What to do?

[Calypso 464]

But you are ready to dump your wife because you found a skype screen where she told someone she loved them? She is with you, she left all her friends, her family, all that she knows to be with you. Don't this fact tell you something? If all you have in the way of evidence that she is having some kind of online affair is what you say, then you should be ashamed of yourself.

"This fact" is not telling him something.

Does anybody here remember Johnny? http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/278501-divorce-after-1-month-in-uslong-sad-story/

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

+1 on that!

[duriantaste 44]

I look at this in a totally different way. That girl came to USA. She is missing her friends, family, and maybe ex. She needs a bit of flirting and spice in her life. Just because she loves him doesn't mean she will go after him? let her chat and have fun (but with limit). Now go, buy her some flowers, and tell her you are sorry for not trusting her.

Have a good day.

Edited August 15, 2012 by duriantaste

[Asia 2,491]

I look at this in a totally different way. That girl came to USA. She is missing her friends, family, and maybe ex. She needs a bit of flirting and spice in her life. Just because she loves him doesn't mean she will go after him? let her chat and have fun (but with limit). Now go, buy her some flowers, and tell her you are sorry for not trusting her.

You're kidding, right?

He should buy her flowers and be sorry, because she's cheating on him? Unbelievable.

I'd say RUN! As far and fast as you can.

Edited August 15, 2012 by Asia

[Rob&Ema 12]

Flirting and " spice " are reserved for your spouce and no one else. There is no grey area here. If she is not 100% ready, then there is no future. Buy flowers? More like buy her a ticket. what was she doing all the time while waiting to process the visa? Sitting on her thumbs? Doubtful. Chat and have fun before you get married.

Edited August 15, 2012 by Rob&Ema

[Tahoma 2,291]

But you are ready to dump your wife because you found a skype screen where she told someone she loved them?

^^^ You conveniently left out the parts of the story where she was hiding what she was doing, and how she lied when she got caught.

I look at this in a totally different way. That girl came to USA. She is missing her friends, family, and maybe ex. She needs a bit of flirting and spice in her life. Just because she loves him doesn't mean she will go after him? let her chat and have fun (but with limit). Now go, buy her some flowers, and tell her you are sorry for not trusting her.

Have a good day.

^^^ Apparently there's nothing wrong with cheating and lying in bizarro-world.

[GaryKO 49]

^^^ You conveniently left out the parts of the story where she was hiding what she was doing, and how she lied when she got caught.

^^^ Apparently there's nothing wrong with cheating and lying in bizarro-world.

That is your wild accusation!

[aaydrian 479]

My 0.02¢:

1) Greg the fact that Jasmin is tongue tied about explaining her communication with her ex is clue #1 that this isn't simply exes exchanging innocent words.

2) If Jasmin wanted to talk to her ex texting/emailing is best because emotion is removed from the conversation. Talking on the phone/Skyping/meeting in person is too intimate and that little giggle, eye roll, shoulder bump or reflex holding hands to cross the street brings exes back to a time when things were good.

3) Scheming Asian women seem to label ex, new, longtime and potential boyfriends/lovers as an old friend or uncle so that whatever they're doing isn't questioned.

4) There is no such thing as an innocent 'I Love You' between exes. One party may say it without meaning and the other party perceives it another way. Or one party says it and means it in the I want to kiss you, have sex with you and have your baby yet the other party thinks that he/she is just saying things. Which party is Jasmin we will never know because none of us are telepathic and Jasmin seems to already have a problem being forthcoming.

5) If you didn't put up with infidelity before why put up with it now? If your instincts say she's a cheater and the evidence is saying she behaves like a cheater then there's only one thing she can be.

If she is indeed having an affair and all is forgiven do you think you can handle not knowing who Jasmin is talking to on the phone, the computer, who she's meeting when she goes to the grocery store or claims she needs to pick up some baby formula?

Edited August 15, 2012 by aaydrian

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

You're kidding, right?

He should buy her flowers and be sorry, because she's cheating on him? Unbelievable.

I'd say RUN! As far and fast as you can.

Introductions might be needed.

Asia... meet Junior...Junior... meet Asia.

Junior has a long history of playing "Devil's Advocate" in situations like this.

Now you both know each other... Junior's next post should not be much of a surprise.

Edited August 15, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Asia 2,491]

Introductions might be needed.

Asia... meet Junior...Junior... meet Asia.

Now you both know each other... Junior's next post should not be much of a surprise.

Thanks for helping me understand him

But wait... I still don't get it...

Anyway now I know what to expect from Junior

[Tahoma 2,291]

There is a hell of a lot difference in, if you love someone and being in love with someone. How about finding out how long she has known this guy? Maybe he is a lifelong friend, yeah maybe he was her boyfriend at one time, but maybe she still loves him as a friend now. My wife is in the Leyte right now having a going away party for her friends, most she known since before kindergarten days. Some are pinoys, I very sure she loves them all, and will miss them a lot when she is gone.

But you are ready to dump your wife because you found a skype screen where she told someone she loved them? She is with you, she left all her friends, her family, all that she knows to be with you. Don't this fact tell you something? If all you have in the way of evidence that she is having some kind of online affair is what you say, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Filipinas are not going to argue with you, if you pressure her for answers and details after she told you that she loves you and wants to be with you, then she will just close down and go into a quite mode. Her silence is her culture, she will go into tampo and wait for you to use your eyes and not your mouth.

I just love it people say, "send her home" like she is a piece of luggage. In America there is divorce, and she gets 50%.

Sit her down, tell her that you love her, and how what she did hurts you. Try to find out a few more facts if this old boyfriend is now just a friend or something else. If she is only in USA for 9 months then she is still going thru a lot adjusting to her new life. She misses everything about the Philippines, her friends and family most of all. The first thing you probably want to do is take the internet away from her, the internet is a connection to the world she left behind, and that is the last thing you want to do is pull the plug on that.

Lots of people think they are living in a perfect world, that people get married because both are crazy in love with each other. I guess this happens sometimes, but most times love is there in the beginning and with time one day, then they are crazy in love with each other!

If this is it her saying "I love you" to a person on the internet then your making a mountain out of a mole hill. If you love her then try to work things out, wait and find out what is going on inside her head instead of what you think is going on. Yeah I know you been in a bad marriage before, lot of us have, but if you call what you described as cheating then get divorced and stay single, cause you are just not cut out for married life.

^^^ You conveniently left out the parts of the story where she was hiding what she was doing, and how she lied when she got caught.

That is your wild accusation!

^^^ Accusation? OK...show me where you talked about her hiding what she was doing...and lying about it when she got caught. And while you're at it, why don't you explain the bolded red parts of your post where you minimized/ignored her behavior.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Thanks for helping me understand him

But wait... I still don't get it...

Anyway now I know what to expect from Junior

Sorry. I was late to edit. Please review my post for additional info.

[TeddyHoney 42]

Just wondering why you were looking at her e-mails/skype screens, etc? Do you guys share the iPad, both have access to each others skype and e-mail accounts and that sort of thing? My wife and I do have the same access to all the computers in the house and e-mail accounts and Messenger and Skype. We used the same passwords and logins and stuff for many of the USCIS accounts, etc. We've never changed them. But we don't go through each others accounts and such - at least I don't. She might and I really wouldn't care because i no longer use Messenger or Skype since she's been here but she does us them. But she gives me absolutely no reason to even consider looking at her e-mails or chat logs or anything like that. Also, I really don't think she'd be stupid enough to leave such incriminating evidence in such places anyway. My wife will probably see this and just to speak for myself, I don't rifle though her personal accounts. I really doubt if she goes through mine. What kind of arrangement do you two have on this matter of privacy. My wife and I have no agreement about our personal accounts or e-mails or acual US Mail for that matter. We just don't look at each other's stuff, but we know we have access to those things. I don't want to look at her personal stuff. Now that I'm thinking about it, that would make me feel very sneaky and guilty. Wouldn't like that feeling hanging on me. Then I'd probably be looking guilty and giving her suspicions!!! That's just us though.

Now my ex on the other hand - a Filipina also, well she did give me ample suspicions, but it was still some time after I was certain she was sleeping around (I had other much more concrete evidence) that I did look through her e-mails and the cell phone account. the Cell account had much more revealing stuff in it. The e-mail account had some as well, but the cell account, which I of course paid for - and she had access to - Wow!

Anyway, just wondering what compelled you to look at her personal stuff? Was it just out in the open, already on the screen when you went to use te iPad? Does she look through your personal stuff? Maybe that's the kind of relationship you guys have. And if that's so, to each his own - not judging here. Just wondering.

God Bless you in this matter. I hope you give it time and effort in the proper way to get to the bottom of it and then figure out what to do. I'm assuming no kids involved so that's good because that would make it a million times more difficult. Hope it works out for the best for both of you, whatever that outcome may be.

[TiklingGuy 211]

I would definitely be weary of her intentions after catching her doing that. I would be suspicious that she could have married you for a citizenship so she could divorce you and petition her long lost love and bring him over here. I am all about setting the record straight and forgiving peoples actions, but don't let her fool you. I would just sit her down and really find out what she wants.

[MuDelphi 159]

Sever.