How do you keep the hope?

[Drew and Tik 0]

How long have you known her? Are you sure you're ready for marriage, regardless of how much you miss her?

Also, I don't know what your major is or what caliber of degree you're going for, but if you can find a job starting at $50,000 right after graduating college, especially in Utah were I presume cost of living is way lower than New York City, you are way luckier than most recent grads! My job started at $32,700 (and actually only $25,100 if you count the first 6 months in the police academy!) and I live somewhere where the cost of living is very likely more than double where you live, not to mention I risk getting shot at

[BigCityDave 0]

I am studying Manufacturing Engineering. For most of the graduates you find jobs with starting Salaries of 50 thousand.

I am flying to Hungary this Thanksgiving and probably again this Christmas. It is difficult trying to juggle my work, school, and my relationship with my fiance.

[rebeccajo 14]

Love doesn't pay the bills.

How are you paying for your education now? Paying cash as you go? Parents paying? Student loans? Financial aid?

Whatever you are doing as a single man, expect that to change as a married man. At least somewhat. If you are working to pay for your education, some of that money is going to go towards support of your new 'family'.

I think you need to speak to other college students who are married and get the skinny on 'how they manage'.

[GeordieWife 1]

Somehow we all survive what life throws at us. Being prepared is better, but to 'struggle' along somehow cultivates tenacity in us we didn't know existed. Trust and faith are nurtured that way. Much of what we do is a 'leap of faith' and without taking a little risk, you will never experience some of the best times.

Think of it this way....some people have started out having all they need and wanted...but for whatever reason, they lose it all. They learn to work together to rebuild....anything can happen in life. Together, you either build it back, or fail and crumble. If you are committed in the true sense of the word, it won't matter how much you've saved, you'll find a way to make things work.

[BigCityDave 0]

Somehow we all survive what life throws at us. Being prepared is better, but to 'struggle' along somehow cultivates tenacity in us we didn't know existed. Trust and faith are nurtured that way. Much of what we do is a 'leap of faith' and without taking a little risk, you will never experience some of the best times.

Think of it this way....some people have started out having all they need and wanted...but for whatever reason, they lose it all. They learn to work together to rebuild....anything can happen in life. Together, you either build it back, or fail and crumble. If you are committed in the true sense of the word, it won't matter how much you've saved, you'll find a way to make things work.

Thanks GordieLover, I really like what you had to say here.

As for the other question, right now I make more than enough to pay my way through school. I am living at home with my parents, working two part time jobs and going to school part time. I know that I should probably drop one of my jobs next semester and go full time school. That is what I will be planning. I plan on living at home because it is much cheaper for me and I live close to the University I attend. So I see no real reason to move out unless I really do get married to my love. I have just been concerned about the future. What is going to happen financially and what not. I plan on having a good amount of money in the bank to pull from when that marriage time would come. Then I was hoping my Fiance or future wife could get a full time job while I keep my part time job and go to school full time. I was planning to finish within 3 years. Yes, it may be a struggle, but I just find it frustrating to get all these mixed answers from family and friends, who believe that I should wait until I finish school. I do see their point and do somewhat agree. Of course it would be better for me to make a good 50 thousand a year before getting married. However, is this really necessary? Can I follow my heart and love that I have towards this girl and jump right into the adventure of marriage? I have just been distressing over these things for quite some time.

By the way, I really appreciate all the support that is given here in this community. I feel really blessed to have found you all.

[trailmix 77]

Family and friends give you advice, but it is up to you to make the decision. In a lovely ideal world it would be nice to be making 50k a year before you get married. However that isn't where you are - so no use worrying about it.

Really they just want the best for you, but you will find throughout your whole life that people will be giving you advice, only you know what is right for you (that includes the advice you are getting right now )

Live simply, you might just be 'getting by' financially until you graduate - that is truly not the worst thing in the world

Good luck!

[BigCityDave 0]

Family and friends give you advice, but it is up to you to make the decision. In a lovely ideal world it would be nice to be making 50k a year before you get married. However that isn't where you are - so no use worrying about it.

Really they just want the best for you, but you will find throughout your whole life that people will be giving you advice, only you know what is right for you (that includes the advice you are getting right now )

Live simply, you might just be 'getting by' financially until you graduate - that is truly not the worst thing in the world

Good luck!

I think you are right, in this situation I really need to just follow my heart and do what I think would be best for me.

[jundp 191]

All I know is I want to continue my college education while living the married life. I see lots of students who do go to college while married, but I just don't know how they do it. Do they just work part time and go to school part time or full time? It is possible isnt? Is there anyone here who has done it?

Some students use credit cards like cash, spend grants and loans like savings, and come out of college owing $80K+.

Heard of doctors with $300K debt and people with masters with $90K+ debt.

You can't assume these other people are spending what they have saved. More than likely they are just digging a deeper hole.

You just have to be frugal and practical. I was a single mom in college. I worked during the day as long as I could take night classes and then had to switch my schedule. I did use my student loans for my living expenses (beyond my tuition, obviously) so I could start working part time and go to school during the day. It was hard, and yes, I'm still paying for it, but it was worth it to provide a better life for me and my son.

Though the situations were a bit different, I was still supporting two people. Now I am working 2 jobs again to help cover my everyday stuff, plus some savings, and things for my children, as well as wedding plans. You do what you have to do. Your fiancee will only have to wait to work until she gets EAD, and that could happen within 3 months.

Don't give up over money. If we were all independently wealthy, it would be grand. But we're not. And if we waited to do anything until we had enough money, many people would stagnate and die Finish school and marry the woman you love, I say! And of course, I'm just a random internet person, so my opinion doesn't count

[Caladan 19]

Our answer to a similar problem? We waited an extra year before we married.

C. had a lot of debts. Mostly student loans, nothing too serious, but enough that when we ran the numbers and factored in four to six months of unemployment for him, and my low salary as a graduate student, and the nutbar cost of living around here, we knew that if we had to carry his debt, we wouldn't make it. And I was not going into a marriage having to worry about money.

So he put the next year (while we waited for the visa to process) pretty much entirely toward either paying off the loans or into savings.

And I have to tell you, it's still been tight. There are lots of little expenses -- new driver's license, new registration for the car. There are some bigger ones, like no longer having a roommate to split the rent. There are the unexpected ones, like $400 for an emergency tooth extraction. (Yeah, you get all their medical expenses, too. ) Plus all of the costs of moving him here, getting married, adjusting status ($1010!) getting settled. I have felt like we've been bleeding cash and we've only staunched it recently.

And that's with him having managed to work two months while on the I-94, and having a job lined up once his work authorization came. Figure a while before she's working.

It has been worth it. But while not rich, I'm at least supporting us in a modest manner. I would not have done this if that could not have been the case.

You'll make your own decision, and I don't know what's right for you. But please think about how you're going to manage. Budget it out. In a perfect world money wouldn't matter, but of the marriages that fail, money problems are right up there with infidelity.

[Caladan 19]

Jaseball,

I know exactly what you mean, which is what I am afraid of. It is so hard on me right now because I love this girl dearly and want to be with her. It is very painful because I feel tha the only way we can be together is to get married. There do not seem to be any other ways she can come to America.

My parents, brothers, and even some friends have told me that I should wait to get my college education done before jumping into marriage. They tell me that I will be happier having a career making 50 grand or more a year before I jump into a commitment like this. I just wish there was some way I could be with her while going to school.

This is very distressing for me now...

This is also important. Your family, who I'm guessing is who you're expecting will support you should you need it, does NOT seem to be in your corner 100%. This is not the sort of thing that improves if you end up on their doorstep.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Jaseball,

I know exactly what you mean, which is what I am afraid of. It is so hard on me right now because I love this girl dearly and want to be with her. It is very painful because I feel tha the only way we can be together is to get married. There do not seem to be any other ways she can come to America.

My parents, brothers, and even some friends have told me that I should wait to get my college education done before jumping into marriage. They tell me that I will be happier having a career making 50 grand or more a year before I jump into a commitment like this. I just wish there was some way I could be with her while going to school.

This is very distressing for me now...

(My personal opinion so please take it with a grain of salt) ... resorting to marriage as the only viable alternative so you can be together while you are in college is rather haphazard. The two of you can wait until you are finished with college. If it was meant to be, it will be. Relationships can survive time and distance if you both desire to be together. I'd take to heart your friends and family who have your best interests at heart.

[BigCityDave 0]

I just wonder how college students do it these days. I know there are so many expenses, but could it be possible if my future wife is working full time while I am working part time?

[Drew and Tik 0]

Three years is a long time. The thing is, if your spouse and parents don't mind, you guys could continue to live there for a while and throw them a few bucks a month for bills. It's an option, if my parents lived in NYC I would probably live with them for the time being, it would be a lot better than paying my hellishly outrageous rent

[rebeccajo 14]

We don't make 50K a year, and we manage......

I kind of think it's unfair for you to expect your wife to work while you attend school. At least insofar as that being your financial plan. If you want sacrifice, it has to come from both of you, not just she. If your education is all that important, then you need to fund it. And believe me - it is important. How far are you going to get in life without that diploma? If you want to struggle your entire life (married or not) just drop out of school.

Like I said earlier, talk to other married college students and see what they suggest about managing money. They are a better source of advice for you than us.

[Caladan 19]

I just wonder how college students do it these days. I know there are so many expenses, but could it be possible if my future wife is working full time while I am working part time?

Most college students don't get married to foreigners. Most don't get married.

A financial plan is not 'maybe the person who will be legally unable to work and perhaps unable to drive for a period of time will be the breadwinner.' You have to figure that there will be about four to six months where she'll be unable to work, and it very well could be some time before she lands a job. If the financial stress causes you to have to drop out of school (she can't work, remember, so it's all you), your life will have taken a very, very different turn.

Pretend she will be making no money once she's here for the first six months. What can you do to ensure you will not drop out of school and still have food to eat and a place to sleep?

I am not of the opinion that people have to be set for life before marrying, but there's being set and there's not being in a precarious situation.