What to do?

[Calypso 464]

I just discovered that my filipino wife of 9 months has been chatting to an old boyfriend in the philippines and telling him how much she loves him. I confronted her about it and she says he is an old friend that she is sorry and wants to stay with me. ####### do I do?

I found an email on her IPAD that she sent to this guy. It had skype screens shots of him and a couple of her and she typed I LOVE YOU!. Pretty cut and dried about what she did.

I asked her how long this had been going on and never got a straight answer.

A married woman has kept Skype screenshots of her and another guy with words of love. Her husband learned about this so she told him that she's sorry and she wants to stay with him. How does somebody interpret that? She seems quite defensive. Did he tell her that he was sending her away so she had to say that she wants to stay with him?

What's worse: a married person who romantically loves another but there's no sex going on OR a married person who sleeps with somebody other than their spouse but there's no love in between? Whether it's pilfering an apple or five dollars, stealing $700, or plundering a whole village, thieving is thieving. Dishonesty is dishonesty. Cheating is cheating.

For me, there's more than harmless, casual flirting or friendship involved. Some would say that it's okay to dismiss this because it's assumed there was no sexual act and the other guys lives thousands of miles away. What if she continues to be emotionally weak and in the future, a new guy in her city showers her with attention and affection?

[Mogambi 96]

My point was not to bash people here and say they are cheaters. My point was that it's very easy to be so black and white when it's someone ELSE'S situation. Very easy to say 'She cheated, 100% end it'. Which is what most people were saying.

When in fact I would guess that in a situation where the tables were turned, where it was you or me, it wouldn't' be so easy to draw the same conclusion. So I was offering the advice that maybe it doesn't have to be so black or white.

I also agree with other posters, she didn't 'physically' cheat, at least assuming it's all long distance as it seems. So then if that is still grounds for immediately ending of a marriage, then it seems a bit harsh to me. Define 'cheating'. Just saying 'I Love You' to an ex. Is that 'cheating'? It's not such a black and white area. At least not to me. We don't have enough information. The OP may not have enough information. Which is why I find it a bit crazy that everyone is jumping on the 'end it' bandwagon.

Maybe he should end it, what do I know.

So rather than people saying 'wow that's tough, seek some help and see if you can or should work it out' most people immediately took the position of 'dump her immediately, no possible redemption.

And of COURSE people are entitled to post that, just as I'm entitled to post a different opinion.

Edited August 15, 2012 by Mogambi

[sunandmoon 450]

You lost me with your reply!

I doubt it. we'll just leave it at that...

[duriantaste 44]

My point was not to bash people here and say they are cheaters. My point was that it's very easy to be so black and white when it's someone ELSE'S situation. Very easy to say 'She cheated, 100% end it'. Which is what most people were saying.

When in fact I would guess that in a situation where the tables were turned, where it was you or me, it wouldn't' be so easy to draw the same conclusion. So I was offering the advice that maybe it doesn't have to be so black or white.

I also agree with other posters, she didn't 'physically' cheat, at least assuming it's all long distance as it seems. So then if that is still grounds for immediately ending of a marriage, then it seems a bit harsh to me. Define 'cheating'. Just saying 'I Love You' to an ex. Is that 'cheating'? It's not such a black and white area. At least not to me. We don't have enough information. The OP may not have enough information. Which is why I find it a bit crazy that everyone is jumping on the 'end it' bandwagon.

Maybe he should end it, what do I know.

So rather than people saying 'wow that's tough, seek some help and see if you can or should work it out' most people immediately took the position of 'dump her immediately, no possible redemption.

+1

And of COURSE people are entitled to post that, just as I'm entitled to post a different opinion.

[Rob&Ema 12]

One would also assume she was in contact or perhaps more while she was waiting for this process to be approved. If she loves him nine months later, logic would say she had a high % chance of more going on there before she came here.

[duriantaste 44]

One would also assume she was in contact or perhaps more while she was waiting for this process to be approved. If she loves him nine months later, logic would say she had a high % chance of more going on there before she came here.

Now you are making that up and day dreaming.

[RobNKharen 70]

Well the OP sat her down and got his answers, even without answers from her. Hope you can move on and find an honest girl

[Rob&Ema 12]

I'm not making anything up. I said one would assume. Do you think she had no contact before she got married and then all of a sudden she decided she still loved him? You may be naive and assume all is just a big misunderstanding, but this is the real world. If you like an open relationship, so be it.

Edited August 15, 2012 by Rob&Ema

[sunandmoon 450]

I'm not making anything up. I said one would assume. Do you think she had no contact before she got married and then all of a sudden she decided she still loved him? You may be naive and assume all is just a big misunderstanding, but this is the real world. If you like an open relationship, so be it.

junior lives in his own world...

[Fight for Love 98]

UPDATE... After having talked to her at great length, I wasn't getting the answers I needed. She has been kicked out of the house and is staying with her cousin. Next thing is to contact lawyers. I don't see a future for us.

aaawww so sorry for the outcome. but if you already make up your mind there's nothing we could do now. but sir i respect your desicion and i hope/pray that you did the right thing. god bless u

[Fight for Love 98]

Well the OP sat her down and got his answers, even without answers from her. Hope you can move on and find an honest girl

relationship is not about jumping to another to one another. that's not real love. if i could make decision for OP...i will consider seeking marriage counseling. before jumping to an ending i rather do something/everything just to save the marriage. then if things didn't worked out still..then i guess it was never meant to happen.

[duriantaste 44]

I'm not making anything up. I said one would assume. Do you think she had no contact before she got married and then all of a sudden she decided she still loved him? You may be naive and assume all is just a big misunderstanding, but this is the real world. If you like an open relationship, so be it.

I take it back if I offended you. I just feel bad that the OP pulled the trigger just for the little miss-understanding. I hope he will not regret in the near future.

[RobNKharen 70]

relationship is not about jumping to another to one another. that's not real love. if i could make decision for OP...i will consider seeking marriage counseling. before jumping to an ending i rather do something/everything just to save the marriage. then if things didn't worked out still..then i guess it was never meant to happen.

If the OP, in this case, couldn't get past whatever happened and would never be able to have a healthy relationship with her again.........even if her answers proved she wasn't really doing anything wrong......then marriage counseling is moot. If he would always be living in doubt that is no way to live, so it is best to end it and move on.

In my original post I said he should sit her down and get real answers. Apparently he tried and didn't get any answers, which was an answer unto itself. I think he would always be doubting her from now on, so parting is by far the best option..............and that is coming from a guy that believes in trying ever possible avenue until the problem is solved. If you can't ever forgive it in your heart you have to face it and move on.

[batibot 0]

I just discovered that my filipino wife of 9 months has been chatting to an old boyfriend in the philippines and telling him how much she loves him. I confronted her about it and she says he is an old friend that she is sorry and wants to stay with me. ####### do I do?

sorry to hear that but your wife should'nt talk to her ex and telling him she still inlove with him?thats #######.i hope shes not using u as a ticket to come to the US.

[batibot 0]

I just discovered that my filipino wife of 9 months has been chatting to an old boyfriend in the philippines and telling him how much she loves him. I confronted her about it and she says he is an old friend that she is sorry and wants to stay with me. ####### do I do?

sorry to hear that but your wife should'nt talk to her ex and telling him she still inlove with him?thats #######.i hope shes not using u as a ticket to come to the US.there is alot of girls just use foreigners to come to their country to get the greencard and after that they're done with you.goodluck to you and hope to guys solve this problem.im 4 years married to american also and we are happily married