Getting ready to pull the pin on my marriage...I'm sick about it

[waka1 28]

It's been two years since my K-1 fiancee touched down on US soil. The first year we were truly happy, I felt very fortunate, our dream come true. The second year like flip of a switch her personality changed and my life became unbearable. I'm not assigning blame, we're all human. But I'm at the end of my rope.

My problems coincided with her working. I'm retired, own my own house, not rich, but comfortable. She's in her mid-40's and well educated. The first year we both agreed on her working a 32 hours a week job, as well as sending $200 a month home to the family. Well 32 hrs soon became 40, then 40 became 48, and now it's 56 hrs. The $200 a week Phils check became $400, the $400 became close to $500. She works a the second shift of a three shift job, so I'm finding myself alone all the time no lunch together, no dinner together, no evening together...nada I asked her to get a 9-5 job, so we could have a life, nothing doing.

Behavior: She expects me to to follow her Spanish/Cebuano culture, but she is stone deaf when it comes to mine. Example: No matter who's fault it is, I'm expected to play 'kissy-kissy' and offer an apology to her until she forgives me. Her mother is very proud of her Spanish blood, but a hard and feared woman. I very much like her family and they like me. For many years my wife told me after the fact, that she has been the family 'enforcer' and brags about reducing her siblings to tears. Her anger is explosive and freaks me out, she admits she has no control over it. Her passive/ aggressive behavior is like an ice-pick, daily chipping at my self esteem. When I bring up my feelings, 'hon please don't say that it hurts me', she flies into a argumentative rage. I may sound like sniveling doormat, but I assure you i'm not my only fear is being backed into a corner and losing control. I've never done that to a woman and never will.

The other day in angry mood she brought up my relationship with my grown daughters that she knows little about, and threw it in my viciously threw it in my face. That pushed me over the edge, I ripped my wedding off and threw it at the wall... I told her she crossed a line that I would never never dream of crossing with her family....I'm done but I still care about her...but since she refuses to discuss anything remotely importantly important, I realize my to options are next to zero...

Sorry to burden you happy VJ'er's with my difficulties, but I thought maybe someone might gain some insight.

Thanks All...

[Sagot 1,548]

Being things had been quiet with you I thought all the fences had been mended with you two ... sorry to hear things have tipped the other way.

[minions2 24]

Wife is probably working many hours because she sends money back home

[Greenbaum 12,258]

Mixed culture marriages are difficult to begin with then add step children and a Filipino tradition to take care family is tuff to deal with. I'm sure everyone here has experienced some of the same items you are. There are no fast and hard rules but it something that needs to be discussed and if that doesn't go anywhere you need to seek your happiness. I have lived with a verbal abusive wife and I packed my bags and left and never regretted my decision. Goid luck. I hope you work this out.

[JimJesDuma 472]

No excuse but many of these ladies are under extreme pressure to send money home and it is never enough. It's up to her to put a stop or limit to it.

Also without a doubt it's always the MAN's fault and all her friends and family will agree with her. It's just the way it is. It's never no ones fault it's always yours.

Good luck there and sorry you are going through this.

[Dan and Judy 614]

I agree that it is time to put an end to it. She has shown what her priority is, and it is not you.

[waka1 28]

Priority wise I believe it's 50/50, not sure what her guesstimate is. The family is grown and out of the house, fairly well off by Philippine standards.

Any marriage is hard work, some just harder than others.

[Dan and Judy 614]

Most likely you pay all the bills and the money she earns is hers. Whether that's the case or not, you are not happy. Read the original post. It is yours.

In that post you say " I realize my to options are next to zero... ".

That is incorrect. You have two basic options.

#1 continue to be dominated and abused for the rest of your life.

#2 get divorced. On the bright side, she can obviously support herself so there is no need for alimony and no kids together means to

​child support. Of course there would most likely be negative financial repercussions of which you are fully aware.

all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government,

[MarkPerry 488]

My problems coincided with her working. I'm retired, own my own house, not rich, but comfortable. She's in her mid-40's and well educated. The first year we both agreed on her working a 32 hours a week job, as well as sending $200 a month home to the family. Well 32 hrs soon became 40, then 40 became 48, and now it's 56 hrs. The $200 a week Phils check became $400, the $400 became close to $500.

This only creates parasites in the Philippines, now instead of working for money they expect your wife to do all the working and send money home while they sit around and drink RedHorse and VideoK all day long. Must be a nice gig

[waka1 28]

Most likely you pay all the bills and the money she earns is hers. Whether that's the case or not, you are not happy. Read the original post. It is yours.

In that post you say " I realize my to options are next to zero... ".

That is incorrect. You have two basic options.

#1 continue to be dominated and abused for the rest of your life.

#2 get divorced. On the bright side, she can obviously support herself so there is no need for alimony and no kids together means to

​child support. Of course there would most likely be negative financial repercussions of which you are fully aware.

all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government,

WE JUST DID....lol