America's Dumbest Congressmen

[one...two...tree 2,762]

By Holly Martins

CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES The 109th Congress busy doing nothing

Congress, as any CSPAN viewer can attest, has never been a bastion of intelligence. As far back as a century ago, Samuel Johnson was demeaning the nation's legislators as a "circus of rogues and fools." But when it comes to sheer stupidity, the men and women of the 109th have distinguished themselves as a breed apart.

Despite a notoriously compliant president and Republican majorities in both houses, they've spent over 600 days in session without conducting a shred of productive business, which is not to say they've just sat around. As the war in Iraq raged out of control, they futilely postured over an unconstitutional flag-burning amendment that was clearly destined to go up in flames. They rallied around the brain-dead Terry Schiavo after the Senate majority leader, watching her on television, claimed to detect signs of life. And their hijinks culminated this month with l'affaire Mark Foley, which raised the question of just who a guy needs to blow on the Hill to get the attention of the brain-dead House leadership.

But in a notably dumb year, perhaps the dumbest move came from Senate Majority Whip Mitch McConnell, who sponsored a bill seeking $20 million in taxpayer money for a party to celebrate America's victory in Iraq. Not long ago such flagrant obtuseness might have ensured the senator a place on our annual list of America's Dumbest Congressmen. Alas, given this year's stiff competition, he didn't even make runner-up.

Jim-Bunning-

BREAKING BALLS Sen. Jim Bunning balks himself into office

10. Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY)

Bunning is a Hall of Fame pitcher who, during his eight years in office, has shown "little interest in legislation that doesn't concern baseball," writes Time magazine. And Kentucky doesn't even have a major-league baseball team. His campaign style is so completely unhinged that political observers openly speculated in 2004 that the then-73-year-old was suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's. "His is a tragic case of descent into senility," says one Hill staffer, "except without the 'descent' bit." To scotch the rumors, Bunning was forced to hold a press conference and offer up doctor's reports.

Among his antics that year: Telling a group of GOP fundraisers that his Italian-American opponent, Daniel Mongiardo, physically resembled Saddam Hussein's sons, Uday and Qusay; referring on the stump to the tragic terror attacks of November 11, 2001; and adding a federal security detail to his campaign in the firm conviction that members of Al Qaeda—the masterminds of November 11—had targeted him for elimination. ("There may be strangers among us," he darkly informed a Paducah TV crew.)

The piece de resistance, though, was a debate with Mongiardo: Bunning notified event organizers at the eleventh hour that he was tied up with legislative business in Washington and would have to participate via satellite. During the event it was painfully obvious that the incumbent was delivering his debate points with the aid of a teleprompter, violating the event's ground rules. And whatever urgent business Bunning claimed to be in town for couldn't have had anything to do with his job—the Senate had gone into recess the previous Monday.

Patrick-Kennedy-

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL Rep. Patrick Kennedy is no roads scholar

9. Representative Patrick Kennedy (D-RI)

This May, the tow-headed son of the ruddy senior senator from Massachusetts plowed his car into a barrier—and himself into infamy—while under the spell of an Ambien-fueled hallucination. He then attempted to convince Capitol police he was late for a floor vote at 3 o'clock in the morning. When the story broke, Kennedy played the recovery card, announcing that he suffered from depression and addiction—to sleep aids and painkillers—and would seek treatment at the Mayo Clinic. Twenty-four hours later the man who had barreled down D.C.'s power boulevards in a runaway Mustang convertible (with the lights off) presented himself as a role model: "I hope my openness today and in the past, and my acknowledgment that I need help, will give others the courage to get help, if they need it."

In 1988, during his maiden campaign for Rhode Island's state legislature, Kennedy was stumped when radio callers asked him for the location of his campaign headquarters. And once elected, he brandished his signature lucidity on the House floor, where he lamented middle-class America's inability to "make mends meet."

Despite a cameo appearance in the Palm Beach date-rape allegation that landed his cousin William in the tabloids, Kennedy handily won a House seat in 1994. So he had a few years to warm up for the Lewinsky hearings, which he likened to "pulling a fire alarm in a crowded room." He was ably prepared to comment, having developed a close familiarity with the Constitution: "I myself have educated myself about the severity of the Articles of Impeachment, and I want to share with my colleagues and the American people some of the thoughts that I have learned."

Conrad-Burns-

THE ETHNICIST When Sen. Conrad Burns opens his mouth, America winces

8. Senator Conrad Burns (R-MT)

Burns, Jack Abramoff"s favorite Senate bag man, raked in a cool $137,000 in tribal casino money for his political action committee, a congressional record. In exchange, he pushed through a $3 million earmark on behalf of the Saginaw Chippewas in the form of an education grant the wealthy tribe neither wanted nor needed. But in his current re-election campaign against Montana State Sen. John Tester, Burns reminded Big Sky voters why he was a civic embarrassment long before Abramoff came courting. One favorite was his reference, in an immigration speech, to the "nice little Guatemalan man" who does yardwork around his estate (the long-suffering Burns press office was forced to issue a follow-up statement clarifying the cute little brown fella's legal status).

Casting his myopic gaze toward terrorism this summer, Burns offered a helpful clue to law enforcement officials: Be wary of "faceless" Arabs who "drive taxicabs by day and kill at night." But this minor bit of sociological skylarking actually represents progress, of sorts, considering his 1999 outburst blaming "ragheads" for rising gas prices and additional episodes in 1994 in which he delivered a casual joke from the podium about "niggers" and told another audience that living in Washington with so many blacks "is quite a challenge."

But he saved some scorn for the working class, too. This summer, Burns incautiously told a team of firefighters who had been battling a raging Montana wildfire that they did a "piss poor job" and that one in particular "hadn't done a goddamned thing." He then wrote a public letter to governor Brian Schweitzer requesting that he declare a state of emergency. Schweitzer had done so 45 days earlier.

Cynthia-McKinney-

IT TAKES A VILLAGE IDIOT Rep. Cynthia McKinney inspires fear and loathing

7. Representative Cynthia McKinney (D-GA)

With her famously bad hair and even worse manners, Cynthia McKinney has long cut a slightly ridiculous figure on Capitol Hill. But this year she went to new extremes. First there was her notorious encounter with a Capitol Hill police officer who dared to ask her for ID. After brazenly ignoring several polite requests, the caterwauling congresswoman responded by walloping the officer in the chest. During the ensuing fracas she complained that she was persecuted for "being in Congress while black." But what really cemented her position at No. 7 was her frivolous threat to sue the Atlanta Journal-Constitution for defamation over an editorial that decried her light record of legislative achievement. "She doesn't have the power or prestige to pass a resolution in favor of sweetened iced tea," the paper opined. McKinney fought back by proudly producing a survey that ranked her as the 277th most effective legislator in the House. In fact the survey, by congress.org, placed her at 408.

The embarrassing incident didn't end her absurd fatwa against the paper. When the Journal-Constitution published a poll showing her opponent in this year's primary with a commanding lead, McKinney went ballistic again. "We have notified them of their libelist [sic] writing," she said, darkly. A few days later she lost by 20 points. Now she's preparing another lawsuit charging that Johnson's runaway victory was the result of compromised voting machines.

Among the many constituencies that will welcome McKinney's departure are Atlanta's Jews: Her fractious relationship with the community dates back to 1992, when her father denounced her then opponent as a "racist Jew." Two years later, she refused to denounce the anti-Semitic rantings of a Farrakhan aide, and, in 2001, one of her own aides was forced to resign after calling congress an "Israel-occupied territory." When Rudy Giuliani returned a $10 million 9/11 donation from Saudi Prince Al-Waweed bin Talal, who blamed the attack on the U.S. relationship with Israel, McKinney took it upon herself to write a letter of apology to the prince. And at her concession speech in August, when a staffer was inadvertently struck by a microphone, McKinney supporters not only beat up the reporters on hand, they hurled gems like: "You know what led to this loss? Israel ... Zionists! Put your yarmulke on your head and celebrate." Oy.

Jean-Schmidt

TOUGH SCHMIDT Rep. Jean Schmidt leaves a stream of civilian casualties in her wake

6. Representative Jean Schmidt (R-OH)

"Mean" Jean Schmidt blazed her way into congressional history last year by using her first-ever floor speech to paint Rep. John Murtha, a decorated Marine Corps vet, as a coward, provoking a chorus of jeers and calls for her expulsion (for violating a longstanding rule against personal attacks from the floor.) Adding insult to injury, the Marine to whom she'd attributed the statement denied ever making it. Eventually, the red-faced rep was forced to apologize and begged for her witless remarks to be stricken from the Congressional Record.

But crass vet-baiting seems to be a conditioned reflex for Schmidt. In last spring's hard-fought special election campaign against Democrat Paul Hackett, an Iraq war vet, her staff publicly suggested that his combat record did not qualify him to hold office. Which is not to say she isn't above exploiting American soldiers for her own political benefit: Witness a recent debate with her GOP primary opponents to which Schmidt arrived 40 minutes late with the explanation that she had been comforting a dead Marine's family—and her cringe-worthy demand that the crowd then join hands in prayer.

Meanwhile, here's a taste of how she characterizes the mindset of Iraqi civilians. "The Iraqi's perception is that we're all powerful," Schmidt wrote in a recent newsletter, offering her thumbnail portrait of the noble savages. "We watch them from space with technology they cannot even imagine ... They know we can do anything." If only.

Barbara-Boxer

VEGETATIVE STATE Sen. Barbara Boxer caught in a fruity deep thought

5. Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA)

Boxer is a limousine liberal running a few gallons short of a full tank. After convening a Democratic press event at a gas station to publicize high oil prices and accuse Bush and Cheney of being too cozy with the oil industry, California's junior senator "hopped into a waiting Chrysler (18 MPG)," noted the Washington Post, "even though her Senate office was only a block away."

Then there are Bab's manglings of diction and logic, such as this chestnut: "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God I'm still alive.' But of course those who died, their lives will never be the same again." Boxer's most egregious crimes against language are on florid display in her self-infatuated novel A Time to Run, which features a California senator embarking on a bold, maverick crusade to protect children from violence. One passage describes "a magical time when the three of them caught the rainbow, found the pot of gold beneath it, and managed to forget how easily and swiftly that fairy gold could slip away." And then there's the ghastly way Boxer envisions a lustful courtship: "Her skirt was very short, and Josh found himself mesmerized by her perfectly shaped, silken legs with kneecaps that reminded him of golden apples—he couldn't remember having been captivated by kneecaps before—and her lustrous thighs."

J.D.-Hayworth

MEET THE PUTZ Rep. J.D. Hayworth (left) looks as dumb as he is

4. Representative J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ)

After a long tour as a Sunbelt TV sportscaster, Hayworth rode the 1994 Republican revolution into office, where he started things off by telling a group of environmental activists that untrammeled logging was a conservation measure because forests are a fire hazard. He distributed leaflets on the House floor accusing Maryland Democrat Steny Hoyer of promoting "sex training for federal employees," planning to indoctrinate them into drug use, and pushing New Age cult worship, all because of a proposal to extend health coverage for abortions under dire circumstances. And the amendment Hayworth was protesting so absurdly wasn't Hoyer's at all—it was actually the work of Hayworth's fellow Republican, Rep. Ron Packard of California.

Over the years, he racked up more than $150,000 from Jack Abramoff's clients, $64,520 in the last election cycle alone, second in the House only to Majority Leader Dennis Hastert. Alone among Congress members, though, Hayworth has refused to return any of the tainted funds, offering only this rationale: the donors don't want the money back.

Hayworth's dimness is so legendary on the Hill that one Arizona colleague told a reporter that he's a textbook example of the power of gerrymandering because of his continued ability to get re-elected despite saying "any foolish thing." Recently he put that thesis to the test, openly approving the nativist writings of the anti-Semitic auto baron Henry Ford and repeatedly mis-stating a reporter's first and last name during an interview. Of course, Hayworth is a strong supporter of "English only" bills, proving yet again the adage that those who can't do, legislate.

James-Inhofe

FOSSIL FOOL Sen. James Inhofe's presence on Capitol Hill is an inconvenient truth

3. Senator James Inhofe (R-OK)

Inhofe is best known for his categorical claim that global warming is "the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people"—a rhetorical flourish he recently refined by likening climate change theories to Nazi propaganda. And here's the scary part: Those are the sentiments of our chairman of the Environment and Public Works Committee. It's a bit like making Lyndon LaRouche the American Ambassador to England.

But that's not the half of it. As far back as 1972, he called for Democratic presidential nominee George McGovern to be "hanged with Jane Fonda" for referring to alleged atrocities committed by American troops in Vietnam. In 2001, he took to the Senate floor to announce that Israel was justified in whatever treatment it handed out to Palestinians because, after all, God had promised the Jews the land they occupied. For good measure, he also called Palestinian terror bombers practitioners of "satanic evil," and intimated to the New Republic that both Bill and Hillary Clinton were out to assassinate him.

And then there was the recent debate over the latest constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, when Inhofe assured Senate colleagues of his own virility and that of his manly forbearers. "My wife and I have been married 47 years. We have 20 kids and grandkids. I'm really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we've never had a divorce or a homosexual relationship." It's the same flawless gene pool that produced a man who thinks our situation in Iraq is "nothing short of a miracle."

Don-Young

PORKY PIG Rep. Donald Young likes to make you squeal

2. Representative Donald Young (R-AK)

The scene: Fairbanks, Alaska, 1994. Congressman Don Young, already in office for 20 years, is on the stump preaching the virtues of Newt Gingrich's Republican revolution to a group of high school students. Just look at all the wasteful things the federal government does with taxpayers' money, he tells them. The National Endowment for the Arts, for example, funds art involving "people doing offensive things ... things that are absolutely ridiculous." One student asks, "Like what?"

"Buttfucking," replies the great scourge of obscenity and instructor of youth.

Young's performance remains a classic in the annals of congressional idiocy, offering that rare, supremely unselfconscious moment in which one of our nation's legislative solons lets his addled mind graze freely. But the real irony of this legendary gaffe is that the congressman lecturing on government waste was the very same man who, years later, would be responsible for Alaska's fabled "Bridge to Nowhere," a $233 million project constructed entirely of pork. And it's the same man who, when asked about his state's outrageous $941 million transportation bill, boasted "I stuffed it like a turkey," before adding that detractors of the bridge—equal in length to the Golden Gate but connecting to a town with a population of 50—could "kiss my ear."

Katherine-Harris

SYBIL SERVANT Representative Katherine Harris is the biggest ####### on the Hill

1.Representative Katherine Harris (R-FL)

If dumb Congress members were the X-Men, Harris would be their Wolverine—a mutant possessing fearsome skills, the product of a demented government experiment gone horribly wrong. Back in 2000, the then-Florida secretary of state thrust herself into the national spotlight by peremptorily calling the state for George W. Bush. Of course, the longtime crony of Bush's brother Jeb was also Florida's GOP campaign chair. Two years later, after she won her seat in the House, Harris wasted no time becoming a by-the-numbers culture warrior. But she really hit her stride on the campaign trail. Running for re-election in 2004, she told voters in Venice, Florida, that a "Middle Eastern" man had been arrested for trying to blow up the power grid of Carmel, Indiana. Neither the mayor of Carmel nor the governor of Indiana—nor anyone else acquainted with reality—had any idea what Harris was talking about.

Florida Republicans responded with sound skepticism when Harris put herself forward to face off against Democratic Senate incumbent Bill Nelson in 2006. But Harris was undaunted, allegedly telling campaign consultant Ed Rollins that God had asked her to run for Senate.

Nevertheless, the Supreme Being seems to have other plans for Florida Republicans—and especially for Harris's campaign team. Team Harris has hemorrhaged more than 25 senior staff and consultants, Rollins among them, over the past year. They rush for the exits every time there's a fresh report on Harris's shady dealing: her $2,800 dinner with MZM defense contractor (and Duke Cunningham's lubricator in chief) Mitchell Wade, who reportedly vowed to kick in $200,000 for a Harris fundraiser; her withdrawal of $100,000 from her campaign coffers to pay for repairs to her house; news that the FBI is collecting her campaign e-mails for review; and her decision to conceal from her lead staffer a federal subpoena concerning the abuses.

Need more? There was the surreal appearance on Hannity & Colmes during which Harris stood in profile for the entirety of her softball interview, seemingly intending to showcase her pronounced dé colletage to Fox News viewers. There was Harris's whisper campaign after the increasingly desperate state GOP reportedly approached former congressman and cable-host Joe Scarborough to run against her and that Scarborough had a "dead intern problem." Mainly, though, there's her Stalin-esque management style, which includes attacking staffers for such trespasses as procuring the wrong kind of candy, or for screwing up her Starbuck's order (extra-hot low-foam nonfat venti triple lattes with one packet of Sweet-n-Low). It's the sort of unhinged megalomania that makes us giddy. At one point, Harris's battered staffers tested her by submitting a two-month old speech she had written herself: She pronounced it "terrible." Unfortunately, early polls suggest our No. 1 pick won't be around to entertain us much longer. Enjoy her while you can.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

link?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

link?

http://www.radaronline.com/features/2006/1...cial_report.php

[Saddle Bronc 124]

By Holly Martins

CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES The 109th Congress busy doing nothing

Congress, as any CSPAN viewer can attest, has never been a bastion of intelligence. As far back as a century ago, Samuel Johnson was demeaning the nation's legislators as a "circus of rogues and fools." But when it comes to sheer stupidity, the men and women of the 109th have distinguished themselves as a breed apart.

Despite a notoriously compliant president and Republican majorities in both houses, they've spent over 600 days in session without conducting a shred of productive business, which is not to say they've just sat around. As the war in Iraq raged out of control, they futilely postured over an unconstitutional flag-burning amendment that was clearly destined to go up in flames. They rallied around the brain-dead Terry Schiavo after the Senate majority leader, watching her on television, claimed to detect signs of life. And their hijinks culminated this month with l'affaire Mark Foley, which raised the question of just who a guy needs to blow on the Hill to get the attention of the brain-dead House leadership.

But in a notably dumb year, perhaps the dumbest move came from Senate Majority Whip Mitch McConnell, who sponsored a bill seeking $20 million in taxpayer money for a party to celebrate America's victory in Iraq. Not long ago such flagrant obtuseness might have ensured the senator a place on our annual list of America's Dumbest Congressmen. Alas, given this year's stiff competition, he didn't even make runner-up.

Jim-Bunning-

BREAKING BALLS Sen. Jim Bunning balks himself into office

10. Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY)

Bunning is a Hall of Fame pitcher who, during his eight years in office, has shown "little interest in legislation that doesn't concern baseball," writes Time magazine. And Kentucky doesn't even have a major-league baseball team. His campaign style is so completely unhinged that political observers openly speculated in 2004 that the then-73-year-old was suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's. "His is a tragic case of descent into senility," says one Hill staffer, "except without the 'descent' bit." To scotch the rumors, Bunning was forced to hold a press conference and offer up doctor's reports.

Among his antics that year: Telling a group of GOP fundraisers that his Italian-American opponent, Daniel Mongiardo, physically resembled Saddam Hussein's sons, Uday and Qusay; referring on the stump to the tragic terror attacks of November 11, 2001; and adding a federal security detail to his campaign in the firm conviction that members of Al Qaeda—the masterminds of November 11—had targeted him for elimination. ("There may be strangers among us," he darkly informed a Paducah TV crew.)

The piece de resistance, though, was a debate with Mongiardo: Bunning notified event organizers at the eleventh hour that he was tied up with legislative business in Washington and would have to participate via satellite. During the event it was painfully obvious that the incumbent was delivering his debate points with the aid of a teleprompter, violating the event's ground rules. And whatever urgent business Bunning claimed to be in town for couldn't have had anything to do with his job—the Senate had gone into recess the previous Monday.

Patrick-Kennedy-

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL Rep. Patrick Kennedy is no roads scholar

9. Representative Patrick Kennedy (D-RI)

This May, the tow-headed son of the ruddy senior senator from Massachusetts plowed his car into a barrier—and himself into infamy—while under the spell of an Ambien-fueled hallucination. He then attempted to convince Capitol police he was late for a floor vote at 3 o'clock in the morning. When the story broke, Kennedy played the recovery card, announcing that he suffered from depression and addiction—to sleep aids and painkillers—and would seek treatment at the Mayo Clinic. Twenty-four hours later the man who had barreled down D.C.'s power boulevards in a runaway Mustang convertible (with the lights off) presented himself as a role model: "I hope my openness today and in the past, and my acknowledgment that I need help, will give others the courage to get help, if they need it."

In 1988, during his maiden campaign for Rhode Island's state legislature, Kennedy was stumped when radio callers asked him for the location of his campaign headquarters. And once elected, he brandished his signature lucidity on the House floor, where he lamented middle-class America's inability to "make mends meet."

Despite a cameo appearance in the Palm Beach date-rape allegation that landed his cousin William in the tabloids, Kennedy handily won a House seat in 1994. So he had a few years to warm up for the Lewinsky hearings, which he likened to "pulling a fire alarm in a crowded room." He was ably prepared to comment, having developed a close familiarity with the Constitution: "I myself have educated myself about the severity of the Articles of Impeachment, and I want to share with my colleagues and the American people some of the thoughts that I have learned."

Conrad-Burns-

THE ETHNICIST When Sen. Conrad Burns opens his mouth, America winces

8. Senator Conrad Burns (R-MT)

Burns, Jack Abramoff"s favorite Senate bag man, raked in a cool $137,000 in tribal casino money for his political action committee, a congressional record. In exchange, he pushed through a $3 million earmark on behalf of the Saginaw Chippewas in the form of an education grant the wealthy tribe neither wanted nor needed . But in his current re-election campaign against Montana State Sen. John Tester, Burns reminded Big Sky voters why he was a civic embarrassment long before Abramoff came courting. One favorite was his reference, in an immigration speech, to the "nice little Guatemalan man" who does yardwork around his estate (the long-suffering Burns press office was forced to issue a follow-up statement clarifying the cute little brown fella's legal status).

Casting his myopic gaze toward terrorism this summer, Burns offered a helpful clue to law enforcement officials: Be wary of "faceless" Arabs who "drive taxicabs by day and kill at night." But this minor bit of sociological skylarking actually represents progress, of sorts, considering his 1999 outburst blaming "ragheads" for rising gas prices and additional episodes in 1994 in which he delivered a casual joke from the podium about "niggers" and told another audience that living in Washington with so many blacks "is quite a challenge."

But he saved some scorn for the working class, too. This summer, Burns incautiously told a team of firefighters who had been battling a raging Montana wildfire that they did a "piss poor job" and that one in particular "hadn't done a goddamned thing." He then wrote a public letter to governor Brian Schweitzer requesting that he declare a state of emergency. Schweitzer had done so 45 days earlier.

Now that's really pushing an earmark--in (unwanted, unnecessary) favour to a group who aren't even his constituents. Saginaw is in MI, and Montana's tribe list does not include Objiwa (termed by the article as Chippewa).

Cynthia-McKinney-

IT TAKES A VILLAGE IDIOT Rep. Cynthia McKinney inspires fear and loathing

7. Representative Cynthia McKinney (D-GA)

With her famously bad hair and even worse manners, Cynthia McKinney has long cut a slightly ridiculous figure on Capitol Hill. But this year she went to new extremes. First there was her notorious encounter with a Capitol Hill police officer who dared to ask her for ID. After brazenly ignoring several polite requests, the caterwauling congresswoman responded by walloping the officer in the chest. During the ensuing fracas she complained that she was persecuted for "being in Congress while black." But what really cemented her position at No. 7 was her frivolous threat to sue the Atlanta Journal-Constitution for defamation over an editorial that decried her light record of legislative achievement. "She doesn't have the power or prestige to pass a resolution in favor of sweetened iced tea," the paper opined. McKinney fought back by proudly producing a survey that ranked her as the 277th most effective legislator in the House. In fact the survey, by congress.org, placed her at 408.

The embarrassing incident didn't end her absurd fatwa against the paper. When the Journal-Constitution published a poll showing her opponent in this year's primary with a commanding lead, McKinney went ballistic again. "We have notified them of their libelist [sic] writing," she said, darkly. A few days later she lost by 20 points. Now she's preparing another lawsuit charging that Johnson's runaway victory was the result of compromised voting machines.

Among the many constituencies that will welcome McKinney's departure are Atlanta's Jews: Her fractious relationship with the community dates back to 1992, when her father denounced her then opponent as a "racist Jew." Two years later, she refused to denounce the anti-Semitic rantings of a Farrakhan aide, and, in 2001, one of her own aides was forced to resign after calling congress an "Israel-occupied territory." When Rudy Giuliani returned a $10 million 9/11 donation from Saudi Prince Al-Waweed bin Talal, who blamed the attack on the U.S. relationship with Israel, McKinney took it upon herself to write a letter of apology to the prince. And at her concession speech in August, when a staffer was inadvertently struck by a microphone, McKinney supporters not only beat up the reporters on hand, they hurled gems like: "You know what led to this loss? Israel ... Zionists! Put your yarmulke on your head and celebrate." Oy.

Jean-Schmidt

TOUGH SCHMIDT Rep. Jean Schmidt leaves a stream of civilian casualties in her wake

6. Representative Jean Schmidt (R-OH)

"Mean" Jean Schmidt blazed her way into congressional history last year by using her first-ever floor speech to paint Rep. John Murtha, a decorated Marine Corps vet, as a coward, provoking a chorus of jeers and calls for her expulsion (for violating a longstanding rule against personal attacks from the floor.) Adding insult to injury, the Marine to whom she'd attributed the statement denied ever making it. Eventually, the red-faced rep was forced to apologize and begged for her witless remarks to be stricken from the Congressional Record.

But crass vet-baiting seems to be a conditioned reflex for Schmidt. In last spring's hard-fought special election campaign against Democrat Paul Hackett, an Iraq war vet, her staff publicly suggested that his combat record did not qualify him to hold office. Which is not to say she isn't above exploiting American soldiers for her own political benefit: Witness a recent debate with her GOP primary opponents to which Schmidt arrived 40 minutes late with the explanation that she had been comforting a dead Marine's family—and her cringe-worthy demand that the crowd then join hands in prayer.

Meanwhile, here's a taste of how she characterizes the mindset of Iraqi civilians. "The Iraqi's perception is that we're all powerful," Schmidt wrote in a recent newsletter, offering her thumbnail portrait of the noble savages. "We watch them from space with technology they cannot even imagine ... They know we can do anything." If only.

Barbara-Boxer

VEGETATIVE STATE Sen. Barbara Boxer caught in a fruity deep thought

5. Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA)

Boxer is a limousine liberal running a few gallons short of a full tank. After convening a Democratic press event at a gas station to publicize high oil prices and accuse Bush and Cheney of being too cozy with the oil industry, California's junior senator "hopped into a waiting Chrysler (18 MPG)," noted the Washington Post, "even though her Senate office was only a block away."

Then there are Bab's manglings of diction and logic, such as this chestnut: "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God I'm still alive.' But of course those who died, their lives will never be the same again." Boxer's most egregious crimes against language are on florid display in her self-infatuated novel A Time to Run, which features a California senator embarking on a bold, maverick crusade to protect children from violence. One passage describes "a magical time when the three of them caught the rainbow, found the pot of gold beneath it, and managed to forget how easily and swiftly that fairy gold could slip away." And then there's the ghastly way Boxer envisions a lustful courtship: "Her skirt was very short, and Josh found himself mesmerized by her perfectly shaped, silken legs with kneecaps that reminded him of golden apples—he couldn't remember having been captivated by kneecaps before—and her lustrous thighs."

J.D.-Hayworth

MEET THE PUTZ Rep. J.D. Hayworth (left) looks as dumb as he is

4. Representative J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ)

After a long tour as a Sunbelt TV sportscaster, Hayworth rode the 1994 Republican revolution into office, where he started things off by telling a group of environmental activists that untrammeled logging was a conservation measure because forests are a fire hazard. He distributed leaflets on the House floor accusing Maryland Democrat Steny Hoyer of promoting "sex training for federal employees," planning to indoctrinate them into drug use, and pushing New Age cult worship, all because of a proposal to extend health coverage for abortions under dire circumstances. And the amendment Hayworth was protesting so absurdly wasn't Hoyer's at all—it was actually the work of Hayworth's fellow Republican, Rep. Ron Packard of California.

Over the years, he racked up more than $150,000 from Jack Abramoff's clients, $64,520 in the last election cycle alone, second in the House only to Majority Leader Dennis Hastert. Alone among Congress members, though, Hayworth has refused to return any of the tainted funds, offering only this rationale: the donors don't want the money back.

Hayworth's dimness is so legendary on the Hill that one Arizona colleague told a reporter that he's a textbook example of the power of gerrymandering because of his continued ability to get re-elected despite saying "any foolish thing." Recently he put that thesis to the test, openly approving the nativist writings of the anti-Semitic auto baron Henry Ford and repeatedly mis-stating a reporter's first and last name during an interview. Of course, Hayworth is a strong supporter of "English only" bills, proving yet again the adage that those who can't do, legislate.

James-Inhofe

FOSSIL FOOL Sen. James Inhofe's presence on Capitol Hill is an inconvenient truth

3. Senator James Inhofe (R-OK)

Inhofe is best known for his categorical claim that global warming is "the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people"—a rhetorical flourish he recently refined by likening climate change theories to Nazi propaganda. And here's the scary part: Those are the sentiments of our chairman of the Environment and Public Works Committee. It's a bit like making Lyndon LaRouche the American Ambassador to England.

But that's not the half of it. As far back as 1972, he called for Democratic presidential nominee George McGovern to be "hanged with Jane Fonda" for referring to alleged atrocities committed by American troops in Vietnam. In 2001, he took to the Senate floor to announce that Israel was justified in whatever treatment it handed out to Palestinians because, after all, God had promised the Jews the land they occupied. For good measure, he also called Palestinian terror bombers practitioners of "satanic evil," and intimated to the New Republic that both Bill and Hillary Clinton were out to assassinate him.

And then there was the recent debate over the latest constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, when Inhofe assured Senate colleagues of his own virility and that of his manly forbearers. "My wife and I have been married 47 years. We have 20 kids and grandkids. I'm really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we've never had a divorce or a homosexual relationship." It's the same flawless gene pool that produced a man who thinks our situation in Iraq is "nothing short of a miracle."

Don-Young

PORKY PIG Rep. Donald Young likes to make you squeal

2. Representative Donald Young (R-AK)

The scene: Fairbanks, Alaska, 1994. Congressman Don Young, already in office for 20 years, is on the stump preaching the virtues of Newt Gingrich's Republican revolution to a group of high school students. Just look at all the wasteful things the federal government does with taxpayers' money, he tells them. The National Endowment for the Arts, for example, funds art involving "people doing offensive things ... things that are absolutely ridiculous." One student asks, "Like what?"

"Buttfucking," replies the great scourge of obscenity and instructor of youth.

Young's performance remains a classic in the annals of congressional idiocy, offering that rare, supremely unselfconscious moment in which one of our nation's legislative solons lets his addled mind graze freely. But the real irony of this legendary gaffe is that the congressman lecturing on government waste was the very same man who, years later, would be responsible for Alaska's fabled "Bridge to Nowhere," a $233 million project constructed entirely of pork. And it's the same man who, when asked about his state's outrageous $941 million transportation bill, boasted "I stuffed it like a turkey," before adding that detractors of the bridge—equal in length to the Golden Gate but connecting to a town with a population of 50—could "kiss my ear."

Katherine-Harris

SYBIL SERVANT Representative Katherine Harris is the biggest ####### on the Hill

1.Representative Katherine Harris (R-FL)

If dumb Congress members were the X-Men, Harris would be their Wolverine—a mutant possessing fearsome skills, the product of a demented government experiment gone horribly wrong. Back in 2000, the then-Florida secretary of state thrust herself into the national spotlight by peremptorily calling the state for George W. Bush. Of course, the longtime crony of Bush's brother Jeb was also Florida's GOP campaign chair. Two years later, after she won her seat in the House, Harris wasted no time becoming a by-the-numbers culture warrior. But she really hit her stride on the campaign trail. Running for re-election in 2004, she told voters in Venice, Florida, that a "Middle Eastern" man had been arrested for trying to blow up the power grid of Carmel, Indiana. Neither the mayor of Carmel nor the governor of Indiana—nor anyone else acquainted with reality—had any idea what Harris was talking about.

Florida Republicans responded with sound skepticism when Harris put herself forward to face off against Democratic Senate incumbent Bill Nelson in 2006. But Harris was undaunted, allegedly telling campaign consultant Ed Rollins that God had asked her to run for Senate.

Nevertheless, the Supreme Being seems to have other plans for Florida Republicans—and especially for Harris's campaign team. Team Harris has hemorrhaged more than 25 senior staff and consultants, Rollins among them, over the past year. They rush for the exits every time there's a fresh report on Harris's shady dealing: her $2,800 dinner with MZM defense contractor (and Duke Cunningham's lubricator in chief) Mitchell Wade, who reportedly vowed to kick in $200,000 for a Harris fundraiser; her withdrawal of $100,000 from her campaign coffers to pay for repairs to her house; news that the FBI is collecting her campaign e-mails for review; and her decision to conceal from her lead staffer a federal subpoena concerning the abuses.

Need more? There was the surreal appearance on Hannity & Colmes during which Harris stood in profile for the entirety of her softball interview, seemingly intending to showcase her pronounced dé colletage to Fox News viewers. There was Harris's whisper campaign after the increasingly desperate state GOP reportedly approached former congressman and cable-host Joe Scarborough to run against her and that Scarborough had a "dead intern problem." Mainly, though, there's her Stalin-esque management style, which includes attacking staffers for such trespasses as procuring the wrong kind of candy, or for screwing up her Starbuck's order (extra-hot low-foam nonfat venti triple lattes with one packet of Sweet-n-Low). It's the sort of unhinged megalomania that makes us giddy. At one point, Harris's battered staffers tested her by submitting a two-month old speech she had written herself: She pronounced it "terrible." Unfortunately, early polls suggest our No. 1 pick won't be around to entertain us much longer. Enjoy her while you can.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

By Holly Martins

Conrad-Burns-

THE ETHNICIST When Sen. Conrad Burns opens his mouth, America winces

8. Senator Conrad Burns (R-MT)

Burns, Jack Abramoff"s favorite Senate bag man, raked in a cool $137,000 in tribal casino money for his political action committee, a congressional record. In exchange, he pushed through a $3 million earmark on behalf of the Saginaw Chippewas in the form of an education grant the wealthy tribe neither wanted nor needed . But in his current re-election campaign against Montana State Sen. John Tester, Burns reminded Big Sky voters why he was a civic embarrassment long before Abramoff came courting. One favorite was his reference, in an immigration speech, to the "nice little Guatemalan man" who does yardwork around his estate (the long-suffering Burns press office was forced to issue a follow-up statement clarifying the cute little brown fella's legal status).

Casting his myopic gaze toward terrorism this summer, Burns offered a helpful clue to law enforcement officials: Be wary of "faceless" Arabs who "drive taxicabs by day and kill at night." But this minor bit of sociological skylarking actually represents progress, of sorts, considering his 1999 outburst blaming "ragheads" for rising gas prices and additional episodes in 1994 in which he delivered a casual joke from the podium about "niggers" and told another audience that living in Washington with so many blacks "is quite a challenge."

But he saved some scorn for the working class, too. This summer, Burns incautiously told a team of firefighters who had been battling a raging Montana wildfire that they did a "piss poor job" and that one in particular "hadn't done a goddamned thing." He then wrote a public letter to governor Brian Schweitzer requesting that he declare a state of emergency. Schweitzer had done so 45 days earlier.

Now that's really pushing an earmark--in (unwanted, unnecessary) favour to a group who aren't even his constituents. Saginaw is in MI, and Montana's tribe list does not include Objiwa (termed by the article as Chippewa).

Tribal school

In January 2003, an attempt by the two senators from Michigan to get money for a school of the Saginaw Chippewa Tribe of Michigan, an Abramoff client and one of the wealthiest tribes in the country (each member gets $70,000 per year from gambling profits), was unsuccessful. The Bureau of Indian Affairs said the tribe's school wasn't eligible, based on the authorizing statute for the program. The tribe, and Abramoff, its lobbyist, then began working with Burns. Abramoff's lobbying team had strong connections with Burns's staff. Among their ranks was Shawn Vasell, an Appropriations aide who shuttled back and forth between jobs on Burns's staff and Abramoff's shop. Ryan Thomas, another Burns appropriations staffer, and Burns's chief of staff, Will M. Brooke, were treated to a trip to the 2001 Super Bowl in Florida on a corporate jet leased by Abramoff's team.[14]

In May 2003, Burns and his counterpart, Charles Taylor, the chairman of the House Interior Subcommittee, sent a letter to the Interior Department, arguing the Saginaw Chippewa's case.[15] But the department and the bureau remained firm in their refusal. In late October of 2003, just before the final vote on the Interior appropriations bill, Burns inserted a paragraph - an earmark - in the bill's conference report. It lifted previous restrictions and directed that the Saginaw Chippewa Indians be given $3 million for their tribal school.[16] After initially claiming credit for the appropriation Burns subsequently denied knowledge of it, "A lot of things happened that I didn't know about. It shouldn't have happened, but it did."

The tribe donated $32,000 to Burns from 2001 to 2003.[17]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conrad_Burns

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Tribal school

In January 2003, an attempt by the two senators from Michigan to get money for a school of the Saginaw Chippewa Tribe of Michigan, an Abramoff client and one of the wealthiest tribes in the country (each member gets $70,000 per year from gambling profits), was unsuccessful. The Bureau of Indian Affairs said the tribe's school wasn't eligible, based on the authorizing statute for the program. The tribe, and Abramoff, its lobbyist, then began working with Burns. Abramoff's lobbying team had strong connections with Burns's staff. Among their ranks was Shawn Vasell, an Appropriations aide who shuttled back and forth between jobs on Burns's staff and Abramoff's shop. Ryan Thomas, another Burns appropriations staffer, and Burns's chief of staff, Will M. Brooke, were treated to a trip to the 2001 Super Bowl in Florida on a corporate jet leased by Abramoff's team.[14]

In May 2003, Burns and his counterpart, Charles Taylor, the chairman of the House Interior Subcommittee, sent a letter to the Interior Department, arguing the Saginaw Chippewa's case.[15] But the department and the bureau remained firm in their refusal. In late October of 2003, just before the final vote on the Interior appropriations bill, Burns inserted a paragraph - an earmark - in the bill's conference report. It lifted previous restrictions and directed that the Saginaw Chippewa Indians be given $3 million for their tribal school.[16] After initially claiming credit for the appropriation Burns subsequently denied knowledge of it, "A lot of things happened that I didn't know about. It shouldn't have happened, but it did."

The tribe donated $32,000 to Burns from 2001 to 2003.[17]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conrad_Burns

It gets even more repulsive. Look what Abramoff did with the same tribe's donations to his "charity":

Fund-Raising: Take It to the (West) Bank

Money meant for the inner city went to fight the intifada. What donors to Jack Abramoff's charity didn't know.

By Michael Isikoff

Newsweek

May 2 issue - The pitch from superlobbyist Jack Abramoff was hard to resist: a good way to get access on Capitol Hill, he told his clients a few years ago, was to contribute to a worthy charity he and his wife had just started up. The charity, called the Capital Athletic Foundation, was supposed to provide sports programs and teach "leadership skills" to city youth. Donating to it also had a side benefit, Abramoff told his clients: it was a favored cause of Rep. Tom DeLay.

The pitch worked especially well among a group of Indian tribes who, having opened up lucrative gaming casinos, had hired Abramoff to protect their interests in Washington. In 2002 alone, records show, three Indian tribes donated nearly $1.1 million to the Capital Athletic Foundation. But now, NEWSWEEK has learned, investigators probing Abramoff's finances have found some of the money meant for inner-city kids went instead to fight the Palestinian intifada. More than $140,000 of foundation funds were actually sent to the Israeli West Bank where they were used by a Jewish settler to mobilize against the Palestinian uprising. Among the expenditures: purchases of camouflage suits, sniper scopes, night-vision binoculars, a thermal imager and other material described in foundation records as "security" equipment. The FBI, sources tell NEWSWEEK, is now examining these payments as part of a larger investigation to determine if Abramoff defrauded his Indian tribe clients. The tribal donors are outraged. "This is almost like outer-limits bizarre," says Henry Buffalo, a lawyer for the Saginaw Chippewa Indians who contributed $25,000 to the Capital Athletic Foundation at Abramoff's urging. "The tribe would never have given money for this."

Abramoff, a legendary lobbyist particularly close to DeLay, is also a fierce supporter of Israel—"a super-Zionist," one associate says. That may explain why Abramoff's paramilitary gear ended up in the town of Beitar Illit, a sprawling ultra-Orthodox outpost whose residents have occasionally tangled with their Palestinian neighbors. Yitzhak Pindrus, the settlement's mayor, says that several years ago the town was confronting mounting security problems. "They [the Palestinians] were throwing stones, they were throwing Molotov cocktails," Pindrus says. Abramoff's connection to the town was Schmuel Ben-Zvi, an American emigre who, the lobbyist told associates, was an old friend he knew from Los Angeles. Capital Athletic Foundation public tax records make no mention of Ben-Zvi. But they do show payments to "Kollel Ohel Tiferet" in Israel, a group for which there is no public listing and which the town's mayor said he never heard of.

Pindrus says Ben-Zvi was an outspoken proponent of beefing up security and even began organizing his own freelance patrols. "He used to bring in this equipment—night-vision goggles, telescopes," says Pindrus. At least some of the equipment appears to have come from Abramoff's law firm. An August 2002 invoice obtained by NEWSWEEK shows that $773 worth of paramilitary gear—including sniper shooting mats and "hydration tactical tubes"—was shipped to one of Abramoff's aides at the law firm where the lobbyist then worked. Reached last week, Ben-Zvi angrily denied any knowledge of Abramoff or being involved in any efforts to obtain security gear.

The West Bank security payments are not the only foundation expenditure being eyed by investigators. The bulk of the foundation's money, about $4 million, was used for a now-defunct Orthodox Jewish school in suburban Maryland that two of Abramoff's sons attended. Buffalo says his tribe had no idea its donations were being used for this purpose, either. A spokesman for Abramoff vigorously defended all of the expenditures. Abramoff, says spokesman Andrew Blum, "is an especially strong supporter of Israel and has tried to find ways to help Israelis and others to be less susceptible to terrorist attacks." Still, the increasing attention from the news media and investigators is causing even old friends like DeLay to back away. A spokesman last week vigorously disputed that DeLay had anything to do with Abramoff's charity. Although he had been scheduled to attend a planned gala fund-raiser for the foundation two years ago, DeLay never went. As for the security shipments to the West Bank, DeLay knew nothing about it, the spokesman said.

With Dan Ephron in Jerusalem

[Artegal 1]

This started out as a pretty fair political satire on the idiots in congress--but sadly toward the end turned into another "Gore was robbed in Florida" tirade.

[I'm Gone 60]

http://www.lewrockwell.com/reese/reese311.html

I don't know if the Democrats will gain a majority in either the Senate or the House. I don't think it is knowable. I hope they do, because the Republicans have proven that having control of the White House, the Senate and the House produces bad government.

With today's Republicans acting like their sole duty is to do whatever the president wants them to do, the system of checks and balances is destroyed. A president, especially one who doesn't feel bound by the Constitution, needs a restraining hand.

Even if the restraining hand is guided by partisan motives, it still acts as a restraint. Granted, the Democrats are no prize and are hardly distinguishable from the Republicans. Nevertheless, if they controlled either the Senate or the House, they could put the brakes on the president, even if it were for the basest of motives.

I'm one of those people who thinks legislative deadlock is a good thing. Most legislation passed these days is bad legislation. The country would be better off if legislators didn't pass any laws. The country would be greatly better off if they devoted a whole session to doing nothing but repealing bad laws.

Many Americans have too much faith in government and in laws. Government is like a retarded giant – very powerful but stupid. Almost nothing government tries to do succeeds. Just looking back at the past few decades, it has – despite enormous expenditures – failed to find a cure for cancer, failed to stop illegal drugs, failed to stop illegal immigrants, failed to protect the American people from terrorists, failed to improve public education, failed to keep up with repairing the infrastructure, failed to eliminate the deficit, failed to eliminate the trade deficits, failed to curb inflation, etc., etc., and so forth.

I could go on and on, because virtually every program started by government has failed in its objectives or sputtered along in the most ineffective and expensive manner.

There is a simple explanation. Men do not become gods when they are elected to public office. To use the vernacular, "there ain't nobody here but us humans." All humans are fallible. They don't change just because their paycheck comes from the government. People on government payrolls are no more or no less honest, smart, stupid, vain, ambitious, etc., than people in the private sector.

We don't expect either perfection or miracles from the private sector, and we shouldn't expect them from the public sector.

The way to handle a retarded giant is exactly the way our Founding Fathers intended. Keep it simple. Give the government simple tasks, and not many of those. The way to keep it from usurping its legitimate powers is to maintain a divided government.

The only way the people can protect themselves from corruption is to make sure the politicians have nothing to sell. If Congress stuck to its constitutional duties and only to them, there would be no favors it could grant for cash or other goodies. People should read their Constitution. After listing the specific tasks Congress is authorized to do, it does not say "and anything else that might cross your mind."

I don't expect a return of the constitutional republic that Abraham Lincoln destroyed. It would be enough if the American people just realized that elected officials are no smarter than they are, and some of them are a whole lot dumber. There are some people in public office who couldn't run a hot-dog cart.

In the words of a Georgia politician, if you expect government to solve your problems, "You done come to the henhouse looking for wool."

[one...two...tree 2,762]

This started out as a pretty fair political satire on the idiots in congress--but sadly toward the end turned into another "Gore was robbed in Florida" tirade.

Hey! You're alive! How's the baby?

[Mirorgate 0]

The list is a cpl hundred names short.

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

The list is a cpl hundred names short.

very true.

the "buttf#cking" response had me rolling!

Daniel

:energetic:

[almaty 19]

The list is a cpl hundred names short.

very true.

the "buttf#cking" response had me rolling!

Daniel

:energetic:

always good when that gets mentioned

[Saddle Bronc 124]

The list is a cpl hundred names short.

Would the exact number be 525 (reps + sens)?

Edited October 17, 2006 by CherryXS

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The list is a cpl hundred names short.

very true.

the "buttf#cking" response had me rolling!

Daniel

:energetic:

always good when that gets mentioned

to young teenagers no less.

[clloyd 0]

The way I see it, being an elected representative is not that attractive, expecially with the way things are today. The pay's not really that great, and you have to spend a lot of time raising money just to get re-elected.