hospital and advanced terms

[gretchen_darren 67]

WEll, this is the one thread to discuss the hospital visit. Talk about things I dealt with and what others see and know. Please note this is a discussion. Not a berate, tear down or otherwise attack each other. IF YOU FEEL the NEED to attack, berate, or otherwise make comments about me, please do so in a PM to me ONLY. I want this to be an educational thread with observations,thoughts, etc from everyone. Please note this is personal from the Filipino family I am involved in. This is a provincial family NOT a family from the city. (aka not from Davao, General Santos, Manila, Cebu) So these observations may not be for ALL Filipinos. ok with that said, on we go:

1) wife did not understand postpartum depression.

2) they give her forms to fill out while still under drugs and not fully understanding forms. Guys pay attention to this no matter HOW busy you get.

3) ask her if she ever took anti-depressant drugs, said yes, then they ask when. She says last night. (now at this time I am shocked she took anti-depressant drugs because of the Us Embassy screenings and AOS going on until she says last night. then I understand she does not understand. She has never heard of prozac, and such. She thinks all drugs are antidepressant. She is lost on the conversation.) So I step in and say we need to ask which specific drugs she has taken. You are misleading her because she does not take drugs, not even for a headache. Tylenol, Motrin, and aspirin are not something which she used regularly.

4) nmes, be prepared to explain why you may or may not like certain names. Be aware names in the Philippines are NOT the same as in the USA. Culture and family in the USA may have a hard time understand the name you are giving the baby while your filipino family has no issue at all. Also, consider nicknames as well. Remember most Filipino families have nicknames which are more the name they refer to someone by then the proper name.

5) feeding and diapers, etc. Be prepared for differences. This is not something easy. There are differences. We have been working through these. Feeding, burping, holding, wrapping up baby in blanket, etc. Husbands find someone to help your wife. Be prepared to assist in hospital with her or find someone to be with her to help.

6) language. be able to talk with your wife. be able to help her. Be able to get her to understand you, and work as translator for hospital. Be prepared for issues. Hospitals and terms here are new to many Filipinos. Step in and act as a buffer do not let anything slide by. you may speak english only to her, but you can use terms hospital staff just ain't used to or allowed to use for legality reasons. YOU have to make sure your spouse UNDERSTANDS. Just because speaking English does not help in many issues.

7) drugs, know what the drugs are for, explain to your spouse. Help your spouse with the drugs to take and how much. Work with hospital staff to help your spouse. ASK, ASK, ASK, and make sure they tell her what, why how, etc. Don't just let it go by. Americans have grown up with these drugs and terms. Most Filipinos have not even heard of these drugs. Be prepared.

8) No matter how much you prepared for the hospital visit, be ready for anything. Hospitals cannot ignore any warning signs. They must report warning signs for investigation. It may be innocent curtual understanding but it IS not something NORMAL for America. An example, the wife walking behind the husband in the Philippines. Normal behavior there. not normal in USA. Another example: wife looking to husband for answers on what to do or take or ordering food for her. Not because she doesn't want to, it is because she is relying on her husband because of getting scared from other issues, and people have a hard time understanding her from her "accent". In the hospital she is not thinking in English. She is thinking in her native dialect. Thankfully, I had learned some words plus established some gestures with her in preparation. but if you don't know her language, be ready for asking for a translator and know her dialect. Tagalog may not simply be enough.

9) DEMAND Filipina nurses. Make SURE to request this AHEAD of time when registering. THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!! It changes care and perception. Nurses do not understand some cultural differences. Be ready.

10) RICE, RICE, RICE. Be able to find rice, get rice, or KNOW where to get RICE. Of course this is COOKED RICE! (no rice cookers in rooms)

12) sleep on the Floor a couple of nights. Nurses will go nuts. Then explain things back home in the Philippines. You will change perceptions.

13) calls...remember Philippines is different time. EXPECT calls, IM, skype at weird times in middle of the night.

14) sleep ... forget it. Find "naps" and coffee. Be awake and available ANYTIME a nurse, doctor, etc comes into the room. Be ready for ANY issue. Be ready for when you are out, they may approach your spouse for questions, issues, concerns, problems. etc. You spouse may understand and may be able to deal with things. But make sure your spouse KNOWS to question everything. AGE is a factor here. Stand up, and make sure your wife knows she can stand up for herself as well. Tell her to be willing to say no, not just go along with whatever is said or asked.

15) my wife carried the weight in the baby area. 85% was in the tummy. No weight gain in legs, arms, face, hips, etc. It was all in front of her. She looked like someone had stuck a basketball under her dress. Once the baby was born, she almost looked like not having a baby at all. Expect some nice comments, but also some "snide remarks out of perceived earshot"

I am still thinking on more... but these are the main ones so far.....

[gretchen_darren 67]

Also wanted to say:

NOT all provincial families may be life this as well. This vilalge looks at hospitals and Clinics with disdain. They do not go near them. Babies ar eborn at home. Most women in the village do NOT tell their husbands pains or issues or what is going on. This is NOT something women are EXPECTED to do in the USA. In the village, she is expected to talk with mom, grandma, aunt, etc about her issues BEFORE coming to me. women in the vilalge do NOT cause DRAMA in the household. Again this is DIFFERENT from the USA. Women in the village look to the husband for leadership and what to do on major things. This is NOT something NORMAL in the USA. A woman being respectful of husband's wishes or looking to her husband for guidance which is NORMAL behavior there in her village, is NOT NORMAL here. When women from other countries defer to their husbands for assistance, there are MAJOR issues at institutions in the USA. this is not to say the husband is a dictator. It is to say a husband is a servant-leader. Listening to his wife. helping her, and understanding her needs. A good husband is a great servant to his family. A great husband is one willing to sacrifice his needs to serve and take care of the family.

[Messybrownhair 251]

I have never heard of the wife walking behind the husband as normal.. even in the provinces. The Philippines is actually a very matriarchal society. (Except apparently where your wife is from) Othee than that, glad your ordeal is over and your wife and baby are safe and healthy.

[DaveE 178]

I have never heard of the wife walking behind the husband as normal.. even in the provinces. The Philippines is actually a very matriarchal society. (Except apparently where your wife is from) Othee than that, glad your ordeal is over and your wife and baby are safe and healthy.

My wife would slap me on the back of my head if I walked in front of her, and she is from Negros Occidental.

[Messybrownhair 251]

Here is a thought. Instead of generalizing that every Filipina is like your wife, and your wife's family is like every family in all the provinces, and and your wife's village is like all the rest.. why not see your wife as a individual? She chooses to be like that, perhaps she was raised like that, and that's okay.. That's why you fell in love with her, and that's what you like about her. It doesn't mean we are all like that. My mom was raised in a village, a province, and yet she is nothing like her, neither is her family like your wife's. Nothing wrong with that, the one cool thing about humans is that we all have different qualities and attitudes. :)That goes with every culture!

Okay, done with my little rant.. other than that, you did post some valid points, like knowing drugs etc, and having an interpreter for those not adept in English.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I want this to be an educational thread with observations,thoughts, etc from everyone.

I am under the impression you are an IT specialist. With that...I am sure you know quality data input is crucial to providing "educational" and accurate output.

I think some of your struggles to comprehend your wife are due to corrupt data entry. IMO, Your weighting your wife's culture too high at input thus corrupting the quality of your data and producing flawed output.

My "informative" observation; Increase your wife's individuality over your wife's culture at data entry and review results.

(Yes, That's my ignorant layman IT speak and yes it's corny. I'm trying every which way I can think to open your eyes to a new perspective. )

I apply this perspective in the next quote box...,

Please note this is personal from the Filipino family I am involved in. This is a provincial MY family NOT a ANY1 ELSE'S family from the city. (aka not from Davao, General Santos, Manila, Cebu) So these observations may not be for ALL Filipinos. ok with that said, on we go:

Do you recognize the difference?

My wife is from a Province. Please do not generalize people from a Province. It's offensive.

( I recognize you are trying to PC fashion your words. You're improving. I appreciate it. )

Edited July 9, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

8) No matter how much you prepared for the hospital visit, be ready for anything. Hospitals cannot ignore any warning signs. They must report warning signs for investigation.

Darren, this statement is creeping me out.

What "warning signs" (specific to your situation) did the hospital report for "investigation"?

Are you advising people to cover up "warning signs" to avoid investigation?

Edited July 9, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[gretchen_darren 67]

Darren, this statement is creeping me out.

What "warning signs" (specific to your situation) did the hospital report for "investigation"?

Are you advising people to cover up "warning signs" to avoid investigation?

hehe.... the "nightmare" of the whole ordeal. This issue brought her to tears.

What happened is she was given the "yates test" as I call it. It is a postpurtem form to check for signs of depression. The form is looking at the past 7 (SEVEN) days. My wife thought it was SINCE THE BEGINNING of the pregnancy (hence coming to USA) I did not review it with her to make sure she understood the form. It really raised issues. She scored high on the form from not understanding, PLUS just coming out of recovery from c-section surgery. I had to step in to help the situation. They wanted to put her on anti-depressants. So we had to talk about the issues. I had to find out what was going on. This is NOT something she wanted me to know. Nor was she expecting the re-action from the form. It created a whole HUGE ordeal with CPS even being involved because of the score on the form. Even the family does not understand the blowup at the hospital from the high score on the "yates form" We had a visit from the chaplain, and several visits from Filipina nurses. We were assigned a filipina nurse on Saturday who was not even scheduled for the section.

Yate form is from the "andrea yates" incident in texas where a woman drowned all her kids in the bathtub. It was attributed to the postpartum depression issue which had not been caught or treated.

this is why having a Filipina nurse is family which can speak her language is important to have around. My main worry was during surgery/recovery my wife would not be able to communicate well because of how much effort English takes.

[gretchen_darren 67]

My wife would slap me on the back of my head if I walked in front of her, and she is from Negros Occidental.

good for you.... I keep on trying to get her to walk beside me.... even after 10 months I still have problems.... I keep on having to remind her to stop it. In the Philippines, she would be beside me or in front of me....here I have no idea why she walks behind me.... maybe she is looking at everything and doesn't want me to know what she is looking at or browsing.... I don't know.... I have just gotten used to it.....

of course there is a difference between men and women shopping as well.... men are on a mission... women browse and wander with a purpose which looks like no purpose to a man.....

[gretchen_darren 67]

in warning signs, I am saying to make sure it is honest and accurate. Things are understood. And things are being done with proper input.

the one form sparked so much interest, I cannot even explain the issues. Explain CPS to a filipino is like explaining PnP to an American.

If there are issues, I want them dealt with. However, this all has ramifications with me. And can get into worse issues if there are issues with my ex. What I hated most was HOW the hospital said many women leave the hospital taking postpartum antidepressant drugs.

Americans can catch those phrases which other cultures don't. Many/most/some being general statements without a definable quantity. Statements leading you to believe that by doing something, you are helping yourself without penalty, but you are admitting to deeper issues. Once you open Pandora's box, it is hard to close again. This mis-done form is part of her medical record now. There is a report form the investigation. There will be followup. All from misunderstanding and not doing things properly in the beginning.

then if something happens, the hospital investigated and is not liable for any issues. Plus can say I was warned and mislead by not knowing cultural differences and point to the K-1 visa process being at fault.... yadda yadda yadda..... texas two step in the corporate healthcare world....

[actob99 156]

Darren, deep breathe...... My wife to be is in a fishing province exactly like yours and your family by marriage is not like my soon to be family by marriage. Yes, boat for trasportation, fiahing for income and food, they like rice, tchismose... But your way off on all ther other points and you keep saying my wife to be is lime yours, get off it!!! An increadiable point was made a few posts back and that is describe and look at your wife as a person who is different from other people. Stop attaching all the extra ####### lime where she is from.. All peope are different, even if their next door neighbor's...

I see your requeat for educational responses and great feedback but that is very hard to do with your threads. My advise to you would get your threads proofread and also let your wife sit with you and explain everything you are writing, I KNOW your not doing that.

At my last job we were out of touch with management and corporate because we were scattered across the world. Our only means of interaction and communication were done via e-mail. We had a few guys getting fired over the years for having a little too much to dring and voicing the true opinions. The joke was we needed a breathalizer on our computer to blow into before bring allowed to hit the send button. I'm still in the initial stages of finding that unique machine that I will develop for you before you hit the send button.

Lastly, look at the people who you get most of the arguements and bad responses frim. It's filipino's who know alot more about their country and cultures than you and I. Also from people who have spent quite a bit of time therethat know alot more about the people than you do. It still amazes me that you don't get that. And this is 100% of your problem in these threads, you have blinder's on and you don't listen to anyone. If you keep posting things that aren't true and generalizing that my wife to be is like that, there will be quite a few thread bans for sure!!!!!!!

[Ban Hammer 12,841]

two posts removed and two members thread banned for making personal attacks.

[Ban Hammer 12,841]

one post returned below, quoted portion was previously removed for tos violation.

Now I know where all the "post have been removed and the poster has been banned from this thread" has come from in Darren's threads...

[B_J 2,752]

8) No matter how much you prepared for the hospital visit, be ready for anything. Hospitals cannot ignore any warning signs. They must report warning signs for investigation. It may be innocent curtual understanding but it IS not something NORMAL for America. An example, the wife walking behind the husband in the Philippines. Normal behavior there. not normal in USA. Another example: wife looking to husband for answers on what to do or take or ordering food for her. Not because she doesn't want to, it is because she is relying on her husband because of getting scared from other issues, and people have a hard time understanding her from her "accent". In the hospital she is not thinking in English. She is thinking in her native dialect. Thankfully, I had learned some words plus established some gestures with her in preparation. but if you don't know her language, be ready for asking for a translator and know her dialect. Tagalog may not simply be enough.

I've had a couple of instances of my wife "looking to me", including once at a hospital. She was asked a question and, instead of answering, she looked at me. I asked why she didn't answer and then I asked her if she understood the question. I had understood the question immediately but she didn't. So, then this really odd thing happened. The nurse, being a person, asked Jessa where she was from, they got to know each other, and the nurse was more careful in making sure she was understood. After that, I just sat there being useless.

good for you.... I keep on trying to get her to walk beside me.... even after 10 months I still have problems.... I keep on having to remind her to stop it. In the Philippines, she would be beside me or in front of me....here I have no idea why she walks behind me.... maybe she is looking at everything and doesn't want me to know what she is looking at or browsing.... I don't know.... I have just gotten used to it.....

of course there is a difference between men and women shopping as well.... men are on a mission... women browse and wander with a purpose which looks like no purpose to a man.....

I've never experienced that at all. Here's an idea. Try holding hands when you walk. We do that all the time. Plus, maybe that will keep people from thinking Gretchen is anything other than your wife.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

CPS got involved at the hospital because of a form?