MeAlone

2 minutes ago, bakphx1 said:

I have a hard time with women who fall in love with men in Ghana and Nigeria without having met, likewise men who fall in love with Filipina women over the internet.  And then they are in a mad rush to get married.  The populations as a whole are not the issue, but marriage fraud is big businesses in those countries. The likelihood that person who knows all the right things to say has been coached or has scripts. 

 

I also question why anyone "shops" for a spouse in other countries. One thing for a relationship to begin as you get to know each other, but quite another to decide to look for the love of your life by grabbing a map. 

 

Tell someone that the Mr. \Ms. Right they never met could bring heartache and they get mad and don't want to hear it. 

We all human and not only women, men also fall in love online with people from Ghana, Nigeria, Philippines, etc. Some say in those 3 countries charms, voodoo, juju, potions are heavy used on westerns. Running to marry, it's not good, to me even to start accepting my ex took 6 months and we already met twice. But again, quick marriage or taking time to know each other it's not the way to success.

Some Americans yes, shop for a spouse, mostly men who are not seen by American women as a marriage material. American women mostly have different stories and mostly not shopping. Any nice American woman has men locally, for a woman is not difficult to find one if she wants. Foreign fiance happens to a woman for different reasons.

Ah, also, I did visa for him because I fall in love and he was very good to me before he moved here, 1 year and half and 5 trips all well. Now I am not in love with anybody to do visa again and I don't plan to meet somebody romantically abroad for to see what happens and to do visa again.

12 minutes ago, trudi said:

But would you tar all Americans with the same brush if you'd had a bad experience with one?

I know it's hard to comprehend but 'foreigners' are people too, just like Americans & there are a lot to choose from just like there are a lot of Americans. Some are awesome, honest, hard working & loyal too y'know...

Please don't lable everyone who wasn't born here as bad/worthless/scam artist based on your one bad experience.

No, I don't judge anybody, even my ex. But I choose no more foreigner because it's too expensive to try again and again and visas take long time too, I am still paying debts on my failed marriage, he left 1 year ago, still all my income goes to my credit cards, 5 trips to visit him, all 2 visas, AOS, annulment, he went on a shopping spree on my credit.

I have many friends from different countries, good people.

OK

4. Prenup, your assets, be careful. What would I did based on my bad experience?

I would do prenup, I live in a community property state. As I mentioned, I wouldn't give him my car keys to drive on his international license, I would drive him myself where he needs to go, this way I could see it's not a party or some weird friends (he said he doesn't know anybody but he knew, he even tried to use my car as Uber and also was giving rides to some people, cleaning the car after).

I wouldn't bring him to the house I own, I would rent the appt., he was abusive so if we lived in an appt., I could go home and let him stay there with his child and his angry moods. You know it is not easy to kick the immigrant out, it's an established address and he/she can falsely accuse you, get the restraining order and kick you out from your own house. Apparently he tried, he brought his child on my support but he was trying to kick out my son, he kicked me out of my car, my bedroom and bed yet was coming to my sofa when he needed, he even dared saying he would be happy if I was not in the house, I was staying in a living room afraid of his anger even to go to the kitchen when he was home, not good. So I think renting a small place would be good, more safe.

12 minutes ago, Boiler said:

And this is the guy you want to get a Green Card.

Yes, we married and I paid the AOS for him. He left before he got it. One foreigner is more than enough for me, very bad experience.

16 minutes ago, Derik-Lina said:

Great point! One must out them in situations and create scenarios to observe reactions, and then conclude for themselves. 

I suggested to someone to tell the beneficiary she intended to leve the US altogether and live with them in their home country. 

Quickly, she found out the ugly and calculating side of the husband to be.

I did the same test, he was all abusive to me coming to my house, after he left (because of his own legal troubles), he asked for another visa, now CR1 spouse visa, I said if you want us continue married, better I go and we live in your country, his answer was NO, then he said come and we do business together but bring money for the business, I asked what kind of business, he said he won't tell me, bring money, I answered I don't have, can I go to live with you, my husband in your country? his answer was if no money, do not come. After that I went to the court, annulment of marriage, it took time and money (debts I am still paying) but it is done now.

2 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

I'm 100% north of Amsterdam origin, but I do have brown eyes, which are apparently exotic to my husband. Joke is on him because he is hoping our youngest's stay blue. They won't. 

 

My ancestryDNA says I'm a huge chunk Scando, but I think it is either my northern Dutch or northern German pulling that reading. Although, that part of Germany did used to belong to Denmark!  Aha!

 

We know quite a few Scandinavians who've married the local Minnesota Norwegian stock, so I call BS on that. 

Cool!

4. US citizen, should he/she make a prenup agreement? I think it is better to do it and have all things clear before the marriage.

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

So he was only part the way through the process and abandoned it.

Yes. It was his 2nd K1 visa, I cancelled the 1st one, he convinced me to do the 2nd, after he left he was asking me to do CR1 visa and come back. I said what about better to live in your country, he got mad again and no, offended me a lot and said in writing text he married me for papers only, so I did the annulment based on marriage fraud, marriage for papers and 2 children more he forgot to tell me about.

9 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

It is much easier to judge someone's intentions when they come from the same culture as you.  You can pick up on lies and sliminess because of the subtle tells.   So, that is probably a good idea.

 

I think I'm going into year 16 of Scandinavians.  I think I'll stick with them even if something happened to my husband.  Marrying another first generation American didn't work out so well.     

 

 

Lol, Scandinavians sounds good. But they probably won't be interested in me, myself I am from over there, very close by, slow white blonde Nordic myself, Scandinavians like more exotic people, as I do too.

4 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

Well there is your problem.  Before I met current husband I wrote a list of exact qualities he must have.

 

Unsurprisingly, he has them.  We needn't mate with everyone that catches our fancy, yah know?

You and me, we are different. I don't go with a man who has the fitting list. I see the person first and my ex seemed to be a very interesting person, amazing personality, I didn't plan to date or marry him, we were friends but I decided to meet such an interesting person, then it was more than half a year him trying to convince me to marry, I didn't plan to marry at all.

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

Sounds like he came on a K1 so if he has successfully adjusted then he has a GC and can remove  conditions with a divorce waiver.

He and his child came on K1/K2, we married, he stayed 4 months and he left 10 days before his AP came on the mail, he left for his own legal troubles which I wasn't aware of, he practically run out in 1 day, lost his Green Card application, it was denied because he left the country without AP

19 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

Controversy ahead:  Don't marry someone from a country or circumstance that might push them towards seeing America as an economic or situational improvement.   

 

Even if not for visa fraud, just for marriage success purposes.  Having two partners who start on a level playing field preempts so many problems.  

 

Pick someone from a culture very similar to yours, with similar morals, beliefs, and ideas about family.  Don't just listen to their words...know their culture and their background and accept the high likelihood of them being a product of their culture.

 

Further controversy: Stop importing younger spouses to be glorified maids, sex-bots, and rent-a-wombs.  There is a major source of visa woes. 

 

I agree with you if I would buy a horse or a cow, I would select this and that.

But the human relationship is based also on mutual attraction and chemistry, that's why we marry different people, different race, etc.

I don't have a problem to get a man but fall in love with an intelligent foreigner, too smart and not very moral. It could happen here locally too.

Decided, no more foreigners for me, 1 was enough.

3. what else would I do based on my failed marriage experience? I wouldn't trust so much. No adding to my phone bills and account, no adding his name to my house title (he asked for it, fortunately it was delayed), no keys from my car, me driving him where he and his baby go. I even would think about putting cameras inside of the house. It's hard to think about cameras, I respect privacy but after this experience I say maybe.

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

So what do you want

I wanted him to get his green card, it was all paid and it was approved waiting for to be mailed. To me immigration and marriage are 2 different things. Marriage didn't work but the immigration did. To me is very sad he wasted my 2 years, my best intentions, all payments and even didn't get his immigration documents.

Amazing, he left all mad at me as his lies went out of the proportion, but after 1 months back to his country, he loves me again asking for a new visa and coming back. 

5 minutes ago, SB5130 said:

Different people have difference circumstances. I don't consider myself rich. and my Philippine Peso isn't worth so much USD either. But I work hard to help out. 

 

I guess the moral lesson is that find someone who works hard and who is willing to work with you in this unknown journey called Life. Marriage is a team thing. One gets burned out carrying all the weight in his shoulders. 

Yes, I don't see it bad, paying for all if the fiance is from not a rich country or doesn't have money. I don't regret paying, I regret he wasted it all.

and no, in my case I don't look for somebody else, one experience is enough. I had a very good marriage with the American, he passed away. I also learnt the hard way, will not trust anybody anymore.

4 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Has been suggested that USCIS should offer a Platinum service so if needed disappointed spouses can get their ex's deported.

No. I disagree about deporting. The spouse or fiance is NOT a UPS package. If they wish, they should have the way to stay. In my case, when it was all over, all lies came out, I said it is over but I beg you to stay until your green card comes, it was already almost done, we were waiting for his AOS. I said to myself, I am not God to decide, I begged him for his and his children future to get his documents and us to do the divorce, not a problem. He was hiding many things and he run out of US because of his own illegal things. I didn't know many things, he traveled back, then I got the annulment after 4 months he already left.

I paid all for my ex and his child, visas, tickets, medicals, hotels, I traveled 5 times in 1 year and half of relationship and then 4 months here in my house, everything on me, I helped him in a lot of things thinking he is not rich single father

OK, please, ad some advice more, what to do for to be a little more safe.

2. Listen your guts. I did but also what interferes a lot in seeing red flags is the thinking, this person I love is in a new country, new environment, it's hard to adapt that's my my loved one changed so much arriving here, that's why he or she criticizes everything, dislikes everything even me, pushes me away, every day so mad at me. Trying to be understanding. But for how long?

See if the things are going better or worse. Try to do better for your partner, try to do more to make he/she safe and feel better and observe, is it going better or worse and for how long you can deal with this.

If you feel it won't be better but worse, please, listen to yourself, ask maybe a friend or family and don't delay too much. If this person is in it for a green card, it's also possible he/she is also after your assets and accounts. Be wise

and, guys, I see sometimes here in VJ foreigners attacking verbally Americans, don't bring a foreigner, stick to an American ... sounds aggressive. We all know very well, you can marry the girl/guy next door and being robbed, cheated, abused and scammed, any marriage is a lottery, you can't predict everything and you can't read another person mind. Local marriages fail too.

So, please, keep your hate to Americans to yourself or go to any other Topic, so many of them in VJ about abused foreigners and bad Americans, you can stick there all your hateful comments. 

This Topic is to help American citizens to prevent and avoid lies, cheating, abuse, big financial lost and even a personal freedom for false accusations and all just because somebody decided to use this American and played an ugly game.

35 minutes ago, -Trinity- said:

Why don't you stick just to an American partner? No one makes you get into a relationship with a foreigner after all.

No, nobody need to go far and risk bringing a foreigner and personally after my bad experience, I better stick to an American, American men are great, I was married to one, a widow, never even thought to date a foreigner, he got me in my hard lonely times, very nice personality, I didn't think to marry him, he asked and asked me for a long time. You know, Americans we are also human and we trust people, sometimes maybe too much. Just look at this forum, how many couples from all over the world.

and, please, the whole VJ forum is dedicated mostly to immigrants and how to get the green card even in court and abusing the USC or the other way around. This Topic is opened not to blame Americans but to help us understand what's going on???

Why so many so quick divorces are going on as we see here in VJ? Why when the American citizen is doing his/her best, working hard and supporting the new family, including foreign kids (I am not talking about American abusers, as immigrant you have all VJ forum about them and you can attack them there). This Topic is about honest, decent Americans who were cheated, lied, abused by their foreign spouses or fiance(e)s

1. If you US Citizen, feel the person you married is very different coming to your house, emotionally and verbally abusive and very distant, if you feel something is wrong and instead of honey moon time it's all worse and worse, listen your guts. Watch, think, analyze and do NOT get married, or if you already did, do NOT send the AOS, or if you already did, get the InfoPass and cancel your Affidavit of Support.

After that divorce him/her, keep yourself at a safe distance once you start to divorce or annul your marriage, live apart or bring a roommate to be your every day witness, do not play the immigrant games about abuse, keep calm

41 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Often we see a certain theme, especially when going through certain Consulates.

 

So certainly you can cut down the risk by avoiding those.

I wouldn't say it depends on the country, the percentage of honest people and cheaters is the same all around the world and in any country.

9 minutes ago, Roel said:

Uhm no. As a foreigner I would NOT want to abandon my life, my job, etc for a whole year just to see if my relationship works out. That would be easy for USC since they are home. K1 IS 90 days for a reason. No one forces you to marry that fast but the idea is that you're suppose to get to know each other before k1 arrival. 

Unfortunately we can not live abroad for 1 year either and even living there, you never know how this person will behave in America. Many are so nice in their own country but in their mind America is El Dorado and if the USC doesn't give them gold and luxury life here, he/she is a bad person and they move on thinking Americans are stupid and it is easy to find the next one but with much more money rich.