Am I just being so sensitive

[Dean_De 61]

Hi VJ,

I am sorry if my post is kinda off topic. I don't mean to use this forum just to vent my emotion. Anyway, I just want to ask be be clear on something that is really making my shoulder super heavy. As you see, I am really so stressed now, 1st is because I feel useless being pregnant I can't find full time work. I am now working in a nonprofit organization and is in charge of the Supervised Visitation Program. Work is good when we get request for Visitation, but I really wish I do have stable income to help my husband and support my family too. I am just really stressing out more thinking how will i work when the baby comes out. I am just a year and few days here in the US, in the Philippines, I worked even until i was on my 9th month. My co-worker told me employers here would not hire me whenever they know I am pregnant (I guess i understand)..it sucks not being able to go somewhere without a car too..my husband has a big bike and we are thinking of getting a car..another bill to be paid ( the more I wish I can WORK ) - but not being able to do anything this time is consuming me.

Today, while I was submitting my resume - i got a text from an unknown number with a link in it. I asked who sen the link coz I am always careful of spams and viruses. Since I didn't get any reply, i google the number and it showed it was from Ohio which I know my husbands friend/previous co-worker normally send text and he is from Ohio. I tried to reply back and said Sorry the number wasn't recognized since the some of the contact were deleted when we did the factory default of the phone. Then he started texting me saying "All woman sucks when they reply using their dude's ( husbands) phone." - it hurt me but I tried to stay polite and explained to him I meant no harm and will shw my husband the link ( i never checked the link - since it wasn't for me ) But he texted back asking me why am I usig my husdand's hone which is supposedly not my phone. I told him my husband is usig his company phone and he left me his phone for me to use in case of emergency and that we think it was unnecessary for us to enroll for another pone this time. then he sent me text saying how he think woman sucks again using their husbands phone. I burst out crying coz right now I feel like I don't have anything to call mine, I told him i will show my husband th link but deleted his bad text ( as I take it) I dont want my husband and his friendship be affected by this so i decided I'd rather keep it to myself. Anyway he was right, the phone wasn't mine.

After that, I kept asking myself if really it is my fault I take his message in the wrong way ..is this part of the culture here? or I am so sensitive due to being pregnant?

Thank you everyone!

[Lainie B 465]

You are not being overly sensitive, and no, it's not the normal culture here. That guy is a jerk. It is none of his business whether you use your husband's phone. If it were me I would show my husband the message on the phone, to show him what a jerk his friend is.

[JensJrny2Ray 367]

Hi VJ,

I am sorry if my post is kinda off topic. I don't mean to use this forum just to vent my emotion. Anyway, I just want to ask be be clear on something that is really making my shoulder super heavy. As you see, I am really so stressed now, 1st is because I feel useless being pregnant I can't find full time work. I am now working in a nonprofit organization and is in charge of the Supervised Visitation Program. Work is good when we get request for Visitation, but I really wish I do have stable income to help my husband and support my family too. I am just really stressing out more thinking how will i work when the baby comes out. I am just a year and few days here in the US, in the Philippines, I worked even until i was on my 9th month. My co-worker told me employers here would not hire me whenever they know I am pregnant (I guess i understand)..it sucks not being able to go somewhere without a car too..my husband has a big bike and we are thinking of getting a car..another bill to be paid ( the more I wish I can WORK ) - but not being able to do anything this time is consuming me.

Today, while I was submitting my resume - i got a text from an unknown number with a link in it. I asked who sen the link coz I am always careful of spams and viruses. Since I didn't get any reply, i google the number and it showed it was from Ohio which I know my husbands friend/previous co-worker normally send text and he is from Ohio. I tried to reply back and said Sorry the number wasn't recognized since the some of the contact were deleted when we did the factory default of the phone. Then he started texting me saying "All woman sucks when they reply using their dude's ( husbands) phone." - it hurt me but I tried to stay polite and explained to him I meant no harm and will shw my husband the link ( i never checked the link - since it wasn't for me ) But he texted back asking me why am I usig my husdand's hone which is supposedly not my phone. I told him my husband is usig his company phone and he left me his phone for me to use in case of emergency and that we think it was unnecessary for us to enroll for another pone this time. then he sent me text saying how he think woman sucks again using their husbands phone. I burst out crying coz right now I feel like I don't have anything to call mine, I told him i will show my husband th link but deleted his bad text ( as I take it) I dont want my husband and his friendship be affected by this so i decided I'd rather keep it to myself. Anyway he was right, the phone wasn't mine.

After that, I kept asking myself if really it is my fault I take his message in the wrong way ..is this part of the culture here? or I am so sensitive due to being pregnant?

Thank you everyone!

You have a right to use your husband's phone. He was being rude and disrespectful to you; it doesn't matter in what culture.

It looks like you are doing your best to stay busy, be proud of yourself! You are going to be a mother too and that is the most important job ever.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

You have a right to use your husband's phone. He was being rude and disrespectful to you; it doesn't matter in what culture.

It looks like you are doing your best to stay busy, be proud of yourself! You are going to be a mother too and that is the most important job ever.

This. All of this, and what Lainie B said as well. What he said was inexcusable. Be strong and tell your husband, and take strength in your husband's love.

[Bumbero 130]

NO! I agree with all the other replies. It is NOT part of our culture. The guy is an @$$hole. It was probably an inappropriate link he sent your husband he is mad because he was caught. Not that your husband would do something inappropriate BUT guys send things to other guys and say "Hey check this out!" His reaction to your reply should have been "Oh! sorry I bothered you!" BUT he chose to be a jerk and make it your fault.

That's just a guys perspective. Don't let him bother you, or he succeeded in his goal. Show your husband and let him deal with it. TRUST me he will!

Take care and good luck with your pregnancy and job hunt!

Edited December 4, 2012 by Bumbero

[EminTX 131]

The mean-girl in me would have then called him and blown a whistle in the phone when he answered. Deleting like you did is a much more mature reaction.

Schmucks exist in every culture. Childish morons always attack instead of apologize. Now you know one stamp to not waste sending a Christmas card to.

[beejay 123]

That guy is a jerk, you did nothing wrong. Your husband gave you the phone to use because he cares about you and wants you to feel connected and not isolated. You have nothing to hide from your husband and I think you should tell him what happened.

That guy is the one who has the problem and should be ashamed for being such a bully and trying to manipulate you to feel bad when in all likelihood, like Bumbero said, he was probably sending an inappropriate text.

It can be a hard adjustment moving to a new country but you'll get through it with support and time. Having a baby right away when moving to a new country can also make you feel even more isolated. Stay strong. Talk to you husband. You will get through this.

[Dean_De 61]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for your reply...although I know I should have told my husband what his friend did..I chose not to. Well, I told him his friend send him a text and a link. He asked me what it was and I said I didn't open it coz it's not for me. But he didn't even bother opening the link nore replied back to him. I should say I did my part like usual..I told my husband whenever he has text or calls but I can't force him to reply them back. Which I think is the reason why this guy is being an A** coz he think I am controlling my husband and trying to let him stay away from his friend. Who cares All I care is my husband, family, friends and everyone who cares for me. Yes, it hurt and bothered me after all the stress I am going through knowing he did it not on at a right timing. I know my husband and i know he will defend me from anyone who hurt me, but I know ( even if he doesn't say it) he has stress in him that I'd rather not add up. I must place myself as a person who is in a right mind and just understand somebody who can't do things right. If his friend is an A** then I guess I am much better than him and I wont stoop down his level.

I know this pregnancy is weighing a lot on me mostly because I am simply new here in the US and felt isolated..like what I always tell my clients going through hard times with their divorce and separation "Stay focused and think positive...whatever outcome we have in life is the result of our every decision. A positive decision and thoughts in life promotes positive outcome. We decide the direction we go in our life. Let not the outside factor affect our thoughts but let us be guided with our goals and dreams and think we can achive it "

Working with families in distress here ( even if I was doing volunteer for the most part of it) really helped me cope up with stress..I know I am blessed and I should be thankful of that

[rlogan 2,036]

The detective in me says the reason the guy is mad is that the link is something embarassing to the guy sending it. Possibly to the husband too. Why would a guy get so angry otherwise. If it was a link to a place for ordering flowers for the wife, he would not have reacted that way.

If so, the husband would not want to open the link in front of you, nor send back a text saying "thanks for those great shots of the donkey on the mexican girl".

I don't agree with keeping things secret from the husband. You did nothing wrong. If he has a "friend" that treats you that way, then he is no friend at all, and it is not a favor to conceal from him that he has an enemy like this. I had a "friend" of over 30 years that I was helping out, for one thing letting him live here, and evicted him for just this reason. He has not spoken to me since the day I evicted him, as if that was any loss. Good riddance. What an idiot - thinking a man is going to put some other guy in priority over his wife.

[Dean_De 61]

The detective in me says the reason the guy is mad is that the link is something embarassing to the guy sending it. Possibly to the husband too. Why would a guy get so angry otherwise. If it was a link to a place for ordering flowers for the wife, he would not have reacted that way.

If so, the husband would not want to open the link in front of you, nor send back a text saying "thanks for those great shots of the donkey on the mexican girl".

I don't agree with keeping things secret from the husband. You did nothing wrong. If he has a "friend" that treats you that way, then he is no friend at all, and it is not a favor to conceal from him that he has an enemy like this. I had a "friend" of over 30 years that I was helping out, for one thing letting him live here, and evicted him for just this reason. He has not spoken to me since the day I evicted him, as if that was any loss. Good riddance. What an idiot - thinking a man is going to put some other guy in priority over his wife.

Oh well, if its porn then its porn..my husband is already mature enough and has his own train of thoughts and i don't control him..if he looks at porn then that's him being human he know's what I dislike and i know he respect me and our marriage..i don't want to send my whole life spying. Its just being me..if I trust I trust bu when its broken then there's no turning back...I know my husband like what i said, I know he will take my side and will stay at my side through thick and thin I just don't want adding up stress on his shoulder..if I really can't manage dealing with Jerk, then I know I have somebody with me always

[Not a user 0]

As a man, if anybody talked/texted/emailed w/e on an aggressive tone to my wife/girlfriend/fiancee, I would very politely break his/her face in two... no questions asked.

Any man with half-a-ball would stand up for his wife regardless of the situation, I make it very clear to anybody I know that my fiancee is to be respected at ALL times, Period. I think you should have told your husband. I'm sure he would have stood up for you.

[rlogan 2,036]

Oh well, if its porn then its porn..my husband is already mature enough and has his own train of thoughts and i don't control him..if he looks at porn then that's him being human he know's what I dislike and i know he respect me and our marriage..i don't want to send my whole life spying. Its just being me..if I trust I trust bu when its broken then there's no turning back...I know my husband like what i said, I know he will take my side and will stay at my side through thick and thin I just don't want adding up stress on his shoulder..if I really can't manage dealing with Jerk, then I know I have somebody with me always

I think your confused about something important and are trying to "protect" your husband when you are in fact concealing something dangerous to him. If a train is coming and about to hit him, don't say to yourself that he has too much on his mind and it would be better not to bother him. He'll get hit by the train and killed.

This is not spying. You do have a good attitude about porn. Good girl. The problem here is not that it would be porn, but that he has some malcious guy that he thinks is a friend, but who hurts the most important thing in his life. My wife did not tell me some of the things my "friend" did to her and I wish she had. I would have evicted him sooner. She didn't want to "bother" me with the fact this butt-wipe was trying to split us apart and cause a divorce.

A husband wants to protect his wife and marriage. This guy is a danger. So what you are really doing is blocking the husband from what he wants. Women do this all the time. They hide their feelings from the man and the more they do this the more they live a separate life in their head from the life they reveal to their husband. It isn't fair to him. He hasn't been given the chance to understand what is going on and do his best to fix any problems.

The corollary to this wrong-headed behavior is instead of telling him things directly in plain english, they do something weird that is supposed to make him "see" what is being kept secret from him.