K1 Regret

[TBoneTX 43,421]

Thinking good thoughts about you.

[Going through 5,668]

Leave now.  Seriously.  Leave the relationship.

 

The last thing you want to do, is stay married, end up having a child with this woman one day, and then feel trapped even more.

[Scouser92 6]

Thanks guys. 

 

Just having a hard time at the moment. 

[TBoneTX 43,421]

You're not the only one who's faced this -- trust that.

Keep the faith.  We care.

Edited July 15, 2017 by TBoneTX

[Scouser92 6]

Thank you.

 

There's some sort of comfort in knowing that other people have faced and gone through a similar situation. 

 

I'm asking her if we can speak to someone else, a third, independent person but she doesn't want to so I don't know.

 

It's the worst situation I've ever been in and expected everything to be different and for it to be a happy time now. 

Edited July 15, 2017 by Scouser92

[TBoneTX 43,421]

We can't want something for someone more than they want it for themselves.

If we can't change a situation, the alternative is to get out of the situation.

Perhaps consider going for counseling yourself, because it can impart perspective and also help you to feel better.

[Scouser92 6]

I can't afford counciling here to be honest. When I mentioned it to her I was thinking just an informal chat with someone who wouldn't take sides, probably easier said that done though.

 

If I had of met her 12 weeks ago then I would have walked 10 weeks ago! Lol

 

It's just a long time to be together (almost 15 years) and then to throw it all away. I'm scared of regretting it, leaving knowing it would be done then. 

 

And like I said I'm not trying make out that I'm perfect, because I'm not.  

 

We just don't get on and it's as if we have been married a hundred years even without the constant put downs and trying to alienating me. 

 

Rambling now, sorry. 

 

 

[Scouser92 6]

I should have known though. 

 

We have met almost 20 times in the last 15 years for two weeks here and there and we would always argue over something. 

 

I would tell her that people who meet each other that infrequently shouldn't argue but she believed it to be perfectly normal because everyone argues. 

 

I have been in a long distance relationship with this woman since I was 24 years old and I'm almost 40. She is almost 60. What a waste of time, money and effort. 

 

Hindsight is perfectly clear but it's still hindsight. Pathetic I suppose.

 

Never mind, live and learn and all that. Better choices next time! 

 

[TBoneTX 43,421]

I like your last line above.  Repeat the last 4 words aloud to yourself, more confidently each time, while you look in the mirror.

And you're an absolutely great age to meet that Better Choice, even after taking as long as you need to reset yourself.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Don't waste anymore time on her. She is not going to change. If you're not happy together with her, you never will be. I know it is hard, but you need to move on for your own happiness or you're going to regret not leaving her even more. 

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

On ‎7‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 0:39 AM, Scouser92 said:

Hi guys, hope your all doing well, I've been following the forum in regards to obtaining our k1 visa for a few months now. 

 

In short, I regret moving to the states to be with my wife. And I just need to vent or seek advice. 

 

It took approximately seven months to obtain the visa and to move here. I've been here about 11 weeks now. 

 

The problem is that we don't get along. 

 

She is controlling and verbally abusive, putting me down almost every day. 

 

She won't allow me to go on Facebook because of her jealousy. She says this is normal as we are married now and doesn't have want me to talk to women. Even though this is the only means of communicating with my brother who I haven't spoken to since I've been here. She has a Facebook account btw. 

 

Skype is always a problem when I speak to my family on there, we always argue after I finishing speaking on there. 

 

She says that we're a couple now so my family back home in Liverpool should be put on the back burner. 

 

She has also been physically abusive, punching me in the arms, legs a chest on several occasions. 

 

She broke my tablet by trying to take it off me because we argued. 

 

Threw a cup of water at me in burger King. Locked me out in the heat for three hours because she cut me off the WiFi and I went out to use public Wi-Fi. Pushed me several times. 

 

I left the other day and she kicked the door so hard that the neighbors phoned the police which turned out to be my fault according to her because I shouldn't have left. 

 

I know it isn't all her fault but the worse thing she is doing to me is trying to cut me off with my family,I would have never done that to her if it was the other way about. 

 

I have left a few times but she always guilt trips with me that if I leave the country it is over. 

 

The sad thing is, we've been together almost 15 years and when we finally get together, basically it's #######. 

 

I miss my family terribly. I want to leave but actually walking away and getting on that plane and throwing everything away is hard, I can't seem to do it. If she lived in Liverpool then we could take a break or I could move in with my parents. 

 

But leaving now would finalize it, if that makes sense. 

 

Has anyone else been in this type of situation?

 

 

 

 

run away .. not to make it sound trivial but it will not get better, only worse. Go home and save yourself from a toxic relationship