Adjusting to America

[Michael and Milahjean 0]

My beautiful Filipina arrived in America to begin her transition on April 5. How is she doing? Much better than I expected. She’s young, so she’s likely more flexible and adaptable. It’s truly been like a fish taking to water – she loves it here. She has no trouble with long car rides and loves watching the world go by. Her vision of America was far different than reality. She envisioned tall buildings and much congestion everywhere, but she was very surprised to see wide open spaces in the countryside. Every home here, even those that are really run down, are “nice” to her. Her new home is a grand palace, being new construction, and very spacious, which was a huge shock to her when I carried her through the threshold. She hugged me for several minutes, afraid to look. Even now she can’t believe it and praises God for the miracles she has experienced. She’s acclimated quickly to the big screen TV and home theater, the washer and dryer, the electric range and oven, the microwave, a warm shower and the CR, and loves the free “internet café” in the den. She’s staying in touch with family and friends via Yahoo webcam and voice. In fact, a classmate of hers just passed her K-1 interview yesterday and will be here in Ohio by the end of April. Her classmate’s cousin is already here in Ohio, so there’ll be frequent reunions here. We’ve got Dish Network, so I’ve added all the Filipino channels available, and I’m obediently watching her shows while she translates for me. She’s already been welcomed by her new church family, who have been so anxious to meet her. Our church has already established a mission relationship with her church in Leyte. She received her Social Security card last week. She’s had no problem finding native foods as there are several Asian food stores in the area. Last week we wandered over to Columbus to the Philippine Express market. She was so happy to find someone who speaks her language. She never expected that she’d connect with so many Filipinas so quickly. Her cell phone already has a longer contact list than mine!! While in Columbus she stocked up on banana sauce and real “Chippies” and shrimp flavored crunchies, and many other items. There were so many brand names familiar to her. Her cooking is fabulous and I’m loving it, but she’s very reluctant to try the “strange” America meals I’ve prepared so far. I’m really truly enjoying rice for almost every meal. She loves KFC crispy chicken and gravy, an acceptable substitute to her for Jollibee Chicken Joy. Yesterday was her first American McDo experience. She loves the fries, and likes the hamburger, but misses the Jollibee Yum sauce and no rice. She’s asked me where are the security guards? She’s surprised that the cashiers at most stores are so friendly, and she is amazed by our self-service culture. She doesn’t drive yet and is interested to begin learning, and she’s amazed at the speeds we drive, and also that there is so much space between vehicles and that we stay in the striped lanes!! There are so many different types and styles of vehicles here. We’ve yet to meet my family in Illinois, but she’s spoken with my grown kids, but has not met them yet. She’ll have a chance to meet my daughter next month. Also in May she’ll meet the local Phil-Am society members at the international festival in Dayton. Her biggest problem is the unexpected cold weather. She didn’t expect to see and touch snow here in April. With the recent cold weather, the home furnace has been running much, but she’s freezing always. She looks hilarious when wearing my baggy sweat pants and sweatshirts. She had no cold weather clothing. The dry air in the house has caused some headaches due to sinus dryness, and on Sunday she sliced her finger pretty good when carving a bitter melon for breakfast. We’re still hoping that this will heal quickly, but she wanted nothing to do with a doctor visit. She’s yet to experience a good old Midwestern thunderstorm this season, which will likely surprise and scare her. I hope I am at home when the first arrives. And, our house is without a doubt cleaner that it has ever been!! She hates to use the dishwasher, so we wash the dishes after every meal, together. She’s always sweeping the house with a native broom, and has learned the vacuum sweeper, too. Yesterday, it finally warmed up enough for her to be outdoors, so she’s ting-tinged the porch and garage and tidied up the yard wonderfully and is very anxious to begin planting flowers. It’s amazing she’s doing so well. I thank God every day that she is happy and content. And, most of all, we talk every day honestly and openly. I ask her how she feels and to not hold back if she is sad or homesick. She wants me to feel as though she is ok so I not worry about her. I tell her not to keep her feelings locked inside, and I truly believe that she is expressing herself when she wants to. We have very quickly developed a very close and trusting relationship. It’s only been two weeks since she’s arrived, but at this point I am so very relieved that she is okay and seems to be adjusting so well. Her world has been turned upside down, and mine is much different as well. She amazes me everyday. But I believe that she is truly happy. We pray every night at bedtime giving thanks for all that God has provided. Life could not be better!!

I have one comment to make regarding a subject that I haven’t seen mentioned very much here. Following my sweetie’s interview and visa delivery, I traveled to her home to be with her family, to attend her college commencement exercises and then to be her escort to America. To those who have chosen to be an escort and traveling companion for their fiancés/spouses, you’ll understand. There is much dialogue discussing culture shock after arrival, but little is mentioned about tearful goodbyes. The time spent with her family prior to our departure was priceless. But, her dispendida party and the outpouring of affection and well wishes from family and friends, that last sunset, that last evening and those last moments together in her lifelong home, and especially the goodbyes was the most difficult and most emotional experience of my life. Each family member took the time to share a personal message with me, mostly expressing sincere appreciation and asking that I be good to her. I knew our departure would be tough, and she tried her best to be tough through the last hours. But even through the language barrier, the expression of emotion, both joy and happiness for her new life and the sense of impending loss, was overwhelming. It’s impossible to hold back. I was not prepared for the tears and the hugs and the intensity of the moment from a people who are traditionally very reserved and reluctant to show emotion and love. Her father and I hugged each other very tightly for a very long time. This entire experience has changed my life. You will be changed, too.

[raymaga 25]

It doesn't sound like you two will have too many problems with the "adjustment". You have shown your wife that she is free to be herself and able to come to you with any concerns or emotions she may develop.

I wish you both a lifetime of happiness and hope you can continue to be so open and trusting with each other.

My son (in Canada) is dating a girl from the Phillipines (she also lives in Canada) and we just love her to death. She is so warm, caring and loving and we welcome her with open arms. My son seems very happy and I would be thrilled to hear that they marry in the future.

Best wishes to you both!!!!!!!!!

[Emancipation 2]

Kudos to you for giving her all the space, time, encouragement and opportunities that she needs to settle in. This is what love is and you two will be very happy for a very long time to come.

[Jasman0717 8]

Nice post, thanks for sharing. Claudeth also took to America like a duck to water, she loves it here and hasn't had any issues like being homesick or feeling uncomfortable with the culture. One thing that made me laugh was your comment about the baggy sweats. You should see Claudeth, she goes to the golf course with me now and when it gets below about 60 she wears my ski parka until it warms up. It is funny to see a little petite lady all wrapped up in that parka, it is bigger then she is but does keep her very warm I took her to laughlin last year and she immediately won about $60 but instead of continuing to gamble she went and bought jewelry! She sure puts a smile on my face! I love the Philippines and my little Filipina!

[dims1 0]

Thanks Mike...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I imagine the same thing happenning when my wife Lorna gets here.

The thing I look forward to most, is just laying with her, holding each other and feeling the great feeling of all this STUFF being over with. I can't wait to get this burden off my shoulders that is the Visa process.

Thanks for the great story. It helps my dreaming of "our turn".

God bless you both!!

Mike

[Creel 0]

That is so wonderful. My husband hates everything about America. He misses home, family, friends, and Europe in general. He would love if we moved there, but he is from Albania and our possibilities would be so limited there. He is having an awful time adjusting to how women behave here and things that I take for granit, like talking to men, drive him insane. I think it is probably easier for a female from a male dominated society to adjust to American life then a male from a male dominated society. Mind you he loves the SUV I bought him and likes all the US perks, but he misses the people connection and what family means from back home.

[GabachaYucateca 0]

Beautiful, wonderfully detailed post. I enjoyed it very much!

However, I would respectfully suggest breaking it up into paragraphs with some line spaces in between. I didn't read as carefully as I would have liked because it hurt my eyes!

Again, fantastic description, but please do our eyes this favor.

[ChristinaM 0]

LOL I agree - a little hard on the eyes!

But, well worth the read. It's great to hear about people settling in well, and adapting to their new home.

Wishing you the best!

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Wow I really enjoyed your story. I can truely say that my eyes got all watery reading the last part, I just imagined the intense emotions that were going up in the air. I just sat here and imagined what I would feel if I was leaving my family. I wish you both a beautiful and wonderful life together. =0)

[iya 0]

It was great reading your post. I'll be flying to the States to be with my Hun on June, and I must say, I've been having anxiety attacks. I'm going to miss my family, for sure, and the food, and.. a lot of stuff! Seeing how Milahjean is adjusting so well eases my nerves some.

Also, thank you for posting those Filipino-related stuff, like the one in Dayton, and the Philippine Express Market in Columbus! I, too, am headed to Ohio, and have been worried about missing even more stuff from home.

Good luck to the two of you and your new life!

[Emancipation 2]

You know I was thinking all afternoon about this post and I was thinking.. it's the fact that you noticed all the nuances of your wife leaving her family, and the emotional toil it took on everyone involved, the fact that you empathize and realize the sacrifice that your wife has made speaks volumes of you and the type of person that you are. I don't think everyone is equiped with this sensitivity and I know in my case, my hubby's awareness and support when I said goodbye to my family (especially my mother & neice & nephew) was invaluable to me. He looked at me in the car and said "baby, you can cry all the way home if you like". Of course I felt like I wanted to, but the fact that he was just there, supportive and understanding meant the world to me.

I just had to come back and say that

[BJZags 17]

Good posts people. It makes the countless hours/days/years of waiting to be together all worth while. Jenalyn has also taken to America without much trouble. Finding a church that she was comfortable with helped, as did volunteering at the hospital. The "old lady"volunteers at Holy Spirit treat her like a little grandchild! While you may say that there are no signs of "homesickeness" I'd only say that be aware of the seeming finality of leaving the family behind in the RP. Maybe in America such a transition wouldn't be so extreme, but in the uber-extended-family situation present in the Philippines, leaving the family behind MUST be very difficult. While Jenalyn has dealt with this as a trooper, the fact that her mother misses her youngest daughter greatly from afare is emotionally difficult I'm sure for her. Be patient, and gentle, and be willing to listen to her if she ever feels the need to talk. I keep telling Jenalyn that while I "may not understand" what she is feeling, I can definitely listen to her if she wants to get things off her chest.

[Yaads 0]

Thanks for the wonderful post! It is very encouraging to hear that there is success and at such a great amount. Enjoy your life together

[Toledospod 0]

Wow! What a truly wonderful post that was! I so enjoyed reading it! So glad that your wife is enjoying things over here in Ohio(I'm a Brit living in Toledo, OH myself, with my American wife). I know exactly what you mean about the 'leaving' part at the end of your story. I remember when I left London for the first time it was very tearful for my family. It took my Mum several weeks to get over the fact that I had left London for good.

[BishopMnA 0]

Wow...what a moving and wonderful story of your wife's recent arrival in the United States! WELCOME TO HER! I thoroughly enjoyed reading how she is doing well and the way you are doing so well also. I believe that must be a great start to a perfectly matched couple!

I also liked the story because my fiancee just arrived in the United States as well! After 3.5 years of being a couple, with the last 8-9 months being the K-1 Visa process, she finally arrived in the United States on 11 April! She is also adapting so easily to here...and...we are also in Ohio! We're in Toledo! My fiancee is from Thailand, so as you can imagine, she was also AMAZED and excited to see snow last weekend. It snowed all Saturday night, big Christmas-style snowflakes. She absolutely loved it. And, like your wife, she was absolutely thrilled when I took her to the Asian market here in Toledo. Now, I am eating Thai food everynight, because she is so happy to cook!

BTW - you mentioned that there is an international festival coming up in Dayton. Is that just a Phillipino event...or truly international? I would like to take my fiancee there if it is truly international.

Peace to you and your new wife...and CONGRATS!

Mark-N-Aam