Chasing fair skin, Ivorians ignore whitening cream ban

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

I don't blame you. It is scary to let someone else cut your hair. lol What happens if you don't like the cut or they trim too much off of it? Horrendous!

I don't go to the beauty shop anymore. I do however get my hair braided every once in a while. Which also isn't accepted in my work environment. A fight to be good enough and please everyone is hard. After I decided to go natural no one knew how to do my hair and kept asking why don't I perm it. I don't perm my daughters hair and it finally dawned on me I shouldn't perm mine either. It is really hard to teach them they are beautiful just the way they are. And since they have nice curly hair, they get questions like, you must have a white or Hispanic dad because black people don't have this nice curly hair. You can only get it from having one white parent. Or straighten their hair, the boys will like them more.

I'm currently rocking an undercut with the bottom shaved and the top long enough to ponytail. With my hair down, I look like a mousy, unassuming chick with a bob. With my hair up, I look like a stone cold badass. My wife's currently looking after the shaved part with my handy dandy clippers, but the top's looking all ragged and I've had so many bad experiences with people hacking my hair with scissors. Scissors can be used a little, but most has to be done with razors and I'm worried they'll try and blend the shaved part into the top!

Seriously, though, your poor daughters, people shouldn't ask ####### like that. It's not right. Good on you, though, for doing your hair for you and not for anyone else.

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

True.

But my point is, many women around the world strive for straight hair and light skin due to society telling them they are not beautiful and less pretty if they do not conform to the European standards of beauty. I posted a Google link. I typed in beauty and then clicked images. There were no black or brown women in the images for beauty. Many women look to magazines and images on the internet when they are thinking of dressing up for the night or changing their make up. When you have no one to look to who "looks" like you, you strive to look like the images you see most. Again, just with my experiences living and being in Asia, the majority of Billboard advertisements on beauty products and clothing are white women, not even the native women of those countries. These women are killing their skin to become fairer, lighter and whiter.

Why do you refuse to speak about the rest of the world which has influenced the men of Ivory Coast to think like this?

So do you think society should be forced to change beauty standards to try and be all inclusive? If a billboard in Japan showing a non Japanese woman is what sells makeup in Japan that would seem to me to be Japanese women's issue.

On the "It's mens fault" thing: Men do a lot of stupid things because of women. A lot. That is not women's fault, that is men's fault. I don't blame women for the existence of Axe body spray. By the same token if you choose do go out today and buy whitening creme that's on you.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

A man that loves you will always protect you. I think that if you're comfortable with your hair in it's natural state, then that's what you should go with. If he's not happy with it, he can kick rocks.

Remember, you don't wake up like diss! He needs to accept you, flaws and all. That's what love really is, knowing all there is to know about someone and still loving them.

OMG, very good point! People have forgotten what real love is nowadays.

I'm currently rocking an undercut with the bottom shaved and the top long enough to ponytail. With my hair down, I look like a mousy, unassuming chick with a bob. With my hair up, I look like a stone cold badass. My wife's currently looking after the shaved part with my handy dandy clippers, but the top's looking all ragged and I've had so many bad experiences with people hacking my hair with scissors. Scissors can be used a little, but most has to be done with razors and I'm worried they'll try and blend the shaved part into the top!

Seriously, though, your poor daughters, people shouldn't ask ####### like that. It's not right. Good on you, though, for doing your hair for you and not for anyone else.

That's cool! Glad she knows how to do your hair. This is awesome and so cute!!

And thank you, I try, but when you have so many people telling you the opposite of what you are hearing at home, they start to buckle under peer pressure.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

So do you think society should be forced to change beauty standards to try and be all inclusive? If a billboard in Japan showing a non Japanese woman is what sells makeup in Japan that would seem to me to be Japanese women's issue.

On the "It's mens fault" thing: Men do a lot of stupid things because of women. A lot. That is not women's fault, that is men's fault. I don't blame women for the existence of Axe body spray. By the same token if you choose do go out today and buy whitening creme that's on you.

The billboards are up to sell a product and to tell Japanese women to look more like the women on the billboards. Women should give in to this pressure but it is also the men's fault for not loving their women just the way they are. Men have forgotten how to do their job as a man and it is really getting sad out here.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

So do you think society should be forced to change beauty standards to try and be all inclusive? If a billboard in Japan showing a non Japanese woman is what sells makeup in Japan that would seem to me to be Japanese women's issue.

On the "It's mens fault" thing: Men do a lot of stupid things because of women. A lot. That is not women's fault, that is men's fault. I don't blame women for the existence of Axe body spray. By the same token if you choose do go out today and buy whitening creme that's on you.

I think Janelle is trying to say is, women are beautiful. No matter the race or ethnicity. White shouldn't be the gold standard of beauty. There are beautiful women all over the world in all shapes, sizes and colors. But European standards dominate to the point they make other races feel as if they're inferior. This is why so many black women(esp those of the darker complexion) hate their own skin. They're told repeatedly dark is ugly. And it's not only women. Darker skinned men get it just as bad.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

I think Janelle is trying to say is, women are beautiful. No matter the race or ethnicity. White shouldn't be the gold standard of beauty. There are beautiful women all over the world in all shapes, sizes and colors. But European standards dominate to the point they make other races feel as if they're inferior. This is why so many black women(esp those of the darker complexion) hate their own skin. They're told repeatedly dark is ugly. And it's not only women. Darker skinned men get it just as bad.

Yes, the dark men get it too. But luckily for dark men, they have the movie industry, Denzel Washington, Moris Chessnut, Idris, etc which is making darker skinned men acceptable. The appearance of more darker women on the screens has yet to do this for black women.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Yes, the dark men get it too. But luckily for dark men, they have the movie industry, Denzel Washington, Moris Chessnut, Idris, etc which is making darker skinned men acceptable. The appearance of more darker women on the screens has yet to do this for black women.

It's coming slowly. You got Lupita and Viola Davis. Also, Denzel doesn't qualify as dark skin. Wesley and Morris yes. Remember, you have to be darker than a paper bag to be considered dark skinned. Denzel doesn't make the cut.

I do wish more dark skinned sisters like Dawn Lewis were around, or the women from School Daze.

Edited August 12, 2015 by Stay Woke

[Janelle2002 3,865]

It's coming slowly. You got Lupita and Viola Davis. Also, Denzel doesn't qualify as dark skin. Wesley and Morris yes. And Idris is british, not black American.

I do wish more dark skinned sisters like Dawn Lewis were around, or the women from School Daze.

Idris is British but he is seen in American movies on a regular basis, thus, helping dark skinned men prevail.

Even with Lupita and Viola on the screen it isn't helping black women.

Dawn Lewis, haven't seen this lady in a while. When I was younger I thought she was super gorgeous. Wonder what she is doing now.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Idris is British but he is seen in American movies on a regular basis, thus, helping dark skinned men prevail.

Even with Lupita and Viola on the screen it isn't helping black women.

Dawn Lewis, haven't seen this lady in a while. When I was younger I thought she was super gorgeous. Wonder what she is doing now.

You should watch the show Luther. He kills it. I know you're not a show person, but check it out.

There's still so much more to be done. Viola should have won an award at this point. The woman is fire.

I know right? She used to on point, I do wish they would bring shows like that back...

[Janelle2002 3,865]

You should watch the show Luther. He kills it. I know you're not a show person, but check it out.

There's still so much more to be done. Viola should have won an award at this point. The woman is fire.

I know right? She used to on point, I do wish they would bring shows like that back...

I'll have to check it out. And yes, Viola should have had an award by now.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

Exactly, they don't take responsibility for what women have to go through to please them. I completely agree. Like a black woman who chooses to wear her natural hair is considered much more unattractive than one who straightens her hair. And there were actually two guys at my office having a conversation over my hair. One guy said he likes it when I wear my hair natural and he didn't like the fact that I straightened it. The other guy says he this I look more professional when my hair is straightened however, it is okay sometimes when I wear my hair natural. They had this debate in front of me for like 10 minutes. There are plenty of black women that say they do not get hits on their dating profiles if they have a picture up of them with their natural hair. It is just sad.

I have to ask myself, how long will a relationship last with a man who wants a woman to be so superficial with everything on her body surgically and chemically altered? And do he realize that when they have kids, the kids are still going to come out looking the natural way, not the altered way the woman has changed herself to become.

Smart people get into serious relationships with people who have features and actions that they already like. It is foolish to be with someone whom you are wanting to change. People can't really change their looks or (as discussed here) hair without a lot of work and a lot of expense. If you like curly hair, why would you get serious with someone who had straight hair? Why not go after someone who already has the things you prefer? Or, if you admire that person enough, be willing to give up your desires to be with that person. Perhaps YOU should change your wants, not them their person.

Just a thought.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Smart people get into serious relationships with people who have features and actions that they already like. It is foolish to be with someone whom you are wanting to change. People can't really change their looks or (as discussed here) hair without a lot of work and a lot of expense. If you like curly hair, why would you get serious with someone who had straight hair? Why not go after someone who already has the things you prefer? Or, if you admire that person enough, be willing to give up your desires to be with that person. Perhaps YOU should change your wants, not them their person.

Just a thought.

This is easy for you to say, however, if you know that the majority of men want straight, blonde hair and fair or white skin, you are already down a couple of points before you get into the game.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

I have to say (and I'm probably going to have to turn my CABA Harpy Card in for this) that women do themselves no favours by lapping up the BS that is pushed to us about what is "beautiful" and not only perpetuating in ourselves, but forcing that BS on others. I'm conventionally cute by Western standards, but I'm an Old now, and I know that I'm not the little cutie-pie I used to be. The men in my life who have loved me, or were just dating me at various points in my life, have been infinitely kinder and more enthusiastic about my appearance than I have been about my own. I'm too round, or fat, or short, or my hair's too dark; I have zits; I'm not a size 0; etc., ergo I'm a hag and unloveable. It's a soundtrack that so many women have playing in their heads about themselves, notwithstanding what their partners say about their attractiveness. And then we project this onto other women and we're constantly comparing, comparing, measuring ourselves, finding others "less" so that we might... find our own selves more?

This is not just about men. In my experience, it's not men who say horrible things about how women are supposed to look as much as women do. Men, as has been said here, often don't give a squat about your hair, or your makeup, or your dress. And when it's a man who loves you, he usually doesn't even notice these things unless you point them out and ask for an opinion. They care about YOU.

This is not to say there are wastes of space who are happy to opine about how a woman should look, and that those who don't conform are somehow disgusting and should just go away and wall themselves up for lack of conventional beauty. These turds exist, and they do harm to the self-image of women. We see them here, on VJ. We hear them catcalling on the streets. They are not hard to find. But as women we should also take responsibility for taking up this torch and running with it. Be vocal when one of your girlfriends does this, and stop doing it yourself when you catch yourself doing it. I do it, and I know it's ridiculous, but I am trying to unlearn social conditioning.

I'm a girly girl. I love makeup and have long hair. I love skirts and dresses and heels and handbags. And I struggle with trying to understand if that's because it pleases me, or because I think it will please my boyfriend (which is sometimes), or men in general, or because I think it will make other women think I'm a particular sort of woman. I don't know. But I do know I feel more confident when my hair is great and my makeup is fantastic. How much of this comes from male expectations, or women's misunderstanding of male expectations where we project thoughts that many men just don't even have, I can't tell.

tl:dr -- this kind of BS isn't just coming from men, and women have to own up to their own significant part in this charade.

[TBoneTX 43,079]

do I straighten or do natural. Which way will he view me as being the most attractive as?

Fotos (Spanish spelling) of both, now, Dear. We shall inspect and offer feedback.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

This is easy for you to say, however, if you know that the majority of men want straight, blonde hair and fair or white skin, you are already down a couple of points before you get into the game.

Glad I am in the minority then. I so hate going along with the crowd just to fit in.