Manila too dangerous for my fiancee to stay there...

[Calypso 465]

Have her mom or sister accompany her while she's in Manila. That may help ease their family's concerns.

You might be expected to pay for the other person's expenses though.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

In Manila I almost never found myself in a place where everyone I was dealing with didn't speak enough english to get by. So I wouldn't worry about that.

If you can't speak Tagalog, they treat you differently. You can get by, but your options are limited. Big cities are full of people preying on people that don't know their way around, and not speaking the local dialect is a sure give away, as much as being white and without a local companion to keep you out of trouble.

Without diving in too far, can I ask why she has to 'stay' in Manila? The medical takes two days, she'd have to stay overnight. But couldn't she return home, and then just go to Manila for the interview? Seems weird that she has to stay in Manila for a month. Many people just travel there as they need.

Truth. She is going to do what mom says, or what she wants to do, in the end. So, if she wants to travel back and forth, you are going have to find a way to let her do it. You can't micromanage what is going to happen unless you are there, and even then, it's not so easy. That submissive thing is just window dressing, so that you don't get mad. If she respects her mom, she won't go against what her family is telling her to do.

Have her mom or sister accompany her while she's in Manila. That may help ease their family's concerns.

You might be expected to pay for the other person's expenses though.

More truth. Even folks that live in Manila usually don't go out alone, unless it is back and forth to work or school, and only if that is the only way. Every time my fiancee went on an errand to get her documents, or to the medical, or the interview, she had family members with her.

Edited June 7, 2012 by ☼

[Mogambi 96]

There are so many Visaya speakers in Manila. My fiancé constantly can tell as soon as she starts talking to someone, and it seems most of our cab drivers are Visayan. And English is very widely spoken. She would have no problems in Manila.

[rlogan 2,036]

The worry is proportional to how much they have to pay themselves. When the Americano is picking up the tab, there is enough worry to warrant staying in the Hilton. When the family is paying, then it is a bedspacer.

They should know what bedspacers are. My wife found hers just looking for signs on buildings. She paid less than a thousand pesos for a month.

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

Quit being so cheap and fly her back and forth. So she can maximize her time with her family before flying to the US.

I agree with this comment. This is what I am doing. I fly my fiance back and forth from Davao to Manila. It isn't that much, you only have to fly her up there 3 times, that's it. Medical, the Interview, and the CFO appt.

[rlogan 2,036]

Sam Walton drove an old beat-up pickup truck and bought clothes at the thrift store when he was the richest man in the world. Wealthy people don't get that way by letting other people guilt-trip them into abandoning thrifty behavior.

With third world marriages especially, establishing the "rich Americano" front in the beginning can lead to some really big problems down the road. Once you've taught them to expect the red carpet, it multiplies in a thousand ways with unintended consequences. It can be right for you to fly back and forth, but don't be laying on the guilt with other people for not doing it.

[adiiann 163]

Sam Walton drove an old beat-up pickup truck and bought clothes at the thrift store when he was the richest man in the world. Wealthy people don't get that way by letting other people guilt-trip them into abandoning thrifty behavior.

With third world marriages especially, establishing the "rich Americano" front in the beginning can lead to some really big problems down the road. Once you've taught them to expect the red carpet, it multiplies in a thousand ways with unintended consequences. It can be right for you to fly back and forth, but don't be laying on the guilt with other people for not doing it.

I can't seem to find the emoticons using my phone...

So, Agree on this!

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

This is an interesting post from the OP.

You are concerned for the safety of your Fiancee in her own country? Where she was born? Where she grew up?

Come on now.

[StraightShooter 62]

There have been some very helpful suggestions posted here and for those, we thank you very much.

Some of the others welllll… not so much. Especially those who didn’t bother reading each post so that they could see that their question was already answered. Ah well, ‘tis the internet.

For those of you who like to pry into other people’s lives and then troll after them… check around… I think Darren is still on here somewhere. He’s your guy!

We typically do not answer the WHY of things to strangers on the internet. It is OUR business and no one else’s. But quite frankly, the why has nothing to do with the what of this thread. Clearly, some posters recognize this and have given some helpful suggestions even without knowing the why.

As for being concerned for her safety, it was HER family who brought it up in the first place. They know their country better than I do. If they’re concerned, then we must be prudent and exercise whatever options we have available to us to address that concern.

But not all options are available to us and that has been stated. So, we must move forward with what we do have using the viable options as posted by other members on this thread. However, I will say this much... it's not only about the benjamins. If I say an option doesn't exist, that means it doesn't exist for whatever personal reason(s) for us and it's not always about money.

Unfortunately, last night my time, after only about 15 minutes of chatting, the internet went down in the entire city where my fiancée lives, so she didn’t get a chance to check this thread. Hopefully she will be able to do so tonight my time.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Yup, the rains have returned, so the internet will be going down much more often..

[B_J 2,752]

We typically do not answer the WHY of things to strangers on the internet. It is OUR business and no one else’s. But quite frankly, the why has nothing to do with the what of this thread. Clearly, some posters recognize this and have given some helpful suggestions even without knowing the why.

I typically don't pry into the personal lives of strangers, but I am one of the people who asked WHY.

I apologize humbly, deeply, and sincerely for interfering in your private life. I hope you can find a way to forgive me. I thought that by having more information I could better give advice. I did not reazise my question was so offensive by I now understand that I am a horrible stanger and I should not have interfered in your life.

Please, please, please forgive me.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Yup, the rains have returned, so the internet will be going down much more often..

In a country where pictures of school girls splashing in puddles are described as flooding, there will be no urgency to fix it either.

Between monsoon rains and Marcos' helicopters having to leave in the middle of shooting to fight Communists, Francis Ford Coppola found it difficult to finish an already over budget Appocalypse Now with no direction and severe cast problems. However, we did get to see some wonderful footage in Redux shot during the Filipino raining season.

I typically don't pry into the personal lives of strangers, but I am one of the people who asked WHY.

I apologize humbly, deeply, and sincerely for interfering in your private life. I hope you can find a way to forgive me. I thought that by having more information I could better give advice. I did not reazise my question was so offensive by I now understand that I am a horrible stanger and I should not have interfered in your life.

Please, please, please forgive me.

Why do posters ask questions, and then complain about the answers?

Edited June 7, 2012 by ☼

[TropicalRose 0]

When I read my fiance's thread, I was a bit worried because of some comments that were posted.

So I want the clear some points here.

**I was kidding with SS when he asked me if I knew how to speak tagalog. My answer was no. And he didn't asked me further.

What I meant at that time was, I don't used it, even when I converse with someone who speak tagalog. I usally answer in

bisayan or english. LOL! I do speak and understand tagalog well. I just don't use it 'cause I sound funny and my accent

is really bad. So I refrain from using it. When me and my 5-year-old son go to Manila, language is the least of our

problem.

**As far as being submissive-like, I totally disagree.

I'm a grown woman who know my capabilities and limitations, and where to place myself in certain situations.

**My family are the ones who are worried about my safety and that of my son. They are concerned about our well-being there.

No one can accompany us since most of them are working or have kids that go to school to take care of. But I already assured

and reassured them that me and my son will be fine.

**I have noted some suggestions that were given here. I will be able to use it when we finally leave for Manila in a few days.

In behalf of SS, my fiance, we thank you guys so much for all the help and suggestions.

**To B_J, no need to appologized. You were just trying to be helpful.

[calibob 73]

Stay at Mabini Mansion, rent a long term room with kitchenette and problem solved. Close walk or short ride with small child/young child to mall, embassy, and St. Luke's. Best of luck and I promise I won't ask why or what for!! They have guards , as most do, in the lobby entrance.

Bob

Edited June 10, 2012 by calibob

[B1Bob 20]

I was texting with my finacee this morning and she told me that her family is very concerned about her safety if she stays in Manila for several weeks before getting on the plane for the US. We will be chatting about it online tonight my time to discuss it further.

She's never been to Manila and her family is really worried. Our plan is for her to make her permanent move once she leaves Mindanao and to stay in Manila until departure. It could take 3-4 weeks to get the medical, have the interview and wait for deliveries.

I texted her this morning that obviously hundreds, if not thousands of females stay there during this process without issue. But, I do know that these lone females need to be extra careful and to not go out at night.

Being 10,000 miles away makes it tough for me to help. Any suggestions?

That's like saying I won't visit Bronson Ms from Chicago because its too dangerous.