Dr. A ♥ O

The argument that seems to be made by the US is it is too complicated to get involved other than through humanitarian efforts. One one cheek they don't want to look hypocritical for intervening in Libya when Ghadafi threatened genocide against his people that wanted freedom. On the other cheek Assad is the US's man but somehow Russia and China stepping in made him on the other side of history for the US. They did want him in there to maintain stability but they don't want to risk being on the wrong side of a democratic revolution. But what they see is that revolution is so weak with its divisions in pieces. While some Syrian people are calling for freedom it isn't necessarily the freedom of a democratic society that they are calling for. It is for control of their country but different fractions of the country are fighting for the control instead of uniting in one cohesive movement. Some of those fractions don't want democracy they just want power to run it the way they want to. We may never see them unite. Without the West actually coming out and saying it, it may be in the Wests best interest to let this internal conflict play out while trying to provide humanitarian aid to refugees and civilians trapped inside the country that aren't part of the fighting.
It's atrocious but it is not a policy that hasn't been taken before in regards to other situations such as in the recent conflict in the Ivory Coast or Ughanda. The difference is the location and regional interests. The US is heavily invested in the MENA region with a prior war in Iraq and a current war in Afghanistan. Many of it's allied countries surround Syria. The conflict seems contained within the country in localized regions. Now if the conflict started spilling over the borders particularly in key countries we may see a swift shift. However, with Russia in there currently we may wait until they're out. Then again we may not.

don't blame me for any cravings.

Happy St Patrick's Day to everyone! Beautiful day in Tucson...

Thank you everyone Specially ( Peace in the middle East ) for your concern it means a lot to me . i`m really confused need for a specific opinion

It's a multi-cultral marriage thing.
In our case prior to him arriving here we agreed to have children and raise them Muslim even through I am not a Muslim. Then he got here and started going to the local Islamic center and seeing other multi-cultral marriages and how "the second generation" was growing up here. This changed his whole attitude about having children. He saw that some of them rarely went to visit the MENA parents home country and rarely spoke Arabic. This really bothered him. He then announced to me that we would not be having children because he didn't want to raise an "American teenager". That the only way we could have children is if we moved back to Egypt. With his career path as a doctor here it will be several years before we could do that and it would take me out of child rearing age. No matter what I couldn't and haven't convinced him otherwise. Even if I converted and learned the language. I have started learning to read and write and speak the language but I don't think I'll ever convert. I wasn't raised in organized religion and that is as natural to me as it is for him to go to jummah prayers.
This kind of thing wasn't expected nor foreseen by either of us after years of discussing it and having a mutual understanding. It was heartbreaking to me and almost a deal breaker for us. I cried many tears over it. We went through a very difficult period during this time. Eventually I came to acceptance because we loved each other. I also felt he's only been here two years. I've read it can take up to as much as five years for them to adjust. This still gives us time and gives me hope. Plus right now we're not in any sort of financial position to raise children. So much goes into his studying and taking the medical exams and then his training during residency here that it may be several years before we're in a good position together to care for children. So we have time but that window is rapidly closing. I've accepted children may not be in the plan for us and started looking at what else life may have to offer with the extra disposable income. I've also accepted we'll eventually retire to live in Egypt so I'm very keen on watching and reading their news and learning what is developing there.
Life can change though. There is a lot of time between then and now.

Today I learned that there are wolves in Egypt. They used to live in the sugar cane fields because it provided protection from natural predators. It was common to hear their howling and to sometimes have them cross the farmers path while out walking. The farmers and wolves left each other alone and lived in peace. Then in the 90's the radicals used the sugar cane fields as hiding places for when the police came to search for them. The radicals would set up traps for the wolves in the sugar cane fields and they became a natural predator of the wolves because they'd kill them when they caught them. So the wolves moved to the desert to get away from the danger. Searching the sugar cane fields was a nightmare scenario for the police so they began a campaign to cut down the sugar cane fields. This changed the agriculture in the region because farmers didn't want to grow sugar cane anymore because of the headache it was bringing them. After the fields were cut down the radicals followed the wolves and moved to the mountains of the desert. The part about the wolves ends here in the story and focuses on the radicals. In the villages it became a thing where the tough men in the mountains would come down and steal a cow or some livestock for food. They had a code of honor and wouldn't steal from the poor but if someone wanted to get their livestock back then it became known as a test of manhood for the villagers to make the journey up into the mountains and face the radicals. Usually they had to pay a bribe to get their livestock back and sometimes they were recruited for their bravery. The story goes on to discuss the tribes of upper Egypt and how they have their own system and laws and the way that it worked for them. For example you would never hear of a story where police are beating someone there like with what happened in Alexandria, because they their own tribal system that would take care of things. The police know the tribesmen would not care about the laws or anything else and would go after the police themselves and take care of them the tribal way too.

The plane tickets for multiple trips cost more than everything.

pretty much sums up my thoughts about politics. the more things "change" the more they stay the same.

I just got off the phone with Tuan (TcTTct). His fiancee called Thu and spoke with her. I was told that the doctor said if Thu had shown up to the hospital even 1 day later or something like that, she may have died
Thu did not answer my phone calls because she was afraid I would panic or get angry. My God we dodged a bullet here. My older brother was killed in a car crash 13 years ago and I would not be able to handle losing my Thu. I am so relieved.
I want to thank Tuan for coming to my rescue. You will be a dear friend of mine forever

My wife came here from a VERY different culture. One run by a dictator. Brought up under a soviet era mindset. She hardly spoke English. Everything here was different, and I mean everything. It took her almost two months to just unpack her suitcase. She never had a car. Still cannot master driving. She had a decent job as an accountant. Now she cannot even find a job as a clerk in a grocery store. It has not been easy. The best thing for her was we live within walking distance from the beach, which she loves. A town with an actual main street where you can find most anything, and of course, a big city, New York, about an hour away by train/car. She has been here almost 2 years and has adjusted fairly well, all things considered. The main thing is that we love each other.
My job is closing down and now we NEED to re-locate because this area is just too expensive, So we are looking at Florida. A huge move for both of us. We spoke about this and her reply was 1. as long as I am with you and 2. can we please be near an ocean. My whole point here, finally, is that sometimes life takes you into strange directions. And the journey can be as exciting and interesting as you want to make it. Moving a few hours away from his family is nothing. And you husband needs to overcome his fear of a transition, just as you did. But for him it should be cake. You traveled half way around the world.
I have one brother in Seattle and another in Denver, but mom is in New York. That is what phones are for. And the occasional trip. Maybe the two of you can take a week and visit the Seattle area. Ask a real estate agent to show you some places to live, as if you were actually moving. Drive around a bit. It may just turn out to be the best thing for both of you.

This is actually a plus point of moving to a new place together.
You'd both get to make friends and both get to decide what your life looks like.
My husband and I met in Scotland and then came here together and moved to a new state. I can't imagine trying to fit into his life here...rather than making our own life together, I think that'd be difficult. Can you suggest something less intimidating...like trying a year in Seattle?
Also, you mentioned you don't have a degree. Can you start one? Or even start some classes? There are a lot of really great programs for funding education here. And perhaps you'd feel more committed if you were working toward something big, rather than just working a job you don't enjoy.
Best of luck. I've been here almost 2 years and it is tough. It takes time to make good friends.
Helen

If you are used to a city you may never like living in an isolated small town and I think 2 years is about the point when you know whether you like living someplace or not. Seattle sounds like it would be a good compromise - close to his family but still offers some of the diversity that you say you want. You've already said you like it when you visit there. Talk to your husband again and maybe say you're going to start your job search by looking at what's available in Seattle.
I hope you are able to find a happy medium where you aren't the only one making compromises. If you don't like where you live it can really affect your mood and outlook. Best of luck.
edit:
When my husband and I moved to the US we started in my homestate. I told my husband if he didn't like it we could look at other places in the US but to at least give it 2 years. He did that and thankfully he has ended up appreciating and liking where we settled. We both grew up in cities and live in a city now and I'm sure that has made a difference.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this! its so hard to make such a big life change. Too bad you can't move to Canada (west coast) we've got lots of all of the above people you mentioned! lol! In all seriousness, I hope you can convince him to at least move to a different city where you'll BOTH be new so that you don't feel so alone in your struggle to find your place. Good luck to you! I hope life turns for the better soon.

That's what I'm thinking, and Seattle is so diverse as well that finding some other Commonwealth people to hang with probably wouldn't be hard at all. I guess we could rent out our house and try finding something in Seattle, or just outside of it. Maybe that would make him finally understand what it's like to move somewhere where you have no roots, in a safe and familiar American environment lol. Then we could be in it together, rather than one person having an advantage over the other, and I could get my fix of big city excitement that I've been craving!

I've been here five and a half years now, and I feel pretty much exactly the same you do, but thankfully my husband was willing (quite eager, in fact) to relocate to a bigger city that would help me cope (we're moving this spring, yay!), and he fully understands that sometimes, yes I DO in fact need to spend $1000 on Norwegian food online, thank you very much, and doesn't complain about it. Once I asked him if he'd be willing to move to a different state for me, and while it's certainly not ideal (I quite like his family, and like you, moving would mean that we'd both be starting from scratch), he said pretty much exactly what was posted above: I was willing to move across the globe for him, if necessary he'd certainly manage a cross-country move.
Your mother-in-law is not part of your marriage, so take her out of the equation right away. I've faced a fair amount of pressure from my own family to move back home, but honestly, every time my mom brings it up, it makes me want to tell her we're never coming home, period, because it annoys me so much that she thinks she has any say in what's best for us - me and my husband - and our family.
For us, our main motivation for staying here in the US is largely financial (minor reasons include my seasonal depression, which gets tough during Norwegian winters, language, etc), because we want to provide for our son, and going to Norway means my husband would likely be stuck flipping burgers (or the equivalent thereof) for quite a few years. I would pretty much trample puppies if it meant we could move to Norway - but for the time being, staying here is far more advantageous for us, financially and otherwise. If financial prospects in Norway change for my husband, we're reconsidering. Has he visited NZ with you before? I'm curious as to his reasons for being so reluctant to move there.

Seattle would also offer more opportunities than where you currently are, and it would probably be easier to find a work environment you are happy with.
Your husband's point is a valid one, but you aren't moving halfway around the world - just a few hours away.

Maybe not NZ, but what about moving to another place in the USA? It's a big and diverse country! Maybe you'll be more comfortable on the West coast, with a more relaxed vibe and more job opportunities in a big city?
You moved to a different continent to be with your husband, I think he could consider moving States to help you adjust!

I am thrown by the title...instead of saying 'husband', he's the 'Turkish man'.
Either way, try not to stress about it...that has a way of hindering the process. Good luck.

This feeling of anxiousness won't help the process either. You need to relax and just let it happen. So many couples find after just living their lives and not thinking about it it just happens.
I'm not sure what you mean by "second try". If you mean months that's too soon to be panicking. if you mean IVF that means you've seen a doc about your fertility. If you haven't seen a doc you could both go to get tested so you know for sure whether anything is wrong and what you can do, if anything, to help it along.

I approve of this thread.

Thank God for his safety! and sorry about the denied expedite. seems like a very valid reason to me.
By the way, my husband laughed at me and said his aunt is NOT in syria.....she is in Libya and she is safe. Guess I had better study my countries better!!

My husband lives in Lattakia, Syria. It seems ok where he is. All of his family is in the same town. I have requested expedites based on the tragedy, but was denied. He can't and won't talk about anything going on there, but I know he is safe. I was there in September, and Lattakia is safe.

Happy Friday everyone! Wish we had some exciting plans for the weekend. Wael is knee deep in studying. He's begins
spring break Monday, but will study for his CFA level 1 exam that will be administered in June. Always in the books!!
Wishing everyone a great day and a wonderful weekend!

No special weekend plans~ I work midnight shift on Sat/Sun so I will either be working, sleeping or thinking about sleeping Finally got over a week of bronchitis/flu...dang that sucked! I had the flu shot for the last 5 years and never a sniffle. The first year I miss it and BAM I had to miss a week of work and I barely got off the couch. I have 3 prescriptions, and antibiotic, an inhaler and a cough syrup with codeine (now that was good stuff there!)
My daughter had surgery on Feb 28th and will have another on March 30. I hope after this one she willl be back to good health. It's so hard to see your child suffer and in pain.
Well I should get off the computer and get to the gym. I am in training for my first 5k this year (it's on my bucket list and my bucket isn't getting any younger..lol) Hope ya'll have a great weekend !
Jax

There are other considerations such as their education level and what kind of work they do. If they have enough working in that area then they exempt them from service. The only time I know of that they exempt an Egyptian national for being married to a foreigner is when the foreigner works for their government (as in not Egypt's government but their own country such as the US) and has some pull. I've only known one case like this. Otherwise the Egyptian military doesn't think that the marriage is a threat to their national security. They will however punish the Egyptian national during their mandatory service if they know that they are married to a foreigner. I won't go into detail about what they did to some of our husbands but my advice to others is I wouldn't divulge that information voluntarily once you're inside their system.