Getting Married

[cassecouilles 3]

Ok guys,

My fiance and I are getting married in Detroit before moving down to San Diego, Cali. I was looking at the Wayne County website for some info about how it works and to see if I could maybe get an idea of when we'd be able to get married. My mom wants to attend and the sooner she can book a ticket the less expensive it will be.

I was reading the requierements and boy I think this might be more complicated than I thought :-p

1: Every person must present a valid drivers license or valid State Identification as proof of residency.

-> I'm not sure, will I have this State Identification right away? Rudy and I are looking to get married within our first week in Detroit.

2: Valid Work Authorization Card.

-> Will I have this at that point?

3: Valid Resident Alien Card / Valid Green Card.

-> Is this that all important stamp that you get at your POE?

They're just little things, I was just a bit nonplussed as I was reading them. What is your experience? Thanks everyone!

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

You will not have any of those things.

The only thing you will have to provide is your passport.

I just looked and you need to read in the "Foreign person" section. It says you need to show one of these things:

FOREIGN BORN (All Documents MUST be originals)

Valid Passport, in English or with certified and notarized English translation. Passport must have full date of birth (day, month and year).

Certified birth certificate, in English or with certified and notarized English translation. Certificate must contain full date of birth (day, month and year)

Valid I-94card attached to your passport. For person with refugee status, you must have the letter from your spouse that brought you into the U.S.

Valid Resident Alien Card / Valid Green Card.

Valid Work Authorization Card.

U.S. Naturalization Papers or Valid U.S. Passport, signed by holder.

Canadian citizens ONLY may use card sized birth certificates.

http://www.co.wayne.mi.us/clerk_srvcs_marriagelic.htm

Basically you will show your passport. The site says non-residents can get married there as long as they get the license and do the marriage in that county. You do not need a SSN to get married either, if you don't have one.

[cassecouilles 3]

You will not have any of those things.

The only thing you will have to provide is your passport.

I just looked and you need to read in the "Foreign person" section. It says you need to show one of these things:

FOREIGN BORN (All Documents MUST be originals)

Valid Passport, in English or with certified and notarized English translation. Passport must have full date of birth (day, month and year).

Certified birth certificate, in English or with certified and notarized English translation. Certificate must contain full date of birth (day, month and year)

Valid I-94card attached to your passport. For person with refugee status, you must have the letter from your spouse that brought you into the U.S.

Valid Resident Alien Card / Valid Green Card.

Valid Work Authorization Card.

U.S. Naturalization Papers or Valid U.S. Passport, signed by holder.

Canadian citizens ONLY may use card sized birth certificates.

http://www.co.wayne.mi.us/clerk_srvcs_marriagelic.htm

Basically you will show your passport. The site says non-residents can get married there as long as they get the license and do the marriage in that county. You do not need a SSN to get married either, if you don't have one.

Thanks! For some reason I misread it and thought you needed ALL those things

[Redflame2012 32]

Yes, I agree! You only need your passport.

When I got married in California, the clerk only checked my passport for the K1 visa and asked for the marriage license. I also think there was a form to complete in the office. That's all!

Redflame

[TBoneTX 43,538]

You do not need a SSN to get married either, if you don't have one.

Great answers by HT, as usual. Interestingly, the clerk in our marriage-license office (Texas) accepted Mrs. T-B.-to-be's identification readily but insisted that I prove my SSN. I hadn't seen my SSN card in years. I dashed home, rooted deeply in some dresser drawers, found some U.S. Savings Bonds that had my SSN on them, and dashed back with one. The clerk had to check briefly with her supervisor, but the bond was indeed an official U.S. Government document, so this was acceptable. The clerk was a lot less officious upon her return and said that this was the first time that they'd ever had a savings bond presented as proof.

This event prompted me to apply for a replacement card of my own when we applied for Mrs. T-B.'s, si man. I won't lose it again.

[Nich-Nick 3,353]

Great answers by HT, as usual. Interestingly, the clerk in our marriage-license office (Texas) accepted Mrs. T-B.-to-be's identification readily but insisted that I prove my SSN. I hadn't seen my SSN card in years. I dashed home, rooted deeply in some dresser drawers, found some U.S. Savings Bonds that had my SSN on them, and dashed back with one. The clerk had to check briefly with her supervisor, but the bond was indeed an official U.S. Government document, so this was acceptable. The clerk was a lot less officious upon her return and said that this was the first time that they'd ever had a savings bond presented as proof.

This event prompted me to apply for a replacement card of my own when we applied for Mrs. T-B.'s, si man. I won't lose it again.

That's weird T-B. I gues FB county is stricter than the county to the southeast. B county said if the person has a SSN, they must give it. If they don't have a SSN, then photo ID (foreign passport) only will do. I, like you, have not seen my Social Security card in years, but only had to write down the number from memory.

[EminTX 131]

Here, in the 4th largest city in the US, our marriage certificate was held hostage until after the nationally-required-by-law-date-to-change-your-insurance-coverage (set by the IRS). You have 30 days legally to try to change insurance coverage for new spouses/children. If you pass that time, you may have to wait. 30 days can make all the difference when there is a deadline 3 months down the road.

I'd recommend going to a county outside your city--ANY county that won't have the massive bureaucracy of a larger place. Most smaller towns seem to offer to do the paperwork the same day, often while you wait. The worst that can happen is that you have a nice drive to another town. (Here in Texas, the place you buy your marriage liscence at is where it is processed--there is no option to have it processed elsewhere--just don't-get-it-in-Houston-EVER!!!!!)

Because some of us are on a time crunch for applying and getting the AP or work authorization, this information would have been worth gold for us. The stress of waiting that extra time was detrimental to our marriage. My husband had to return for a single semester of college that he had no option to do later. We really believed we were gonna have to start the entire process over again. Imagine how helpful THAT would be for your new marriage!

[cassecouilles 3]

Wow, EminTX, I had no idea thanks for the tips! My fiance just told me to go ahead and plan a wedding ceremony and reception for the weekend of May 18. He wants to have no part in organizing it but will deign to show up, seeing as he's the groom :-p

This is complicated stuff. In the US you can get married just about anywhere? In the city hall, town hall, church, on the beach, by a notary... it's insane. In Belgium you first have to get married legally in the cityhall and afterwards if you want to do the religious thing you can get married in a church. So now I'm frantically searching the internet for an affordable wedding venue on really short notice and in a city I know nothing about :-p

I don't suppose any of you guys have any ideas for the Detroit area? :-p

[EminTX 131]

Here, in the US, this is one of the freedoms that we chaerish--the right to celebrate our important milestones how we want and where we want--weddings and funerals being biggies. When we were planning our wedding, due to the delays and the costs, pretty much most of our budget had already been spent on the visa and traveling. When it finally came time for the wedding, getting things done in 3 weeks time means you will often pay more for last minute plans. We just adjusted our plans completely and ended up having a lovely wedding. There are some photos posted here on VJ that you can see, if you are curious.

In planning, I went to various websites where more creative people are often highlighted and budgeting are not ignored. One of my favorites was Wedinator: http://roflrazzi.cheezburger.com/wedinator

What we ended up doing was going to a little wedding chapel in another town about 3 hours from here in the middle of the week in the middle of the day. We sent out invitations the moment we knew the date and place and anyone who wanted to come was invited. It was informal and, since we couldn't make the traditional dreams happen, we made it a fun event. Our guests raved about how much more fun it was than any other wedding they had been to. The place was on the side of a hill, outside, in the open air (the chapel has no walls) followed by a dinner hosted by us in a nearby restaurant that did not serve alcohol (important to me--I have never been to any wedding where alcohol was served that everyone behaved at--plus the expense!) and then everyone was invited to go bowling. We had lots of laughter and no one except me had to wear uncomfortable clothes/shoes.

Overall, I am very pleased with it--we celebrated in a way that matched our personalities and that was not a cookie-cutter copy of every body else's wedding or anything that is commercial and designed only to separate us from our money. The things that were most important to us we included and everything else was flexible. If you can adopt this attitude, it will be MUCHHHHHHHH easier on you and your spouse-to-be.

I just asked the last 3 people who came by my desk. These were their answers: "In my neighborhood between two beautiful trees in my neighbor's front yard. The weather was perfect and it was great." " In a temple in India." " Vegas!!! Yeah, baby!"

If you are close enough to the state line, you might check the legal requirements in the near-by state and look at locations there, too.

I hadn't thought about it before, but it would be great if we could have a sub-thread in the K-1 folder for wedding discussion. It is such a popular theme that it would be nice to have the threads grouped together. Especially since we are all combining cultures and traditions and for so many of us, the visa is the single most expensive item.

Good luck. I am sure that whatever you plan, the wedding will be wonderful and a perfect official beginning to your lives together.

[cassecouilles 3]

Your wedding did sound lovely :-) I was looking at venues and since, to me, something on the waterfront seemed amazing I start doing research for something along those lines. Boy, some places (not even the most fancy ones) charge up to 1200 USD... just for the ceremony :-) That doesn't include the reception, wedding cake ( I hadn't even thought about the wedding cake until it was mentioned that they provided someone to cut it for you :-p), food, drinks,... I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all to be honest. Now I understand why some people claim they need months and months to organize a wedding!

I guess I'd like to do something along the lines of what you had. Something fun, original, small and lovely :-) I don't mind if it's a casual affair as long as I get to wear the wedding dress my mom got me and and my fiance wears either his uniform or a suit (if I let him pick I just know he'll show up in shorts and flip flops :-p)

I don't even know where I'll get my make up done or my hair because I don't know any good places in the Detroit area and if I have to do it myself I'll slather so much mascara on my wimpers they'll get stuck together as soon as I dare blink :-D I know that is the least of my worries but in times of stress I start nitpicking at everything :-p

[EminTX 131]

Don't look at package deals as hardcore requirements. Whatever your faith is, call some local churches in the area of where you want to have the wedding and ask the pastors' prices. Ours was about 20 minutes from our location and he charged 50$. We were gonna pay him double as a thank you and he refused. He even brought along a relative to make sure we had enough witnesses since we had no idea who would show up or not. Most pastors of most churches are legit and not just doing this to make a buck--like you will get with pretty much every package deal. From what I understand, having a Catholic officiant is tricky but a Baptist one is easy as pie (this is what we had).

Once you have picked your place, THEN go about looking at reception options. There is no requirement for a meal. Traditionally, punch and snacks (candies, nuts, and cake) were what was offered. With the current trends to go into deep debt for the idiocy of showing off, things have gotten out of hand. This day is about YOU and the love of your life--not about how impressed anyone is or what they will remember at all.

My husband hates makeup so I wore just some mascara that I borrowed for my son's girlfriend and some light tinted lipgloss. All the effort that I put into my hair didn't matter at all because of the veil. BTW--make your own veil. I made 3 small practice ones for the girls that would be there and then made my own. It was easy, but I would highly recommend making the practice ones first. The price for all 4 was probably about 30$--I can't remember now. The cost for buying one is comeplete BS.

I really wanted to have a photographer but when push came to shove, we couldn't arrange it. Since the best possibly help to quality photography is lighting, the beautiful weather took care of that for us. We had point-and-shoots and are very satisfied with the results.

I bought some goofy shirts for us to wear afterward that say "I love my husband/wife" that were a hit. I think they were 20$ for both, if you look online.

I really wanted to have a traditional cake, too. I planned to make it myself and practiced for a few months in advance. As the K-1 was delayed by a few months, the options just slipped away. The result of this practicing is that my coworkers got to enjoy some yummy cake experiments and my own popularity went up. When we celebrate a future anniversary, we can then do the cake routine.

Make a list of what you want, don't want, and what is negoitiable--it is easier to see it all side-by-side in black and white. And be sure to check out http://www.orientaltrading.com/occasions-and-events/wedding-party-supplies-a1-550536-2-0.fltr. Just don't buy the wedding bubbles--they come with ugly safety warning stickers on them that are all but impossible to remove to be pretty. Those are better bought at Wally-world.

Don't let anyone or any fashion pressure you into spending more than you want or stress you out. If something makes you nervous or shaky or stressed, skip it! The two of you and your vows are the important part--never let that get overshadowed.

Edited to add:

Here is the site with our pix--it shows the veils and such--you can quickly scroll through them, if you want--seriously, look at everything and copy the great ideas. Forget the ones that are too much trouble.

http://emilylikestomakestuffdiy.blogspot.com/p/wedding.html

Edited April 7, 2013 by EminTX

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Your wedding did sound lovely :-) I was looking at venues and since, to me, something on the waterfront seemed amazing I start doing research for something along those lines. Boy, some places (not even the most fancy ones) charge up to 1200 USD... just for the ceremony :-) That doesn't include the reception, wedding cake ( I hadn't even thought about the wedding cake until it was mentioned that they provided someone to cut it for you :-p), food, drinks,... I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all to be honest. Now I understand why some people claim they need months and months to organize a wedding!

I guess I'd like to do something along the lines of what you had. Something fun, original, small and lovely :-) I don't mind if it's a casual affair as long as I get to wear the wedding dress my mom got me and and my fiance wears either his uniform or a suit (if I let him pick I just know he'll show up in shorts and flip flops :-p)

I don't even know where I'll get my make up done or my hair because I don't know any good places in the Detroit area and if I have to do it myself I'll slather so much mascara on my wimpers they'll get stuck together as soon as I dare blink :-D I know that is the least of my worries but in times of stress I start nitpicking at everything :-p

If you have the time and desire, make-up/hair people should do a practice run of your makeup for cheaper than the real cost. Then you can see if you like their work. Obviously having crazy makeup is not something a bride wants!

Regarding getting married anywhere, that is why we have marriage licenses. You get the marriage license, and then you have a qualified person sign it stating that they married you (wherever). Many people are this sort of "qualified" person, including most clergy. That way all aspects of the wedding are tied into one — the legal aspect occurs at the same time as the "real' wedding.

My husband said planning an American wedding was one of the more difficult things he had done, and he even said being a guest at an American wedding was harder than planning a wedding he was used to... lol

It'll be fun though - think creatively and you can make it just like you want it. And don't sweat the small stuff

[hikergirl 277]

Wow, EminTX, I had no idea thanks for the tips! My fiance just told me to go ahead and plan a wedding ceremony and reception for the weekend of May 18. He wants to have no part in organizing it but will deign to show up, seeing as he's the groom :-p

This is complicated stuff. In the US you can get married just about anywhere? In the city hall, town hall, church, on the beach, by a notary... it's insane. In Belgium you first have to get married legally in the cityhall and afterwards if you want to do the religious thing you can get married in a church. So now I'm frantically searching the internet for an affordable wedding venue on really short notice and in a city I know nothing about :-p

I don't suppose any of you guys have any ideas for the Detroit area? :-p

Found this place, it looks nice: http://www.teacupwedding.com

If you’re looking for a small wedding for a reasonable price try googling “elopement ceremonies” or “simple weddings” and wherever you wish to get married.

My wedding ended up being cheap AND beautiful. Great combo

The one good thing about officiants that do elopement ceremonies is they’ll tend to be more flexible with timings etc. Not requiring a whole bunch of advance planning.

Edited April 8, 2013 by hikergirl

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Great find hikergirl.

[cassecouilles 3]

Wow guys thanks for all the wonderful tips. We had initially planned to just marry in the courthouse, but my fiance got a pretty good deal on The Little Wedding Chapel in Taylor. We're getting married at The Church by the Lake (http://www.thelittleweddingchapel.com/locations_lakefront.php)

The good thing about this is that this little church can easily accommodate 150 people.. and his mom's circle of friends is VAST :-p It's absolutely beautiful, the wedding planner herself is really nice, and it makes me feel less silly about my wedding dress. Mom went a bit over the top with that and it's a really nice dress, I'd have felt silly wearing it in a mass ceremony at the courthouse.

We're still looking for a hall to rent. We had thought to have a BBQ, but I guess you can't be completely sure of the weather in the middle of May so we'd rather play it safe. If we find a nice rental hall to accommodate 70-something people and hopefully a dance floor, we're good to go. His mom said she'd cook (no idea how she'll manage for that many people but she says it's a mexican thing) so we're saving tons of money on that too. A caterer is really expensive.

I'm just happy my fiance has taken an active interest in the planning of it. Initially he hadn't, not at all, and though I didn't want to come right out and say it, that was hurting my feelings. It was making me feel like he couldn't care less about the marriage, our marriage. In the mids of trying to plan my departure from Belgium and feeling sad for leaving my family that was not a good feeling. Now suddenly he has taken an interest, and it's so much more fun to plan this together :-)