G.O.P. Unveils Immigration Plan

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

There you go. The fix is coming!

G.O.P. Unveils Immigration Plan: “We Must Make America Somewhere No One Wants to Live”

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell unveiled his party’s long-awaited plan on immigration on Wednesday, telling reporters, “We must make America somewhere no one wants to live.”

Appearing with House Speaker John Boehner, McConnell said that, in contrast to President Obama’s “Band-Aid fixes,” the Republican plan would address “the root cause of immigration, which is that the United States is, for the most part, habitable.”

“For years, immigrants have looked to America as a place where their standard of living was bound to improve,” McConnell said. “We’re going to change that.”

Boehner said that the Republicans’ plan would reduce or eliminate “immigration magnets,” such as the social safety net, public education, clean air, and drinkable water.

The Speaker added that the plan would also include the repeal of Obamacare, calling healthcare “catnip for immigrants.”

Attempting, perhaps, to tamp down excitement about the plan, McConnell warned that turning America into a dystopian hellhole that repels immigrants “won’t happen overnight.”

“Our crumbling infrastructure and soaring gun violence are a good start, but much work still needs to be done,” he said. “When Americans start leaving the country, we’ll know that we’re on the right track.”

In closing, the two congressional leaders expressed pride in the immigration plan, noting that Republicans had been working to make it possible for the past thirty years.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

G.O.P. Unveils Immigration Plan: “We Must Make America Somewhere No One Wants to Live”

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell unveiled his party’s long-awaited plan on immigration on Wednesday, telling reporters, “We must make America somewhere no one wants to live.”

Appearing with House Speaker John Boehner, McConnell said that, in contrast to President Obama’s “Band-Aid fixes,” the Republican plan would address “the root cause of immigration, which is that the United States is, for the most part, habitable.”

“For years, immigrants have looked to America as a place where their standard of living was bound to improve,” McConnell said. “We’re going to change that.”

Boehner said that the Republicans’ plan would reduce or eliminate “immigration magnets,” such as the social safety net, public education, clean air, and drinkable water.

The Speaker added that the plan would also include the repeal of Obamacare, calling healthcare “catnip for immigrants.”

Attempting, perhaps, to tamp down excitement about the plan, McConnell warned that turning America into a dystopian hellhole that repels immigrants “won’t happen overnight.”

“Our crumbling infrastructure and soaring gun violence are a good start, but much work still needs to be done,” he said. “When Americans start leaving the country, we’ll know that we’re on the right track.”

In closing, the two congressional leaders expressed pride in the immigration plan, noting that Republicans had been working to make it possible for the past thirty years.

So, what's the solution? Did there ever come up with a plan?? I'm confused now.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Make the country an uninhabitable hellhole where nobody wants to live. That will stop illegal immigration. There you go. That's the plan.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Make the country an uninhabitable hellhole where nobody wants to live. That will stop illegal immigration. There you go. That's the plan.

rip up the ozone layers and tear up all the trees. Wouldn't the Americans leave too? The repulicans will just build themselves an underground bunker with toilets that dry their behinds.

[UncleBeer 244]

This was apparently intended as comedy. Har-de-har. Instead of focusing on the crime against the Constitution this preznit's about to commit, we get blind & misdirected vitriol. Of course: this is somehow the GOP's fault.

G.O.P. Unveils Immigration Plan: “We Must Make America Somewhere No One Wants to Live”

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell unveiled his party’s long-awaited plan on immigration on Wednesday, telling reporters, “We must make America somewhere no one wants to live.”

Appearing with House Speaker John Boehner, McConnell said that, in contrast to President Obama’s “Band-Aid fixes,” the Republican plan would address “the root cause of immigration, which is that the United States is, for the most part, habitable.”

“For years, immigrants have looked to America as a place where their standard of living was bound to improve,” McConnell said. “We’re going to change that.”

Boehner said that the Republicans’ plan would reduce or eliminate “immigration magnets,” such as the social safety net, public education, clean air, and drinkable water.

The Speaker added that the plan would also include the repeal of Obamacare, calling healthcare “catnip for immigrants.”

Attempting, perhaps, to tamp down excitement about the plan, McConnell warned that turning America into a dystopian hellhole that repels immigrants “won’t happen overnight.”

“Our crumbling infrastructure and soaring gun violence are a good start, but much work still needs to be done,” he said. “When Americans start leaving the country, we’ll know that we’re on the right track.”

In closing, the two congressional leaders expressed pride in the immigration plan, noting that Republicans had been working to make it possible for the past thirty years.

So, what's the solution? Did there ever come up with a plan?? I'm confused now.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

rip up the ozone layers and tear up all the trees. Wouldn't the Americans leave too? The repulicans will just build themselves an underground bunker with toilets that dry their behinds.

There will be some collateral damage but that's to be expected.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

There will be some collateral damage but that's to be expected.

This is war i tell you!!

[Merle 458]

There you go. The fix is coming!

Maybe you should step up and be the first to leave. I'm sure there are plenty of us here that would kick in for your ticket. I can even start a fundraiser.

[MyLittlePony 340]

illegal immigration is a way of life in America get used to it you cant stop it and it really bad in my area all they do is kkkkkkk seeeee me no English all they do is talk in that little hole on cell phones driving around town with free driver license. I love to kick em all out wishful thinking on my behalf but im stuck with them.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Maybe you should step up and be the first to leave. I'm sure there are plenty of us here that would kick in for your ticket. I can even start a fundraiser.

You guys are so bitter. It's not healthy. Maybe that's why the US spends so much on health care?

[eieio 1,594]

I am not sure why VJ allows bogus articles? It is the definition of a baiting thread. Very weird.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

It's not bogus. It's called satire.

[Boiler 43,434]

I thought that was Obama's pla