Is it normal or it's just me....

[Fandango 1,439]

Yanno what? I'm gonna give some food for thought.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT ON HOLD! YOUR LIFE IS RIGHT NOW!

Don't get me wrong, I get hung up on a lot of things too...but at the end of the day, every one of us can occupy ourselves with LOADS of stuff before our SOs get here. Sometimes I get hung up on this that or the other, and I realize that I'm just being pathetic cos whinging about having no life is easier than creating one. And D has a very full life...friends, events, job, etc....and sometimes I can micromanage a situation cos I'm sat here waiting for him to call. And God forbid he's 15 mins late but that's only when I'm particularly needy.

And I really don't do 'needy' under normal circumstances.

Yes, it's easy to whinge cos I moved back from the UK to a different area and the people here are a bit strange, and I haven't really met any great people with whom I have loads in common...yeah I can sit here and say 'oh my life's on hold til he gets here' but really....at the end of the day....while D is a HUGE part of my life, he's not my life.

The mindset is everything. I'm not gonna stress him out more by constantly whining how I miss him/etc. So I've taken steps to make my own life fuller, and it's actually helped quite a bit! I feel happier than I have in a long time, and it's removed most of the stress that was causing bs petty fights between me & D.

I'd reccommend anyone here to try it. Take a good look at your life and recognize the things you can change that are in your control. I assure you, the time goes by so much quicker and you'll feel much better too

Edited February 27, 2007 by LisaD

[Robor007 0]

Yanno what? I'm gonna give some food for thought.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT ON HOLD! YOUR LIFE IS RIGHT NOW!

Maybe for you but for me life is on hold. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or lonely - far from it. I've got my immediate family and very close friends all within 20 minutes drive. I still spend time with them but not as much as I used to do before meeting my wife. Given my full time work, her full time training class, and the fact that we're in direct opposite timezones we have a very limited window to spend together (online). For that reason we both make sacrifices. For instance, I could go to the local NHL hockey game tonight with great company seats but instead I'm going to go home after work and talk to my wife in Skype for a bit before she leaves for training. I'll still catch the game on TV but if my wife was here we'd be going to the game together. Another part of things being on hold for me is there's plenty of stuff I'd like to do around the place but I'm not going to do it before she is here because I want her input. Okay back to watching the clock here...

Edited February 27, 2007 by Robor007

[Fandango 1,439]

Yanno what? I'm gonna give some food for thought.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT ON HOLD! YOUR LIFE IS RIGHT NOW!

Maybe for you but for me life is on hold. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or lonely - far from it. I've got my immediate family and very close friends all within 20 minutes drive. I still spend time with them but not as much as I used to do before meeting my wife. Given my full time work, her full time training class, and the fact that we're in direct opposite timezones we have a very limited window to spend together (online). For that reason we both make sacrifices. For instance, I could go to the local NHL hockey game tonight with great company seats but instead I'm going to go home after work and talk to my wife in Skype for a bit before she leaves for training. I'll still catch the game on TV but if my wife was here we'd be going to the game together. Another part of things being on hold for me is there's plenty of stuff I'd like to do around the place but I'm not going to do it before she is here because I want her input. Okay back to watching the clock here...

Don't get me wrong either.....but if you and your wife are solid and everything's wonderful, why not go to the game and find time afterwards? Or send emails?

Believe me, I know what you're talking about, but imo...there's got to be some balance. If you miss this game, make sure you go to the next one. Or get a cellphone that has internet capabilities and chat during halftime or whatever. But if you willingly choose to forego the game, that's fine and good...but how exactly is that having your life on hold?

There's more than one way to approach a situation, and all I'm trying to show is that perspective is everything. Don't say 'oh my life is on hold' because it's really not...life waits for no one.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

agreed, i doubt anyones lifes stop, but alot of the decisions on the house, car etc can wait for awhile

[jerrylee 0]

Yanno what? I'm gonna give some food for thought.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT ON HOLD! YOUR LIFE IS RIGHT NOW!

Maybe for you but for me life is on hold. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or lonely - far from it. I've got my immediate family and very close friends all within 20 minutes drive. I still spend time with them but not as much as I used to do before meeting my wife. Given my full time work, her full time training class, and the fact that we're in direct opposite timezones we have a very limited window to spend together (online). For that reason we both make sacrifices. For instance, I could go to the local NHL hockey game tonight with great company seats but instead I'm going to go home after work and talk to my wife in Skype for a bit before she leaves for training. I'll still catch the game on TV but if my wife was here we'd be going to the game together. Another part of things being on hold for me is there's plenty of stuff I'd like to do around the place but I'm not going to do it before she is here because I want her input. Okay back to watching the clock here...

Don't get me wrong either.....but if you and your wife are solid and everything's wonderful, why not go to the game and find time afterwards? Or send emails?

Believe me, I know what you're talking about, but imo...there's got to be some balance. If you miss this game, make sure you go to the next one. Or get a cellphone that has internet capabilities and chat during halftime or whatever. But if you willingly choose to forego the game, that's fine and good...but how exactly is that having your life on hold?

There's more than one way to approach a situation, and all I'm trying to show is that perspective is everything. Don't say 'oh my life is on hold' because it's really not...life waits for no one.

We all find ways to make it work for us while we wait...otherwise it would drive us crazy thinking about it...

[sj5 4]

Just curious,

Does anyone experience sleep deprivation thing and lack of appetite during this visa process. It's just I'm starting to have those troubles. I hope it's a normal thing to have. I can't sleep yet so I post this topic

Congrats!!! You just excited

I did sleep well and eat normal but i feel missing my friends and philippines already..I'm not even flying yet

[Melyssa 0]

It can sure put your life on hold for awhile.

Life on hold = a perfect description.

Those who haven't done it have no idea how it affects daily life. My friends/family ask how the process is going and I just tell them we're still waiting. They ask how much longer and I guess 3-5 months. Then they say, 'oh, that's not too bad'. Excuse me but ####### is that kind of answer is that? Given that we've already been apart for the first 3 months of our marriage I think another 3-5 months is a LONG friggin' time!

It sounds too long to me especially if you're already married! UGH! 3-5 months is long.

[eap620 0]

I don't know if it's my lack of sleep lately or what but I could not stop laughing after reading this response. It is so true how many people in our lives that aren't going through this act like time is just not an issue. And no, in reality it's not like even a year is that much time when you really think about it but I know for many of us waiting around on VJ, our days go by a bit slower. I guess that's the point LisaD is trying to make. Keep living your life as much as you can and time does fly by faster BUT that sure is hard sometimes. Especially when oen of the biggest parts of your life is not with you to live it.

Anyway...just wanted to let you know that you made me laugh because I feel the exact same way ever so often.

Erin

Those who haven't done it have no idea how it affects daily life. My friends/family ask how the process is going and I just tell them we're still waiting. They ask how much longer and I guess 3-5 months. Then they say, 'oh, that's not too bad'. Excuse me but ####### is that kind of answer is that? Given that we've already been apart for the first 3 months of our marriage I think another 3-5 months is a LONG friggin' time!

Edited March 3, 2007 by eap620

[chrisepic 0]

I'll tell you, I've always had an insomnia thing, especially once I quit drinking alcohol.

But since I returned from the Philippines, I have never been so depressed! Its getting better now, but the first week back (last week) was HELL! I was so depressed, I couldn't sleep. Now, I just cant sleep- I was up until 4AM last night!

So I can only imagine how the next year is going to be. And its going to be worse for me because I will be employed full time and going to school full time. I commented to my mother "I wish I was getting paid for this, I'm kicking ### with research and work for this process!"

But ultimately, its being love sick, I'm convinced! i'm just thankful I get to see her again in 5 months

[garyandkris 0]

I don't feel as if my entire life is "on hold", but there are certainly aspects of it that are. I can't go out for a romantic dinner when my husband's five thousand miles away, but I can go out to dinner. I can't curl up on the sofa and cuddle with Gary while watching a film, but I can enjoy one on my own.

The time difference is what gets to me the most. I hate not being able to talk to him at night because London is seven hours ahead and he's fast asleep. I know I could call if I really needed to talk to him, but I'm not going to ring him at 4 am just to chat.

I think it's different if you've been married or lived together for a few years and then had to separate because of the immigration process. You get used to the luxury of always having your SO around, and there's quite a large hole in your life when they're not. When I was going through the process of getting a UK fiance visa years ago, I felt excitement more than anything else. I missed Gary, but no where near as much as I miss him now. Of course, that entire process took a lot less time and didn't involve any complications like we have now, so that might have had something to do with it.

I've always had bouts of insomnia, so I can't blame immigration for that. Sleep is overrated, anyway. Except for naps. Naps are lurvly.

[William33 110]

A curious topic indeed.

Let's split the combined K-1/K-3 Immigration road for a moment, those that lived with their SO, then returned to the US to begin the process > and those that met in another way, had a few in person meetings; and await the process.

Does anyone believe that the ones that lived together for a number of years, have more difficulty, than those that never lived together?

I do.

Thoughts?

Edited March 9, 2007 by William33

[Marilyn. 340]

A curious topic indeed.

Let's split the combined K-1/K-3 Immigration road for a moment, those that lived with their SO, then returned to the US to begin the process > and those that met in another way, had a few in person meetings; and await the process.

Does anyone believe that the ones that lived together for a number of years, have more difficulty, than those that never lived together?

I do.

Thoughts?

no comment

[sereia 0]

i'm doing a whole lot better than when i first returned from morocco and was proposed to. i was a hermit and depressed for a short while then snapped out of it! this is my time for ME...to improve ME...to do things for ME...once he gets here it won't be all about me anymore...(which i'm happy to share, btw, but for now i want to indulge) i think partly because i am used to being alone. i haven't ever lived with him for a significant amount of time. i think it was hard at first because we were together every second for two weeks straight on my last trip....i can't imagine how it must be for some of you who were together for months and years at a time!

i'm definitely using this time to strengthen and improve my life for when my fiance gets here. everything i do i think of him when i make a decision. buying furniture for the apartment, what job i take (how will the schedule work for me so i can travel to see him or make sure i will have time for him when he arrives) everything!

but also spending time with my friends! going out for drinks and doing girly things i will not get to do for a minute when he arrives.

i don't know why i didn't become obsessive with this k-1 process. i haven't been checking my email every 2 minutes to see if CRIS wrote me with an approval. i didn't run to check my mail the minute i think the mailman came. i really thought i'd be that way....

[Dan J 277]

A curious topic indeed.

Let's split the combined K-1/K-3 Immigration road for a moment, those that lived with their SO, then returned to the US to begin the process > and those that met in another way, had a few in person meetings; and await the process.

Does anyone believe that the ones that lived together for a number of years, have more difficulty, than those that never lived together?

I do.

Thoughts?

It's just my thought. The ones that lived together for a number of years don't have more difficulty than those who never lived together. What I mean is to be physically together does work better. There are times when a warm and tight hugs is giving more supportive and positive feeling than to just listening or reading lines of words. That's just one of the good sides.

[Dan J 277]

i'm doing a whole lot better than when i first returned from morocco and was proposed to. i was a hermit and depressed for a short while then snapped out of it! this is my time for ME...to improve ME...to do things for ME...once he gets here it won't be all about me anymore...(which i'm happy to share, btw, but for now i want to indulge) i think partly because i am used to being alone. i haven't ever lived with him for a significant amount of time. i think it was hard at first because we were together every second for two weeks straight on my last trip....i can't imagine how it must be for some of you who were together for months and years at a time!

i'm definitely using this time to strengthen and improve my life for when my fiance gets here. everything i do i think of him when i make a decision. buying furniture for the apartment, what job i take (how will the schedule work for me so i can travel to see him or make sure i will have time for him when he arrives) everything!

but also spending time with my friends! going out for drinks and doing girly things i will not get to do for a minute when he arrives.

i don't know why i didn't become obsessive with this k-1 process. i haven't been checking my email every 2 minutes to see if CRIS wrote me with an approval. i didn't run to check my mail the minute i think the mailman came. i really thought i'd be that way....

That one is the most working for me to cope with this whole visa process