trust issues

[reginaait 0]

Hello

If anyone is up at this time at night would really appreciate an honest answer. I met Salah my fiance in Jan. in May after I arrived, payed for the apartment for a month ( as his job is not providing him enough money to live on) he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys. As of June I have paid. I understand that work is not good for him, and have asked him on occasion to go back to Morroco where he could live for free. He said he would go if I went with him. He does not care he says about the visa.. and on to go further would rather live in Italy than the U.S. I am the one who thinks he should live here, as my buisness and I think life here is better. Anyway in a nutshell, yesterday, he called me to tell me that the Italian police had confiscated his posters. ( he sells these on the street) I lost it. I told him to move back to Morroco..went on and on about supporting him with his apartment for six months. Anyway, I don't know what to think. Is the guy using me? In my gut I dont think he is..

any wisdom would be grea!! And I realize this site is for visas and not for relationship help.

thank you

regina

[Dakine 26]

Hello

If anyone is up at this time at night would really appreciate an honest answer. I met Salah my fiance in Jan. in May after I arrived, payed for the apartment for a month ( as his job is not providing him enough money to live on) he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys. As of June I have paid. I understand that work is not good for him, and have asked him on occasion to go back to Morroco where he could live for free. He said he would go if I went with him. He does not care he says about the visa.. and on to go further would rather live in Italy than the U.S. I am the one who thinks he should live here, as my buisness and I think life here is better. Anyway in a nutshell, yesterday, he called me to tell me that the Italian police had confiscated his posters. ( he sells these on the street) I lost it. I told him to move back to Morroco..went on and on about supporting him with his apartment for six months. Anyway, I don't know what to think. Is the guy using me? In my gut I dont think he is..

any wisdom would be grea!! And I realize this site is for visas and not for relationship help.

thank you

regina

What's he going to do if and when he gets to the US?

[amrssnowangel 0]

I say trust you gut instinct. One of the "red flags" of the middle eastern relationship is asking for money and support....always having an excuse or "emergent" situation that requires your financial help. Only you however, can determine if this situation exsists. My SO lives in Egypt...has no work as of yet although has looked and never has "asked" for money. He'd never dream of it. Use your instincts.

[reginaait 0]

Hello

If anyone is up at this time at night would really appreciate an honest answer. I met Salah my fiance in Jan. in May after I arrived, payed for the apartment for a month ( as his job is not providing him enough money to live on) he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys. As of June I have paid. I understand that work is not good for him, and have asked him on occasion to go back to Morroco where he could live for free. He said he would go if I went with him. He does not care he says about the visa.. and on to go further would rather live in Italy than the U.S. I am the one who thinks he should live here, as my buisness and I think life here is better. Anyway in a nutshell, yesterday, he called me to tell me that the Italian police had confiscated his posters. ( he sells these on the street) I lost it. I told him to move back to Morroco..went on and on about supporting him with his apartment for six months. Anyway, I don't know what to think. Is the guy using me? In my gut I dont think he is..

any wisdom would be grea!! And I realize this site is for visas and not for relationship help.

thank you

regina

What's he going to do if and when he gets to the US?

he worked in a restaurant in morroco.. he would like to work as a waiter and learn about the restaurant buisness...

[ChrisB0707 4]

Hello

If anyone is up at this time at night would really appreciate an honest answer. I met Salah my fiance in Jan. in May after I arrived, payed for the apartment for a month ( as his job is not providing him enough money to live on) he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys. As of June I have paid. I understand that work is not good for him, and have asked him on occasion to go back to Morroco where he could live for free. He said he would go if I went with him. He does not care he says about the visa.. and on to go further would rather live in Italy than the U.S. I am the one who thinks he should live here, as my buisness and I think life here is better. Anyway in a nutshell, yesterday, he called me to tell me that the Italian police had confiscated his posters. ( he sells these on the street) I lost it. I told him to move back to Morroco..went on and on about supporting him with his apartment for six months. Anyway, I don't know what to think. Is the guy using me? In my gut I dont think he is..

any wisdom would be grea!! And I realize this site is for visas and not for relationship help.

thank you

regina

I agree. you have taken care of him for 6 months already. if you keep doing it he will never try to work. You will find out that in many relationships that are like this the person is using the other for money. Jobs are hard to find in some countries but my soon to be wife is from the Philippines and its very hard to find a job there but she has never asked me for money. I also think it should tell you something when he has already told you he doesnt want to live in the US or wont go back to Morroco where its free. You have to stop and think what are his real reason for this. FYI there is a a Yahoo club or group that talks just about relationship scams. You may want to search for it

[rebeccajo 14]

I say trust you gut instinct. One of the "red flags" of the middle eastern relationship is asking for money and support....always having an excuse or "emergent" situation that requires your financial help. Only you however, can determine if this situation exsists. My SO lives in Egypt...has no work as of yet although has looked and never has "asked" for money. He'd never dream of it. Use your instincts.

Isn't that a red flag for any relationship?

[Ban Hammer 12,880]

he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys.

[ya falaha! 0]

You've only known this guy 11 month and he's already asking for money. I know you probably have your heart invested in this man but honestly, he shouldn't be asking you for money. If I were you, I would've dropped him after the first request for money. I don't care how poor he is. If he didn't know you he would be surviving, right? He'd find a way to get by.

I get so frustrated by these guys who think they're "owed" something because they're poor or have ####### jobs. Boo hoo...not your problem. They look at Americans with dollar signs in their eyes. He's a grown, healthy man. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and go out and work another job if money is that tight. Sorry for being harsh but I'm passionate about this subject.

[Aymerlu 3]

I say trust you gut instinct. One of the "red flags" of the middle eastern relationship is asking for money and support....always having an excuse or "emergent" situation that requires your financial help. Only you however, can determine if this situation exsists. My SO lives in Egypt...has no work as of yet although has looked and never has "asked" for money. He'd never dream of it. Use your instincts.

Isn't that a red flag for any relationship?

Yep! Something my husband has mentioned on numerous occasions is that if a middle eastern man asks for money from any women, then that's an issue. This is strickly him talking about men from his country which is Egypt. He said he's seen so many men, meet women and then ask for money......from a hundred to thousands of dollars and women will give it to them because they "love" them. My husband was low on funds while waiting for his visa and he never asked me for money. Even though he was not working I never paid a penny on any of my trips to Egypt. Go with your gut feeling, but be careful.

[eric_and_teresa 10]

He's a grown, healthy man. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and go out and work another job if money is that tight.

What I found strange is that he'd rather stay in Italy working ilegally as a street seller (as long as he does not have a work permit he is an ilegal worker there) instead of coming to America with all his papers in order to be with you and work legally! That makes no sense. Even when in Europe the quality of life could be better.. he wont make a living selling stuff on the street.

We can't tell you what to do, but please be VERY careful!

Edited November 10, 2007 by eric_and_teresa

[doodlebug 3]

I say trust you gut instinct. One of the "red flags" of the middle eastern relationship is asking for money and support....always having an excuse or "emergent" situation that requires your financial help. Only you however, can determine if this situation exsists. My SO lives in Egypt...has no work as of yet although has looked and never has "asked" for money. He'd never dream of it. Use your instincts.

Isn't that a red flag for any relationship?

Yep! Something my husband has mentioned on numerous occasions is that if a middle eastern man asks for money from any women, then that's an issue. This is strickly him talking about men from his country which is Egypt. He said he's seen so many men, meet women and then ask for money......from a hundred to thousands of dollars and women will give it to them because they "love" them. My husband was low on funds while waiting for his visa and he never asked me for money. Even though he was not working I never paid a penny on any of my trips to Egypt. Go with your gut feeling, but be careful.

I thought you supported your husband financially because he had to not take a job that had a contract that could interfere with the visa process?

he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys.

I was like why would he want her to be in bed with all those guys???

[doodlebug 3]

Hello

If anyone is up at this time at night would really appreciate an honest answer. I met Salah my fiance in Jan. in May after I arrived, payed for the apartment for a month ( as his job is not providing him enough money to live on) he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys. As of June I have paid. I understand that work is not good for him, and have asked him on occasion to go back to Morroco where he could live for free. He said he would go if I went with him. He does not care he says about the visa.. and on to go further would rather live in Italy than the U.S. I am the one who thinks he should live here, as my buisness and I think life here is better. Anyway in a nutshell, yesterday, he called me to tell me that the Italian police had confiscated his posters. ( he sells these on the street) I lost it. I told him to move back to Morroco..went on and on about supporting him with his apartment for six months. Anyway, I don't know what to think. Is the guy using me? In my gut I dont think he is..

any wisdom would be grea!! And I realize this site is for visas and not for relationship help.

thank you

regina

Are you actually paying rent for him and a bunch of guys? Since June?

[JenniferJarin 0]

Hello

If anyone is up at this time at night would really appreciate an honest answer. I met Salah my fiance in Jan. in May after I arrived, payed for the apartment for a month ( as his job is not providing him enough money to live on) he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys. As of June I have paid. I understand that work is not good for him, and have asked him on occasion to go back to Morroco where he could live for free. He said he would go if I went with him. He does not care he says about the visa.. and on to go further would rather live in Italy than the U.S. I am the one who thinks he should live here, as my buisness and I think life here is better. Anyway in a nutshell, yesterday, he called me to tell me that the Italian police had confiscated his posters. ( he sells these on the street) I lost it. I told him to move back to Morroco..went on and on about supporting him with his apartment for six months. Anyway, I don't know what to think. Is the guy using me? In my gut I dont think he is..

any wisdom would be grea!! And I realize this site is for visas and not for relationship help.

thank you

regina

Why don't you completely stop paying for him and see what happens?

[LoriLawless 0]

Hello

If anyone is up at this time at night would really appreciate an honest answer. I met Salah my fiance in Jan. in May after I arrived, payed for the apartment for a month ( as his job is not providing him enough money to live on) he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys. As of June I have paid. I understand that work is not good for him, and have asked him on occasion to go back to Morroco where he could live for free. He said he would go if I went with him. He does not care he says about the visa.. and on to go further would rather live in Italy than the U.S. I am the one who thinks he should live here, as my buisness and I think life here is better. Anyway in a nutshell, yesterday, he called me to tell me that the Italian police had confiscated his posters. ( he sells these on the street) I lost it. I told him to move back to Morroco..went on and on about supporting him with his apartment for six months. Anyway, I don't know what to think. Is the guy using me? In my gut I dont think he is..

any wisdom would be grea!! And I realize this site is for visas and not for relationship help.

thank you

regina

Why don't you completely stop paying for him and see what happens?

[doodlebug 3]

I think it is hard without all of the facts to judge. Your post doesn't really give a clear picture of what is going on, like if you're paying for a bunch of guys rent or for your husband's portion or if it was one time in June when he was in a tight spot or if it's been every single month. If he could live for free in Morocco and he just likes living in Italy and you are paying his rent each month so that he can live in Italy I don't think that's right. Heck who wouldn't want to live in Italy all expenses paid??? Kind of a sweet deal, you know? On the other hand if he lived in Morocco and was working hard to try to make ends meet but he stumbled every so often and you wished to help him out I think that would be different but then it's hard when we're not exactly in the position you are in to judge the situation.

I think stopping all funding to him for a while might give you a clearer picture of what is going on.