How would you word a letter from your ex-spouse regarding children?

[Ms Hogan 295]

I need to write a letter for my ex-husband to sign and have notarized. This is to state that he knows we are moving, has no issues with it and that although our divorce agreement states that he will see the children every other weekend he acknowledges that we will make other arrangements. We are not moving so far away that it couldn't be done but we won't be doing alternating weekends anymore. It will be more like every 3rd week and then holidays.

I know the consulate will look closely at our paperwork. Even though I have sole custody, he has access to them. I can make all the decisions about their lives without his consent however he is supposed to be able to see them.

I'm looking for some serious assistance with this. He won't write it himself and if he did would probably not be as thorough as it needs to be. I would like to nail down the correct wording so that it will be accepted by the consulate.

Also wondering if it is something I need to send to NVC OR do I send them the divorce paperwork and just see if they ask for something further?

Your thoughts are appreciated!

[bsd058 296]

I need to write a letter for my ex-husband to sign and have notarized. This is to state that he knows we are moving, has no issues with it and that although our divorce agreement states that he will see the children every other weekend he acknowledges that we will make other arrangements. We are not moving so far away that it couldn't be done but we won't be doing alternating weekends anymore. It will be more like every 3rd week and then holidays.

I know the consulate will look closely at our paperwork. Even though I have sole custody, he has access to them. I can make all the decisions about their lives without his consent however he is supposed to be able to see them.

I'm looking for some serious assistance with this. He won't write it himself and if he did would probably not be as thorough as it needs to be. I would like to nail down the correct wording so that it will be accepted by the consulate.

Also wondering if it is something I need to send to NVC OR do I send them the divorce paperwork and just see if they ask for something further?

Your thoughts are appreciated!

This is work for a lawyer. Honestly, how you word the letter could cause those reading the letter to perceive it as a contract. Try your divorce attorney. They might be able to draft something official for you. In the end you don't want to screw up something that could be seen as an agreement, because you might breach it accidentally not knowing what your obligations are according to it.

[Cathi 5,769]

Why does have to write a letter? Was a letter from your ex asked for? Who told you it was needed? I have full physical custody of my children, my ex has access to them any time he wants. Custody was never, at any point brought up in any step of the visa process, not even by the CO and I was present at the interview

[NikLR 13,227]

Custody can be a major issue crossing the border itself. I've always needed and my ex has always needed a notorized travel consent form. Granted we do not have a formal custody agreement in place but even when we were together I travelled to Hawaii with our daughter to finish a vacation with him (he left before us) and I was asked for the travel consent letter. It's not a bad thing to have something drafted up by a lawyer and its something I'll be getting done soon so that we don't have problems down the line with my daughter coming to visit my husband and me, or coming to live with us if she decides to do that.

[hamigirl710 112]

Are there court orders? If there is I would legally have this done in court. This is a legal issue that only someobdy with this kind of experience can help you with. Try a paralegal they might be cheaper! Good Luck!

[Ms Hogan 295]

I have never had any problems traveling with the kids. Only one time did an officer at the border ask them if I was their mom and ask me if I had sole custody. That was on the way into the U.S. I have sole custody which means I do not need his permission or to even tell him I'm traveling with them. I don't need a notarized letter. I know that when both parents are still together they are often asked for a letter to state that the other knows the one traveling is doing so. That is not my case though.

I have only inquired about the letter because people on this message board have indicated that I should have such a letter in place.

I'm not sure where else to turn for advice on the matter. The letter itself would not indicate new access arrangements but only that he is aware we are moving and he does not take issue with it.

I'm definitely feeling more lost.

Mimolicous... did you move a far distance from your ex?

[hikergirl 277]

I have mainly had issues trying to get back to Canada (they seem stricter) with my daughter when she was younger. However, I needed a letter to get a Nexus card issued. This is the wording the Nexus people suggested to cover the card & travel (luckily she turns 18 next month):

Dad’s Name & address

To Whom It May Concern:

<My Name> is the sole guardian of our daughter <kidlet’s full legal name>, born <birthdate>.

I am aware of Kidlet’s movements across the border to the United States and support her travel.

I have no issue with Kidlet being issued a Nexus Card.

My contact phone number is: XXX-XXX-XXXX.

Dad’s Signature

I didn’t need the letter to be notarized for the Nexus people. Part of our issue is that when she was born weren’t married and so I have no legal documentation showing custody.

[NikLR 13,227]

sole custody should be more than enough mshogan. If you guys want to get the custody changed before you go though so that it states when he gets the kiddo etc that would probably be a good thing. If he has legal visitation every second weekend he could demand a court make that happen despite a move so it's best to change and update any custody papers before you move vs getting a letter stating you plan to do so. I'm not saying of course that he would do that, just it's within the scope of things a person could do.

Just to add, I have always been asked for the travel consent form and so has my ex. Both leaving and entering Canada. Also I have a friend who's 1st husband died and she used to have to produce his death certificate every time she cross the border (even land borders) before and after she had remarried. You're lucky if you've never had a problem.

Edited December 19, 2012 by NikiR

[Ms Hogan 295]

sole custody should be more than enough mshogan. If you guys want to get the custody changed before you go though so that it states when he gets the kiddo etc that would probably be a good thing. If he has legal visitation every second weekend he could demand a court make that happen despite a move so it's best to change and update any custody papers before you move vs getting a letter stating you plan to do so. I'm not saying of course that he would do that, just it's within the scope of things a person could do.

Just to add, I have always been asked for the travel consent form and so has my ex. Both leaving and entering Canada. Also I have a friend who's 1st husband died and she used to have to produce his death certificate every time she cross the border (even land borders) before and after she had remarried. You're lucky if you've never had a problem.

The custody doesn't change. Just the access. My lawyer had suggested the letter as a supporting document. Technically we can still manage the access arrangements. I had always misunderstood the term "custody" until we actually got divorced. Custody is about the decision-making and such. Access is about the time spent together. I had always thought custody meant the visitation arrangements. My lawyer is on maternity leave which sucks because I don't really want to spend the money on a brand new lawyer at this time! I'm really not sure what to do. I think the letter should suffice. But I also don't know if I should send it to NVC or just wait for them to ask for it. They may not bother, I don't know. I'm worried now.

[NikLR 13,227]

I wouldn't worry about it right now to be honest if what you have right now is workable.

[yyztojfk 0]

The custody doesn't change. Just the access. My lawyer had suggested the letter as a supporting document. Technically we can still manage the access arrangements. I had always misunderstood the term "custody" until we actually got divorced. Custody is about the decision-making and such. Access is about the time spent together. I had always thought custody meant the visitation arrangements. My lawyer is on maternity leave which sucks because I don't really want to spend the money on a brand new lawyer at this time! I'm really not sure what to do. I think the letter should suffice. But I also don't know if I should send it to NVC or just wait for them to ask for it. They may not bother, I don't know. I'm worried now.

Im in a similar situation that you were in during your NVC process. What eventually happened?, did NVC ask for the letter or did you end up submitting it beforehand.