I need guidance

[YemiO 2]

On 7/5/2020 at 1:26 PM, Marieke H said:

Do you have any proof of this? For example, text messages, or reports from a mental health specialist about the emotional/psychological distress? Unfortunately, USCIS will not just take your word for it. 

Yes, I do have text messages of her threats.

[Bluelake1 2]

What breaks my heart-although not familiar with Vawa- is that she appears to manipulate him: it’s very very cruel to get rid of his baby, making another baby and keeping him believe it’s his till later, all while in the marriage. There must be vawa for women distinct from the one for men. And this is more than infidelity, playing games with babies. She’s really not well and needs help. A counselor would agree as op stated, it’s a real trauma and I hope legally its an evidence. Men are also abused in specific ways.

[Villanelle 4,121]

3 hours ago, Bluelake1 said:

What breaks my heart-although not familiar with Vawa- is that she appears to manipulate him: it’s very very cruel to get rid of his baby, making another baby and keeping him believe it’s his till later, all while in the marriage. There must be vawa for women distinct from the one for men. And this is more than infidelity, playing games with babies. She’s really not well and needs help. A counselor would agree as op stated, it’s a real trauma and I hope legally its an evidence. Men are also abused in specific ways.

In the US people are treated equal. Thats men, women,- all races and ethnicity. There is no separate requirements for VAWA based on your gender, race or anything else.

 

So just to make it clear for anyone still confused- VAWA laws provide a path for an abused immigrant to adjust status with out the support of the abuser. USCIS has a specific definition for what is 'abuse'. Unfortunately not all abuse meets their standards. Based on what he posted he does not qualify for VAWA. He can seek out a consultation with a VAWA attny but should expect the same response that he does not qualify.  

 

[Bluelake1 2]

1 hour ago, Villanelle said:

In the US people are treated equal. Thats men, women,- all races and ethnicity. There is no separate requirements for VAWA based on your gender, race or anything else.

 

So just to make it clear for anyone still confused- VAWA laws provide a path for an abused immigrant to adjust status with out the support of the abuser. USCIS has a specific definition for what is 'abuse'. Unfortunately not all abuse meets their standards. Based on what he posted he does not qualify for VAWA. He can seek out a consultation with a VAWA attny but should expect the same response that he does not qualify.  

 

 

 

 

 

[Bluelake1 2]

I didn’t finish to read it but it may give another point of view. Available online. 

[Villanelle 4,121]

I can't see any link

[geowrian 22,336]

5 minutes ago, Villanelle said:

I can't see any link

I was able to pull this from the source code: https://elibrary.law.psu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1142&context=jlia

[Bluelake1 2]

20 hours ago, Villanelle said:

I can't see any link

I clicked on it, sorry 1 st timer. 

[Bluelake1 2]

20 hours ago, geowrian said:

I was able to pull this from the source code: https://elibrary.law.psu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1142&context=jlia

Thanks. I’m new here , was this helpful? 

[Villanelle 4,121]

14 hours ago, Bluelake1 said:

Thanks. I’m new here , was this helpful? 

Well it is a helpful link for explaining that men can in fact be abuse victims and also qualify for VAWA relief. But no, its not really helpful for the OP.  The last paragraph on page 6 that continues on 7

"The bar to present a complete and convincing VAWA
petition may be set higher for men. It is the practitioner’s duty to
directly confront the preconceived beliefs and issues in the VAWA
submission. First and foremost proof must be offered that the couple entered into the marriage in good faith. Second, battery or
extreme cruelty – language used by USCIS must be delineated.
Actual and threatened acts of violence must be clearly presented with
corroborative documentation. Abuse can include physical or mental
injury; psychological or sexual abuse or exploitation, including rape,
molestation, and forced prostitution. The pattern of abuse needs
clear definition and elaboration. Domestic violence is a sum of the
parts in context. Separate isolated acts may not appear to the
evaluator as abusive; so it is the practitioner’s job to demonstrate that
those small acts comprise a larger whole."

 

 

I believe its the authors opinion that it may be harder for a man to present a VAWA petition not because different rules apply but because as explained elsewhere in the link men are reluctant to view things as abuse or may be ashamed. They are less likely to seek counseling or report the abuse to the police. As the part I quoted above states mental abuse (for USCIS) needs to show a pattern of abuse. Based on what he posted he doesnt meet that definition according to Sandranj (who is a VAWA attny). The OP of course can get a consult with a local VAWA attny and discuss his situation in more detail. Perhaps there is more to it then what he posted.  

[Bluelake1 2]

8 minutes ago, Villanelle said:

Well it is a helpful link for explaining that men can in fact be abuse victims and also qualify for VAWA relief. But no, its not really helpful for the OP.  The last paragraph on page 6 that continues on 7

"The bar to present a complete and convincing VAWA
petition may be set higher for men. It is the practitioner’s duty to
directly confront the preconceived beliefs and issues in the VAWA
submission. First and foremost proof must be offered that the couple entered into the marriage in good faith. Second, battery or
extreme cruelty – language used by USCIS must be delineated.
Actual and threatened acts of violence must be clearly presented with
corroborative documentation. Abuse can include physical or mental
injury; psychological or sexual abuse or exploitation, including rape,
molestation, and forced prostitution. The pattern of abuse needs
clear definition and elaboration. Domestic violence is a sum of the
parts in context. Separate isolated acts may not appear to the
evaluator as abusive; so it is the practitioner’s job to demonstrate that
those small acts comprise a larger whole."

 

 

I believe its the authors opinion that it may be harder for a man to present a VAWA petition not because different rules apply but because as explained elsewhere in the link men are reluctant to view things as abuse or may be ashamed. They are less likely to seek counseling or report the abuse to the police. As the part I quoted above states mental abuse (for USCIS) needs to show a pattern of abuse. Based on what he posted he doesnt meet that definition according to Sandranj (who is a VAWA attny). The OP of course can get a consult with a local VAWA attny and discuss his situation in more detail. Perhaps there is more to it then what he posted.  

Interesting. Why doesn’t he meet the definition did he mention ? My view is that op clearly stated the psych abuse pattern, plus abandonment of the marriage by USCIS, infidelity extended to produce babies ( not one, but two) which is an ongoing lack of judgement and respect implicating many in her big issue. A form of perverted psych abuse. Op was so excited to be a father, two times again, that’s a pattern. She took his paternity rights from him. This would be my reasoning. 

Dont know where op is, am curious, hope he’s fine.

[geowrian 22,336]

6 minutes ago, Bluelake1 said:

Interesting. Why doesn’t he meet the definition did he mention ? My view is that op clearly stated the psych abuse pattern, plus abandonment of the marriage by USCIS, infidelity extended to produce babies ( not one, but two) which is an ongoing lack of judgement and respect implicating many in her big issue. A form of perverted psych abuse. Op was so excited to be a father, two times again, that’s a pattern. She took his paternity rights from him. This would be my reasoning. 

Dont know where op is, am curious, hope he’s fine.

I get what you're saying, but those are not what meets the bar for "extreme cruelty or abuse" for VAWA purposes. It's not that there isn't abuse per-se. It's just not something that is likely to qualify for a benefit via VAWA.

Again, if the OP feels they have a VAWA case, speaking with a professional would be highly advised. They can get a better understanding of the specifics and provide actual legal advice (something that is prohibited on this forum).

Edited July 15, 2020 by geowrian

[Bluelake1 2]

4 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I get what you're saying, but those are not what meets the bar for "extreme cruelty or abuse" for VAWA purposes. It's not that there isn't abuse per-se. It's just not something that is likely to qualify for a benefit via VAWA.

Again, if the OP feels they have a VAWA case, speaking with a professional would be highly advised. They can get a better understanding of the specifics and provide actual legal advice (something that is prohibited on this forum).

What’s extreme cruelty, as per vawa, can you elaborate?  The arguments I provided are extreme ( babies etc). Just stating one can’t think anymore , is a sign of important trauma, a paralysis. Again extreme psychologically, meaning a psych may help, although a psych test of USCIS too. But what do I know, I’m new in all this but highly appreciate you guys take the time to  dialogue about these complex sensitive issues:)

[NikLR 13,220]

On 7/14/2020 at 9:38 PM, Bluelake1 said:

What’s extreme cruelty, as per vawa, can you elaborate?  The arguments I provided are extreme ( babies etc). Just stating one can’t think anymore , is a sign of important trauma, a paralysis. Again extreme psychologically, meaning a psych may help, although a psych test of USCIS too. But what do I know, I’m new in all this but highly appreciate you guys take the time to  dialogue about these complex sensitive issues:)

It depends. Having a child from another man after an abortion does sound cruel but extremelh cruel? Probably not.

 

Does he suffer from PTSD? Is he depressed? Suicidal? Extreme anxiety? Was he abused either sexually, physically, or mentally? Was he belittled and threatened? Blackmailed? Can he provide evidence to any of these? Police reports, psychology or psychiatry visits? Medication? Was he detained without consent or denied basic human rights? 

 

Being a terrible wife/husband doesnt automatically mean you are abusive.  Im not saying these things did or didnt happen to the OP and I think that what he has gone through is terrible.

[Villanelle 4,121]

On 7/14/2020 at 11:38 PM, Bluelake1 said:

What’s extreme cruelty, as per vawa, can you elaborate?  The arguments I provided are extreme ( babies etc). Just stating one can’t think anymore , is a sign of important trauma, a paralysis. Again extreme psychologically, meaning a psych may help, although a psych test of USCIS too. But what do I know, I’m new in all this but highly appreciate you guys take the time to  dialogue about these complex sensitive issues:)

I appreciate your interest in the VAWA process. There are a ton of blogs and articles online you can read if you truly want to learn more about it. The bottom line is it doesnt matter what you or I or the average person thinks is 'traumatic'. USCIS doesnt have its own psych test. They understand that they are not qualified to evaluate a persons mental health. A VAWA petitioner claiming mental abuse needs to provide an eval done by a licensed professional. Theres a variety of job title professions that qualify for this- most typically a psychologist. The psychologist will use DSM guidelines when diagnosing someone. If you are not familiar with mental health issues the DSM is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it contains descriptions, symptoms, and other criteria for diagnosing mental disorders. As google will tell you "The DSM definition of trauma requires “actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence”   Stressful events not involving an immediate threat to life or physical injury such as psychosocial stressors   (e.g., divorce or job loss) are not considered trauma in this definition" 

 

Typically a person needs a dx of PTSD or severe anxiety/depression directly caused by the abuse. There has to be a pattern of humiliation, degradation, isolation, threats, etc. Infidelity and being lied to about it- while horrible is not enough to qualify for VAWA. USCIS will consider that simply an unfortunate and bad marriage. Sometimes people are left devastated in a relationship. Sometimes people are mean to each other. It hurts. Its valid. But the VAWA laws are designed to offer protections for those who are abused and being hurt and devastated by infidelity doesnt meet the bar needed. Now there may be more to the OPs story then what was posted but usually when someone posts on VJ outlining all the horrible things that happened they will tell ALL the horrible things. They vent it all out. Yes, many times abuse victims will minimize things or be ashamed to tell but again usually in their posts they address the big things or at least reference to what they dont want to admit to. The longer you are on VJ the more you will be able to 'read between the lines' of whats being posted. Because Sandra has decades of experience with VAWA and abuse victims she can very easily tell reading a post whats up and is honest and straightforward with her opinion. Of course no one should take advice solely from VJ. So again the OP can speak to a local VAWA attny in more detail but based on what was posted he does not qualify.