What to do?

[Calypso 464]

What caused you to pry on her iPad emails that led you to find out about the "old friend'?

If you remained unaware of her online tryst with the other guy, do you think she would've stopped on her own and never do it again?

If you choose to overlook her betrayal and one day you'd both visit the Philippines, would you let her escape your sight? Would you be able to sleep well and trust that she's not meeting him?

With her seemingly shady character, would you still want her to be the mother of your kids if you decide to have some? Could you go on living with her and not think of monitoring her emails, text messages, phone calls, and chat archives in the future?

I'm sorry about what you're going through. As a woman, I can't wrap my mind around the idea that she's sleeping with you, her husband, while telling another guy that she loves him. She has done it deliberately so she better get ready for the consequences. As an old adage says, "Shame on her if she fools you once, shame on you if she fools you twice."

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

My first wife cheated on me, and I forgave her and tried to work it out. 5 guys later, I listened to my family and friends and divorced her finally. I said I would never forgive infidelity again.

My second wife of 17 years met a guy online, and started chatting like your wife. We talked over a couple of months, and she decided she loved him and wanted to be with him. So we divorced (though I did not want it at the time... I figured 17 years was as close to forever as you could get, LOL).

Now I am with my Pinay wife, and she knows that if she cheats in any way, she is gone. Period. No way I would put up with it. Even though divorce hurts, it really sucks when you doubt your partner and worry about what they are doing when you are not with them. IMHO, it's just not worth it.

Having said that, I love my ex wife. After 17 years of living with someone, it takes time for that to fade. But to tell her I love her... that's a no-no, and I know it would hurt my asawa. Even if I said it as I feel it, love just as a friend, not as a wife or lover, I know it would hurt my current wife, so I would not do it. I am not IN LOVE with her, she walked out on me, and I have divorced myself not only from her but also from my feelings for her. But I care enough to want her to be happy and do well in life without me.

So if you're SURE she was saying I LOVE YOU in the context that she is in love with the guy... start looking for a cheap divorce now. Don't put it off. I'd talk to her and see how she feels, try and get her to open up to you. She might be scared that you will leave her, and she will have nothing. On the other hand, if she doesn't trust you enough to commit herself to you only, then what kind of marriage is she trying to build. Ahhh, the dilemma. It's a tough call that only you can make. Dishonesty & cheating have NO place in a healthy relationship.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

(Based on your explanation)

Start with this...,

Follow with this...,

(if needed) Repeat until you burn a memory stamp deep in your psyche.

Cheating is cheating and is never acceptable. Lawyer up and make a quick clean break.

(Oh and)...Get your game face on. Play both sides of the ball. Anticipate the worst. Protect yourself and show no mercy.

Good luck.

[RobNKharen 70]

OP a situation likes yours really sucks. The damage is done and recovering from it is a b itch. I'd sit down and tell her the marriage is over unless she can give me some honest answers ASAP!

Some people find it hard to gain "closure" for the past, so they keep coming back to the ex who understands them and will listen and make them feel like gold. (The ex likely does it for an ego boost) In their heart they are not really in love with the ex, but they can't get over the past. The memories of the past always looks better than how it actually was. In this case they are likely to say things to the ex that they don't really mean or feel.

Some people realize they made a mistake and wish they never parted with their ex, and therefore start seeking ways to accomplish that goal.

Some people are just users and scammers.

No matter what category your situation is in, you have to determine it for sure and make a tough decision. If in your case you find out she is just a scammer, it is an easy decision. If she realizes something is missing from your relationship and wants back with the ex, the decision has already been made. If it is neither of those two, you are in for a heart wrenching ordeal while trust is rebuilt, suspicions answered honestly, and a long time healing process is overcome. I don't mean to sound like Capt. Obvious, but it is up to you to decide if you could accept her or trust her ever again. If not, move on.

Edited August 14, 2012 by RobNKharen

[hawkeyez 45]

She loves him. Bail fast. You will loose little the sooner you do it.

Save the records you have. Buy a key stroke tracker for your computer and print out her conversations with him.

She is chatting him up while you are gone to work.

You made a bad choice. Bail out and move on. Send her back to her toilet with her lover.

[thinkerlove0212 158]

I just discovered that my filipino wife of 9 months has been chatting to an old boyfriend in the philippines and telling him how much she loves him. I confronted her about it and she says he is an old friend that she is sorry and wants to stay with me. ####### do I do?

That is so insulted. I am a filipina but never try or attempt talking to another guy since the first day i chat my husband, and specially an ex?

For me i will say goodbye, once a cheater is always a cheater.. Sorry i am too harsh but you don't deserve all of this.

Even you forgive her and start all over again the pain is still there it won't change, because there is a wall between the two of you..

You both suffer and no more trust to each other... Even she ask sorry and forgiveness, i am sure she find ways to contact his ex.

Worst thing she will send money to him, or the ex use your wife to get some money from her..

Take care...

[des1867 6]

I think that here is an example of the difference between guys and girls. Girls tend to hold strong ties to their first boyfriends. It is just one of those things that they never forget. Guys on the other hand never forget their first loves. I still remember my first girlfriend in the third grade at school, although it was a very short relationship (less than three days) it did leave an impression. (first time i ever kissed a girl) Take it from an old man, if your wife is young then these feelings towards an old boyfriend will not go away and yes there could be what could be considered love there towards him, but what is that love compared to the love that you two have together as man and wife?

Ask yourself do you have an old flame that you still have feelings for? If so it could explain what she is feeling. It is a place for you to start to talk. Remember talking and communication is the key to any successful relationship.

[BRB 6]

In my own experience... I chatted with my ex bf too on facebook before... Bcoz i had this feeling of a need to have a good closure to the relationship we had so i can really move on. I never really had the chance to talk to him when i was still in the philippines. But i never said i love him still or showed any feelings bcoz i am already married...we chatted once and thats it, true that once they know your already here they will try to sweet talk to you but its really up to the person if he/she will get tempted to it. Some people get confuse to thier feelings and will try to go back to thier past and if you will choose your past and still keep the present then you are already cheating...once a cheater always a cheater and that is a proven fact.

Show her the door. Good grief you have been married only a short time and already this is happening to you. I am sure you did not sign up for this. You can do better. She does not deserve you after everything you have done.

[BRB 6]

(Based on your explanation)

Start with this...,

Follow with this...,

(if needed) Repeat until you burn a memory stamp deep in your psyche.

Cheating is cheating and is never acceptable. Lawyer up and make a quick clean break.

(Oh and)...Get your game face on. Play both sides of the ball. Anticipate the worst. Protect yourself and show no mercy.

Good luck.

Some of the best advice I have seen on this site. Lets hope he is smart enough to listen and act.

[Tahoma 2,291]

It just sucks that after spending all this time, effort, and money to get her over here to have it end like this.

^^^ Amen, brother. And it sucks that she broke your heart.

At least you found out now instead of later.

You got a bad apple...but the barrel is full of good ones.

[jacabatic 5]

I would leave her, No excuses, cheating is cheating. send her back home!! sorry for the hard words but thats what i would do.

[Andy & Rena 2]

Greg your situation is a very delicate one to state the least. I can relate to this so much its shameful. Of course like some have stated, my ex wife cheated on me with not just one but multiple men. I hired a PI and did my own and got undeniable proof of what she had done. To boot it was a 14 year long marriage with two kids involved. Okay, enough about me. I agree with those who stated that ex are nothing but trouble...its true!! Still today as much as I don't like my ex, she's still trying to cause issues in other ways with me and my now fiance...She found out from the kids about us and ever since she's been doing things to hurt... Did I say enough about me?LOL...I say all of that to say..Greg, do yourself the biggest favor you can...dissolve it now and find another who will love you wholeheartedly. You are a commodity and should be treated and respected as one. Touche' to those who said that faithfulness is still an asset in any relationship. I don't agree with it and have never done it. If I am with you then that's it..why look for another? She will find out that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Yeah its an old saying but still holds true nonetheless... Goodluck to you Greg..God Bless

Andy

[JohnandConnie 1]

I just discovered that my filipino wife of 9 months has been chatting to an old boyfriend in the philippines and telling him how much she loves him. I confronted her about it and she says he is an old friend that she is sorry and wants to stay with me. ####### do I do?

I am a filipina myself. It's just sad when you caught your partner that you thought you will spend the rest of your life with cheated on you. I don't tolerate such act . I am faithful to my partner and i expect him to do the same though there are lots of admirers on both sides.

She has to know where her heart belongs to. If she says she love him too then sorry is not enough. You have to weigh your relationship if it is worth saving and take the risk getting divorce in the future. I hate to say this but some filipina gives other filipina a bad name and reputation on the eyes of other people. Though not all filipina are the same.You got a bad apple...but the barrel is full of good ones.

I agree with ( andy ) below ...find someone who will love you wholeheartedly. Goes also with jacabatic... she loves her ex bf then send her back to be with him.

Tahoma as well that you found it now instead of later. Such a waste of your time ,love and money... money can be earned but time and love? that's priceless...

You gave her your heart your love your everything she repays you by cheating... wake up I know you love her and it is painful but you have to let go now or it will be much more painful in the latter end.

It is still your decision we are just giving our opinion.

I seldom give my opinion but this definitely worth giving some reaction.

Goodluck!!!

Take care!!!

Connie

[GaryKO 49]

I found an email on her IPAD that she sent to this guy. It had skype screens shots of him and a couple of her and she typed I LOVE YOU!. Pretty cut and dried about what she did.

I asked her how long this had been going on and never got a straight answer.

There is a hell of a lot difference in, if you love someone and being in love with someone. How about finding out how long she has known this guy? Maybe he is a lifelong friend, yeah maybe he was her boyfriend at one time, but maybe she still loves him as a friend now. My wife is in the Leyte right now having a going away party for her friends, most she known since before kindergarten days. Some are pinoys, I very sure she loves them all, and will miss them a lot when she is gone.

But you are ready to dump your wife because you found a skype screen where she told someone she loved them? She is with you, she left all her friends, her family, all that she knows to be with you. Don't this fact tell you something? If all you have in the way of evidence that she is having some kind of online affair is what you say, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Filipinas are not going to argue with you, if you pressure her for answers and details after she told you that she loves you and wants to be with you, then she will just close down and go into a quite mode. Her silence is her culture, she will go into tampo and wait for you to use your eyes and not your mouth.

I just love it people say, "send her home" like she is a piece of luggage. In America there is divorce, and she gets 50%.

Sit her down, tell her that you love her, and how what she did hurts you. Try to find out a few more facts if this old boyfriend is now just a friend or something else. If she is only in USA for 9 months then she is still going thru a lot adjusting to her new life. She misses everything about the Philippines, her friends and family most of all. The first thing you probably want to do is take the internet away from her, the internet is a connection to the world she left behind, and that is the last thing you want to do is pull the plug on that.

Lots of people think they are living in a perfect world, that people get married because both are crazy in love with each other. I guess this happens sometimes, but most times love is there in the beginning and with time one day, then they are crazy in love with each other!

If this is it her saying "I love you" to a person on the internet then your making a mountain out of a mole hill. If you love her then try to work things out, wait and find out what is going on inside her head instead of what you think is going on. Yeah I know you been in a bad marriage before, lot of us have, but if you call what you described as cheating then get divorced and stay single, cause you are just not cut out for married life.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

There is a hell of a lot difference in, if you love someone and being in love with someone.

I just love it people say, "send her home" like she is a piece of luggage. In America there is divorce, and she gets 50%.

.., but if you call what you described as cheating then get divorced and stay single, cause you are just not cut out for married life.

I agree with your first statement. But only the OP can decide if it's a friendly "I Love You" or an "I'm in love with you" kind.

Bull$hit if she gets 50% after 9 months. That just ain't true.

Again, I call BS. I give fidelity, I don't go around telling my ex I love her, and I expect my wife to be the same way. And when I showed your post to my wife, she said "Good points, BUT... having delicadeza means you don't put yourself in a situation to cause mistrust or hurt your spouse". Period.