American Girl Jamaican Guy

[Domineke 5]

Hi

This is my very first post on vj; I came across the site awhile ago but didnt plan to join until we actually started the visa process. However I've been up the entire night worrying myself and since you all seem to be so supportive of one another I decided to join because I can use some of that nowwww. I'm not gonna get too carried away with the details of "our story" just yet because I just wanna get my issue off my chest.

I met him back in august 2012, we kept in touch and I went back to see him in Oct 2012. Its all just been great really, aside from the whole distance thing cuz that sucks. So we've been together for about 8 months now and were all in loooooove and we've talked marriage and the whole idea of him coming to live here in the states.

I've been completely faithful to him, I have no interest in other guys (which is the complete opposite of how I felt in previous long distance relationships) and of course he says he's faithful as well. My issue is that I actually believe him, but I dont wanna be THAT GIRL. My family/friends don't care about the fact that we have this relationship but I know they think its completely unrealistic for me to think he's not carrying on like a single man. They also suggest that I continue to date other ppl because not only is cheating on me but he's also just using me to get to the states.

The general consensus seems to be that Jamaican men are notorious cheaters, abusive and only want sex/money/name brand clothing. I've come across nothing but HORROR stories about Jamaican men wooing American women (or other foreigners) for the sole purpose of getting a visa. I'm thinking either these women were complete fooligans or these men were just that good at deception. It seems that everyone who has an opinion on Jamaican men have something negative to say. (actually I can think of one thing ppl say about jamaican men that isnt bad but I wont go there lol)

I'm not one to feed into generalizations/stereotypes but I feel like everyone else is saying the sky is black and I look up and see nothing but blue. I keep trying to look at my situation as if I were my friend, because I know that when were in love were blind to things that other ppl see. And I would probably tell my friend the same things; "girl he aint hardlyyyyyy being faithful, do YOU"

I feel like hes THE one but I'm sure all of those other women did too and I just dont wanna be no damn foooool man

I'm so frustrated

[AA100 19]

Hi,

Could you tell us a bit more about him? What does he do for living? Would you like to go and live in Jamaica? Are you coloured or white? I am asking these questions because I have Jamaican friends may be I could help you decide if he is the right person/ cheater or not.

[Domineke 5]

Hi,

Could you tell us a bit more about him? What does he do for living? Would you like to go and live in Jamaica? Are you coloured or white? I am asking these questions because I have Jamaican friends may be I could help you decide if he is the right person/ cheater or not.

He works on one of the resorts, essentially its his job to make sure you have fun when you visit. I thought about moving to JA but I can barely tolerate the mosquitos when I'm there so thats a no go lol Plus he actually hates the heat/humidity and is looking forward to winters here in the northeast. I'm black and also we dont have a significant age gap. Just 2 years, I'm 26 and he's 24. We're actually going to be celebrating our bdays together in 2 weeks, hes may 3 and im may 4. Geez I miss him

[AA100 19]

Ok cool semes like he is an OK guy. so what does he plan on doing once he gets there. Do you think he would be able to provide you? I would suggest that you tell him that you want to spend sometime in Jamaica :)and lets see what he says? hav eyou tried this before?

[JahLove 1]

He works on one of the resorts, essentially its his job to make sure you have fun when you visit. I thought about moving to JA but I can barely tolerate the mosquitos when I'm there so thats a no go lol Plus he actually hates the heat/humidity and is looking forward to winters here in the northeast. I'm black and also we dont have a significant age gap. Just 2 years, I'm 26 and he's 24. We're actually going to be celebrating our bdays together in 2 weeks, hes may 3 and im may 4. Geez I miss him

I would be very scared because not only does he meet peoeple every day in your absence. I wanted to ask can he send you money to buy a ticket and come to JA? when you visit who pays for the trip? Can he support himself with his salary? If you are the one paying for majority of the trips and expenses then you need to step back and know that JA man are known to WOO woman. Dont ruch if he is for you waiting wont change that he is also young at 24 he is still not sure of where his life is headed.

If you decide to marry him then have a nice wedding in JA meet all his family and go from there.

Good luck my dear.

I would be very scared because not only does he meet peoeple every day in your absence. I wanted to ask can he send you money to buy a ticket and come to JA? when you visit who pays for the trip? Can he support himself with his salary? If you are the one paying for majority of the trips and expenses then you need to step back and know that JA man are known to WOO woman. Dont ruch if he is for you waiting wont change that he is also young at 24 he is still not sure of where his life is headed.

If you decide to marry him then have a nice wedding in JA meet all his family and go from there.

Good luck my dear.

[Domineke 5]

I would be very scared because not only does he meet peoeple every day in your absence. I wanted to ask can he send you money to buy a ticket and come to JA? when you visit who pays for the trip? Can he support himself with his salary? If you are the one paying for majority of the trips and expenses then you need to step back and know that JA man are known to WOO woman. Dont ruch if he is for you waiting wont change that he is also young at 24 he is still not sure of where his life is headed.

If you decide to marry him then have a nice wedding in JA meet all his family and go from there.

Good luck my dear.

I would be very scared because not only does he meet peoeple every day in your absence. I wanted to ask can he send you money to buy a ticket and come to JA? when you visit who pays for the trip? Can he support himself with his salary? If you are the one paying for majority of the trips and expenses then you need to step back and know that JA man are known to WOO woman. Dont ruch if he is for you waiting wont change that he is also young at 24 he is still not sure of where his life is headed.

If you decide to marry him then have a nice wedding in JA meet all his family and go from there.

Good luck my dear.

I know he meets ppl everyday from all over, it used to bother me but now I really don't even think about it. Its his job. He def can't afford to fly me out to JA. The resort jobs are the equivalent of fast food workers here (no disrespect to those who may be working in fast food) The little money he makes goes mostly to his daughter for whatever she needs and the rest for his daily expenses. Even if he did save up the money to pay for me I would feel like I'm taking food out of his baby's mouth, I couldnt do that knowing what his salary is.

Im def not rushing into marriage with him at all. We've talked about it but I'm not looking to use marriage as a tool to bring him here just becuz I miss him. I believe strongly in the institution of marriage, its not something I take lightly.

[Domineke 5]

Ok cool semes like he is an OK guy. so what does he plan on doing once he gets there. Do you think he would be able to provide you? I would suggest that you tell him that you want to spend sometime in Jamaica :)and lets see what he says? hav eyou tried this before?

We've talked about possible job prospects for him here; He's also expressed a desire to finish high school which I strongly support. I'm not expecting him to support me financially once were married but I do expect him to contribute. When I visit him I'll tell him I wanna move to JA while he finishes school so that way I can seeeeee his reaction rather than being on the phone.

[islandgal 74]

Hi

This is my very first post on vj; I came across the site awhile ago but didnt plan to join until we actually started the visa process. However I've been up the entire night worrying myself and since you all seem to be so supportive of one another I decided to join because I can use some of that nowwww. I'm not gonna get too carried away with the details of "our story" just yet because I just wanna get my issue off my chest.

I met him back in august 2012, we kept in touch and I went back to see him in Oct 2012. Its all just been great really, aside from the whole distance thing cuz that sucks. So we've been together for about 8 months now and were all in loooooove and we've talked marriage and the whole idea of him coming to live here in the states.

I've been completely faithful to him, I have no interest in other guys (which is the complete opposite of how I felt in previous long distance relationships) and of course he says he's faithful as well. My issue is that I actually believe him, but I dont wanna be THAT GIRL. My family/friends don't care about the fact that we have this relationship but I know they think its completely unrealistic for me to think he's not carrying on like a single man. They also suggest that I continue to date other ppl because not only is cheating on me but he's also just using me to get to the states.

The general consensus seems to be that Jamaican men are notorious cheaters, abusive and only want sex/money/name brand clothing. I've come across nothing but HORROR stories about Jamaican men wooing American women (or other foreigners) for the sole purpose of getting a visa. I'm thinking either these women were complete fooligans or these men were just that good at deception. It seems that everyone who has an opinion on Jamaican men have something negative to say. (actually I can think of one thing ppl say about jamaican men that isnt bad but I wont go there lol)

I'm not one to feed into generalizations/stereotypes but I feel like everyone else is saying the sky is black and I look up and see nothing but blue. I keep trying to look at my situation as if I were my friend, because I know that when were in love were blind to things that other ppl see. And I would probably tell my friend the same things; "girl he aint hardlyyyyyy being faithful, do YOU"

I feel like hes THE one but I'm sure all of those other women did too and I just dont wanna be no damn foooool man

I'm so frustrated

No-one on VJ can tell you what to do or how things are going to work out. None of us are in his head to know what his intentions are, even if they are good. Yes, Jamaican men (and all other types of men) woo women. Some do it for love and yes, there are some who just want the visa. NOONE KNOWS THAT FOR A FACT. I've seen and heard of good stories -- Jamaican men who meet American women and migrate to the US and their relationship lasted (even with different races, age gaps, etc.). There are other stories as well with negative endings. You just never know. Even if you were in the United States of American and dating another Black man you don't know for certain if it's going to last. No-one knows that, unless they're psychic. Only YOU TWO can make that decision. Only YOU know your man. The only thing I can say is to look for clues, red flags, etc.. and make your mind up from there.

On the topic of cheaters -- Jamaican, American, Asian, African and every culture of men cheat. Every man is different. I've heard of cheaters right here in the neighborhood and their wives live with them. It doesn't make a difference. Men and women cheat. Should I worry about that? Nope. I just focus on what I have to in my own relationship -- take care of business at home and my husband -- and live my life.

Edited April 15, 2013 by islandgal

[sus 70]

Agree completely with Islandgal - To add to it - Take your time - I know the distance is hard - but slow down and truly spend time together - time away from the resort world, living a normal life, staying home and cooking, etc... - I would also advise to stay with him where he lives, not in a resort - you need to truly understand the culture and all the ramifications that exist in daily life in JA - if it reaches a point where he is coming here, it will help you to understand the differences. There are enough warning stories with the flags and signs, I'm not going to repeat them - keep your heart and your eyes open, and make sure that they aren't in contradiction to one another.

Another question to ask yourself - and him - is if you would be talking marriage and being together if it results in you moving to JA, not visa versa - do you love him enough to do that?

[Domineke 5]

No-one on VJ can tell you what to do or how things are going to work out. None of us are in his head to know what his intentions are, even if they are good. Yes, Jamaican men (and all other types of men) woo women. Some do it for love and yes, there are some who just want the visa. NOONE KNOWS THAT FOR A FACT. I've seen and heard of good stories -- Jamaican men who meet American women and migrate to the US and their relationship lasted (even with different races, age gaps, etc.). There are other stories as well with negative endings. You just never know. Even if you were in the United States of American and dating another Black man you don't know for certain if it's going to last. No-one knows that, unless they're psychic. Only YOU TWO can make that decision. Only YOU know your man. The only thing I can say is to look for clues, red flags, etc.. and make your mind up from there.

On the topic of cheaters -- Jamaican, American, Asian, African and every culture of men cheat. Every man is different. I've heard of cheaters right here in the neighborhood and their wives live with them. It doesn't make a difference. Men and women cheat. Should I worry about that? Nope. I just focus on what I have to in my own relationship -- take care of business at home and my husband -- and live my life.

You raise a great point, it's possible for anyone to cheat. He could be living up the street from me and cheating. It's just worrysome to hear SO many negative experiences from women who have been in my shoes.

[Domineke 5]

Agree completely with Islandgal - To add to it - Take your time - I know the distance is hard - but slow down and truly spend time together - time away from the resort world, living a normal life, staying home and cooking, etc... - I would also advise to stay with him where he lives, not in a resort - you need to truly understand the culture and all the ramifications that exist in daily life in JA - if it reaches a point where he is coming here, it will help you to understand the differences. There are enough warning stories with the flags and signs, I'm not going to repeat them - keep your heart and your eyes open, and make sure that they aren't in contradiction to one another.

Another question to ask yourself - and him - is if you would be talking marriage and being together if it results in you moving to JA, not visa versa - do you love him enough to do that?

I think I could adjust to island life except the economy is so bad and I know as a non-jamaican it would be difficult for me to find work.

[Jamaicancricket 38]

Follow your heart! Its all a leap of faith regardless of where they are from. I agree with Island Girl....there are MANY relationships that are strong and some that fail. If you do follow through...know that there is an adjustment period for both. Just because he/she gets here...it doesnt mean its going to be all sweet. Its just like any other relationship. Its going to take work. But if you follow your heart...and there is love all intertwined in it....well either way you'll be okay!

[Pinkrlion 2,610]

Here is my 2 cents....If you are in a relationship with someone that have the same morals, values, expectations in life that you have, regardless of where they come from and their education, then you have a strong foundation for a real relationship. Never forget that you are going to argue, fuss, get mad at each other, laugh, and love each other.

You cannot let what you heard about Jamaican men be in the back of your mind, it will make you paranoid and suspicious of everything he does and says. DON'T PLAY MIND GAMES WITH YOUR MAN, that is not fair to him. I would think that you trust him enough to have conversations about your concerns from what you heard. For me, I never heard stuff about Jamaican men and what they did until later into our relationship, I treated my then boyfriend just like any other one I had, it is just he is 1000 miles away and my phone bill is high.

LOL!!!! AMEN on the mosquitoes. They feed on me like I am new flesh.

[Pinkrlion 2,610]

Hi,

Could you tell us a bit more about him? What does he do for living? Would you like to go and live in Jamaica? Are you coloured or white? I am asking these questions because I have Jamaican friends may be I could help you decide if he is the right person/ cheater or not.

I am curious why you think this makes a difference in determining his character????

[Domineke 5]

Here is my 2 cents....If you are in a relationship with someone that have the same morals, values, expectations in life that you have, regardless of where they come from and their education, then you have a strong foundation for a real relationship. Never forget that you are going to argue, fuss, get mad at each other, laugh, and love each other.

You cannot let what you heard about Jamaican men be in the back of your mind, it will make you paranoid and suspicious of everything he does and says. DON'T PLAY MIND GAMES WITH YOUR MAN, that is not fair to him. I would think that you trust him enough to have conversations about your concerns from what you heard. For me, I never heard stuff about Jamaican men and what they did until later into our relationship, I treated my then boyfriend just like any other one I had, it is just he is 1000 miles away and my phone bill is high.

LOL!!!! AMEN on the mosquitoes. They feed on me like I am new flesh.

Its def making me a lil paranoid and I havent voiced my concerns about it to him because I know he's gonna tell me exactly what I want to hear to ease my mind. I actually treat him better than any other guy I've dated because even with the distance he's the best damn bf I've had! Craziness! Def upgraded my phone plan after 2 months tho, no more overages for meeeeee. Thanks for your input