To Fart Or Not To Fart

[silvanski 1]

I'm in continuing competition with our rottweiler dog ooomph LOL

At leas tyou admit it....hubster tries to blame his bottom burps on the cat!

I tried it but Mrs Silvanski doesn't fall for that

[Marilyn. 340]

grossly funny story

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting

loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and

the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every

morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it

was making her sick. He told her he could not stop it and that it was

perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that

one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for

dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where

she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the

spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and

went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling

back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his

underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting

which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic

footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control

herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After

years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his

bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me

and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts

out, and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got

most of them back in.

Edited February 5, 2006 by MarilynP

[aussiewench 9]

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

[aussiewench 9]

[pri 0]

it had to be canadian

Kool stuff i forwarded all those humorus ones to my fiancee

[dollface41601 0]

ohhhhh noooooooooo that joke about the guts has me on the floor

[almaty 19]

ohhhhh noooooooooo that joke about the guts has me on the floor

me too

[Marilyn. 340]

Bud and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander, NFLD.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" .

Jim says, "Me too.

Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. --- You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings... It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing.

We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

"No....."

"Well, DON'T. I'm in TORONTO !!!!!!!!!

Edited February 15, 2006 by MarilynP

[aussiewench 9]

[Bootylicious!! 2]

OMG!!!! I am almost crying I am laughing so hard! This thread is the greatest!

[almaty 19]

Bud and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander, NFLD.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" .

Jim says, "Me too.

Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. --- You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings... It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing.

We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

"No....."

"Well, DON'T. I'm in TORONTO !!!!!!!!!

[Marilyn. 340]

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

[Ameristralian 0]

The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.

My dog had one of these the other night. My honey and I were playing with her, and she was having a blast. Then we stopped and started to have a small conversation, and Aspen (dog) let out a fart. It was so hillarious, I don't know if you've ever heard a dog fart or not, but it was unmistakeable. And after that we laughed and played with her some more, hence my reasoning that it was a commander.

[almaty 19]

The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.

My dog had one of these the other night. My honey and I were playing with her, and she was having a blast. Then we stopped and started to have a small conversation, and Aspen (dog) let out a fart. It was so hillarious, I don't know if you've ever heard a dog fart or not, but it was unmistakeable. And after that we laughed and played with her some more, hence my reasoning that it was a commander.

good dog