VAWA, Part 27

[TBoneTX 47,827]

It is Sunday, meaning it's time for our thrilling, hilarious Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

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THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

 

I realized why I love margaritas -- it's a way to drink salt.

 

Being abducted by aliens might just be the vacation I need at this point.

 

You know you're old when you have upstairs ibuprofen and downstairs ibuprofen.

 

Everything mixes well with tequila except decisions.

 

I need a speed-bump between my brain and my mouth.

 

Did you know that the word "incorrectly" is spelled "incorrectly" in every dictionary?

 

Eyedrops are technically blinker fluid.

 

They should invent a Sunday that doesn't have a Monday right after it.

 

If your phone doesn't ring, it's me.

 

Mother Nature is just throwing out temperatures like Powerball numbers:  86 42 66 53 40.

 

Of all the types of sausage, German is the wurst.

 

I have only two moods:  (1) Worrying about every detail, and (2) It is what it is.

 

The weather is trying to be all sweet and pretty... like it didn't try to kill us a week ago.

 

When I say "the other day," I could be referring to yesterday or 15 years ago.

 

No need to repeat yourself -- I ignored you fine the first time.

 

The phrase "don't take this the wrong way" has a 0% success rate.

 

I thought that growing old would take longer.

 

All of my passwords are protected... by amnesia.
 

[TBoneTX 47,827]

Oh, my!  Wednesday -- time for our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

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CROWS

A bunch of female crows perched on a telephone line started "cawing," one after the other.  Soon, a male crow appeared and announced the following: "Please stay on the line.  Your caw will be answered in the order in which it was received."
 

[TBoneTX 47,827]

Man... no action since last joke?  We need a good Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

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BOOM!

 

A tough old Texas rancher once told his grandson that the secret to long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

 

The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 93.

 

When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

 

[TBoneTX 47,827]

Everything is going so well in this thread that it's already time for our Wednesday-on-Thursday Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

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CANADIAN GIRLS IN AUSTRALIA

 

Two pretty girls from Canada decided to travel to Australia over the winter to get a break from -40 temperatures, ice, and snow.  They sat at a club in Perth, enjoying the sunshine and sipping on a cold drink.

 

Two local young men saw them.  One said to the other, "Hey, why don't you ask those pretty ladies over to join us?"

 

His buddy walked over to the girls and said, "G'day, ladies -- haven't seen you around here before.  Where are you from?"

 

One girl looked up with a big smile and proudly said, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan!"

 

The young man looked at them, blinked a couple of times, and walked back to his buddy, who said, "Are the ladies coming over, or should we join them over there?"

 

His friend replied, "Nah.  They don't speak any English."

 

[TBoneTX 47,827]

Man -- we've never had 3 consecutive VAWA-Thread Jokes until now.  Here is Sunday's Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

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A DOCTOR'S EXPERIENCE

 

A man fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.  He was promptly admitted to the hospital after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

 

What with the man's skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline solution, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

 

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"

 

The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."

 

[JerryVawa 10]

Question on when should I let USCIS know I am divorced from my abuser U.S. citizen spouse? 
 

I filed for VAWA while being married to abuser. I-485 was filed prior to VAWA and therefore communication was sent to USCIS to hold it  in abeyance while VAWA is pending.
 

While VAWA was in process, I got divorced from abuser. 
 

VAWA is approved 3 years later. 
 

I have not informed USCIS of the divorce yet - when do I do that? I was thinking during the AOS interview, but what if I get lucky and I get approved without an interview?

[OldUser 10,353]

3 hours ago, JerryVawa said:

 

I have not informed USCIS of the divorce yet - when do I do that? I was thinking during the AOS interview, but what if I get lucky and I get approved without an interview?

Let them know sooner than later. You can write letter / send evidence of divorce

[balo101 690]

9 hours ago, JerryVawa said:

Question on when should I let USCIS know I am divorced from my abuser U.S. citizen spouse? 
 

I filed for VAWA while being married to abuser. I-485 was filed prior to VAWA and therefore communication was sent to USCIS to hold it  in abeyance while VAWA is pending.
 

While VAWA was in process, I got divorced from abuser. 
 

VAWA is approved 3 years later. 
 

I have not informed USCIS of the divorce yet - when do I do that? I was thinking during the AOS interview, but what if I get lucky and I get approved without an interview?

do it when they call you for an interview. If not during your citizenship interview. Do not send anything if they did not ask for it. 

[JerryVawa 10]

22 hours ago, JerryVawa said:

Question on when should I let USCIS know I am divorced from my abuser U.S. citizen spouse? 
 

I filed for VAWA while being married to abuser. I-485 was filed prior to VAWA and therefore communication was sent to USCIS to hold it  in abeyance while VAWA is pending.
 

While VAWA was in process, I got divorced from abuser. 
 

VAWA is approved 3 years later. 
 

I have not informed USCIS of the divorce yet - when do I do that? I was thinking during the AOS interview, but what if I get lucky and I get approved without an interview?

Thoughts? @Sandra G.

[TBoneTX 47,827]

For the first time in recorded human (and chimpanzee) history, we have neglected to post our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke in timely fashion, so here it is:

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THREE GOOD ONES

 

As I get older, I don't really sleep any longer; it's more of a doze between pee breaks.

 

I'm adopting a healthier lifestyle.  Now I park and walk inside to buy donuts, instead of using the drive-through.

My grandson asked, "Do trees poop?"

I said, "That's where #2 pencils come from."
 

[TBoneTX 47,827]

We are on time (Sunday) with our Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

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THE MAGIC WORDS

 

A little boy wanted his toy, so he went to his mother and said, "Mom, give me my toy."

 

His mother said, "What are the magic words?"  The little boy said the magic words, and his mom gave him his toy.

 

The next day, the little boy started Kindergarten.  At snack time, the little boy wanted some juice, so he walked up to his teacher and asked for a juice box.

 

The teacher said, "What are the magic words?"  The little boy said the magic words.  However, the teacher became upset, and she called the little boy's mother and asked her to come in for a meeting.

 

When the three were sitting in the room together, the teacher asked the mother, "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"

 

"No," the mother said.  "Why, what did he do?"

 

"Well, he asked for a juice box," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying 'please,' he said, 'You're thin and you're beautiful.'"

 

[Crazy Cat 45,187]

***One off topic comment removed. Please stay on topic***

[TBoneTX 47,827]

We are late again (what is happening to us?!) with our Wednesday Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

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THE CLERGYMEN AND THE BEAR

 

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to see who was best at his job.  They each went into the woods, found a bear, and attempted to convert it.

 

Later, they got together.  The priest said, "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water.  Next week is his First Communion."

 

The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream and preached God's holy word.  The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him."

 

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was wrapped almost head-to-toe in a body cast.

 

"In retrospect," he sighed, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

 

[TBoneTX 47,827]

It is Sunday, and here is our Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

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FISHING DRUNK

 

A drunk ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into it.  As he did so, a loud voice from above said, "There are no fish down there."

 

The fisherman walked several yards away and drilled another hole.  As he peered into it, he again heard a voice say, "There are no fish down there."

 

He walked about 20 yards away and drilled another hole.  Once again, the voice said, "There are NO FISH down there!"

 

The fisherman looked up to the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"

 

"No, you idiot," said the voice.  "I'm the skating-rink manager."

 

[Sandra G. 5,104]

On 8/25/2025 at 8:55 AM, JerryVawa said:

Question on when should I let USCIS know I am divorced from my abuser U.S. citizen spouse? 
 

I filed for VAWA while being married to abuser. I-485 was filed prior to VAWA and therefore communication was sent to USCIS to hold it  in abeyance while VAWA is pending.
 

While VAWA was in process, I got divorced from abuser. 
 

VAWA is approved 3 years later. 
 

I have not informed USCIS of the divorce yet - when do I do that? I was thinking during the AOS interview, but what if I get lucky and I get approved without an interview?

You should inform USCIS about your divorce as soon as possible.