Lauren and Kevin

One of the problems when you are in the place you are is that it's very hard to do anything except feel the way you do.
Honestly, speaking from personal experience, you will find many many people around you have similar or worse relationship issues that they have had to deal with over the years. You may feel it's all just you but it's NOT!
You will feel better, once things are in motion and you are there and sorting it out, and boy have you had a lucky escape from a very nasty life and marriage.
Remember this - there are so many nice people out there, helpful and welcoming ones. Please don't shut down because of her, rise above it and have that great American dream you deserve..!
Each step you take now is towards happiness and away from misfortune.

OMG PLEASE don't go to the US to see him. Please don't go. He is trying to pressure you into sex and getting pregnant, also known at sexual harassment and RAPE. You do not want to put yourself at risk. If he has the emotional instability you have hinted at, the anger issues and the manipulative skills it can put you in a very dangerous situation.
I think you have resolved that this relationship isn't healthy for you. You are a lovely woman, who is obviously smart, kind, motivated and compassionate.
Going to the USA will only put you in a situation where he can manipulate you, trap you and potentially rape you. Please stay safe and stay in France.
If you want to give him "one last chance" then tell him via email or skype: "I will not come to the US until you are gainfully employed for at least a month. If you decide that looking for a job is too stressful for you then me and my concerns obviously don't mean much to you. If you 'don't want to talk about it' then you are demonstrating your lack of care for me. I deserve someone who will treat me as a equal and valued person. This relationship is over."
Don't waste your hard earned money going to visit him, he is obviously not the man for you. You are worth more than his unmotivated, unemployed, uncaring, and abusive self. Please terminate the relationship and cut all ties with him. I'm scared for your safety around this boy.
Please stay safe.

My question is why are you not trying to empower yourself, learn to drive and get a driver's licence, get a decent job, take ESL classes, familiarize yourself with the neighborhood, make friends, and be an independent woman...my mom used to say that the devil finds work for the idle hands...when you have too much free time you will look for trouble..
Just be straight up and ask your husband what the other line is for....stop sneaking around and posting this kind of stuff on visa journey it makes your husband look bad and you don't even have anything solid to back up your claim...
Im not trying to be mean, just being realistic..

Do not doubt your husband , my husband ha two lines , I used to call him on the first one but lately he asked me to call the second one because his first line is just for business , and whenever I call him on his first line it seems to him a local number and he always thinks it is business. Just as one of the members here asked you to call that number , but don't call it from your regular phone , use another number to call it , because if your husband feels that you do not trust him you will be in biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig trouble.

It would be a lot easier if there was cheating. Something simple that is his fault that is the reason that your relationship is not working.
This kind of distrust is toxic for you, and for him, seriously stop it. Take a step back and look at your behaviour. You have twisted yourself and your feelings into knots.
Like another poster here, I feel if you keep doing this, you can actually create a situation where it happens.
Please go to him, trust him, and start drawing out the poison, as you could be destroying something very special by not communicating honestly and lovingly.

It would be a lot easier if there was cheating. Something simple that is his fault that is the reason that your relationship is not working.
This kind of distrust is toxic for you, and for him, seriously stop it. Take a step back and look at your behaviour. You have twisted yourself and your feelings into knots.
Like another poster here, I feel if you keep doing this, you can actually create a situation where it happens.
Please go to him, trust him, and start drawing out the poison, as you could be destroying something very special by not communicating honestly and lovingly.

It would be a lot easier if there was cheating. Something simple that is his fault that is the reason that your relationship is not working.
This kind of distrust is toxic for you, and for him, seriously stop it. Take a step back and look at your behaviour. You have twisted yourself and your feelings into knots.
Like another poster here, I feel if you keep doing this, you can actually create a situation where it happens.
Please go to him, trust him, and start drawing out the poison, as you could be destroying something very special by not communicating honestly and lovingly.

Hi Ava, there are 8 pages of answers in this thread - and this is an true indication of how caring everyone is here to help you, as we are all independent and going through our own issues as we wook though this awful process.
Just from my own experience, I know how difficult it is to go back when you are so far through and committed your heart. But I want to give you the same advice my mother gave me when I was in a similar situation to yours some years back, (before meeting my wonderful Lauren).
I told my mother about all my plans and what was happening, and she said "go" "your heart will recover much faster when you see how it really is"
So I did, and I spent time with this girl, and when I was lying there at night wishing I could get an earlier flight back to the UK, it was very clear.
So - please go there for a couple of weeks, and once you are there, your heart will tell you truly this is a disaster, and you can come home happy that you made the right decision and look for someone else who will really care for you.
..and you will heal faster..
..and p.s. um..speaking as a Dad...don't trust HIM to take, ahem, precautions....don't get trapped...

I'm just an old lady, really. But in my time I've seen, and been in, relationships such as yours.
They never change, never. In spite of pretty words, best intentions, groveling apologies, they never do. Not only will he never again 'be the person he used to be', he never was that person, not down deep. It's all been an illusion, an total fabrication. He is not who you thought he was, and you cannot make him over into the person you want him to be.
You are headed for disaster, absolutely. Things aren't going to get better, he has no reason for them to. He thinks he has you all sewn up, and he never needs again in his life to make an effort. Not to make you happy, not to grow up and act like an actual man, not to be a good father.
I can't believe you would seriously consider moving in with this infantile person, and his mother, and his 5 siblings, and his cat. You have no idea how that alone spells disaster.
It doesn't matter what his personality type is, or his reason for his lack of interest in the process, in life, in you. You cannot change any of it. Neither is any of it your fault, so don't accept any blame for his failure to perform. None.
If you never in your life again listen to what people are telling you here, do it now.
Send him an email. Tell him you will not consider making this move as the situation actually is. Do not apologize, do not plead or beg. Then stop all contact. Change the lot, your phone number, your email address, any way he could potentially use to get at you.
And stick with it. Take your heart back. Don't accept an iota of guilt, you've done nothing to deserve that. Keep your job, take that promotion, look around you at all you have and are throwing away with both hands. This 'man' is not worth any of that.

Hi Ava, there are 8 pages of answers in this thread - and this is an true indication of how caring everyone is here to help you, as we are all independent and going through our own issues as we wook though this awful process.
Just from my own experience, I know how difficult it is to go back when you are so far through and committed your heart. But I want to give you the same advice my mother gave me when I was in a similar situation to yours some years back, (before meeting my wonderful Lauren).
I told my mother about all my plans and what was happening, and she said "go" "your heart will recover much faster when you see how it really is"
So I did, and I spent time with this girl, and when I was lying there at night wishing I could get an earlier flight back to the UK, it was very clear.
So - please go there for a couple of weeks, and once you are there, your heart will tell you truly this is a disaster, and you can come home happy that you made the right decision and look for someone else who will really care for you.
..and you will heal faster..
..and p.s. um..speaking as a Dad...don't trust HIM to take, ahem, precautions....don't get trapped...

From all the stuff you've said, I think you know this has no chance of working out?
He wants you to give up your job and your home, and bring your savings because he can't be bothered to get a job?
He wants you to be a stay at home mum, but he doesn't have a job?
He tells you the process has damaged his feelings for you?
He can't be bothered to learn your language and would rather be playing computer games?
I've just got married on my k1 visa. Being married involves a massive change in your life, and it takes time to work things out and settle into it. Moving to a new country is a stressful too. I would only advise even attempting it if you believe your relationship is perfect. If there are any cracks then its going to get shaken apart in no time. It involves compromise and give and take? So far you seem to be compromising and giving everything, and he's done... well... nothing? My new wife and me did whatever we could to be together - she sponsored me and got all the paperwork she needed, and I did my part, paying the fees and visiting often and getting all my paperwork like police certificates etc... and we worked so well on it together. That's what its all about.
I'm probably older than many here (i'm 43). I've been through a lot in that time - failed relationships, and one bereavement. One lesson I learned a while back was that it hurts to break up with someone, but often it hurts more to stay with them. If things aren't right, learn from it and move on. Staying in a bad relationship will just make you unhappy.

This is a classic pattern of emotional abuse.
His childhood should not be an excuse to treat you terribly. He has to be willing to get help and break the cycle. He needs to put in effort.
Please don't make excuses for him. Too many spouses and partners make excuses for their domestic abuser. His childhood should not excuse his abusive behavior towards you. If he cares for you, he would make the effort.

Oh, goodness. I'm sorry. But please re-read what you've written here and imagine a friend or sister or someone explaining it to you.
He wants you to be a stay at home mom and yet he is unwilling/unable to even support himself. Just *trying* to take the first step in supporting just himself (finding a job) was "too stressful". Can you imagine? That would be the beginning and end of that conversation for me.
From a quick google search, it looks as if there is nothing preventing him from being able to live in France if he were to marry you. He doesn't have to prove any savings, or at least not according to the French consulate in DC: http://www.consulfrance-washington.org/spip.php?article470 He doesn't speak the language? That sounds like a personal problem, to me. There is no requirement that he speak French to live in France (to become a citizen, I bet, but there's other legal status available). Furthermore, that is a very fixable personal problem. He can learn French. Literally billions of people on the planet speak more than one language. And with a little effort on his part he, too, may join their ranks.
"As a woman, it's different". End of conversation for me, too. If he'd feel like a slave as an illegal immigrant unable to work, he needs to understand you'd feel that way too. (PS, see above. He can get legal status). I don't believe in double standards, particularly not on the basis of gender and most especially not if the person talking that kind of nonsense isn't living up to the flip side of that coin (which is "as a man, he should be supporting himself, and not let "stress" keep him from being alpha-male provider". Instead, he's still suckling at Mommy's teet! Big man there). He wants a stay at home mom, sure. FOR HIM. He doesn't want a family to provide for....he wants a mother-wife to always take care of him.
Please. You are much better off living in a country with a job and legal status than you ever will be living illegally with someone who plans to "support you" as a stay at home mom but shows zero effort to actually provide that support.

I'm sorry, this is a really tough situation to be in. First, see if you can buy some time by extending your visa. That will help ease your mind a bit, and give you time to figure this out.
Generally, what I think is a good idea to try to to wherever possible, is to live the relationship as if immigration concerns were not an issue. This is difficult, yes. But think--if you already lived in the same country, would you consider quitting your job and relocating to be with him while he is unemployed and doesn't have his own house? The immigration thing makes it worse (ie--you have to worry about applying for AOS in 90 days, having a sponsor and you're unable to work) but---just kind of baseline question---is that something you would do? For me, the answer is "no".
There are much worse things than allowing a visa to expire. And to me, those are: living in a country illegally, unable to work, getting married to someone who doesn't keep their end of deals up, being pressured to have a baby before you're emotionally and financially ready. Is there some reason he can't come to you? If the answer is "immigration concerns" well....that shouldn't bother him too much because he's just suggested that YOU come over and live illegally, right (I'm being facetious here but there IS a good point in there).
To me, it sounds like this relationship isn't ready for the step of marriage, not necessarily because of money but because he's not keeping up his end of the "deal" and he's asking you to make WAY too many sacrifices that he doesn't seem willing to make himself. That's a big red flag right there, to me.

I'm sorry you got this far in the process...I would definitely end the relationship. You have a lot of good things going for you in France. He seems a bit "young" and isn't taking this serious like you are. I wish you the best of luck.

One small word of caution on the divorce side. When you say your divorce is finished, people often mean the 'decree absolute', but money and spousal support issues can sometimes drag on for some time after the legal divorce part - sometimes popping up to bite you years after.
Do you have anything outstanding from the divorce that would give problems - are all the support and financials seperated?
The reason I say this is because paying spousal support from your new relationship to your old one is well known to be somewhat toxic to a new relationship, and it would be good to get any issues sorted before a lawyer tries to get your new wive's income included in the settlement.

There are lots in North Africa and the Middle East looking for asylum, and in Calais.
Wonder why they just do not go to Bulgaria?

Your thought that terrorists wouldnt come here legally has the be the most uneducated comment I have ever read on here...did you forget about 9/11? They were all here legally on temporary visas none of them entered the country illegally, most terrorism that has occurred in the United States were by people who came to this country legally.
http://www.fairus.org/issue/identity-and-immigration-status-of-9-11-terrorists

Using your logic, the billions of people who want to be US citizens would be here tomorrow.
There are also plenty of criminals and terrorists who under your logic would choose to be US citizens so they can come here to do harm.
There is a reason we screen people when they ask to immigrate to the U.S. and when they seek to be US citizens.

Not for everyone it isn't. It sucks that your case has hit road bumps.
Yes it's a privilege not a right to a green card. It's not a mentality. It is EXACTLY the way it is.
If you are over the processing times it's time to get the USC's congressman or senator involved and to write to the ombudsman.

I'm sure with your superior knowledge, had you gone, you possibly would have waltzed out the front embassy gates with visa in hand whistling a fine tune. Your fiance lacking the intelligence you say he does to conduct his own interview... Tunia isn't America or any other country at that. They don't care who you are or where you come from. I appologize but it urks me a little how we in our superiority feel we can just push people to our own bidding and talk down to our fiances like they don't have the intelligence to come in out of the rain. You say your stupid fiance could not conduct his interview as you would see fit but you wouldn't last 24 hours in Tunisia without him I guarantee it. Maybe I'm saying all this wrong and going about it the wrong way. Tunisa does things their own way and there is nothing no one could do to make it any better other than the person that was sitting in that interview chair. .. your fiance. Your interference, possible arrogance would have made it worse. And they don't like stubbornness and arrogance. When we had our interview they accused my husband of being a fraud and refused any evidence. But they took his passport and a month later he had visa in hand. This is the process. Everyone goes through it like a right of passage. But don't dishonor your fiance by calling him names on a nation forum. Because he was the one sitting in that chair. And he must have done something right because they took his passport. Welcome to the abyss of AP. PS: No offense intended by my posts.
PSS: Husband... not fiance... dagnabital... not editing this whole post. Lol

You need to relax! As a general rule, Embasies wont take your passport unless they plan on granting the visa. The fact that they kept his passport is very likely a good thing.
Take a deep breath and wait to see what comes of this. You could end up making things worse if you try to fix something that isnt broken.
Good Luck!

Hi,
Sorry about your situation.
Withdraw your I-864. This will end the case since he came on a K-1 and can only get a green card through you. Inform USCIS about the pending divorce for fraud.
You may also want to retain an employment lawyer in case your employer retaliates against you.
Best of luck.

You really can't expect detailed advice when making such a vague post.
Nobody knows if you are talking about your beneficiary or some random person who is being petitioned by somebody else.

Airlines have been known to report the person on the airline manifest...basically saying they've left the country. Huge problems at A.O.S. time. There are threads here about it. I'm on my cell or I'd link them. Just make sure after the fiancee is her to call the airline and cancel that's all I can say about it.