah terrorists specifically target civilians and medical response personnel, in an exclusive interview with PJ Media. [...] https://pjmedia.com/catherinesalgado/2024/08/01/exclusive-israeli-emergency-responder-describes-realities-of-israel-at-war-n4931263

Rabbi Arrested by Irish Authorities Facing Prison Time for Performing a Circumcision Without a License A British rabbi who regularly circumcises male infants in accordance with Jewish religious custom was arrested in Ireland for illegally performing the surgical procedure without a license. Jonathan Abraham, who is based in London, was arrested in Dublin on July 30 for carrying out the operation without being officially registered as a medical practitioner. The rabbi was charged with violating Ireland's 2007 Medical Practitioners Act and could face up to five years in prison and a maximum fine of $140,000. [...] https://pjmedia.com/bryan-s-jung/2024/08/02/rabbi-facing-jail-time-by-irish-authorities-for-performing-a-circumcision-without-a-license-n4931275

It's Kommie. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kamala Harris Grabs Enough Biden Delegates to Clinch Democrat Presidential Nomination Vice-President Kamala Harris has now taken enough of President Joe Biden's delegates to clinch the Democrat nomination for president next week. Despite grabbing all of Biden's delegates and never winning a primary, Harris is now at the top of the ticket, after party insiders removed her boss from the race for president. According to Democratic National Convention Chair Jaime Harrison, Harris was able to acquire the minimum 2,350 votes needed, after a 9 a.m. virtual roll call began on August 2. [...] https://pjmedia.com/bryan-s-jung/2024/08/02/kamala-steals-enough-biden-delegates-to-take-nomination-next-week-n4931309

Five of Sinwar's greatest allies eliminated in attack on Gaza terror tunnel - report Approximately 10 days ago, several senior Hamas members, including Ruhi Mushtaha, a close associate of Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar, were reportedly killed, according to a report in the Saudi newspaper Al-Sharq Al-Awsat. In addition to Mushtaha, Bassam Al-Saraj and three other high-ranking members of Hamas's military wing, including intelligence chief Abed Al-Hadi Siam of the Gaza Brigade, were also eliminated. [...] https://www.jpost.com/israel-hamas-war/article-813059

We need more VJ threads like this.