Religious Vent...I'm so confused and need to talk about it.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Hi everyone. I know religion is one of those topics...nearly at the top of the list really...like abortion or gun control...everyone has an opinion. I know there are many who believe that the Bible is nothing but another book that men wrote, etc., but that's not what I believe. I know this thread does not "belong" to me, and I know all of the other cliches that we all end up throwing around when we get into a controversial discussion. I would just like to very politely ask that, while I would never expect anyone not to participate in any thread if he/she wanted to, that we could all be as respectful as possible to one another in this thread. I also know that several people don't believe in any type of god at all, in the God that I believe in, or etc. etc etc....but I'm having a problem with MY beliefs and I would really like to speak about it with those who would *like* to engage me without being ridiculed if possible...we're all adults, so I'm sure we can do it! It would be greatly appreciated.

Ok...so here goes. I was raised in a group that I, only very recently, have seen information about on the Internet. Yes, believe it or not, I never even thought to look up information there...as I just assumed it wouldn't be there...our ministers, or "workers" are rather not in the public eye and so forth. I have always known it as "The Truth," etc. but it is often referred to online as the 2X2s and a few other names. This was interesting to me, but it isn't my problem.

I do believe in God, and I want to go to church. Personally, for me, I would like to have a spiritual life. Yes, I can read my Bible at home, but I would like to participate in church meetings as well, with other like-minded people. I'm sure Craig wouldn't mind me saying that he would as well. It was one of the many things that brought us together, though not the primary thing. Anyway, following is my dilemma in a nutshell: (Well, as "nutshell" as I get...those of you who know my posts know I *DO* go on!!!)

First of all, my parents are good, wonderful people. I love and respect them more than anyone on this Earth other than Craig and Corey. They do NOT shove their religion down *anyone's* throat. If they are asked, they are more than willing to speak about it; when they sense the person losing interest, they stop. They're not like that. I am one of those that hates regilion being "preached" at me when I'm not interested in the particular message as well. Anyway, that said, I was raised in a very strictly relgious home, and I rebelled as soon as I was 18. I wasn't raised with television...I did have a stereo, but no tv. I had to wear my hair long, and up (until I was old enough to take it out and redo it before I got home from school! ) and had to wear skirts (until I was old enough to change on the bus or, after I started driving, before/after school!) Normal teenage stuff. I wasn't allowed, for the most part, to movies, school dances, and the like. I did go to a lot of the games, but that was about it. I don't even know why I got on *this* tangent now (see, I told you!) because I don't hold my parents responsible for what I "didn't experience...oh, poor pitiful me!* or any of that sort of thing. Though odd by a lot of people's standards, I had a wonderful childhood. I always knew my parennts loved me, we went to the fairs, we went shopping, we went out to eat....we just had bible study in homes on Wed. nights and Sunday morning meetings in the home and sometimes "gospel meetings" on Sunday afternoon.

Now, I guess I still haven't gotten to the problem yet, but it's really been bothering me lately. I guess I don't know how to quite go about saying it, becasue I can almost read the unwritten responses already "You have to live for yourself, you're almost 35...this has nothing to do with your parents at this point and etc. etc." I would say the same thing if I were someone else reading this post. If it were that easy, however, I wouldn't be writing this. I believe a LOT of what I was raised with...and I think many people do. I know many people who DO leave the religion they were raised with, yes, but if they remain religious as an adult, how many stay in the religion they were brought up in? I would say a great many most likely. Not all, but many. This is probably why I believe so much of what I do today...because I was raised with it. That said, many of the concepts of my parent's religion are the same as any other Christian church. It's only things like no tv, how to reach Heaven, what it will take to be saved, etc. where they differ...and one other major area.

I would ask you to remain openminded now...not to what I'm about to say (the concept) but toward my parents...not that it really matters what you think of them but I don't want it to appear as though I'm trying to make them look bad in any way, shape, or form. If you spoke to them, it would be like speaking to anyone else...a laugh, joke, etc etc....but the main problem I'm having (finally, hey???!) is that they believe their church is the only "real" way and that you have to be following that way to be saved. My parents have had disappointment after disappointment and grief in their lives the last several years ( one of my brother's committing suicide being the worst) and, though it may sound odd to you, I just can't bear to say....I'm going to the church down the road, Mom and Dad. Make no mistake...we live in a tiny town, so no matter which of about 1/2 dozen or a dozen nearby churches we chose, it would get back to them, as they all contain people we know. I just can't bear to disappoint them, so I do nothing. I read my Bible, (some..I should do more) I go over and over it in my head, and I remain so confused.

No, I don't believe that their church is the only one saved. But you know..back to that "I was raised with it" thing...NO, I don't believe that...buttttttt...there's always that little twinge...because I had that inside my head for 18 years..."this is the only way, this is the only way...>" You know? See my problem??? It's very difficult to rid oneself of something that has been so engrained. To me, although it's not meant that way at all, it sounds very pompous and ridiculous....but I either feel indifferent (well, I can't do anything, so I won't do anything) or guilty about it at varying times. UGH!~ I'm just tired of feeling this way about it.

They used to ask me to "come back" to church...I haven't been in it for several years now, but they respect my opinion nowdays...but their belief is that I'm "not ready" to come back, but they "know that I believe it." Well, yes...I believe a lot of it....but, as I stated before, a lot of it is the same as any other Christian church.

Does anyone have any encouraging words for me? I'm looking for YOU Christina and anyone else who would like to join in. But please...I'm asking nicely...don't tell me I'm brainwashed and stupid for believeing the Bible, and etc....we all know we all have different opinions on this...and I respect your right, entirely, not to believe it....please respect mine. It took a bit of courage to write this out tonight, because I know how these things go. Thanks for understanding.

Michelle

[JoeMama 0]

I don't know what I can offer you. Choice of religion is a sticky area. But here in California, I see bumper stickers on cars saying, "What would Jesus do?". I guess you'll have to look at it from that perspective and figure it out for yourself. You'll figure out what is best for you!

[Donna A 4]

my thoughts to you is test out new churches and see what fits your needs the best. we were givin a free will by God himself werent we?

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Thanks you two...but see? That's just one of my problems. I feel I can't do that because of how I was raised (even though I don't believe all of the things I was raised with...just some of them). I don't feel free to explore other religions, so I do nothing. Yes, I get that I'm such and so years old and that my parents don't run my life, and blah blah....I KNOW that...but, as I mentioned in my post, my parents honestly believe that I'm not saved if I'm practicing another religion. Even though it's "your life" how many of you that are close to your parents would want to hurt them in that way? You know what I'm saying? I know religion is a really personal thing and that ultimately I'm going to have to do what I want to do....so I guess I'm not looking for answers here so much as to have a vent about it. It's really frustrating to feel so boxed into one way that I'm not really willing to practice becasue of the restrictions...that I feel banned from exploring other options. M.

[ivona 0]

Even though it's "your life" how many of you that are close to your parents would want to hurt them in that way? You know what I'm saying?

I really don't know what to tell you on the whole church thing I guess because it is really hard for me to "connect" with your problem. Organized religion and me went our separate ways long time ago.

I did want to answer your question on the whole hurting of parents bit. I am VERY close to my parents, I have utmost respect and love for them all the more so because they have always allowed and encouraged me to be myself and to explore and decide on the kind of person I want to be. Even when they didn't quite get it, they believed in me beyond everything else....

And I truly do believe that if you parents love you honestly and without conditions they want you to be your own person and be happy, and if you are doing that then how can that hurt them? For a parent to say they are being hurt because the child is doing something they believe in, especially seeing how important religion is to you- to me that is selfish.

This is only my opinion obviously but the greatest reward for a parent is to see their child grow up to be self-fulfilled individual. How can that cause hurt to a parent? I would think seeing you this confused and distraught over something important to you would cause more hurt to them, then you not following in their footsteps.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

That's the point tho I guess...they would be hurt because they think I would be going to hell then. That's the main thing; they would think I was "wasting my time" elsewhere. I have to get to bed soon,but I'll be checking this later. Thanks for the responses so far. M.

[PlatyPius 5]

This is an issue raised again and again on Wiccan message boards. "How do I tell my parents?" Normally the advice is, that there is no need to tell your parents. However, in a situation where one is exploring within the same basic religion - one with churches, and in a small town where everyone knows everyone else's business, that just isn't an option.

I'm making an assumption here, because I didn't actually see you state which denomination it is - I might have missed it though, since I haven't had my coffee yet, but I assume you were and your parents are Pentecostal (Foursquare, etc). I don't believe that I have ever been preached to by a Pentecostal, although I dated one briefly.

I can't give you any personal stories to help you... religion is a non-issue for me. I can only suggest that you sit down with your parents, tell them that you feel the need to explore other denominations of Christianity, and that you wanted to talk to them about this so as to not hurt them. I think your chances of it not being much of an issue are much greater than if you were to tell them that you were exploring witchcraft, Wicca, or Asatru....

[boo boo 1]

Hello Michelle,

I believe that you should have the heart to heart talk with your parents. The way that you mentioned them, their beliefs, and how you respect them....was all done in a tasteful manner. I believe that they will always love you and respect you regardless....and I believe if you went to them and told them that you do not disagree w/ the religion that you were brought up on....and you can look back and say that you had a wonderful childhood....and that you do love them and always want to keep them happy...I think that they will respect you.

Maybe you could go to a non donominational church......where all the findings and facts are all from the Bible....I am positive that it will enhance your spiritual side...and then you could tell your parents that they basically have the same beliefs

Good luck and best wishes on everything......the longer you keep all of this in...the longer your going to feel uncomfortable....have that talk with your parents in the same tasteful manner, if they feel uncomfortable w/ the situation....try watching Joel Osteen in your home (he is AWESOME) and just give them alittle time to adjust to everything that you talked about..it will all workout

Unfortunately....my parents are deceased and I have no siblings......but I can understand where you are coming from because I am a wife and a parent and I would never want to hurt or harm their souls or dampen their spirits

Have a blessed day

[Saddle Bronc 124]

• Find a church which you feel is doctrinally sound (no, I'm not advocating a "feel-good" approach here)
  
• Write this to your parents in a letter detailing the reasons (I did somewhat of an analogous action in Sept 1995, by sending to my parents a 4-page letter stating my conversion to Christianity and the reasons thereof).
  

[doodlebug 3]

Ok I know I know I'm the muslim but I totally relate to your story. My parents are strict Catholics and my mom is constantly praying the rosary for each of her four kids since she's convinced we're all doomed. I never told my parents that I converted and I don't plan on it anytime soon for just that reason that you state but it does gnaw in my gut because I've always had a good relationship, save a few quarrels here and there, with my mom.

That being said, I highly highly suggest you join www.Christianforums.com . It is a wonderful group of Christians from all different denominations. You can tell your story and I guarantee you'll have many who relate and who will help you. There are pentacostals, catholics, episcopalians, etc. and all have had their own little journey to find the niche they feel good with. I can't recommend it enough. I was a member there for years and formed some very strong friendships and we cried, laughed and just talked for a long long time.

Good luck in your decision

[chri'stina 190]

Hi Michelle

I was reading and then saw my name near the end, which is really nice of you to want my opinion/encouragement.

I don't know if what I say can help you but I'll try! I want to say some of my background, to show that sometimes things do change a lot with opinions about churches.

You know I also grew up in a Christian home. I never had problems with that, and still don't. We were raised with rules but not that strict. We could watch tv, movies, etc as long as they weren't "bad", but I still follow that in my life to try to please God. I never went through a rebellious stage.

But church was another matter. As a kid I had so much fun in church, I had a lot of friends there and the programs they had for us were great. My dad is a pastor, and back then he was the associate pastor for the church, about 800 members which we thought was pretty big. But the top pastor, a very long time family friend we had known since living in NY, became more of a business man than a pastor. All he wanted was the find methods to attract ppl into the church, and rich people too, to get the offerings to go up and to look big. My dad was a nice blue collar kind of guy and could never fit into the scheme of that. He wanted people to come to church who were seeking to serve God, not just because the church has a fancy building or etc.

As a child I didn't realize how hard it was for my parents always being told they had to fit into some cookie cutter pastor life.

We were the pathetic pastor family that never had enough money to do things, people were always giving us things because we couldn't afford them. My dad was asked to leave his good paying business he owned to work full time at church, he felt pressured and did it, a mistake that he still regrets to this day. The church wasn't willing to pay that much, while the senior pastor's pay was so good, ours was #######. Yet my parents were expected to act rich almost, on crappy pay, yeah right!

My parents hated it but at the same time felt like they had to keep doing it since they knew the senior pastor for such a long time and didn't want to let him down. So this goes on for years, and my dad reaches a breaking point. He says he will quit as pastor and tells his grievances. He is given the old "oh you just need a small break.." so he takes it and in that break his life was changed, for the better.

We end up getting out of that church by being sent to our current town to start a sister church of that church. Freedom!! My dad became senior pastor of our church here. For years my dad still felt pressure to do things a certain way, b/c that is what so many churches do, the get ppl in the seats and make the offerings go up. But he realized that was not his role in life. Now, over 10 years later, we are on good terms with the pastor of where we were sent out of. That church we came out of ended up collapsing, and that pastor started another church in a well to do neighborhood, for obvious reasons. It's still not doing that great, his schemes are not working.

After being in that situation, he(my dad) could never go back to it again. And now I can't either. I love our church, it's filled with ppl who really want to be there. We have a small building, nothing fancy, and no fancy people. I am saying all this because sometimes in the christian world we experience something that does not satisfy us or makes us wonder "how can this be true Christianity?". My dad has also gotten the opportunities to tell other pastors how he feels, even if they think he is strange. He used to go to a pastors prayer meeting, but had to leave because he was disgusted that every meeting instead of praying there would be the "so how are your offerings lately" "hey I have a method to get ppl to come into church" "how's your church growth?" they didn't ask those b/c of wanting ppl to know the truth, they asked so their church can have more money. He would say, "that's not what it's all about" and they'd roll their eyes.

It's then our duty to read the bible and see, how were things really done in the early church. Meaning, what was ok to do and what was not? All this preaching about money in church today, is wrong IMO. There are so many verses in the new testament about it being wrong. Yet people ignore it or never read it.

I know you don't want to disappoint your parents, but since you do already read the bible, you can investigate how they came up with the idea that their church is the only saved one. If you cannot find a scripture passage to support it, that is your first step of not feeling guilty. Sometimes things were made by the opinions of a leader and are not written in the bible.

The bible says a true Christian is someone who has asked Jesus to forgive their sins, worship him as Lord, and believes he died and came back to life, and lives a life trying to please Him, and that Jesus is the only connection for us to reach God. It doesn't say, "and goes to only a certain church" or "and has a lot of money" or "beats themselves daily". IMO if a church preaches and believes that Jesus is the truth, etc and is biblically sound (as Cherry mentioned), then they are a good place to go. I know it's something you will have to investigate more so that when you do make the decision, if it's to try a new church, then you won't feel guilty because you will feel that God is happy with your decision. And unfortunately your parents will be disappointed, but I am sure they love you and you love them, but pleasing God is more important than any of our parents I believe.

So hopefully my novel has some kind of encouragement for you!!

(oh yeah my church is non-denominational)

Edited June 15, 2007 by stina&suj

[Geraghty 0]

Hi everyone. I know religion is one of those topics...nearly at the top of the list really...like abortion or gun control...everyone has an opinion. I know there are many who believe that the Bible is nothing but another book that men wrote, etc., but that's not what I believe. I know this thread does not "belong" to me, and I know all of the other cliches that we all end up throwing around when we get into a controversial discussion. I would just like to very politely ask that, while I would never expect anyone not to participate in any thread if he/she wanted to, that we could all be as respectful as possible to one another in this thread. I also know that several people don't believe in any type of god at all, in the God that I believe in, or etc. etc etc....but I'm having a problem with MY beliefs and I would really like to speak about it with those who would *like* to engage me without being ridiculed if possible...we're all adults, so I'm sure we can do it! It would be greatly appreciated.

Ok...so here goes. I was raised in a group that I, only very recently, have seen information about on the Internet. Yes, believe it or not, I never even thought to look up information there...as I just assumed it wouldn't be there...our ministers, or "workers" are rather not in the public eye and so forth. I have always known it as "The Truth," etc. but it is often referred to online as the 2X2s and a few other names. This was interesting to me, but it isn't my problem.

I do believe in God, and I want to go to church. Personally, for me, I would like to have a spiritual life. Yes, I can read my Bible at home, but I would like to participate in church meetings as well, with other like-minded people. I'm sure Craig wouldn't mind me saying that he would as well. It was one of the many things that brought us together, though not the primary thing. Anyway, following is my dilemma in a nutshell: (Well, as "nutshell" as I get...those of you who know my posts know I *DO* go on!!!)

First of all, my parents are good, wonderful people. I love and respect them more than anyone on this Earth other than Craig and Corey. They do NOT shove their religion down *anyone's* throat. If they are asked, they are more than willing to speak about it; when they sense the person losing interest, they stop. They're not like that. I am one of those that hates regilion being "preached" at me when I'm not interested in the particular message as well. Anyway, that said, I was raised in a very strictly relgious home, and I rebelled as soon as I was 18. I wasn't raised with television...I did have a stereo, but no tv. I had to wear my hair long, and up (until I was old enough to take it out and redo it before I got home from school! ) and had to wear skirts (until I was old enough to change on the bus or, after I started driving, before/after school!) Normal teenage stuff. I wasn't allowed, for the most part, to movies, school dances, and the like. I did go to a lot of the games, but that was about it. I don't even know why I got on *this* tangent now (see, I told you!) because I don't hold my parents responsible for what I "didn't experience...oh, poor pitiful me!* or any of that sort of thing. Though odd by a lot of people's standards, I had a wonderful childhood. I always knew my parennts loved me, we went to the fairs, we went shopping, we went out to eat....we just had bible study in homes on Wed. nights and Sunday morning meetings in the home and sometimes "gospel meetings" on Sunday afternoon.

Now, I guess I still haven't gotten to the problem yet, but it's really been bothering me lately. I guess I don't know how to quite go about saying it, becasue I can almost read the unwritten responses already "You have to live for yourself, you're almost 35...this has nothing to do with your parents at this point and etc. etc." I would say the same thing if I were someone else reading this post. If it were that easy, however, I wouldn't be writing this. I believe a LOT of what I was raised with...and I think many people do. I know many people who DO leave the religion they were raised with, yes, but if they remain religious as an adult, how many stay in the religion they were brought up in? I would say a great many most likely. Not all, but many. This is probably why I believe so much of what I do today...because I was raised with it. That said, many of the concepts of my parent's religion are the same as any other Christian church. It's only things like no tv, how to reach Heaven, what it will take to be saved, etc. where they differ...and one other major area.

I would ask you to remain openminded now...not to what I'm about to say (the concept) but toward my parents...not that it really matters what you think of them but I don't want it to appear as though I'm trying to make them look bad in any way, shape, or form. If you spoke to them, it would be like speaking to anyone else...a laugh, joke, etc etc....but the main problem I'm having (finally, hey???!) is that they believe their church is the only "real" way and that you have to be following that way to be saved. My parents have had disappointment after disappointment and grief in their lives the last several years ( one of my brother's committing suicide being the worst) and, though it may sound odd to you, I just can't bear to say....I'm going to the church down the road, Mom and Dad. Make no mistake...we live in a tiny town, so no matter which of about 1/2 dozen or a dozen nearby churches we chose, it would get back to them, as they all contain people we know. I just can't bear to disappoint them, so I do nothing. I read my Bible, (some..I should do more) I go over and over it in my head, and I remain so confused.

No, I don't believe that their church is the only one saved. But you know..back to that "I was raised with it" thing...NO, I don't believe that...buttttttt...there's always that little twinge...because I had that inside my head for 18 years..."this is the only way, this is the only way...>" You know? See my problem??? It's very difficult to rid oneself of something that has been so engrained. To me, although it's not meant that way at all, it sounds very pompous and ridiculous....but I either feel indifferent (well, I can't do anything, so I won't do anything) or guilty about it at varying times. UGH!~ I'm just tired of feeling this way about it.

They used to ask me to "come back" to church...I haven't been in it for several years now, but they respect my opinion nowdays...but their belief is that I'm "not ready" to come back, but they "know that I believe it." Well, yes...I believe a lot of it....but, as I stated before, a lot of it is the same as any other Christian church.

Does anyone have any encouraging words for me? I'm looking for YOU Christina and anyone else who would like to join in. But please...I'm asking nicely...don't tell me I'm brainwashed and stupid for believeing the Bible, and etc....we all know we all have different opinions on this...and I respect your right, entirely, not to believe it....please respect mine. It took a bit of courage to write this out tonight, because I know how these things go. Thanks for understanding.

Michelle

Hi Michelle.

I've gone through this similar situation although no two people's situations are the same. I am very close to my parents also. They are wonderful people and it has just dawned on me recently that although they are great people and my parents they aren't right about everything. I started to investigate things for myself. I looked at the Biblical Scripture and looked at how different groups of Christians interpreted it. I found that sometimes I agreed with what I learned in my church and sometimes I didn't. For example, does it really say in the Bible that watching TV is a sin? No, it's how a particular group of people interpret a certain passage. So, I had to determine what is good for me. If TV or the Internet becomes a problem for me then I need to think about it. I watch some TV but I realize that some of it just rots your brain and is mindnumbing and is not making me any smarter. I'll take a walk or read a book. For example, the internet is a temptation for me because I'm curious so I don't have it at home. I have it at work.

Sometimes there is a difference between what is in the Bible and what you are taught is in the Bible. I realize this even though my parents and church are wonderful. They have been taught the same as I and don't really question it. Parents can be wrong, churches can be wrong and sometimes neither person is wrong even though they interpret things differently.

Personally, I will never turn my back on Christianity because it's who I am. You really do have to be true to your beliefs or you won't be happy. Of course, you have to determine what you really do believe. And sometimes, on the issus that don't affect your directlly It's okay to just say "I don't know. I can see different points of view and I'm just not sure."

However, I have had a personal struggle with feeling like I was not living up to what I should. For example, I would feel guilty for days over watching something on TV that I shouldn't. I even thought I was a bad person and would probably go to Hell for it or even go to Hell over thinking about certain things. Or that I'm not doing enough to spread the gospel. I have had a lot of pain and emotional stress over a lot of issues. When you feel guilty over something or you feel too constrained you do rebel. That's not to say that you shouldn't follow rules but a child should never feel that they are going to burn in the lake of fire for telling a lie. They should understand that it is wrong, however. Fear can really only motivate people for so long. Love is a much bigger motivater.

Finally, I had to let go of the small things and it took me a while. I still align myself with the bigger issues. For example, I will never think partial birth abortion is right although there isn't specificallly a scripture that I know that says "Partial birth abortion is an abomination" You have to use your common sense. If you really read about this practice it is appalling and some of my more liberal friends have changed their minds about it after they actually read about the process.

Anyway, forgive me for going off on a tangent. I am 38 and I am happier than I've ever been and it's because I've relaxed a little. I've learned how to forgive myself and not be so hard on myself. I think I'm a good person and a believer. Even though, we're taught that we are saved through grace and not works we are still extremely hard on ourselves when we aren't perfect.

I've learned to forgive myself when I do something that I feel is not right. Not to say that I just keep doing it but I have to think of how these little things fit into the big picture. Is doing this certain little thing really going to send me to Hell? No, but I have to think this is not the way I should go. There are better things I could be doing and I try to focus on them.

I'm sorry about what happened to your brother. He was conflicted and unhappy. If we are that unhappy then we have to ask ourselves what is wrong with the picture. He wasn't an evil person. He just couldn't live up to what he believed he should be. If I'm wrong please correct me. My parents religion tells me that if you committ suicide then you are damned to Hell for eternity and I'm thinking that maybe your parents religion might be the same which is probably causing you and your loving parents enormous pain.

Finally, in situations like this I came up with the conclusion that he will be shown mercy. He was very confused and blinded by his pain. Although, I could never be God of course, I try to put myself in his shoes. He loves us more than we love ourselves, our brothers and sisters, and our church. Would you send your child who was in so much pain to more pain, punishment for eternity because they were hurting and just wanted to make it stop? Sure, you didn't agree with his decision but you also love him. You would take your child in your arms and make it all better.

Finally, I found that I don't have to tell my parents everything. I don't have to consult them about everything. I don't want to worry them and they are there if I need them but maybe they don't even want to know everything. And actually living a few hours away is a big help. You can be there if you need each other and you can have your own space to grow.

Also, make sure that you are not feeling bad because society says that you are not a good person because you are conservative. There are plenty of people who will call you narrow minded and racist and stupid, and a myriad of other insults. Believe me, even though they think they do, they don't have all the answers. People who are constantly on other people are usually focusing on others and not focusing on getting their own situations together.

I can understand your hesitation and anxiety about wanting to talk about this because you know that there are people out there who are thinking "she's a religous nut". Get her off there. The truth is Christians are a great force in the world. There are lots of people who have homes, clothes, food, medical care and peace because of the generosity of believers who expect nothing in return. Unfortunately, some people who claim to be Christians don't represent us very well and also society is not forgiving of Chrisitans who make mistakes. They call them hypocrites.

I have applied for an I-129F. His name is John and he's from England. John was not raised like I was not to say that he was raised in a bad familly. We agree on the larger points. I met John almost 12 years ago when I was working abroad in Korea. I had to get away from it all you see or I thought I was going to lose my mind. John has loved me for 12 years, refused to date anyone else for that whole time. I couldn't let myself marry him because of the differences in our religious beliefs. I cared for John but couldn't let myself think of him as husband material. I dated a few men who shared the beliefs I grew up with. One or two treated me well and some didn't but I couldn't make myself accept any of their proposals.

One day was a real awakening for me. It felt like one day but was probably a long process. There has not been any other man in my life that has treated me the way John has. He has loved me for this long, refused to date other girls even though I was dating other people and he had to be terribly hurt. And then my friends were saying how I was truly happy with him. We laughed at all the same things. We just fit. It was obvious to everyone but me. And after 12 years I thought maybe there is something to what they are saying. I had talked to him in the past. He has always agreed to attend whatever church I wanted and to raise our children the way I wanted although I couldn't make him believe everything I was taught and that caused me to push him away.

I talked to him again and realized I had to let it go. Nobody is gonna love me like this man. He's waited 12 years for me and treated me like gold. It doesn't get any better than this. This is real love. Then there was the fact that I couldn't imagine him not being in my life. I ended up saying "yes" and it all fit.

It is like I have had an enormous sigh of relief. The things I've been looking for have been there all along. Not just John. Everything. I was able to let go of the guilt I had carried around for so long for not living up to the standards I put on myself. I love myelf now and was not able to really love him until I did. Until I really did love myself. The things I have been afraid of and the anxiety I had just melted away.

Now that John knows I'm committed to the relationship he's more romantic and loving than I ever knew. Sometimes I just sit and cry because I'm so happy. So, I'm waiting for him now. We filed in May. It seems like it's taking forever.

Take care

Sheila

[chri'stina 190]

One more thing...after moving to where we all live now, my dad did start up his business again and doesn't rely on the church to pay him, and he is making a good income but is also the senior pastor. He feels that it's good if he is out in the business world around people instead of always being inside the church office.

[Jenn! 918]

Tough one, Michelle. If it were me, I think I would keep it simple, "Look, Mom & Dad, I'm thinking of attending a different church." If their reaction is negative, I think you have to be firm. Make them realize that this is what you're going to do, and that their options are either to be involved in the religious part of your life by accepting your choice, or else lose that connection with you because you are forced to hide your beliefs from them. I hope that the choice will be obvious for them.

[chri'stina 190]

Sheila I totally agree with: "Fear can really only motivate people for so long. Love is a much bigger motivater."

I think that's what it was with my parents. They never threatened us or said if we do such and such we will go to hell. They explained why we shouldn't do certain things, because God loves us a lot and we can try to please him. I never felt forced. I was taught to think about what I believe and to investigate it.