Question about male behaviour

[TracyTN 237]

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

That may be the best response I've read yet!

[Lizzy 0]

"He has always said that if I don't lose my weight within a "reasonable time" in his estimation he will cut me off emotionally because it shows I don't love him enough"

When i came to the US i was 125 pounds, my husband accepted me then, when i gained weight and was 152 pounds, he also accepted me then, told me he did not care what weight i was as long as i was happy and that he loved me even more, now i am 145 pounds after a bit of morning sickness he accepts me for the way i am, see the trend here?

Your husband should accept you the way you are, because thats called love. Take care.

[Caladan 19]

If I gained 30lbs I wouldn't expect my wife to think I'm too desirable anymore. I mean, people do have control over their weight, despite what they claim. It's a choice.

But that's not the real issue here....it's really NOT her weight, but how he REACTS to her weight that seems to be the issue....

But that's her version of it. I wonder what he would say.

but.... look, even if the problem is that he's not attracted to her any more because she's gained thirty pounds, and that's honestly how he feels, berating her about it and threatening to withhold emotional support if she doesn't lose weight is an a$sholish way to go about helping your PARTNER (not your trophy, not your conversation piece) lose weight. And it's a counterproductive one, since I guarantee you if C. were to come home and demand that I lose 20 pounds or he'd stop caring about me, I wouldn't lose that weight in a healthy way, but as fast as I could.

C.'s got a bit of a pot belly and we're working on him eating more healthily and exercising. Somehow I don't think withholding sex is going to make him lose that gut, even though I don't find the gut as attractive as I would a six-pack.

It would be like your wife demanding that you instantly get a $30,000 raise or she'll start withholding sex to 'encourage' you to become a better provider. You know, because guys who aren't rich aren't as sexy. I mean, it's your choice about how much you make, right? Even if she's right about what she finds sexy, being a jerk isn't going to help you switch careers.

[chri'stina 190]

but.... look, even if the problem is that he's not attracted to her any more because she's gained thirty pounds, and that's honestly how he feels, berating her about it and threatening to withhold emotional support if she doesn't lose weight is an a$sholish way to go about helping your PARTNER (not your trophy, not your conversation piece) lose weight.

I think most people in marriages end up gaining weight along the way, or changing somehow physically. God forbid wrinkles appear one day or get worse. And watch out for that gray hair! Some people expect their spouse to stay exactly the same as the day they met them or something. It's a very unrealistic way to live.

I would be so ticked if my husband threatened to cut me off emotionally if I didn't loose such and such weight. Oh there'd be some arguments! I actually had lost a little weight after our marriage but because I wanted to. But he has gained a little weight from the American diet. I don't care at all. I want us to be healthy and we can work on that, but I can't fathom loving him less because of gaining weight.

[SteveLaura 0]

To be honest, I think people are focusing on the weight issue too much. The OP needs to talk to her husband to discern what has caused the change in his behaviour. Like #6, my social life has dropped dramatically since being here - and that's only one aspect of a thousand other things that changed overnight since getting off the plane. It sounds like the honeymoon is definitely over for the OP and her husband. They need to sit down and discuss what they feel they can expect from each other to make the marriage work and to make life fun again. Maybe the husband does feel that the OP should lose weight for him, but I would be honestly surprised if that's the only reeason for his change. In an open and honest discussion, where no one blames, accuses, points fingers, etc, I would hope that the two of you can discuss ways to move on. How you would like him to help out around the house more. How he would like the opportunity to make friends on his own, perhaps. How you would like more support and contact. How he needs time on his own sometimes. Whatever.

If you do want to lose weight - for whatever reason - you need to tell him what will help you do that. Maybe you can work out together. Maybe you can agree on eating more healthily, or cutting down on 'bad food' together. Explain that what he's doing right now is counter-productive.

As for counselling, I would suggest that that should be a much later decision, and only if you really can't communicate with each other. Having time and space to discuss what you're both feeling - without recrimination - is the first step, and a healthy one. Good Luck.

[JODO 2]

"He has always said that if I don't lose my weight within a "reasonable time" in his estimation he will cut me off emotionally because it shows I don't love him enough"

When i came to the US i was 125 pounds, my husband accepted me then, when i gained weight and was 152 pounds, he also accepted me then, told me he did not care what weight i was as long as i was happy and that he loved me even more, now i am 145 pounds after a bit of morning sickness he accepts me for the way i am, see the trend here?

Your husband should accept you the way you are, because thats called love. Take care.

Lizzy you have a good guy I had a friend whose wacko husband wanted her to diet during her pregnancy!!!! I am so glad she got away from that nut.

Edited August 24, 2007 by JODO

[mawilson 2,133]

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

That may be the best response I've read yet!

Come on now - he can't make his ####### bigger by going to the gym more often.

[maya62 7]

The weight thing sends up huge red flags for me, too.

Sounds like my ex. We waited too long, I think, to go to counseling. Well, I'll spare you the gory details...

Nowadays, I would NEVER let a man treat me that way, and it scares me that the OP isn't objecting more strongly. As someone said, it is SO wrong.

I think counseling, either for them as a couple, or for the OP herself if he won't go, is a really good idea. Like yesterday.

Best wishes to the OP.

Maya

[TracyTN 237]

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

That may be the best response I've read yet!

Come on now - he can't make his ####### bigger by going to the gym more often.

I think the point was more about making fun of someone for something they are likely sensitive about (putting the shoe on the other foot).

[smoke20 0]

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

That may be the best response I've read yet!

Come on now - he can't make his ####### bigger by going to the gym more often.

I think the point was more about making fun of someone for something they are likely sensitive about (putting the shoe on the other foot).

the guy sounds like a richard. calling him pee-wee might make him feel he needs a smaller shoe.

[garya505 2]

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

That may be the best response I've read yet!

Come on now - he can't make his ####### bigger by going to the gym more often.

I think the point was more about making fun of someone for something they are likely sensitive about (putting the shoe on the other foot).

the guy sounds like a richard. calling him pee-wee might make him feel he needs a smaller shoe.

My wife calls my thingy "Mr Wiggly". Is that a bad sign?

[Nessa 23]

My wife calls my thingy "Mr Wiggly". Is that a bad sign?

It depends how you call her gina

[Captain Ewok 1,928]

This topic has been closed per the request of the original poster. Thank you for your understanding.