Freaked

[Melo 1]

Have had a major fight with the woman who gave birth to me... won't call her mother coz the word implies love and caring something she cannot give to her daughter... she never has and never will... she can only love my brother... ** I should be used to it by now... her whole fcuking family is the same... typical fcuking Indian values... and one wonders why I hate this fcuking country!!! Anyway I just told her I do not want her or any member of her disgusting family at my wedding... am still freaked... don't know what to do to calm down... have never been able to understand how women can love a child if it is the right gender and hate/deprive another if it is not... ** all these fcuking women should have nothing but sons... then there will be no women to marry their darling sons. The more I see of this country the more I loathe it... the societal values are so full of sh#$ - the films are full of sh$% - bias is inherent in this country... try talking to an untouchable and you will know... they say there is no longer untouchability here... just as there is no gender bias... like hell there isn't...

[DouglasSheridan 1]

hey Melo

sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I cannot understand the background values of your country however I totally know what its like to have a good old fight with my Mom and boy do we have a lot!

I have to say its actually been easier since I moved here. Before, she always used to put her two cents into every decisions I made, kinda like putting salt in a wound and that put a strain on my previous marriage for sure. Now I tend to email here and there and perhaps phone every other month for like 10 mins and its made our relationship better. I would totally try and put aside the issue of you being a daughter not a son, cos in the end it damages your feelings and thats totally unnecessary. Focus on planning that wedding of yours and making it a happy occassion. I didnt have any of my side there cos my Mom has fear of flying but it didnt make it any less special. It was bout Doug and I not them, so perhaps you ought to think that way too. In the end, they will be the ones regretting the way they acted, not you. So keep your chin up, listen to some soothing music or watch a funny movie you enjoy and just focus on you and your hun

Love & ((((((hugs)))))

Sheridan

[Peggy 1]

Sorry to see your freaking out so bad.

Can you call a good friend to talk with, to help you thru this.

How does your brother feel that your mom is like that to you and not him?

Have a strong drink of something to calm ya down some.

[Melo 1]

Thanks Sheridan... I just feel consumed with rage... her attitude has fcuked my entire life up... normally am able to put it behind me after a while... as I will this too eventually... but it hurts... I never go anywhere with them... I don't hang out with them when my brother is here... I have never felt a part of their family... over the years my dad has become more and more like her though he is still quite a caring person... I guess it is due to the fact that he hangs out with her low-life family... my mum and her family love to fight... in fact I cannot think of a single day when my mum has not screamed at someone or another... generally that someone is my dad or me... she never screams at my brother, nor would she dare do that to his wife coz if she did she would never see her son or grand-son again... when I look back on my life I see nothing but misery... right from the time we came to this bloody country... I wonder how and why I survived!!!

Sorry to see your freaking out so bad.

Can you call a good friend to talk with, to help you thru this.

How does your brother feel that your mom is like that to you and not him?

Have a strong drink of something to calm ya down some.

My brother is a lot like her... he never used to be... but after his first marriage to an Indian woman through which he suffered much... he turned into this cold and angry person

[gimygirl 0]

zero offense intended (it's late and i've had a few) ... you're 50 yrs old. it shouldn't take you this long to figure out who your mother is. just because she's your mother does not give her the right to treat you like this. cut any and all people like this out of your life.

aim for happiness!

[Jaylen Brit 0]

*hugs* 'nita

Soon she will be out of your life if only by distance and that will help you a LOT - think about that time and not the past - the past is immutable - the future is all yours.

[aussiewench 9]

awwwwwwww darlin'.......I am sorry........how awful for you. Keep strong. My kids had to deal with something, whilst not exactly the same, but had to deal with their father speaking terribly of them and cutting them from his life when they wouldnt conform to his whims. It hurt them, regardless that they say they just dont care. The biggest *HUGS* to you. You don't need someone like that. You can still love out of the fact she is your mom....but there is nothing saying you have to like or put up with.

Lorelle

[chocolaterie 0]

*hugs*

I know how you feel. In China it's often the same mentality. I grew up knowing my mother always favored my brothers. If she hasn't changed, well then you just need to show her where you stand. And maybe refusing to let her come to the wedding will make her realize her actions.

[gwenneh 7]

*hugs*

[CarolineM 0]

Hang in there Melo!! (((((hugs))))

[Melo 1]

Thanks so much

[Fuzzness 2]

Melo, now that you've probably calmed down some, I know it is frustrating, but the best thing you can do is show them how a real adult behaves Invite them all to the wedding anyway and show them that their behaviour will not change your position.

I've never been to India so I don't know, but I hear it's freaking hot there in the summer.

[Kajikit 65]

Distance can be a Good Thing... just think how many miles there will be between you and your family after the wedding. It doesn't matter what your family thinks - you're doing what makes you happy and ####### them!

[Melo 1]

I have calmed down somewhat - but refuse to speak to her... I will invite her to the wedding... I cannot stay angry for long... and I hate hurting people even if they hurt me... I guess I sound nuts!!!

[britbird 4]

If they are being that horrible to you then I (personally) wouldn't invite them to the wedding...no sense ruining your special day if you know there are going to be people there who don't think you are special.

I don't understand the son/daughter thing either. My dear Dad has three daughters and has never once bemoaned that fact. We are all very successful and smart and all hung out with him when he went fishing, or car racing or any of those things. People need to realise that gender isn't important, it's how you raise your babies that is. I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed and need...it's their loss.