Annoying relatives poking their noses in >.<

[C and J 1]

My mother in law means the best but at every stage of the process she continuously pokes her nose into our business and 'suggests' things, which have to be taken as gospel and acted upon.

When my husband and I were first going to submit the forms I researched them fully and filled in all of my portions and sent them off to hubby to complete the rest. His mother did not think this was good enough and made up go to a Diocese for help.

To me this was unnecessary expense as we had to pay for the Diocese's help and she made 2 amendments which were one 'N/A' and another 'as above'. Things that I doubt our forms would have been rejected for (of course I could be wrong).

Well, now she has made a friend of someone in the medical profession, who has ties with an immigration lawyer and has come up with the bright idea of my going over to the States now, on a student visa, so I can spend time there waiting for my K3 to go through.

Please someone humour me and tell me that this is not a good idea. It would be pretty obvious to anyone authorising my student visa that I am doing that purely to be with my husband and, honestly, I can't see it ending in a good way. I have a full time job in the UK where I am saving my money as best I can for when the time arrives to actually immigrate. That way I can more than support myself between arrival and my EP being authorised.

To go over there now, as a student, will stop any further income of my own and cost money for courses etc

Anyone else have a relative like this?

[waiting4s 0]

My mother in law means the best but at every stage of the process she continuously pokes her nose into our business and 'suggests' things, which have to be taken as gospel and acted upon.

When my husband and I were first going to submit the forms I researched them fully and filled in all of my portions and sent them off to hubby to complete the rest. His mother did not think this was good enough and made up go to a Diocese for help.

To me this was unnecessary expense as we had to pay for the Diocese's help and she made 2 amendments which were one 'N/A' and another 'as above'. Things that I doubt our forms would have been rejected for (of course I could be wrong).

Well, now she has made a friend of someone in the medical profession, who has ties with an immigration lawyer and has come up with the bright idea of my going over to the States now, on a student visa, so I can spend time there waiting for my K3 to go through.

Please someone humour me and tell me that this is not a good idea. It would be pretty obvious to anyone authorising my student visa that I am doing that purely to be with my husband and, honestly, I can't see it ending in a good way. I have a full time job in the UK where I am saving my money as best I can for when the time arrives to actually immigrate. That way I can more than support myself between arrival and my EP being authorised.

To go over there now, as a student, will stop any further income of my own and cost money for courses etc

Anyone else have a relative like this?

Bad idea to apply for a student visa when you are already in line to apply for a K3. You are doing the right thing by waiting until the K3 is approved. Definately a smart move to keep on working while the K3 process takes it course, it will keep you busy. I would suggest not getting anymore "advice" from any relatives, as you appear to be doing the right thing and following the normal process. Even if they did approve your student visa, you would be in heap of mess after you got here and then tried to change your status.

[ApprovalPlease 0]

Getting a student visa might take longer than getting a K3.

[Cassie 8]

unless your MIL is an immigration attorney, I'd tell her in a nice way that the two of you have a handle on it and please stop with the "help", thankyouverymuch.

You and the hubby are united on this issue, right?

[C and J 1]

Thank you for the responses

Yes, hubby and I are of the same mind as far as the student visa go. Neither of us want to go for it. My hubby actually says I listen to my mother in law more than he does and that I'm far too polite i.e I'm not forceful enough when saying no to her.

Unfortunately, when she gave us the idea for the student visa, we told her no but she is going to talk to the immigration lawyer about it anyway *sigh* I'm sure a few more polite 'no's' will eventually sink in. I can just cross my fingers and hope.

I'll just smile politely when the immigration lawyer (hopefully) tells her about the length of time to get the student visa and the adjustment of status from that. I think she thinks that a student visa could get me in the States now.

[Devil's_Advocate 0]

Cheryl & Josh,

A student visa would likely be denied as you have a pending K3 visa, therefore making it a waste of your time, UK embassy employee's time and money.

You sound like a wonderful, respectful young lady but remember that you teach people how to treat you. I would suggest that you nicely set boundaries with your mother-in-law now, just imagine what life will be like if and when you and your husband decide to start a family.

My mother in law means the best but at every stage of the process she continuously pokes her nose into our business and 'suggests' things, which have to be taken as gospel and acted upon.

When my husband and I were first going to submit the forms I researched them fully and filled in all of my portions and sent them off to hubby to complete the rest. His mother did not think this was good enough and made up go to a Diocese for help.

To me this was unnecessary expense as we had to pay for the Diocese's help and she made 2 amendments which were one 'N/A' and another 'as above'. Things that I doubt our forms would have been rejected for (of course I could be wrong).

Well, now she has made a friend of someone in the medical profession, who has ties with an immigration lawyer and has come up with the bright idea of my going over to the States now, on a student visa, so I can spend time there waiting for my K3 to go through.

Please someone humour me and tell me that this is not a good idea. It would be pretty obvious to anyone authorising my student visa that I am doing that purely to be with my husband and, honestly, I can't see it ending in a good way. I have a full time job in the UK where I am saving my money as best I can for when the time arrives to actually immigrate. That way I can more than support myself between arrival and my EP being authorised.

To go over there now, as a student, will stop any further income of my own and cost money for courses etc

Anyone else have a relative like this?

[Urge To Race 2]

My mother in law means the best but at every stage of the process she continuously pokes her nose into our business and 'suggests' things, which have to be taken as gospel and acted upon.

When my husband and I were first going to submit the forms I researched them fully and filled in all of my portions and sent them off to hubby to complete the rest. His mother did not think this was good enough and made up go to a Diocese for help.

To me this was unnecessary expense as we had to pay for the Diocese's help and she made 2 amendments which were one 'N/A' and another 'as above'. Things that I doubt our forms would have been rejected for (of course I could be wrong).

Well, now she has made a friend of someone in the medical profession, who has ties with an immigration lawyer and has come up with the bright idea of my going over to the States now, on a student visa, so I can spend time there waiting for my K3 to go through.

Please someone humour me and tell me that this is not a good idea. It would be pretty obvious to anyone authorising my student visa that I am doing that purely to be with my husband and, honestly, I can't see it ending in a good way. I have a full time job in the UK where I am saving my money as best I can for when the time arrives to actually immigrate. That way I can more than support myself between arrival and my EP being authorised.

To go over there now, as a student, will stop any further income of my own and cost money for courses etc

Anyone else have a relative like this?

Obviously, you have had many replies with people telling you to tell your mother in law to butt out. Of course, that is to be expected, and what you asked for.

However, a few things to note for you and the other posters. You never said your mother in law wanted you to adjust status from the student visa. That would be illegal as in visa fraud and would result in a 10 year ban. If you could get a student visa and get it quickly, you could come and stay with you husband just fine. That is not going to get you "in a heap of trouble." You can't adjust status mind you, you will have to go back to the consulate for the interview for the K3.

But ,honestly if you want to visit your hubby in the states from the UK, you should be able to come on the visa waiver program. Bring proof of your ties to the UK to demonstrate your intent to go back. Again, don't try to adjust status. You must go back after 90 days. You will immigrate when you get the K3.

[pushbrk 12,243]

My mother in law means the best but at every stage of the process she continuously pokes her nose into our business and 'suggests' things, which have to be taken as gospel and acted upon.

When my husband and I were first going to submit the forms I researched them fully and filled in all of my portions and sent them off to hubby to complete the rest. His mother did not think this was good enough and made up go to a Diocese for help.

To me this was unnecessary expense as we had to pay for the Diocese's help and she made 2 amendments which were one 'N/A' and another 'as above'. Things that I doubt our forms would have been rejected for (of course I could be wrong).

Well, now she has made a friend of someone in the medical profession, who has ties with an immigration lawyer and has come up with the bright idea of my going over to the States now, on a student visa, so I can spend time there waiting for my K3 to go through.

Please someone humour me and tell me that this is not a good idea. It would be pretty obvious to anyone authorising my student visa that I am doing that purely to be with my husband and, honestly, I can't see it ending in a good way. I have a full time job in the UK where I am saving my money as best I can for when the time arrives to actually immigrate. That way I can more than support myself between arrival and my EP being authorised.

To go over there now, as a student, will stop any further income of my own and cost money for courses etc

Anyone else have a relative like this?

Obviously, you have had many replies with people telling you to tell your mother in law to butt out. Of course, that is to be expected, and what you asked for.

However, a few things to note for you and the other posters. You never said your mother in law wanted you to adjust status from the student visa. That would be illegal as in visa fraud and would result in a 10 year ban. If you could get a student visa and get it quickly, you could come and stay with you husband just fine. That is not going to get you "in a heap of trouble." You can't adjust status mind you, you will have to go back to the consulate for the interview for the K3.

But ,honestly if you want to visit your hubby in the states from the UK, you should be able to come on the visa waiver program. Bring proof of your ties to the UK to demonstrate your intent to go back. Again, don't try to adjust status. You must go back after 90 days. You will immigrate when you get the K3.

Excuse me for finding this thread pretty humorous. The OP asks somebody to tell her the student visa is a bad idea. Well, if it is, it's because it would take to long. The OP didn't ask anybody to tell her how to deal with her Mother in-law but plenty of people have advice about that. Who's mother in-law are they.

Anyway, if you want to visit your husband for a while during the visa process, just jump on a plane and do it but go back before your leave to stay has expired or for your visa interview, whichever comes first. When you come, give a general pleasure trip answer to any question about the purpose of your visit and be prepared to show ties to home that will convince the authorities you plan to go home instead of stay.

Questions on how to go about visiting from visa waiver countries are discussed here at least once a day, so you can read all you want about it until you're sick of it.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

My mother in law means the best but at every stage of the process she continuously pokes her nose into our business and 'suggests' things, which have to be taken as gospel and acted upon.

When my husband and I were first going to submit the forms I researched them fully and filled in all of my portions and sent them off to hubby to complete the rest. His mother did not think this was good enough and made up go to a Diocese for help.

To me this was unnecessary expense as we had to pay for the Diocese's help and she made 2 amendments which were one 'N/A' and another 'as above'. Things that I doubt our forms would have been rejected for (of course I could be wrong).

Well, now she has made a friend of someone in the medical profession, who has ties with an immigration lawyer and has come up with the bright idea of my going over to the States now, on a student visa, so I can spend time there waiting for my K3 to go through.

Please someone humour me and tell me that this is not a good idea. It would be pretty obvious to anyone authorising my student visa that I am doing that purely to be with my husband and, honestly, I can't see it ending in a good way. I have a full time job in the UK where I am saving my money as best I can for when the time arrives to actually immigrate. That way I can more than support myself between arrival and my EP being authorised.

To go over there now, as a student, will stop any further income of my own and cost money for courses etc

Anyone else have a relative like this?

Obviously, you have had many replies with people telling you to tell your mother in law to butt out. Of course, that is to be expected, and what you asked for.

However, a few things to note for you and the other posters. You never said your mother in law wanted you to adjust status from the student visa. That would be illegal as in visa fraud and would result in a 10 year ban. If you could get a student visa and get it quickly, you could come and stay with you husband just fine. That is not going to get you "in a heap of trouble." You can't adjust status mind you, you will have to go back to the consulate for the interview for the K3.

But ,honestly if you want to visit your hubby in the states from the UK, you should be able to come on the visa waiver program. Bring proof of your ties to the UK to demonstrate your intent to go back. Again, don't try to adjust status. You must go back after 90 days. You will immigrate when you get the K3.

Excuse me for finding this thread pretty humorous. The OP asks somebody to tell her the student visa is a bad idea. Well, if it is, it's because it would take to long. The OP didn't ask anybody to tell her how to deal with her Mother in-law but plenty of people have advice about that. Who's mother in-law are they.

Anyway, if you want to visit your husband for a while during the visa process, just jump on a plane and do it but go back before your leave to stay has expired or for your visa interview, whichever comes first. When you come, give a general pleasure trip answer to any question about the purpose of your visit and be prepared to show ties to home that will convince the authorities you plan to go home instead of stay.

Questions on how to go about visiting from visa waiver countries are discussed here at least once a day, so you can read all you want about it until you're sick of it.

Actually, She did ask

[pushbrk 12,243]

My mother in law means the best but at every stage of the process she continuously pokes her nose into our business and 'suggests' things, which have to be taken as gospel and acted upon.

When my husband and I were first going to submit the forms I researched them fully and filled in all of my portions and sent them off to hubby to complete the rest. His mother did not think this was good enough and made up go to a Diocese for help.

To me this was unnecessary expense as we had to pay for the Diocese's help and she made 2 amendments which were one 'N/A' and another 'as above'. Things that I doubt our forms would have been rejected for (of course I could be wrong).

Well, now she has made a friend of someone in the medical profession, who has ties with an immigration lawyer and has come up with the bright idea of my going over to the States now, on a student visa, so I can spend time there waiting for my K3 to go through.

Please someone humour me and tell me that this is not a good idea. It would be pretty obvious to anyone authorising my student visa that I am doing that purely to be with my husband and, honestly, I can't see it ending in a good way. I have a full time job in the UK where I am saving my money as best I can for when the time arrives to actually immigrate. That way I can more than support myself between arrival and my EP being authorised.

To go over there now, as a student, will stop any further income of my own and cost money for courses etc

Anyone else have a relative like this?

Obviously, you have had many replies with people telling you to tell your mother in law to butt out. Of course, that is to be expected, and what you asked for.

However, a few things to note for you and the other posters. You never said your mother in law wanted you to adjust status from the student visa. That would be illegal as in visa fraud and would result in a 10 year ban. If you could get a student visa and get it quickly, you could come and stay with you husband just fine. That is not going to get you "in a heap of trouble." You can't adjust status mind you, you will have to go back to the consulate for the interview for the K3.

But ,honestly if you want to visit your hubby in the states from the UK, you should be able to come on the visa waiver program. Bring proof of your ties to the UK to demonstrate your intent to go back. Again, don't try to adjust status. You must go back after 90 days. You will immigrate when you get the K3.

Excuse me for finding this thread pretty humorous. The OP asks somebody to tell her the student visa is a bad idea. Well, if it is, it's because it would take to long. The OP didn't ask anybody to tell her how to deal with her Mother in-law but plenty of people have advice about that. Who's mother in-law are they.

Anyway, if you want to visit your husband for a while during the visa process, just jump on a plane and do it but go back before your leave to stay has expired or for your visa interview, whichever comes first. When you come, give a general pleasure trip answer to any question about the purpose of your visit and be prepared to show ties to home that will convince the authorities you plan to go home instead of stay.

Questions on how to go about visiting from visa waiver countries are discussed here at least once a day, so you can read all you want about it until you're sick of it.

Actually, She did ask

No, she just asked if anybody had a relative like this. I do and I don't want any advice on how to deal with her either.

[C and J 1]

Excuse me for finding this thread pretty humorous. The OP asks somebody to tell her the student visa is a bad idea. Well, if it is, it's because it would take to long. The OP didn't ask anybody to tell her how to deal with her Mother in-law but plenty of people have advice about that. Who's mother in-law are they.

Anyway, if you want to visit your husband for a while during the visa process, just jump on a plane and do it but go back before your leave to stay has expired or for your visa interview, whichever comes first. When you come, give a general pleasure trip answer to any question about the purpose of your visit and be prepared to show ties to home that will convince the authorities you plan to go home instead of stay.

Questions on how to go about visiting from visa waiver countries are discussed here at least once a day, so you can read all you want about it until you're sick of it.

Thanks again for all the responses. I don't mind the opinions on how to deal with my M-I-L because I'm obviously not doing something right

I actually have a trip planned to visit Josh in Sept this year, so it's not as if we will not see each other between now and the visa completion. Albeit a week of that trip will be dedicated to my brother-in-laws wedding, we will still have a week to ourselves afterwards As I explained in a previous post, any lengthy stay in the US is not possible due to saving money, so a 2 week visit here and there is all I can afford to take. I'm used to travelling to the US on the visa waiver program (this will be my 4th trip) but am anxious as it'll be the first time while having a visa in process.

I have already spoken to my employer about writing a letter to show that I am in current employment and that I've been continuously employed by the same company for almost 10 years now. Plus I will have my return ticket with me and will have my wedding invitation too (to prove main reason for visiting). I have no property (mentioned earlier) as I am currently living with my mum until this is all completed. So hopefully that will be enough to show I have ties to return home.

[britty 1]

As long as you are honest at immigration about your visit and can show ties to home if they ask, you should be fine IMO. You appear to have a very stable job back in the UK, and have a valid reason for visiting your husband - a family wedding.

Im interested to know why your MIL's words are taken as gospel and acted upon. Is this something that she has implemented herself or is this a rule that everyone in the family follows. I had a relationship many years ago where my partner's mother assumed the role of manager of my life. I told her politely that advice and guidance came from my own mother and if I needed her advice or opinions I would seek them. You have to stand up for yourself and let your MIL know that your decisions come from research and joint decision making with your husband, and that you will always ask for her advice in matters where you feel you may need it. Your husband could also have a chat with his mother to put things straight.

[C and J 1]

Im interested to know why your MIL's words are taken as gospel and acted upon. Is this something that she has implemented herself or is this a rule that everyone in the family follows. I had a relationship many years ago where my partner's mother assumed the role of manager of my life. I told her politely that advice and guidance came from my own mother and if I needed her advice or opinions I would seek them. You have to stand up for yourself and let your MIL know that your decisions come from research and joint decision making with your husband, and that you will always ask for her advice in matters where you feel you may need it. Your husband could also have a chat with his mother to put things straight.

It's difficult to explain really, without making her seem like a battleaxe. Don't get me wrong, my mum in law is wonderful, except for this blinkered way of seeing things and pushing her ways onto other people.

Josh and his brothers have just been brought up in the environment where the parents choices were always 'right' and, even when they (the children) put their foot down about things, the parents would still impose what they thought was right. My mother in law apparently makes majority of the decisions in the household, something my father in law doesn't seem to worried about.

The older brothers are gifted in the art of accepting what their mum says and then skillfully working around it. They don't openly say no to her, which probably gives her the opinion that everything she says is right and that Josh says no to things just to be awkward. Josh is the only one who does say no outright (even though majority of the time he is ignored) and his mum gets quite hurt about it sometimes and then I feel sorry for her. Josh has been annoyed on at least one occasion where she has come to me because Josh had upset her with a comment.

I suppose it is just not the way I have been raised, my mum was always so open and understanding. She always listened and didn't push her opinions on anyone, even though she too was ruler of the roost. I suppose I find it hard to understand how Josh and his brothers were bought up because I have nothing really to compare it to. It's hard for me to say no to things she suggests, as I feel I am being disrespectful by doing so, when she has been so supportive. And she has already mentioned on one occasion that she doesn't want Josh's view of her to cloud mine and I can't help but think that saying no would prove this in her eyes.

Anyway, I suppose I'll just sit back and wait for her to come to us with the information she manages to get from the attorney (even though we will not go for it).

[pushbrk 12,243]

Im interested to know why your MIL's words are taken as gospel and acted upon. Is this something that she has implemented herself or is this a rule that everyone in the family follows. I had a relationship many years ago where my partner's mother assumed the role of manager of my life. I told her politely that advice and guidance came from my own mother and if I needed her advice or opinions I would seek them. You have to stand up for yourself and let your MIL know that your decisions come from research and joint decision making with your husband, and that you will always ask for her advice in matters where you feel you may need it. Your husband could also have a chat with his mother to put things straight.

It's difficult to explain really, without making her seem like a battleaxe. Don't get me wrong, my mum in law is wonderful, except for this blinkered way of seeing things and pushing her ways onto other people.

Josh and his brothers have just been brought up in the environment where the parents choices were always 'right' and, even when they (the children) put their foot down about things, the parents would still impose what they thought was right. My mother in law apparently makes majority of the decisions in the household, something my father in law doesn't seem to worried about.

The older brothers are gifted in the art of accepting what their mum says and then skillfully working around it. They don't openly say no to her, which probably gives her the opinion that everything she says is right and that Josh says no to things just to be awkward. Josh is the only one who does say no outright (even though majority of the time he is ignored) and his mum gets quite hurt about it sometimes and then I feel sorry for her. Josh has been annoyed on at least one occasion where she has come to me because Josh had upset her with a comment.

I suppose it is just not the way I have been raised, my mum was always so open and understanding. She always listened and didn't push her opinions on anyone, even though she too was ruler of the roost. I suppose I find it hard to understand how Josh and his brothers were bought up because I have nothing really to compare it to. It's hard for me to say no to things she suggests, as I feel I am being disrespectful by doing so, when she has been so supportive. And she has already mentioned on one occasion that she doesn't want Josh's view of her to cloud mine and I can't help but think that saying no would prove this in her eyes.

Anyway, I suppose I'll just sit back and wait for her to come to us with the information she manages to get from the attorney (even though we will not go for it).

My advice (and it may be horrible) is to just be yourself while being polite. No need for anger or raised voices but if you're to the point of letting her know her help on a particular issue is not needed or not welcome, simply tell her, "Thanks Mum, but I think we've got this handled on our own." Repeat it if you have to but don't explain. At some point she'll realized she's dealing with an adult instead of a child and respect you enough to mitigate the meddling.

[ApprovalPlease 0]

Obviosuly, she cares for you that she wants you to move here quicker....well, I am sure after talking to the lawyer she will understand K3 is the best way, sometimes its better to ignore older people until they themselves realize their mistakes...good luck with your K3. I have an aunt like that, I never said no to her in my life, after a while she realized, know matter what she says, I do what I want to do. So she continues to tell me her opionions (some times they do help) but she learned to accept when I don't follow her ways. I guess, It's all a process of live and learn no matter how old we get.