Question about visiting after filing a K-1 application and breaking up

[fantasist 2]

Thank you for the advice, Scotland2Cali. My friends and family are being very good to me right now, and I am trying to assess things and figure out what I really want and what will make me happy, whether or not I speak to my fiance again. I am trying not to take the advice just to get over this too much to heart; I know for me it's not realistic that I will be over this anytime soon, and that's okay.

[NikLR 13,235]

Relationships take time to build and time to get over, especially when it's not your decision to break up.

Give yourself time, be kind, allow the emotions and process to take it's course. Best wishes.

[angelwie24 2]

As they said... dont make decisions when youre angry, and dont make promises when youre happy. Being in a 6yr-ldr is a serious thing. You both worked hard to keep that relationship. But why it came to the point that he decided to petition you to be together already then suddenly he backed out...anyway follow you heart if it will make you happy... You are the one to decide for your self and for your future.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

I am so sorry to hear about what happened. I was put in a similar situation after someone who I was in a LDR with for 4+ years decided to pull the plug and end our relationship and cut contact with me completely. Granted we both lived in the US (about 2,000 miles apart) so there was no immigration paperwork involved, but we were engaged and bought a cat together on one of his longer stays and even co-signed a lease for an apartment we were about to move into together. It was an absolute nightmare. It took over a year for me to center myself again and get

I am not going to just tell you to get over it, because I know how naive it is to suggest it something you can just move on from so simply. That being said, I would caution putting any more effort into the relationship, at least for now. He definitely seems like the type of person that needs to get some serious help before he commits to a relationship, and a commitment as huge as marriage just doesn't seem like it would be healthy for either of you right now. I would suggest holding off on going to see him as well, especially if he is not in communication with you right now and has said he does not want contact from you. Showing up at someone's door in that type of situation rarely ends well, and if he does have serious anxiety problems like you seem to suggest, it could be an bad situation that might fracture the relationship even further.

I suggest just taking it one day at a time, and remember to put yourself first at all times.

[fantasist 2]

Thanks everyone, again for the comments. I know I need to give this some time. I was in such shock and panic when I first made my post, but now in hindsight I think there needs to be some time before I do anything, and I can't control (or even know) what he's doing in the meantime. I agree the outcome of showing up at his door could be negative, and even if things are properly over I don't want to make things even worse between us.

MorganandMichael--it's nice to hear your story and know other people have been in similar situations, and that even if it takes time, life goes on and positive things can happen in the future. Thank you for that.

[fantasist 2]

My update: no happy news. I was not contacting him as per his request, but had not received any of my personal belongings back, nor had he contacted me about sending things. I finally contacted his sister and told her my concerns. She let him know, and today I got an email saying he would be sending my things. I tried to email back just to confirm what was being sent, but of course, since he blocked me contacting him in every way possible he didn't receive this. Instead a friend who he had texted with in past texted and said I wanted to clarify what was being sent. He had already sent what he was sending by then--gave me a list that did not include everything I anticipated. He did apparently include a note with the items saying he was returning personal belongings, so hopefully I do not get dinged at customs. No word on the visa; hopefully he has the sense to cancel it. I may be in contact with his sister in future if I do not receive everything I anticipated from him and will ask for more information then. I'm not sure why he would be holding anything back, and I didn't want to do this back and forth to begin with.

Relationship is well and truly over and I am just working on moving on. I won't ever understand someone being able to behave so brutally after so many years together, but I guess it's not for me to understand, just accept and move on.

[NuZayetsPogodi 117]

Wow OP, I'm sorry. Nobody deserves that treatment. It doesn't matter what happened - if two people break up, they should be mature enough to at least be able to receive and send an EMAIL(!!!) and not have some third party text on their behalf. That's just childish, indescribably childish. I hope you're able to work through this break-up at your own pace and find someone, when you're ready, who treats you well.

My update: no happy news. I was not contacting him as per his request, but had not received any of my personal belongings back, nor had he contacted me about sending things. I finally contacted his sister and told her my concerns. She let him know, and today I got an email saying he would be sending my things. I tried to email back just to confirm what was being sent, but of course, since he blocked me contacting him in every way possible he didn't receive this. Instead a friend who he had texted with in past texted and said I wanted to clarify what was being sent. He had already sent what he was sending by then--gave me a list that did not include everything I anticipated. He did apparently include a note with the items saying he was returning personal belongings, so hopefully I do not get dinged at customs. No word on the visa; hopefully he has the sense to cancel it. I may be in contact with his sister in future if I do not receive everything I anticipated from him and will ask for more information then. I'm not sure why he would be holding anything back, and I didn't want to do this back and forth to begin with.

Relationship is well and truly over and I am just working on moving on. I won't ever understand someone being able to behave so brutally after so many years together, but I guess it's not for me to understand, just accept and move on.

[fantasist 2]

Thanks. This has been such an amazingly disastrous ending to things I think it's going to be a good long while before I'm even considering a relationship again, and I am doing a lot of soul searching about why I was such a bad judge of character here. I don't know his side of the story, but mine was we were happy and got engaged and he got scared, so I'm not really sure why I deserved this treatment--there was no fight, no infidelity. Everyone keeps telling me I've had a very lucky escape because this displays something majorly wrong with the guy, and it would be worse if this happened after we were married, which is certainly true.

I got annoyed not knowing if he had missed some of my things in the packing and tried texting him directly. For whatever reason he replied to my text at my blocked email (so we have 2 one-sided conversations going on). I probably texted more than I should feeling I could finally speak to him (nothing nasty--more disappointed in the whole way this fell out), and asked we take some time and both think if there are any other things he hasn't sent to send back. Hopefully I get a response. I know these are just things, but I sold my house and got rid of so many of my personal belongings; I just want what's mine back to help me rebuild.