Divorce

[luvmykids2012 1]

Hi VJers,

I hope you guys can help me how to solve my problems.

We were married last year after 1.5 yrs been together. It's not a happily ever after marriage, but we both tried to save our marriage by going to counselors eventhou it always ended up him having a hot argument with them because he didn't wanna accept what they said.

He's a US citizen and has a very bad temper. He controls everything. Even a small trash on the floor could make him so upset. My kids and I are afraid of him, but he can be so sweet sometimes.

I finally overstayed my visa because of him. He was afraid I wouldn't be able to return to the US because he put me in jail. He called a police on me for slapping his face once. I know it's really my fault, but I really couldn't stand it. He screamed, yelled at me and called me a h**ker in front of my kids. I was about to leave him at that time.

I actually tried many times to runaway, but he kept all my stuffs and didn't give me any money. Even the police couldn't help me to get my stuffs because the apt was under his name and he claimed everything was his.

Afraid my kids would starve to death and felt embarrassed my family would know about it, I tried my best to make him happy. He likes threatening me that he'd report me to the immigration so they'd deport me. I asked him to buy me the airlines tickets but he never wanted to do it.

He said that by keeping my stuffs and money is to show me that he truly loves me. These ups and downs situations happens almost every week. After he blows out his anger on me, he'll be calm for a few days then it happens again.

In short, I finally got my conditional GC last April. We started the process in Jan. In those 3 months process, I think I told our immigration lawyer a few times to cancel it because I couldn't stand living with him, but with his fake charm he told them that I was just angry and everything should be continued.

For family matters I flew to my country in the beginning of this month planning to be there for 2 wks only. Just a couple of days I got there he accused me of cheating with men in my country, sent me so many angry emails saying h**ker, sl*t, b**ch and other bad names.

I tried not to reply to his emails because I was busy with my family there. I didn't let him ruin my days.

Then he threatened me that he'd report me to the immigration so I couldn't return back to the US. Fyi, I left my kids here because their AOS still pending. He withdrew all the money from our joint accts and told me that he'd sell/throw all my stuffs.

I felt so fed up. I told him that I'd file for a divorce because he can't scare me like this everytime he wants. He then said sorry. He admitted that he was drunk, but I didn't buy it anymore.

While I was in my country, I contacted as many immigration lawyers as possible whether I'd be able to return back to the US or not. I felt so much relieved that they all said it'd be okay.

I also found out that he used the money my parents sent to his acct for personal expenses (student loans, stock investments, etc) without telling me.

And now I'm back in LA, trying to find a place.

Yesterday he said that he gave me 2 days to get my stuffs out from our apt. And I'm only allowed to get my personal items, nothing more. I have many expensive items in our apt and he's selling those on Ebay.

He said if I don't do it, he'll discard them all by Monday.

I told him that I'd be able to do it before this month ends, but he said No.

Does he have a right to do it?

He also said that he'd tell the USCIS that our marriage was a fraud so they'd take my GC away.

Is it possible?

Does it have a right to take all the money out of our joint bank acct?

What should I do to get what I actually own?

He sends me emails at least 20 messages a day, from a sweet loving words to the angry harassing statements. I'm ignoring them all and trying to focus on how to solve these issues.

I'm planning to meet a divorce lawyer tomorrow, but this problems really haunt me.

Your advices are really needed.

Thank you so much.

[joonphon 7]

My question is why did your parents send money to his account? anyway... Save all the emails he sent to you.. You might need them later.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Hi VJers,

I hope you guys can help me how to solve my problems.

We were married last year after 1.5 yrs been together. It's not a happily ever after marriage, but we both tried to save our marriage by going to counselors eventhou it always ended up him having a hot argument with them because he didn't wanna accept what they said.

He's a US citizen and has a very bad temper. He controls everything. Even a small trash on the floor could make him so upset. My kids and I are afraid of him, but he can be so sweet sometimes.

I finally overstayed my visa because of him. He was afraid I wouldn't be able to return to the US because he put me in jail. He called a police on me for slapping his face once. I know it's really my fault, but I really couldn't stand it. He screamed, yelled at me and called me a h**ker in front of my kids. I was about to leave him at that time.

I actually tried many times to runaway, but he kept all my stuffs and didn't give me any money. Even the police couldn't help me to get my stuffs because the apt was under his name and he claimed everything was his.

Afraid my kids would starve to death and felt embarrassed my family would know about it, I tried my best to make him happy. He likes threatening me that he'd report me to the immigration so they'd deport me. I asked him to buy me the airlines tickets but he never wanted to do it.

He said that by keeping my stuffs and money is to show me that he truly loves me. These ups and downs situations happens almost every week. After he blows out his anger on me, he'll be calm for a few days then it happens again.

In short, I finally got my conditional GC last April. We started the process in Jan. In those 3 months process, I think I told our immigration lawyer a few times to cancel it because I couldn't stand living with him, but with his fake charm he told them that I was just angry and everything should be continued.

For family matters I flew to my country in the beginning of this month planning to be there for 2 wks only. Just a couple of days I got there he accused me of cheating with men in my country, sent me so many angry emails saying h**ker, sl*t, b**ch and other bad names.

I tried not to reply to his emails because I was busy with my family there. I didn't let him ruin my days.

Then he threatened me that he'd report me to the immigration so I couldn't return back to the US. Fyi, I left my kids here because their AOS still pending. He withdrew all the money from our joint accts and told me that he'd sell/throw all my stuffs.

I felt so fed up. I told him that I'd file for a divorce because he can't scare me like this everytime he wants. He then said sorry. He admitted that he was drunk, but I didn't buy it anymore.

While I was in my country, I contacted as many immigration lawyers as possible whether I'd be able to return back to the US or not. I felt so much relieved that they all said it'd be okay.

I also found out that he used the money my parents sent to his acct for personal expenses (student loans, stock investments, etc) without telling me.

And now I'm back in LA, trying to find a place.

Yesterday he said that he gave me 2 days to get my stuffs out from our apt. And I'm only allowed to get my personal items, nothing more. I have many expensive items in our apt and he's selling those on Ebay.

He said if I don't do it, he'll discard them all by Monday.

I told him that I'd be able to do it before this month ends, but he said No.

Does he have a right to do it?

He also said that he'd tell the USCIS that our marriage was a fraud so they'd take my GC away.

Is it possible?

Does it have a right to take all the money out of our joint bank acct?

What should I do to get what I actually own?

He sends me emails at least 20 messages a day, from a sweet loving words to the angry harassing statements. I'm ignoring them all and trying to focus on how to solve these issues.

I'm planning to meet a divorce lawyer tomorrow, but this problems really haunt me.

Your advices are really needed.

Thank you so much.

I've never read a clearer case for divorce.

Good luck to the kids.

[Truluv76 0]

Sorry that you are having to deal with this.

I have dealt with people like this before, Understand that it is just a form

of control what the abusive person does to the so called weaker one. It sounds like he is dealing with

BIPOLAR disorder (one minute nice and the next He blows up). I know their is two sides to a story so i try not to judge.

But if he is dealing with this, he will always have this problem to over come. I know that it is not fun having to live with one that changes mood in a mintue, it sounds like you are a strong person and i know that you will handle it the best way for you and most important for those Innocent kids. Dont let anyone tear your Down to bill themselfs up.

I only hope the best for

Take care

[luvmykids2012 1]

First because I was scared to have my own bank account. I had one before, but then I closed it because he told me that the immigration could find me for I overstayed my visa. So for 2 yrs, my parents transferred the money to his account. I opened the Ebay/paypal accounts also by using his name. I also sell authentic expensive handbags overseas. We even opened a company for this handbag business, but everything was under his name. He did help me a lot because I could use his credit cards for purchasing items and he drove me here and there also. But I thought he did it because he loved me, because I couldn't drive and because he didn't spend a penny for me and my kids.

After we got married last year, my parents sometimes transferred to his account and sometimes to our joint bank acct. He said because the IRS wouldn't be suspicious if the transferred would be split.

I have all the proofs (transfer slips that my parents did).

I still receive salary from my parents' companies. Eventhou I'm jobless here, I work for them, help them and the companies thru emails or calls.

Yes, I have saved all the emails. I told him to stop contacting or I'd call the police, but he just laughed at me and said I was stupid for doing it.

[Anh map 2,098]

Contact a family law attorney and begin divorce proceedings. The attorney can also advise you about obtaining your property from the home.

From what you are saying, there is no reason to delay.

[luvmykids2012 1]

Sorry that you are having to deal with this.

I have dealt with people like this before, Understand that it is just a form

of control what the abusive person does to the so called weaker one. It sounds like he is dealing with

BIPOLAR disorder (one minute nice and the next He blows up). I know their is two sides to a story so i try not to judge.

But if he is dealing with this, he will always have this problem to over come. I know that it is not fun having to live with one that changes mood in a mintue, it sounds like you are a strong person and i know that you will handle it the best way for you and most important for those Innocent kids. Dont let anyone tear your Down to bill themselfs up.

I only hope the best for

Take care

Thank you so much.

I just don't feel secured and safe around him. He still tries to beg me to come back, but I know the same things will happen again and again.

It's not right for my kids. He sometimes screamed and yelled at them just because the kids made a mess or because they tried to defend me.

I really dont mind the immigration takes away my GC because he was the reason why I overstayed my visa here, but does he have a right to take my everything?

How long usually does the divorce process take in California? I must change my name to my maiden name also because I used my marriage name (his last name) for all my documents here.

[DandT14 272]

I truly hope that your story is exaggerated. I feel so bad for your kids.

I know it's hard to leave stuff that's yours to some ####**le that doesn't deserve it. But if I were in your position, I'd scoop up my kids and get on the first plane back to my mother's. Starting over sucks, but I'd get as far away from that man as possible. He sounds dangerous. What good is a greencard if you have to live in fear?

[DandT14 272]

Thank you so much.

I just don't feel secured and safe around him. He still tries to beg me to come back, but I know the same things will happen again and again.

It's not right for my kids. He sometimes screamed and yelled at them just because the kids made a mess or because they tried to defend me.

I really dont mind the immigration takes away my GC because he was the reason why I overstayed my visa here, but does he have a right to take my everything?

How long usually does the divorce process take in California? I must change my name to my maiden name also because I used my marriage name (his last name) for all my documents here.

Divorce takes 6 months to become final, if no one contests. Once you file, he isn't supposed to do anything to your joint property without your consent, but that's difficult to enforce.

You can request to go back to your maiden name when the divorce is final. It's in the judgement paperwork.

Edited June 25, 2012 by DandT14

[luvmykids2012 1]

Contact a family law attorney and begin divorce proceedings. The attorney can also advise you about obtaining your property from the home.

From what you are saying, there is no reason to delay.

I'll meet the family law attorney (divorce lawyer) tomorrow.

My husband said if I didn't come and get my stuffs, he'd discard all my stuffs. How could he do that? Did anyone have this kind of experience before?

I've been back to the for 7 days, trying to find an apt. Right now we're staying in the motel.

First I thought I'd find a place first then take care this issues. However, because he threatened me that he'd throw away all my stuffs and report me to USCIS if I don't come back to him, I surely need a lawyer to handle this. I really know nothing about the US law. It scares me.

[luvmykids2012 1]

I truly hope that your story is exaggerated. I feel so bad for your kids.

I know it's hard to leave stuff that's yours to some ####**le that doesn't deserve it. But if I were in your position, I'd scoop up my kids and get on the first plane back to my mother's. Starting over sucks, but I'd get as far away from that man as possible. He sounds dangerous. What good is a greencard if you have to live in fear?

Yes, you're right.

That's what I have in mind.

I'll take the kids back to my country after I file the divorce.

There's no reason for me to live here. I thought and thought that he'd change for a better, but by the things he did (withdrew all the money, changed the ebay and paypal accounts and still threatened to report me to the immigration) I've made up my mind that I will not allow him to abuse me like this any longer.

[DandT14 272]

I'll meet the family law attorney (divorce lawyer) tomorrow.

My husband said if I didn't come and get my stuffs, he'd discard all my stuffs. How could he do that? Did anyone have this kind of experience before?

I've been back to the for 7 days, trying to find an apt. Right now we're staying in the motel.

First I thought I'd find a place first then take care this issues. However, because he threatened me that he'd throw away all my stuffs and report me to USCIS if I don't come back to him, I surely need a lawyer to handle this. I really know nothing about the US law. It scares me.

He's a bully, and bullies make threats to get what they want. I don't know what he'd be reporting you to USCIS for. Fraud? I'm sure they deal with angry ex-spouses pretty frequently.

As for your stuff, when I got divorced, An attorney told me I couldn't remove anything from the house without my husband's consent. He wouldn't give it, of course, because he didn't want me to leave. So I just left with nothing. I don't think anyone can stop your husband from destroying your stuff, which is also his stuff. The best you could hope for would be a judge to award you compensation as part of the divorce judgement.

[luvmykids2012 1]

Divorce takes 6 months to become final, if no one contests. Once you file, he isn't supposed to do anything to your joint property without your consent, but that's difficult to enforce.

You can request to go back to your maiden name when the divorce is final. It's in the judgement paperwork.

Thank you so much.

I'll keep it in mind.

[luvmykids2012 1]

He's a bully, and bullies make threats to get what they want. I don't know what he'd be reporting you to USCIS for. Fraud? I'm sure they deal with angry ex-spouses pretty frequently.

As for your stuff, when I got divorced, An attorney told me I couldn't remove anything from the house without my husband's consent. He wouldn't give it, of course, because he didn't want me to leave. So I just left with nothing. I don't think anyone can stop your husband from destroying your stuff, which is also his stuff. The best you could hope for would be a judge to award you compensation as part of the divorce judgement.

Thank you so much for your insights. I probably will do the same thing as you did.

I actually don't really care about my stuffs, but my documents. My friends and family told me to let him have it. It's for my own safety.

But my mind doesn't allow me to let him have all my stuffs when he never spends a penny on me.

We even bought our wedding rings from the money that my parents sent me. I just feel so stupid for letting this happen too long.

[DandT14 272]

Thank you so much for your insights. I probably will do the same thing as you did.

I actually don't really care about my stuffs, but my documents. My friends and family told me to let him have it. It's for my own safety.

But my mind doesn't allow me to let him have all my stuffs when he never spends a penny on me.

We even bought our wedding rings from the money that my parents sent me. I just feel so stupid for letting this happen too long.

Stupid would be putting yourself and your children in danger because of "stuff." Stuff is replaceable.

Your story is setting off alarm bells with me. It's too familiar (not my situation, but someone very close to me) and if your husband is anything like that man, it could get a lot worse. When someone like that doesn't get what they want, the threats escalate, and eventually they start carrying out the threats. It's not worth it, in my opinion.

I know the injustice stings. But you have to make the smartest choice.