Steps to protect yourself

[William33 110]

Double post - cancel

Edited December 28, 2006 by William33

[William33 110]

Kit,

You are talking about organizational issues that make perfect sense. The OP was speaking of protection of individual assets, as if failure was a considerable risk.

The self preservation issue is what I was addressing. If one feels compelled to self-preserve assets in a marriage, consider being single and dating. Otherwise, make the right choice in a mate, with particular respect to a foreigner requiring sponsorship.

Really? I don't think so. Nothing he posted was super strong - just things to think about. I like the idea of a pre-nup to protect BOTH of us since we both own property. I like the idea of separate accounts, not because I don't want to co-mingle money but because it's easier for me to have a "working" account for everyday bills and separate savings accounts that we each already have - not because I want to mix our money. What's mine is his and vice versa but practically speaking, it works well for us. When it comes to deeds, I'd rather keep them separate for now mostly because it's one less thing to deal with. But at the same time, we'll change our beneficiaries on our retirement accounts right away and each draw up new wills.

I guess it comes down to individual comfort levels about money. But I don't think any of these suggestions are precautions or defeatist, at least not in our case. Just makes things easier for us.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

I'd suggest not even bothering to bring your fiancee to the US - just get a pet dog and have complete control.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

deleted

Edited December 28, 2006 by jane2005

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I'd suggest not even bothering to bring your fiancee to the US - just get a pet dog and have complete control.

Hi, Jane. (I *swear* I'm not picking at you tonight after my last post on not caring about people's toilet habits in your thread!!!) Anyway, I don't think the OP is suggesting that his/her partner is controlled in the relationship. It's about protection. Craig & I never considered anything like a prenup,etc. either, but that's because neither of us *had* anything substantial!! I'm always torn on this issue, because I feel (and I realize most everyone here feels that way!) that Craig & I knew one another well before we got together..he lived here 3 months, I visited, we were in "constant" contact for months, etc. BUT not everyone has had the luxury of all that time together,on the phone, computer and the like. Even if I did have a lot of possessions, I probably wouldn't have done a prenup. Possibly to my detriment later down the line. (Though I still don't think that now!) The feelings can be just as deep, but just read this forum and you'll see how people get duped everyday, through no fault of their own. It stinks, but it happens. I can surely understand how someone with sizable assets may want to protect themselves...at the *very* least for a couple/few years until they can see how the relationship has progressed...then sometime in the future they may wish to reevaluate the protections they put in place. JMO. M.

Edited December 28, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[rebeccajo 14]

Thought this might become a heated topic.

Is that why you posted it?

[desiree 0]

I'd suggest not even bothering to bring your fiancee to the US - just get a pet dog and have complete control.

I agree with jane.Just buy a dog.You think about how to protect yourself for the "risk".But what about the risk of the fiance/e,who leaves everything she/he has and knows,job,parents,friends,country,his/hers whole LIFE to be with you?You think of how to protect your money ,but how can fiance/e protect her/his LIFE?Don't you think he/she takes his/her own risks,many times even greater then a petitioner?

[Caladan 19]

daveandlirio,

The I-864 is a contract between the Sponsor and the US government. It is outside the realm of a divorce court, divorce has no effect on it.

Yodrak

...... Does anyone know if you can legally include the dissolution of the AOS in the case of divorce that is other than the result of abuse by the USC?

.....

This, definitely. I'm no lawyer, but the I-864 is not a promise to the spouse, but a promise to the government and other tax payers that the immigrant won't become a burden. Since the contract isn't between the spouses, I'm not confident that a second contract nullfying the old contract would be enforceable.

[TracyTN 237]

Thought this might become a heated topic.

Is that why you posted it?

Rebecca, no wonder you are my VJ sensai.

[rob&ana 0]

Frankly…

I don’t understand why people are so set against prenuptial agreements or financial protection. It is such an important topic, and not because people get duped. This is the way people should enter relationships, being totally honest and up front with their concerns, being financial or emotional. When a person CHOOSES to leave their country, they are assuming a risk, yes. But I would presume that this person has weighed thoroughly the pros and cons of moving to another country and leaving EVERYTHING behind, and I would also presume that this person has at least given some thought about the what ifs… what if it doesn’t work? What if I don’t like it there? What if I miss my family and my country so much? Do I love him so much that is it worth leaving all behind? Does he love me so much that it’s worthy of me making this sacrifice? It is a risk, and the only person responsible for taking it is the intending immigrant, so let’s not blame a guilt trip on petitioners.

Again, I am the immigrant, and even though we did not have a prenup, finances were discussed. I was a very independent with my finances, I did not have to account for any of my expenses to any one, and I did not feel like starting to do it (it just felt awkward). We took measures in order for both of us to be comfortable with the decision. We have joint accounts, but we also maintain individual accounts, and we make our own decisions when investing our own money, and we share the decisions when investing our common monies.

I don’t think the OP meant that he didn’t want to share at all with his fiancée, I think he just wanted to feel safe and protect himself, and that I see as perfectly normal.

[Moonie 0]

Although marriage is about love and committment it is also a legally binding CONTRACT you have to realistic about certain things. There is noting wrong with taking precautions. I know plenty married couples who have a separate bank account doesn't mean you don't trust your spouse or you are being shady but you never know what will happen in the future and that separate savings account may be your saving grace. You having a prenup can stop you from being homeless or staying on your mom's couch. It isn't about controlling someone like a dog it is about preparing for a a future that could possibly not be that bright.

[William33 110]

To each, his/her own.

Bottom line, mature marriage decisions are about trust. If you are contemplating these issues, you have some introspective searching to do.

If money is that freaking important in your life, don't get married. Otherwise, consider that you are making the wrong choice.

Let's chat again in 5-10 years, those that are 100% sure about their SO will prevail.

If money issues are in the forefront, your relationship will likely fail. He11, you are already planning for it.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

To each, his/her own.

Bottom line, mature marriage decisions are about trust. If you are contemplating these issues, you have some introspective searching to do.

If money is that freaking important in your life, don't get married. Otherwise, consider that you are making the wrong choice.

Let's chat again in 5-10 years, those that are 100% sure about their SO will prevail.

If money issues are in the forefront, your relationship will likely fail. He11, you are already planning for it.

William33,

Don't make the mistake of thinking that prenuptial agreements only restrict access to assets for one party. Sometimes, dependent upon how they are structured, a prenup can offer assets to one party that might otherwise not be part of the distribution by a local court.

[rob&ana 0]

To each, his/her own.

Bottom line, mature marriage decisions are about trust. If you are contemplating these issues, you have some introspective searching to do.

If money is that freaking important in your life, don't get married. Otherwise, consider that you are making the wrong choice.

Let's chat again in 5-10 years, those that are 100% sure about their SO will prevail.

If money issues are in the forefront, your relationship will likely fail. He11, you are already planning for it.

William33,

Don't make the mistake of thinking that prenuptial agreements only restrict access to assets for one party. Sometimes, dependent upon how they are structured, a prenup can offer assets to one party that might otherwise not be part of the distribution by a local court.

Money is not all that is important in life, and that I believe we all know. But money give you security, and money gives you independence. And Im sorry, but we’ve heard enough stories about battered wives, about controlling husbands, and so many other nasty things that have happened to the most loving couples, those you can never imagine would do things like that.

I came to this country because I fell in love with a man, and I was certain I wanted to be with him, and that’s why I made the choice, and took the risk to leave ABSOLUTELY everything behind to come here and be with him, and I have not regretted it one bit (just in case you are wondering). But talking about money, and settling certain things before hand, gave me security and assurance that in the possibility of things not working out, I would still have be financially independent to at least have the money to buy a ticket to go home. Talking about money and all other topics that aren’t as nice BEFORE making the decision of coming here, made the decision making process easier.

I don’t think I settled the future of my relationship by talking about the what ifs. I was taking a risk and I was entitled to have doubts, and in grown up and mature relationships that’s what you do, you TALK and COMMUNICATE the good and the bad, cause honey, just a new’s break… life is not all peaches and creams… and financial stress is among the first causes of divorce in these times. SO let’s talk again in 5-10 years and see where we are… I hope you are still with your SO and that by avoiding talking about defeatists topics hasn’t taken a toll in your relationship.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

I understand that he is worried about potential fraud - but I think this guy has carried it to extremes.

Friend/relative wathcing and monitoring interactions with your husband? ####### is this. What a way to start a new marriage.

He wants to keep her off of all his assets (and guess what, she's giving up her life to move her, chances are she won't have an income of her own for sometime).

I certainly hope he GIVES her a nice allowence while she tows the line.

He wants to know if he can void the Affidavit of Support obligations if things don't work out. I think that is cheap and chintzy!!

Maybe it's because of where I am from- but I don't feel like a second class citizen here. I am not "dying" to get a green card and if my USC hubby was this cheap and concerned about me not getting a dime if we broke up, I would not have bothered to marry him in the first place.

If he's that worried about fraud that he is gonna treat her this way- he shouldn't get married.

This is not only about protection - it's extreme enough to show that he wants to CONTROL the relationship from the get go.

Edited December 30, 2006 by jane2005