TBoneTX

Biden Calls Trump To Concede The Election U.S. — With the voting results now pointing towards a seemingly inevitable Trump victory, President Biden has graciously called to concede the election. "I gave it my all. I fought to the bitter end," said President Biden. "You've got to admit when you're beaten, and man do I love chocolate chips beaten into my ice cream. Whoa, baby." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-calls-trump-to-concede

Joy Reid Explodes Live On Air U.S. — Joy Reid is dead at the age of 55. The MSNBC anchor, host of The ReidOut, exploded live on-air shortly after reporting on Trump's stellar performance in the 2024 presidential election. "I don't understand — what is happening? HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?" Reid said just before her head exploded. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/joy-reid-explodes-live-on-air

Election Officials Assure Everybody Things Are Looking Good And You Can Go To Sleep And They'll Take Care Of The Rest Of The Counting Overnight [...] "We thank you for your interest in our democratic processes, but you can all go to sleep now," said Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson. "We have everything under control. You should also have a stiff drink or maybe a strong sedative so you can sleep restfully until we can finish doing all the things we need to do to save democracy and stuff. We'll take it from here." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/election-officials-assure-everybody-things-are-looking-good-and-you-can-go-to-sleep-and-theyll-take-care-of-the-rest-of-the-counting-overnight

Experts Confirm That Constantly Refreshing Election Map Will Increase Probability Your Side Wins U.S. — According to several election experts, parking in front of a computer on election night to constantly refresh the election map is one of the best ways to ensure your preferred candidate wins the election. "This is great news," said local election enthusiast Mortimer Smith. "I've been on CNN's website all night clicking 'refresh' on the election map so I don't miss a single change in the results, and it's [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/experts-confirm-that-constantly-refreshing-election-map-will-help-your-side-win

Report: Kamala Already Switching to Box Wine U.S. — With the polls closed for over an hour now and the tension escalating, Vice President Kamala Harris decided it was time to go ahead and switch to box wine. "I don't know about Georgia, but my ol' pal Franzia is going for Kamala," said Harris, tapping the box. "Hoo-boy, how long have the polls been closed, an hour and a half? Let's float this puppy." According to sources, the Harris campaign has commandeered hundreds of high-dollar wine bottles in preparation for the evening, but Harris has insisted on the three-dollar cabernet. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/report-kamala-already-switching-to-box-wine

STOLEN VALOR: Man Wears 'I Voted' Sticker He Bought on Amazon ROCKFORD, MI — Several sources have come forward to accuse local man Bryce Harrison of stolen valor after the 54-year-old appeared in public wearing an "I Voted" sticker that he had purchased on Amazon. According to allegations, Harrison is wearing the badge of an upright citizen despite the fact that the uncivic loser has not been within 3 miles of a voting booth this entire election season and used his absentee mail-in ballot to light a fire in his livingroom fireplace a few weeks ago. "It's like, bro, there are [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/stolen-valor-man-wears-i-voted-sticker-he-bought-on-amazon

Amish Man Falls Through Trap Door Directly To Hell After Using Electronic Voting Machine LANCASTER COUNTY, PA — Tragedy struck a local voting precinct today, as an Amish man reportedly fell through a trap door directly to Hell after using an electronic voting machine. Witnesses said that the man, 44-year-old Jedidiah Miller, was excited to vote for the first time in his life but abruptly disappeared from their sight when a hidden trap door suddenly opened under his feet immediately after he touched the button on the machine's touchscreen. "He jist stepped into the votin' booth, an' then — whoosh — he were gone," said Jedidiah's brother Amos Miller. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/amish-man-falls-through-trap-door-directly-to-hell-after-using-electronic-voting-machine

Election Officials Unveil Special New Ballot Box For Libertarians U.S. — Just in time for Election Day, officials unveiled a brand-new ballot box for Libertarians to use which, they say, will improve the efficiency of the counting process. "These new ballot boxes will expedite all votes for libertarian candidates, moving them straight to the garbage dump where they belong so they don't slow down the voting process," said Director of the Election Assistance Committee Jennifer Counter. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/election-officials-unveil-special-new-ballot-box-for-libertarians

Glorious opinion. Comments? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We Won and We Need to Act Like It Breathe deeply and savor the musky scent of broken leftist dreams. Mmmmmmm. Smells like freedom! Now, we must get busy pummeling our enemies. Some silly people will say that you shouldn't kick an opponent when he's down. That's actually the best time to kick him. This is no time to go wobbly. We beat the left decisively and completely. Their humiliation is complete. They thought they had us at their feet and at their mercy. They thought they could throw our avatar in jail and thereby disenfranchise and silence us. They thought they were going to be in power forever and rule over us as if we were serfs and they were feudal lords, except feudal lords were actually kind of butch and had swords and stuff and didn't go around crying because someone used the wrong pronoun to describe them. That America dodged a bullet is beyond debate. Ironically, [...] https://townhall.com/columnists/kurtschlichter/2024/11/07/we-won-and-we-need-to-act-like-it-n2647394

2024's Biggest Loser Is The Corporate Media Industrial Complex In the early hours of Wednesday morning, legacy news networks were already sliding toward 2016 levels of melting down about the increasingly definite prospect of a presidential victory by Donald J. Trump. For them, Harris' stinging defeat is personal — because it's just as much a defeat for them as it is for her. The corporate media industrial complex has spent Donald Trump's entire political career trying to destroy him. Hand-in-hand with triple-letter government agencies and Democrats, they ran a hoax painting Trump as a Russian stooge based on ridiculous rumors commissioned by his opponent's campaign in 2016. They continued to spread the lie for the duration of his presidency, awarding each other Pulitzers for it. And they've only ramped up their efforts since then. The problem they're reckoning with tonight is this: those efforts didn't work. They're no longer able to control Americans by controlling their information intake, because [...] https://thefederalist.com/2024/11/06/2024s-biggest-loser-is-the-corporate-media-industrial-complex/

Jonathan Turley. Sounds reasonable, huh? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' Donald Trump just won the greatest jury verdict in American history Nearly two years ago, I wrote that Democratic prosecutors' lawfare campaign against Donald Trump would make the 2024 election the single largest jury decision in history. Now that the verdict is in, the question is whether prosecutors will continue their unrelenting campaign against the president-elect and his companies. The answer is [...] https://thehill.com/opinion/campaign/4976533-trump-prosecutions-lawfare-end/

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/487866572116321894/

She did cackle during her concession.

Jack Smith is toast, and he knows it. We know it. We also know the sole reason why his suits were filed in the first place. We saw through it. Take a long walk off a short pier, Jackie boy.

I'm really surprised at the lack of violence. Maybe the news networks (I watched ABC) were mainly reporting facts, not their opinions. I was amazed at how objective the ABC talker-panels were during the night.

Wednesday means it's time for our hilarious, ultra-helpful Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER While a man was dying, his wife was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying woke him from his slumber. He looked up, and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "I have something that I must confess," he said in a tired voice. "There isn't anything to confess," replied his weeping wife. "Everything's OK. Go to sleep." The man blurted out, "No, no -- I must die in peace. I... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," whispered his wife. "That's why I poisoned you."

Thrilling Wednesday report, see man: Mini-B. & we were groggy (we man more than wee man) after staying up for election poop, need zzz Two Guys man. We attended funeral of cousinette's husband, deceased he man. Their casa burned down (bad wiring) with him in it, and he succumbed to lung issues thereafter, sigh man. Casa was already a tear-down and he was about to lose limbs from diabetes, perhaps God had reasons man. Service was very nice, classy man. We visited Papa T-B. in the cemetery, very proximal man. Cousinette lost everything in the fire, including wardrobe, sigh man. We plan to take her on a shopping spree to favorite large thrift store, when she's ready man. Lunch was 2 turkey-&-cheese sandwiches, ingest we man. A siesta was somehow taken amidst the chaos, somehow zzz we man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. couldn't find Mini-B.'s Band uniform pants, yet more drama man. These were eventually located, look in the closet why don't you man. This was non-Two Guys eve, no time to invite the rubias man. Din-din was Tuna Glop, ingest we man. Had productive interactions with 2 of Mini-B.'s teechurs, mutual concern man. We wish that we'd had his Non-P-Math teechur when we were Mini-B.'s age, wish we man. English teechur digs our pure-haiku correspondence, know how to relate to these types we man. On Thursday, must arise at o'dark-Many to get Mini-B. to Band sectional, man. Then must pick up supermarket item for Mama T-B., obligated we man. Then must take Mama T-B. to dentist, take senior she man we man man. Then will almost certainly need a major siesta, almost certain we man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort we man. And that was/is our thrilling Wednesday, report we man.

Uncle T-B.'s health personnel are one step below this, si and sigh Y ma'am. Either they don't show up, or there's a new "permanent" one every week, man. We hope that Papa Y remains in as few pieces as possible, si Y ma'am.

This is a self-help forum. People contribute as they can.

Another participant's posts. Your question is fine.

Thank God.

Thrilling Tuesday report, see man: Got Mini-B. to skool barely on time consequent to monsooning, bad traffic man. Spent most of time on phone correcting irritating items of life and money, grrr man. Then Uncle T-B. called with a medical issue, man. Had to get through to impossible-to-reach doctor, man. Lunch was a wolfed banana on its last legs, ingest hastily we man. Took Mama T-B. to doctor, routine man. Then blew off an impossible-to-keep appointment in favor of a brief siesta, zzz we man. Din-din was Costco pre-cooked bacon & scalloped potatoes, ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. late on 2 skool assignments, man. He managed to drag through one with our help, we man. Up nearly 2 hours past bedtime, delinquently embedded wee man man. Election results (in P-Math), see man: D. Trump: Many,000,000 K. Harris: Many,000,000 It will be a long night of counting, oj tak! No party with the rubias tonight, no man. Funeral to attend on Wednesday, be present we man. And that was/is our thrilling Tuesday, report we man.

Cautious optimism at 11:30p Central. Texas came out fine. Swing states... swing states...

Needling! Reported!!!

The good news is that it's "mostly peaceful." We really gotta hand it to them... Good for you!!!