fighting VAWA

[livindadream 156]

Hi everyone. I will try to condense the story and just say, in 2007 I went to Nigeria for a short time to meet a guy I met online in 2006. I came home and filed the fiance petition, he was granted the K-1 Visa. He came and we married within a month. We needed 1000 dollars to file the adjustment of status but didnt have the money at the time to do this because 1. I had supported him AND myself the whole time he was in Nigeria since meeting him in 2006 online (even before i ever went to see him). 2. I paid for the entire trip to Nigeria myself. 3. I paid for his plane ticket to come to the US after he was given the visa....so yeah, I was pretty much in a financial wreck. So I didnt have the 1000 to start the adjustment of status. I guess he got impatient and after 2 months (after meeting a network of other Nigerians in our area), he took off....disappeared. AFter 3 weeks of him being gone I went to Homeland SEcurity and told them I think I had been used for a visa for him to get here. They had me write a statement explaining that he left and that I no longer wanted to support him, etc. I gave it to her after writing it, and she said it will go in his file. A week later, he appeared again and I was foolish enough to take him back. I never retracted anything I had wrote that day at Homeland security and I never even told him I did that. Another month goes by and although I was trying my best to save the $1000 while maintaining our household, I was still just observing his moves to see if he was really here for me or what. A month goes by, and he takes off again. This time for 3 weeks. He comes back, I let him back again. At this point there was no way in Hell I was in any rush to start adjusting anything cuz I felt he was only coming back cuz he felt he had a better chance to stay with me and get his greencard and THEN leave. So I watched what will happen, and sure enough 2 months later, he left AGAIN. This time for good. He disappeared, changed his number, wouldnt respond me on email, messenger, nothing. At that point, I just moved on with my life and try to pretend he never existed even though I was devestated. My friends said that I should try to have him deported, etc...but after going thru so much effort to get him here...and then try to make him stay..the fight in me was gone. I didnt want to waste one more day of my life even thinking about this guy. After some months, I found out thru some other Nigerian friends of mine, that he PROBABLY had filed the thing called VAWA. I had no idea what that was, but it all made sense to me when I started hearing about it. Its like as soon as he got with his "network of Nigerian friends" they must've schooled him on the whole process and how to 'beat the system". I was furious cuz I could only imagine the lies he must've made up just to try to convince them that he was somehow the victim. I was disgusted to know that they don't even try to get your side of anything!! And wouldnt they have seen the first letter I had wrote when he first left in his so-called file ? I was pretty devestated as if everything wasnt so bad already with the whole situation. Anyhow, I just tried to kick it off me so that I didnt drown in all of it. So fast forward about a year, I filed for a divorce which was going to take a long time to do cuz I didnt know where he was so I had to do the newspaper publication and all that #######. I then find out thru someone that he was given a greencard!! a 10 year one if im not mistaken and that he was even boasting about how in 3 years he could apply to become a citizen!! I ws so disgusted by this. He played the whole victim role and tried to make me think it was all me 'and my imagination". LIke when I found a profile of him on Naijapals that he had set up once he came to the US and NEVER told me about it. He had himself listed on there as SINGLE and had a bunch of comments to other women on his profile, etc. Or how I found phone records of him calling "singles chat lines". but when confronted he told me, he just did that to see if I was watching his phone calls!! OMGGGG ...The guy is a real winner. So im sure he never told USCIS that he is this type of guy. I now have done some investigating and I found out where he lives, works, his phone number, etc. I had one of my friends "friend" him on facebook and withing 2 days he was telling her he loved her, and talking all kinds of 'sexual stuff" to her. We even went as far as catching him talking to someone who clearly said they were 16 years old (he is 37) and he was asking her for nude pics, and telling her all kinds of sexual things he wants to do with her. He is trying to set up her coming to see him next weekend. SOOO..my question is...He has had his greencard for probably about a year and a half. Is it too late for me to do anything? Is it too late to present any evidence to immigration or do anything???? And if it's not too late, where do I begin? Thanks for listening and any advice you can give!!

Edited August 25, 2012 by AYOsGirl

[Que Saudade 284]

This is the poster child story of why you should report to USCIS/ICE things like disappearing after getting here for 3 weeks. Who does that?

Not much you can do.

Call USCIS/ICE and speak to someone and tell them your side of the story.

I am confused about the fact that you wrote a statement, which is suppose to go on his file, early on and he was able to adjust..??

How confident are you that he absolutely got a green card?

[epsonderby 85]

There isn't a whole lot you can do and I would definitely say there are better things to be doing that trying to entrap him online.

The time to act would have been in the beginning, before he was able to adjust his status, if that is indeed the case?

[djricky4 67]

[livindadream 156]

This is the poster child story of why you should report to USCIS/ICE things like disappearing after getting here for 3 weeks. Who does that?

Not much you can do.

Call USCIS/ICE and speak to someone and tell them your side of the story.

I am confused about the fact that you wrote a statement, which is suppose to go on his file, early on and he was able to adjust..??

How confident are you that he absolutely got a green card?

100% sure he got the greencard and I am also shocked that this letter I wrote after only a couple months of him being here, did not factor into anything because they said it was going into his file.

There isn't a whole lot you can do and I would definitely say there are better things to be doing that trying to entrap him online.

The time to act would have been in the beginning, before he was able to adjust his status, if that is indeed the case?

I dont call it "entrapping" him...I call it, seeing him for who he is and using it to prove my case if I can.

I guess you had no advice, but glad to know my ordeal is entertainment for you.

[dwheels76 5,468]

Seems all those coming back and you letting him back in was him gathering all the adjustment of status documents and evidence he needed to file without you. Do you have any idea if you did file VAWA? That is something you should most definately check in to. You don't want to be like one poster said "driving down the road and arrested and charged with a felony".

Its really water under the bridge with him, but you need to protect yourself and do some checking.

[epsonderby 85]

I dont call it "entrapping" him...I call it, seeing him for who he is and using it to prove my case if I can.

I can't help thinking you should have had the same vigor back when you could have done something about it.

If it's that much of a deal to you, call ICE/USCIS and let them know the skinny. Something tells me that unless he's proven to have something bad, they won't be in any rush to push him 'out of the door', so to speak.

Personally, I'd draw a line in the sand and move on.

[livindadream 156]

Seems all those coming back and you letting him back in was him gathering all the adjustment of status documents and evidence he needed to file without you. Do you have any idea if you did file VAWA? That is something you should most definately check in to. You don't want to be like one poster said "driving down the road and arrested and charged with a felony".

Its really water under the bridge with him, but you need to protect yourself and do some checking.

He did file the VAWA thing. that is the only way he could've stayed without doing the process with me. He just conveniently waited til we married to start all the BS. HE told them things like I kicked him out, etc etc. Which is sooo soo untrue. And why would immigration even beleive that stuff? I mean really, I waited for him for almost 2 years to get here and then I kick him out in a month? give me a break. it had fraud written all over it and our system is really messed up cuz they allow him to stay. And THIS is why it is so friggin hard for the GENUINE couples to get approved, cuz of people like him.

[pieroot 43]

I think you should just cut your losses and move on with your life. He clearly doesn't deserve anymore of your energy. It would be good to know where he is so that you can serve him with the divorce papers, but besides that consider this a lesson learned and move on.

[livindadream 156]

I can't help thinking you should have had the same vigor back when you could have done something about it.

If it's that much of a deal to you, call ICE/USCIS and let them know the skinny. Something tells me that unless he's proven to have something bad, they won't be in any rush to push him 'out of the door', so to speak.

Personally, I'd draw a line in the sand and move on.

yeah, well I didnt. You dedicate your life to someone for over a year while waiting for them to come. YOu hold your breath and pray they get approved, you get married, introduce him to everyone and then he disappears? AFter you're already financially and emotionally drained? Just couldnt do it at the time. REally its more about clearing my name. He had to have told them I was so horrible to him or something in order for him to stay and cry the victim, but I just happened to stumble upon proof of what a creep he is and not too mention basically a pedifile (spellcheck?)..so I just thought SOMEONE should see his true character.

[dwheels76 5,468]

He did file the VAWA thing. that is the only way he could've stayed without doing the process with me. He just conveniently waited til we married to start all the BS. HE told them things like I kicked him out, etc etc. Which is sooo soo untrue. And why would immigration even beleive that stuff? I mean really, I waited for him for almost 2 years to get here and then I kick him out in a month? give me a break. it had fraud written all over it and our system is really messed up cuz they allow him to stay. And THIS is why it is so friggin hard for the GENUINE couples to get approved, cuz of people like him.

You know you are right about how hard it is for the rest of us. Well just protect yourself. I would at least find out if there's anything they can do and make sure your record is clear. Some network. Goodness scary stuff.

[livindadream 156]

I think you should just cut your losses and move on with your life. He clearly doesn't deserve anymore of your energy. It would be good to know where he is so that you can serve him with the divorce papers, but besides that consider this a lesson learned and move on.

thanks for the advice..and the divorce is already final. It took a while cuz at the time i didnt know where he was, but thank God that chapter is at least closed.

[epsonderby 85]

yeah, well I didnt. You dedicate your life to someone for over a year while waiting for them to come. YOu hold your breath and pray they get approved, you get married, introduce him to everyone and then he disappears? AFter you're already financially and emotionally drained? Just couldnt do it at the time. REally its more about clearing my name. He had to have told them I was so horrible to him or something in order for him to stay and cry the victim, but I just happened to stumble upon proof of what a creep he is and not too mention basically a pedifile (spellcheck?)..so I just thought SOMEONE should see his true character.

I hope that I didn't come across as judging or not sympathetic at all. I can imagine it's been a tough few years for you and then to find that he's still here living his life without consequences must stick in the throat somewhat.

I don't understand VAWA, but I would assume that they would have thought to check in with you to at least get your side of the story at least? You'd have thought that if you had something attached to his file, they would have noted it's content and used that to prevent his AOS? I'm not sure what information you could obtain from ICE/USCIS as you technically don't have a right to be notified or be a party to their decision making process. Got to love the privacy laws in the developed world, right?

The stuff you mentioned about him grooming a minor isn't an immigration issue, but a criminal issue - if you have proof then contact the local police and get them to act, quickly!

[Que Saudade 284]

I think you should just cut your losses and move on with your life. He clearly doesn't deserve anymore of your energy. It would be good to know where he is so that you can serve him with the divorce papers, but besides that consider this a lesson learned and move on.

It's not so much cutting your losses as it is doing the right thing. If she is innocent, and no reason to doubt her, then why would she just stand idly by? This apathy is a major problem within our society. We are so desensitized by constant bombardment of drama, that too often we just "let bygones be bygones".

Of course he doesn't deserve any of her affection, but the energy to serve justice when justice is due is not a waste.

Chalk up another person who helps to establish Lagos' reasons to be even tougher on others who are 'bonafide'.

Edited August 25, 2012 by Que Saudade

[Mohoganyme 4]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I would take the other posters advice and file your divorce and move on with your life. He will get what he deserves...