DaisyD

Glad it went so well. Hopefully your post will help someone else if they are in a similar situation.

I am a step mom who looks after her step kid full time. I have no contact with the kids mother. I have no need to. You have no need to be in contact with the kids mother.
You do not need a lawyer to get the ex out of your life. You have the power to do that for yourself and for free. Block her in your phone (and email if needed), do not message her, do not call her. Do not be in the same place as her or talk to her unless you absolutely have to, and even then keep it brief and polite. Your husband needs to deal with his ex himself when they need to talk about kid related stuff.
Your husband also needs to talk to his kid that if the child has a problem with you then they need to either talk to you or talk to him and they will discuss it (even if it is just dad telling the kid, tough luck, you are not an adult). The child also needs appropriate punishments for being disrespectful. If the child continues to disrespect you and go behind your back telling tales to their mother, then stop doing things for the child. Stop cooking for that child, stop doing their laundry and start making them wash their own dishes. People who are disrespectful towards you do not deserve your time and attention. If the child is old enough for a cell phone they are old enough to fix themselves something to eat, use a washer and a dryer and wash up some dishes.
Being a step parent is one of the toughest things I have had to deal with. Get some support. I have found some online step parent forums to be invaluable in learning how to stay sane while trying to deal with having someone elses kids in my life.

I am a step mom who looks after her step kid full time. I have no contact with the kids mother. I have no need to. You have no need to be in contact with the kids mother.
You do not need a lawyer to get the ex out of your life. You have the power to do that for yourself and for free. Block her in your phone (and email if needed), do not message her, do not call her. Do not be in the same place as her or talk to her unless you absolutely have to, and even then keep it brief and polite. Your husband needs to deal with his ex himself when they need to talk about kid related stuff.
Your husband also needs to talk to his kid that if the child has a problem with you then they need to either talk to you or talk to him and they will discuss it (even if it is just dad telling the kid, tough luck, you are not an adult). The child also needs appropriate punishments for being disrespectful. If the child continues to disrespect you and go behind your back telling tales to their mother, then stop doing things for the child. Stop cooking for that child, stop doing their laundry and start making them wash their own dishes. People who are disrespectful towards you do not deserve your time and attention. If the child is old enough for a cell phone they are old enough to fix themselves something to eat, use a washer and a dryer and wash up some dishes.
Being a step parent is one of the toughest things I have had to deal with. Get some support. I have found some online step parent forums to be invaluable in learning how to stay sane while trying to deal with having someone elses kids in my life.

I am a step mom who looks after her step kid full time. I have no contact with the kids mother. I have no need to. You have no need to be in contact with the kids mother.
You do not need a lawyer to get the ex out of your life. You have the power to do that for yourself and for free. Block her in your phone (and email if needed), do not message her, do not call her. Do not be in the same place as her or talk to her unless you absolutely have to, and even then keep it brief and polite. Your husband needs to deal with his ex himself when they need to talk about kid related stuff.
Your husband also needs to talk to his kid that if the child has a problem with you then they need to either talk to you or talk to him and they will discuss it (even if it is just dad telling the kid, tough luck, you are not an adult). The child also needs appropriate punishments for being disrespectful. If the child continues to disrespect you and go behind your back telling tales to their mother, then stop doing things for the child. Stop cooking for that child, stop doing their laundry and start making them wash their own dishes. People who are disrespectful towards you do not deserve your time and attention. If the child is old enough for a cell phone they are old enough to fix themselves something to eat, use a washer and a dryer and wash up some dishes.
Being a step parent is one of the toughest things I have had to deal with. Get some support. I have found some online step parent forums to be invaluable in learning how to stay sane while trying to deal with having someone elses kids in my life.

I am a step mom who looks after her step kid full time. I have no contact with the kids mother. I have no need to. You have no need to be in contact with the kids mother.
You do not need a lawyer to get the ex out of your life. You have the power to do that for yourself and for free. Block her in your phone (and email if needed), do not message her, do not call her. Do not be in the same place as her or talk to her unless you absolutely have to, and even then keep it brief and polite. Your husband needs to deal with his ex himself when they need to talk about kid related stuff.
Your husband also needs to talk to his kid that if the child has a problem with you then they need to either talk to you or talk to him and they will discuss it (even if it is just dad telling the kid, tough luck, you are not an adult). The child also needs appropriate punishments for being disrespectful. If the child continues to disrespect you and go behind your back telling tales to their mother, then stop doing things for the child. Stop cooking for that child, stop doing their laundry and start making them wash their own dishes. People who are disrespectful towards you do not deserve your time and attention. If the child is old enough for a cell phone they are old enough to fix themselves something to eat, use a washer and a dryer and wash up some dishes.
Being a step parent is one of the toughest things I have had to deal with. Get some support. I have found some online step parent forums to be invaluable in learning how to stay sane while trying to deal with having someone elses kids in my life.

As well as rent do not forget that you will need a security deposit. This can vary from 1 - 3 months rent depending on where you are and what you rent. Also you can check if there are any furnished apartments available which might not be a bad idea if you are starting from scratch, that way you do not need to buy everything at once. Though lots of things can be gotten fairly cheaply from craigslist or thrift stores. Different cities have different websites to use for housing, but I would suggest doing some research on craigslist as a good place to see what rents might cost and what kind of jobs are available in your area. Also if you are in a big city and can avoid having a car that will save you a lot of money (though it may limit your job search area). Also remember to bring clothes to wear to interviews.
If possible arrange to stay with family or friends (or a hostel/hotel) for at least the first 2 weeks so that you can go and look at apartments in person so that you get a good idea of what is available to rent and the areas and avoid online scams. Alternatively if you do have contacts in the area that you trust and that are willing to help, ask them to look for an apartment for you so that it is ready when you arrive.

I think that your evidence shows a good range of factual information to show that your lives are intertwined. If I were you I would not worry about it. I sent probably not as much evidence as you have, but I thought that it was a reasonable amount to prove my marriage is legitimate. In my opinion I am already here, living with my husband and if they decide that I need to send more evidence, then I will. If my application is delayed because of it, it has no real effect on my life (unlike when I was applying for my K1 visa and was living in a different country to my then fiance). So I am happy to wait and not worry about it because I know that it will all work out in the end.

It is a legal requirement to carry your green card with you at all times when in the US. Sure, most of the time you should not need it, especially if you have other ID, but when you do not have it you are liable to a fine and/or time served in jail.

I had a really tough first year in the US. And even now (2.5 years here) I am not fully integrated, I know I could do more but it is a slow process for me. I have no job, few friends and rarely leave the house unless I absolutely have to. But I would not move back to the UK without my husband. He is the reason I am here and the reason that being here is absolutely the right choice for me. If I can give you one piece of advice it is to focus on your fiance, talk to him, let him know how you are feeling and work on your relationship with him. That should be your top priority in my opinion.
I am here to tell you that even if you do not make many friends, do not get a job and do not find lots of hobbies to keep you occupied, it is ok. You will not have failed. You will be just fine, because you will be with the love of your life. All of the advice on how to do that stuff is great, and definitely worth pursuing. But if it does not work out, do not beat yourself up. Take the small victories, the small steps in progress and give yourself permission to take things at your own pace.
The first year is going to be tough, you and your fiance need to be prepared for downs as well as the ups. I know for me the paperwork, the uncertainty of dates, leaving family and friends and a way of life behind all took its toll before I even moved. Plus on top of that you are getting married...that is a huge life event. Throw into that the fact that your wedding will probably not be how you always imagined it would be (I wanted a big family wedding, which is not possible when get married thousands of miles away from home) and you will have less than 90 days to organize it (most stressful thing ever- make sure to book a honeymoon, you will need it). Then you are about to move in with your partner probably for the first time and have to try to adjust to each other as a cohabiting couple. On top of that I also found that my husbands family were very different to mine and I found that alienating and it emphasized my homesickness even more. I also had my husbands crazy ex wife to deal with who was harassing me and trying to sabotage our marriage, oh and getting used to being a step mom to a young girl. Then of course there is the cultural shock. Oh, and my husband and I also found that we had very little in common that we could do together. Plus all the firsts being abroad were tough to deal with...first birthday away from family, first chirstmas away, first thanksgiving (surprisingly this was really tough, it made me feel really homesick to be away from my family and surrounded by a different family who seemed indifferent to me even if it is a holiday that I do not care about in any form).
You need to talk all of this through with your fiance. Make sure that the two of you know that life is going to be rocky. Just because you have a visa in your passport, does not mean that the road ahead is paved with gold. He needs to be there to support you and try his hardest to make you feel like you have a new home. (I loved the fact that my husband chose Philip Philips Home for our first dance at our wedding, it still speaks a lot to me
). His life is going to change too, and he has to be prepared to put time and effort into your relationship and into helping you to settle in and adjust how he lives to make it work for the two of you. You are both still on a roller coaster and need to hold onto each other in order to make it though the next few loops and twists together. The way we coped was not perfect but it got us through. At first we did a lot of going out, getting drunk bonding through that. I let my emotions come out when I was drunk. It was not the best way, but it was cathartic on occasions. Sometimes I was a b**ch to live with, my emotions were all over the place. But we always made up and always worked out a solution afterwards, together. Later on we started to discover (sober) actives that we could do together (we were spending too much money drinking, plus it was not very healthy). We got into making art together, playing board games, he introduced me to some video games and we took long walks. We planned nice trips away to different cities to keep an event in the future that we could look forward to. We also talked constantly and openly about what was going on and each made an effort to adjust. After about a year or so my emotions leveled out and things got better as time went on. Relationships are about trying to find the happy middle ground you are both going to have to work hard to make it work and have the commitment to see it though all of the changes that are happening to you both.
It is not that I wish any of this bad stuff on you, just giving you a realistic look at what my first year was like so that you are prepared. You can make it through this. I just wanted you to be aware that there will be times that things do not go as planned and life seems tough and you will question your move but that is ok and if you work together with your fiance life will get better.

I had a really tough first year in the US. And even now (2.5 years here) I am not fully integrated, I know I could do more but it is a slow process for me. I have no job, few friends and rarely leave the house unless I absolutely have to. But I would not move back to the UK without my husband. He is the reason I am here and the reason that being here is absolutely the right choice for me. If I can give you one piece of advice it is to focus on your fiance, talk to him, let him know how you are feeling and work on your relationship with him. That should be your top priority in my opinion.
I am here to tell you that even if you do not make many friends, do not get a job and do not find lots of hobbies to keep you occupied, it is ok. You will not have failed. You will be just fine, because you will be with the love of your life. All of the advice on how to do that stuff is great, and definitely worth pursuing. But if it does not work out, do not beat yourself up. Take the small victories, the small steps in progress and give yourself permission to take things at your own pace.
The first year is going to be tough, you and your fiance need to be prepared for downs as well as the ups. I know for me the paperwork, the uncertainty of dates, leaving family and friends and a way of life behind all took its toll before I even moved. Plus on top of that you are getting married...that is a huge life event. Throw into that the fact that your wedding will probably not be how you always imagined it would be (I wanted a big family wedding, which is not possible when get married thousands of miles away from home) and you will have less than 90 days to organize it (most stressful thing ever- make sure to book a honeymoon, you will need it). Then you are about to move in with your partner probably for the first time and have to try to adjust to each other as a cohabiting couple. On top of that I also found that my husbands family were very different to mine and I found that alienating and it emphasized my homesickness even more. I also had my husbands crazy ex wife to deal with who was harassing me and trying to sabotage our marriage, oh and getting used to being a step mom to a young girl. Then of course there is the cultural shock. Oh, and my husband and I also found that we had very little in common that we could do together. Plus all the firsts being abroad were tough to deal with...first birthday away from family, first chirstmas away, first thanksgiving (surprisingly this was really tough, it made me feel really homesick to be away from my family and surrounded by a different family who seemed indifferent to me even if it is a holiday that I do not care about in any form).
You need to talk all of this through with your fiance. Make sure that the two of you know that life is going to be rocky. Just because you have a visa in your passport, does not mean that the road ahead is paved with gold. He needs to be there to support you and try his hardest to make you feel like you have a new home. (I loved the fact that my husband chose Philip Philips Home for our first dance at our wedding, it still speaks a lot to me
). His life is going to change too, and he has to be prepared to put time and effort into your relationship and into helping you to settle in and adjust how he lives to make it work for the two of you. You are both still on a roller coaster and need to hold onto each other in order to make it though the next few loops and twists together. The way we coped was not perfect but it got us through. At first we did a lot of going out, getting drunk bonding through that. I let my emotions come out when I was drunk. It was not the best way, but it was cathartic on occasions. Sometimes I was a b**ch to live with, my emotions were all over the place. But we always made up and always worked out a solution afterwards, together. Later on we started to discover (sober) actives that we could do together (we were spending too much money drinking, plus it was not very healthy). We got into making art together, playing board games, he introduced me to some video games and we took long walks. We planned nice trips away to different cities to keep an event in the future that we could look forward to. We also talked constantly and openly about what was going on and each made an effort to adjust. After about a year or so my emotions leveled out and things got better as time went on. Relationships are about trying to find the happy middle ground you are both going to have to work hard to make it work and have the commitment to see it though all of the changes that are happening to you both.
It is not that I wish any of this bad stuff on you, just giving you a realistic look at what my first year was like so that you are prepared. You can make it through this. I just wanted you to be aware that there will be times that things do not go as planned and life seems tough and you will question your move but that is ok and if you work together with your fiance life will get better.

I had a really tough first year in the US. And even now (2.5 years here) I am not fully integrated, I know I could do more but it is a slow process for me. I have no job, few friends and rarely leave the house unless I absolutely have to. But I would not move back to the UK without my husband. He is the reason I am here and the reason that being here is absolutely the right choice for me. If I can give you one piece of advice it is to focus on your fiance, talk to him, let him know how you are feeling and work on your relationship with him. That should be your top priority in my opinion.
I am here to tell you that even if you do not make many friends, do not get a job and do not find lots of hobbies to keep you occupied, it is ok. You will not have failed. You will be just fine, because you will be with the love of your life. All of the advice on how to do that stuff is great, and definitely worth pursuing. But if it does not work out, do not beat yourself up. Take the small victories, the small steps in progress and give yourself permission to take things at your own pace.
The first year is going to be tough, you and your fiance need to be prepared for downs as well as the ups. I know for me the paperwork, the uncertainty of dates, leaving family and friends and a way of life behind all took its toll before I even moved. Plus on top of that you are getting married...that is a huge life event. Throw into that the fact that your wedding will probably not be how you always imagined it would be (I wanted a big family wedding, which is not possible when get married thousands of miles away from home) and you will have less than 90 days to organize it (most stressful thing ever- make sure to book a honeymoon, you will need it). Then you are about to move in with your partner probably for the first time and have to try to adjust to each other as a cohabiting couple. On top of that I also found that my husbands family were very different to mine and I found that alienating and it emphasized my homesickness even more. I also had my husbands crazy ex wife to deal with who was harassing me and trying to sabotage our marriage, oh and getting used to being a step mom to a young girl. Then of course there is the cultural shock. Oh, and my husband and I also found that we had very little in common that we could do together. Plus all the firsts being abroad were tough to deal with...first birthday away from family, first chirstmas away, first thanksgiving (surprisingly this was really tough, it made me feel really homesick to be away from my family and surrounded by a different family who seemed indifferent to me even if it is a holiday that I do not care about in any form).
You need to talk all of this through with your fiance. Make sure that the two of you know that life is going to be rocky. Just because you have a visa in your passport, does not mean that the road ahead is paved with gold. He needs to be there to support you and try his hardest to make you feel like you have a new home. (I loved the fact that my husband chose Philip Philips Home for our first dance at our wedding, it still speaks a lot to me
). His life is going to change too, and he has to be prepared to put time and effort into your relationship and into helping you to settle in and adjust how he lives to make it work for the two of you. You are both still on a roller coaster and need to hold onto each other in order to make it though the next few loops and twists together. The way we coped was not perfect but it got us through. At first we did a lot of going out, getting drunk bonding through that. I let my emotions come out when I was drunk. It was not the best way, but it was cathartic on occasions. Sometimes I was a b**ch to live with, my emotions were all over the place. But we always made up and always worked out a solution afterwards, together. Later on we started to discover (sober) actives that we could do together (we were spending too much money drinking, plus it was not very healthy). We got into making art together, playing board games, he introduced me to some video games and we took long walks. We planned nice trips away to different cities to keep an event in the future that we could look forward to. We also talked constantly and openly about what was going on and each made an effort to adjust. After about a year or so my emotions leveled out and things got better as time went on. Relationships are about trying to find the happy middle ground you are both going to have to work hard to make it work and have the commitment to see it though all of the changes that are happening to you both.
It is not that I wish any of this bad stuff on you, just giving you a realistic look at what my first year was like so that you are prepared. You can make it through this. I just wanted you to be aware that there will be times that things do not go as planned and life seems tough and you will question your move but that is ok and if you work together with your fiance life will get better.

I've not shared with anyone in the US, but I have in other countries and although it has always been a positive experience I would strongly advise that you find accommodation for the first 1 to 2 weeks in a b&b, hotel, motel, hostel or with friends or such like so that you can meet potential roommates and see the accommodation before committing to living with them. It may be scary moving knowing that you only have accommodation for a week or two, but that should be plenty of time to find somewhere to live if you start your search as soon as you get there, it is generally easier and quicker than you think to find a room. Make sure you go to see at least 3 places before making any decisions.
The majority of people are safe and sane, but you might not have similar lifestyles to them all or enjoy the company of them all. I have often thought that an internet advert had ideal roommates and then on meeting with them realized that they are not people that I want to live with (not that they were dangerous, just I would not enjoy being around them lots). Or that an apartment looked really good in the pictures, only to find out that I didn't feel safe in that part of the city when I went to visit it.
Also the possibilities for scams and deception online is very real and it is easy to get drawn into if you don't know the area you are moving to, do not hand over or send any money for deposits/rent etc until you have physically been to the apartment/house and met the people you will be living with, even if it sounds great and someone is pressuring you to commit or you will lose the apartment. The more pressure someone applies to ask for money before you visit the place, the more wary you should be.
As I said above, I have always enjoyed sharing accommodation with others and found it a positive experience, it is a great way to get to know people in a new city, and generally a great way to save money. I don't want to put you off, but I do want you to go in with your eyes open to ensure you have the best chances of finding a nice place with people that you will enjoy living with.